Jo Bloggs (formally The Rambles of Shambles)

[Roll]

Anyone else thought about that? Not sure if your own wants cloud your attraction veiws?

What I thought was my dream girl for most of my life was actually just what I wanted to look like for sure.

[Shambles]

Sounds like im not the only one then! Envy and attraction are practically the same thing. Was going down the path of how do i seperate the two to understand what i actually like from another person but i guess that will only come with time through stages of transition.

I thought after my awaking back in nov that i knew who i was but im still learning new things as time goes on.

Seriouly considering going into work tomorrow with painted nails, its been a good weekend. also soo want to get left ear peired three times

[Alyssa Bree]

What I thought was my dream girl for most of my life was actually just what I wanted to look like for sure.

This absolutely! It took me a very long time to figure that out though haha.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[Shambles]

I've realized something this weekend, i've always been to scared of other people's views to let any personality show or do anything physically that shows anything but masculinity. When i realized this i felt so calm afterwards.

I'm saying no more to this.

Today i'm going into work with colour on my nails and i've started to look at earrings. If the world dont like it it's tough as this is me and i'm here to stay

[davina61]

That's what I said, started with clear nails and then on my birthday had my ears done, started padding my bra and painting nails. Then it was full time and now name change. A few quizzicals but no problems , out and about its been fine. Saying that not been shopping in a dress or skirt yet, soon though now its warming up. Its "if you have a problem its your problem not mine" 

[pamelatransuk]

Dr. Anne Vitale wrote that (in the case of MtF) we are attracted to and often marry the woman we want to be. That's been the case for me.

- Stephanie

Very interesting indeed. I feel precisely the same. I agree completely with Jo, Alyssa, Stephanie, Kathy, Tonya and Ellie.

I may consider a thread on this subject shortly.

There is more than a remote connection between our transgender life and physical attraction!

Hugs to all

Pamela

[Shambles]

update time!

Ear has been pierced, went with 2 on the top and one on the lobe, all 3 on the one ear - really pleased with how it looks.

Started to buy some clothes, wasn't far off with sizes recon im a 20 for tops and 18 bottom, waiting on 18's though but the 20's i got was a bit big.

Took this photo last night-


Think it's my new fav pic, keep looking at it and gives me a warm feeling. It really doesn't look like the male me at all.

Lots to do atm but trying to get prepared for the sept meet up, using it as a bit of a drive to get my ass into gear.

Weight is pritty stable atm unfortunately, cant seem to get below 16.5 stone (231lbs) need to get this down asap!

I forgot about the goals i set at the start of the year so glad i wrote them down here, turns out i'm pleased with my progress after the 6 month mark

Also bra's, noticed that the b's i've been wearing are a bit too small now, brought a c cup (wearing in pic), dont fill it but i'd say around 3/4, trouble is it's a bit hard to hide them with the c on so think i need to wear the b's while at work to squish them down.

Having major trouble with skin on arms and chest, all my hair seams to grow sideways or flat and the amount of ingrown hairs is bad, i mean really bad. Nothing i do seams to help either it's looking like a red cratered moon right now, cant even count how many red marks are on chest. Got some cream from docs for infections but prob is it's just the fact their so many in gowning the cream is a bit pointless.

Got my 3rd lasor season on face this week

[davina61]

There you go Jo slowly but surely . See you in Sept

[Megan.]

Looking great hun. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Roll]

Looking amazing!!!!!! <3

[Shambles]

Not a good update, more of a vent.

Told yesterday that im not going to get redundcey, this means theres no money to do private hrt, will ne no money for hair transplant and im stuck doing too many hrs over 2 jobs and generally makes it harder to transition in the timeframe i had in mind.feels like a part of me just died, so so low atm im just glad i didnt get this news a day before as spend 7 hours at my desk in a thought loop about ending it all.

I dont mo where to go from here, so trapped by home, wife, money, jobs ive got nowhere to turn. Somethings gotta give. Feels like im 1 random convo away from bursting out in tears

Forget transition my 1 goal atm is just to keep breathing and see what happens

[Michelle_P]

I'm sorry to see this, Jo. You were so upbeat a few days ago in posting about your clothing and such, and now this. 

Best to take a few days, and think of this as a time to regroup and consider plans.  In working on ourselves, we often develop plans for our transitions that turn out not to be workable, and have to fall back and regroup.  I must have done this a dozen times in my first 8 months after coming out, and each time it hurt, whacked me back into depression, and produced some pretty horrible thoughts.

I kept a written diary, and that helped, particularly at keeping me from running in circles and spinning my way to depression.  I could just flip back a few pages and see right there that I had considered some alternatives and already knew the risks and rewards, no need to repeat the exercise.  Without that I would just be beating myself up again running my mind in a loop.

I found at times like that it was best for me to just get through one day, one morning at a time, and eventually something would come to me, a thought, a news article, or a message from a friend that might open an unexplored pathway I could explore.

Eventually I found one pathway that led to my transition.  It was nothing like I had imagined when I came out, but it worked.

Just get through the day, Jo.  Some new possibility will open a new path for you.

[davina61]

Ever the optimist I find when thing don't go to plan some thing turns up that would have been missed or not happened if I had stuck to a plan.Hope you get what I mean! Stay strong as unless you have a working crystal ball how do you know what will be in your future.

[pamelatransuk]

Jo

I am so sorry to hear you are not getting redundancy and hence you don't have funds for HRT or Hair Transplant and that you are working yourself so hard and that as a result you are depressed.

I know it is so hard to change your thinking when depressed and I do sympathise. Please try not to be disheartened. Please try to concentrate on what you have already achieved and that with your enthusiasm, you will achieve more.

I hope in early course you find sufficient funds for at least 1 or your 2 objectives.

Hugs

Pamela

[Roll]

Not a good update, more of a vent.

Told yesterday that im not going to get redundcey, this means theres no money to do private hrt, will ne no money for hair transplant and im stuck doing too many hrs over 2 jobs and generally makes it harder to transition in the timeframe i had in mind.feels like a part of me just died, so so low atm im just glad i didnt get this news a day before as spend 7 hours at my desk in a thought loop about ending it all.

I dont mo where to go from here, so trapped by home, wife, money, jobs ive got nowhere to turn. Somethings gotta give. Feels like im 1 random convo away from bursting out in tears

Forget transition my 1 goal atm is just to keep breathing and see what happens

I'm right there with you on those feelings. Life is just kicking my ass right now. I mean, I've literally burst into tears in the middle of a conversation a few times in the past 5 days.

Even though I  did get to have the hair transplants, I'm having massive buyer's remorse and freaking out over how much money I just spent.

[Shambles]

Had a bit of a growth spert with the boobies, 42C now. Not bad pre hrt lol. Im not complaining though its the only good thing thats going on atm. 48 hrs after no redunceny cash turns out my busness that is plan b for funds might be no more in a months time. Talk about being kicked when your down, its more like ive been beaten to the floor then being stabbed while down. Might be ok but worse case it isnt. Hell even best case its not brilliant right now but yeah 42C. Honestly how do teenage girls even do anything

[davina61]

Well done on the boobage . Hugs

[Shambles]

Issue with own bis is dealt with for now so that's a huge weight off my shoulders, in other news i've been going out in my jeggings. Went to a work do for a few hours and made the chest obvious, T shirt that fits (so smaller than most that i have) and did get a few looks, they seamed to notice that and didn't spot the coloured nail varnish, didn't get any comments about stuff but was quite funny seeing people look.

Been putting hair on a bit while alone at work, thing is i need to take it off after 10-15mins as i cant concentrate on the work! wouldn't get things done if left it off.

Open question on hrt boob growth as i want to see if it's the same as what i'm experiencing atm. For me they have grown alot the last few weeks, i would say from a B to a medium C now, quite cone shaped, no size change in nipples, there not sore but are quite sensitive now. wouldn't hurt to bang them against something but defiantly more sensitive to the touch. Does this sound like someone on hrt? i'm not taking anything but feels like hormones are all out of wack. Every day this week they've felt a little bigger!

[Shambles]

Update time )

Hit the 5 stone lost mark now so thats 70lb gone and another 56lb to go. Comig off at about 7 lb a month now. The lows in mood was getting to me too much, the dark stuff was becomig to regular and quite constant. Doc put me on a low dose on anti deptessants, seam to be working so far.

Still struggling with in grown hair, chest is horrid, must be around 30% that ingrow and there scaring but feels like boobs are still growing, there not round but quite pointy, still fill a c cup. Mentioned this to doc as not on hrt and asked for hormone and chromisones to be tested. Hes got to get back to me though as not sure how to do it lol.

As its been hot ive been going into work with shorts and shaved legs. No comments other than your legs are so white. Had one girl take a second look as she though i was wearing knee high white socks 

Had to pull back on transition proggress due to lack of funds. Hoping i can afford to goto the uk meet up and do the night as dont wanna miss that but its going to cost alot to get stuff so im ready for it.

Meeting with sis in next coulple of weeks. Might come out to her if its going well... we'll see on that

Jo xx

[Shambles]

Been awhile but just wanted to share my weekend. Had a family wedding to goto and not seen all of them in around a year, had 2 / 3 ppl say i didnt reconise you and the groom (whos big) said "your an insperarion to us all" although that was after a few drinks . Really felt good knowing the changes ive made mot just pysically but mentally too are paying off, i mean im not there yet but its been a journey from wearing xxxxxl (5XL) t shirts down to simple L today. Even into uk size 14 trousers now.

Found a pic of me from 7 years ago... i wasnt even at my heavyest at that point and dam thats someone i cant ever say was me. Recon thatll be my before shot if i cant find anything more recent.

All my measurements are shrinking (inc shoe size) exept bust yay. Bust still at 45 inches, waist and band at 38 with belly somewhere inbetween.

Cant wait for the meet up this weekend now, im going as jo, i need too
Ill kick myself afterwards if i dont, the last 6 months this has been a day to aim for, if all goes well im gonna contact gendergp again and get the ball rolling lol or balls rolling.... had a little giggle there.

I dont no where my path will end or who will be around me at that time but i know its a journey i want too and need to take, where before it was something other people did.. something that was only possble for others i now see i too can do this. I can be one of the strong people who except the hand delt to then wasnt right and have the strengh to do something about it.

Hugs to all x