Jo Bloggs (formally The Rambles of Shambles)

[Michelle_P]

Jo, that is some remarkable progress!  Many of us have had to contend with weight issues, and it certainly isn't easy.  (I lost about 85 lbs to get where I am now, over about a 10 year period.)

I think that you may be well on your way on your journey already. Congratulations!

[Shambles]

Thanks and it does feel like it. Lost 73lb so far since end of oct trying for 84lb in 12 month period

[davina61]

Put me to shame , after Katie came for lunch scales say +4 lb !!!!!! Well done see you Sat.

[Shambles]

That's always a sign of a good lunch ) Looking froward to it 

[pamelatransuk]

I dont no where my path will end or who will be around me at that time but i know its a journey i want too and need to take, where before it was something other people did.. something that was only possble for others i now see i too can do this. I can be one of the strong people who except the hand delt to then wasnt right and have the strengh to do something about it.

Hugs to all x

Excellent Jo. Clearly you are motivated to transition and I am so happy for you. Go for it!

Glad also that you enjoyed the UK Meet Up last week.

Hugs

Pamela

[Shambles]

I came out to two people at work today, felt sick going into work knowing i wanted to speak to one person but thought hey im on a roll and did another.. was almost a 3rd too but thought lets not go overboard for one day. Tell you what though, it feels good now. One already knew from signs and had contacted hr already as she wanted to help me, advise was to let me come to her 1st but even after one convo she was amazing.

[davina61]

Its not as hard as you think, yet to find anyone that's been negative . Its was nice to meet you, keep on keeping on!!!!!

[Shambles]

Dear diary.... lol

So these were my goals on Jan 1st this year, i've come along way since then and feel they need a recap and an update to give some perspective on stuff, it's for my benefit but if it helps others too it's a bonus.

1) come out to wife
2) come out to others
3) loose that 111lbs, or atleast whats safe in 12 months
4) develop my business more and leave my current job
5) try experimenting with make up / clothes
6) figure out what i am
7) get into a hair routine and dont be obsessive every day
8 ) let me be me

1. Come out to wife.. done
2. Ongoing but some progress made, dragged my heals on this one
3. Weight . ongoing but pleased with progress so far.. their was a lot to loose, people are actually surprised to hear my actual weight as they think i'm much lighter
4. business - on track
5. make up / clothes - this one's always going to be around right? but dont think its a goal anymore, ive been wearing neural or fem stuff even in male mode recently anyway
6. who am i? i'm a transgender woman. Cant say im proud to be this way but i can accept this now and i can say i'm ok being this way
7. hair removal well thats still a thing but it's not making my new list
8. let me be me - struggled alot with identity and being able to let it show, believe im at a point now though where i'm far more comfortable being able to interact with others

So time for a new list, it's far more focused into transition areas and things i need to do or overcome along the way

1) Be more open with wife and talk more
2) Tell parents
3) Come out to a few more people that i can trust, theres a few that already know but theres also a few more i would like in the loop for suport
4) Continue to loose weight, will be nice if i can hit 6 stone lost before end of Oct as that will mark a year since weight loss began. Target still 9 stone in total.
5) Finish lasor on face so i'm at a stage that's more comfortable
6) Start hormones and tell the kids school about this, dont want anything negative around me to effect them
7) Come out to all and go full time
8 ) Name change
9) GRS
10) FFS and elecro on face if / when i can afford it

I know my path now, there's no timescale on this list and will probabiliy take 5 years to complete 9 & 10 but others i would like to do before the end of the year.

While i cant say im comfortable in my skin, i can say for the 1st time in my life it feels like i've got an identity of my own rather than just borrowing someone else's

[Jessica]

I love your new list Jo!
Making this can and will help keep you on track better than not.
I too am needing to do a number of the items on each of your lists. 
Some are done, which is a nice feeling.

I feel you are very accepting of yourself and it helps that the ones you confide in accept you also.
Most will, I believe.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Northern Star Girl]

@Shambles
Dear Jo:
I love how you have been using your personal diary/thread which includes your "to do" list along with tasks that have been completed!!

This is a great way to personally document your "journey" progress and can provide much needed personal motivation to continue on, "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead"

I did notice that your new list is 2 items longer than your previous list....  this is good because as you have completed many of your earlier tasks, you now can be more focused on targeted tasks that more specifically relate to reaching your transition goals.

I am a big believer in personal journals and diaries myself.   I do keep my personal thread updated here on the forums but for some of the more personal stuff going on in my life I then turn to my old-school pen & paper journal complete with colorful doodling...
These things are a good way to mentally process our issues and past actions that can allow us to formulate solutions in our path forward.   Also makes for some good reading on a cold winter night while sitting in front of the fireplace with a cup of tea or coffee on the side table.

Thank you, Jo, for sharing your thoughts and please know that in your good reports here on the forums we are here to rejoice with you and in your not so good reports we can then support you with our thoughts and comments.... and virtual HUGS.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle   

[Laurie]

 Hi Jo,

  I like this last update of yours and your new to do list. Keep going with the way you are. Good luck with the weight loss goal. You are doing fine Hun.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Shambles]

Board photo, thought id share ) :/

[davina61]

Very nice.XXX

[Shambles]

Why is make up so addictive? 

Starting to get a grip with the basics now and just discovered the amazing under eye lighting near white one.. i cant go back.. not even day to day male me! honestly i dont know how you girls handle/(d) switching appearance  while not full time. Have defiantly gone to more andro clothes but make up i cant go out the house now without some on. Oh and found a lipstick i like... gonna try that out tomorrow when Jo's out and about for the second time.

Oh Bra's! found one that fits perfectly - and gives me a cleavage! i'm buying some more of those ones for sure and getting rid of the old ones.

Was wear pink day at work last week for cancer i felt like a goth trick or treating on halloween, even wore bright pink nail varnish.. girls were "wow cool they look nice" guys were like "wtf dude"

Hit a road block with hrt - wife says no. I feel im ready to start now too, trying not to let it get to me and drop mood but ill give her some more time and hope she comes around but im not going to wait forever. Ill give it 6 months max then i need to start thinking about me rarther than just others.

[Northern Star Girl]

Why is make up so addictive? 

Starting to get a grip with the basics now and just discovered the amazing under eye lighting near white one.. i cant go back.. not even day to day male me! honestly i dont know how you girls handle/(d) switching appearance  while not full time. Have defiantly gone to more andro clothes but make up i cant go out the house now without some on. Oh and found a lipstick i like... gonna try that out tomorrow when Jo's out and about for the second time.

Oh Bra's! found one that fits perfectly - and gives me a cleavage! i'm buying some more of those ones for sure and getting rid of the old ones.

Was wear pink day at work last week for cancer i felt like a goth trick or treating on halloween, even wore bright pink nail varnish.. girls were "wow cool they look nice" guys were like "wtf dude"

Hit a road block with hrt - wife says no. I feel im ready to start now too, trying not to let it get to me and drop mood but ill give her some more time and hope she comes around but im not going to wait forever. Ill give it 6 months max then i need to start thinking about me rarther than just others.

@Shambles
Dear Jo:
Oh yes, for sure makeup can be so addictive and lots of fun...  it's kinda like crayons and a coloring book ... but instead it is our faces that we draw on and color!!!   Lots of practice is needed, and very fortunately there is lots of self-help information on the internet.   The best help that I received was from my cis-girl acquaintances and friends... and also some sessions at the larger department stores in their makeup section... most offer free advice, lessons and sometime will offer discounts on their products for purchase.

You are correct about the distress of frequently handling going from male-mode to female-mode.... once I went full-time it was such a relief ....  no more male mode.   I got rid of all of my male stuff...... clothing, underwear shoes, grooming items, jewelry, shower items, etc.  There was no going back.

Bras are one of those things that you will keep switching around until your body transitioning has stablized and leveled off... the good news is that by then you will have a good handle on what you want and what styles will work best for you.

Oh, I hope that you and your wife can come to an amicable compromise about your planned HRT....   are you both going to counseling, separately or together.   Couples counseling is a great option and can be less threatening for both of you if doing it together.
Take the time to read the various posting and threads around the Forum to see how other transitioners with spouses are handling things... for some it is going well and the spouse is supportive and accepting, and for others not so much.   For sure there might be some useful and helpful information in those postings.

Thank you for sharing your update, your followers are your biggest fans and supporters.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Sonja]

Why is make up so addictive? 

Starting to get a grip with the basics now and just discovered the amazing under eye lighting near white one.. i cant go back.. not even day to day male me! honestly i dont know how you girls handle/(d) switching appearance  while not full time. Have defiantly gone to more andro clothes but make up i cant go out the house now without some on. Oh and found a lipstick i like... gonna try that out tomorrow when Jo's out and about for the second time.

Oh Bra's! found one that fits perfectly - and gives me a cleavage! i'm buying some more of those ones for sure and getting rid of the old ones.

Was wear pink day at work last week for cancer i felt like a goth trick or treating on halloween, even wore bright pink nail varnish.. girls were "wow cool they look nice" guys were like "wtf dude"

Hit a road block with hrt - wife says no. I feel im ready to start now too, trying not to let it get to me and drop mood but ill give her some more time and hope she comes around but im not going to wait forever. Ill give it 6 months max then i need to start thinking about me rarther than just others.

@Shambles

Hi Joanna,

I agree makeup can be addictive - I think its because for us particularly its not just for looking pretty but helping us to pass and walk the path we really want to. Blending in foundation on our face helps us blend into the gender we long to be accepted among.

On the hrt route - I struggle with the idea of having that conversation in case my wife says no - but mostly its because I think the changes for me are likely to be so minimal but in her mind so huge that it seems unfair to not just do it and see if she even notices....It really does seem like if I was to say it my wife she would be thinking - oh your gonna grow boobs like dolly parton etc. When in reality only slightly bigger than the boobs she said I already have..lol
She even asked me recently if I wanted to have boobs to which I nodded but I'm still not sure what will happen in that conversation - I feel like I have to risk just doing it and dealing with the consequences later. Bare in mind I am getting full face hair removed atm and fully dressing in front of her etc so its not a massive stretch to make a few more subtle changes......

Good on you for raising cancer awareness!

Sonja.

[pamelatransuk]

Dear Jo and Sonja

I am sorry to read you cannot immediately start HRT. I hope you are both able to resolve with your respective wives or start anyway without informing them if that is your preference. I do not have that problem as I never married.

However I do understand that is so much better to bring your wife along on the journey if she is prepared to in her own time bit OTOH you cannot wait forever.

Wishing you both resolution and happiness.

Hugs

Pamela

[Shambles]

Mood very low right now, just been driving along with one hand on seat belt clip thinking about unbuckleig and goig into the barriers. Stoped myself though.

Was ment.to.be a support group meeting tonight.. my 1st one, couldnt sleep at all last.night recon i ended up with 3 hrs  at very  most as couldnt stop thinking about stuff. Had to mess work around to move shifts so i could go. Got there and was another much younger girl there too only to find out it was cancelled and on for next week. I comfirmed it was on last night too as didnt want anything like this happenig. Lieing in bed now thinking im not strong enough for all this and its all just not worth it. Reached out for help / support only to find the rug pulled from under feet.

Your prob going to say get.over it, its a set back. Go next week. But i just dont know anymore. Feels like cant be male or female atm. Screw this world u know

[Northern Star Girl]

Mood very low right now, just been driving along with one hand on seat belt clip thinking about unbuckleig and goig into the barriers. Stoped myself though.

Was ment.to.be a support group meeting tonight.. my 1st one, couldnt sleep at all last.night recon i ended up with 3 hrs  at very  most as couldnt stop thinking about stuff. Had to mess work around to move shifts so i could go. Got there and was another much younger girl there too only to find out it was cancelled and on for next week. I comfirmed it was on last night too as didnt want anything like this happenig. Lieing in bed now thinking im not strong enough for all this and its all just not worth it. Reached out for help / support only to find the rug pulled from under feet.

Your prob going to say get.over it, its a set back. Go next week. But i just dont know anymore. Feels like cant be male or female atm. Screw this world u know

@Shambles
Dear Shambles:
Whoa girl, please, oh please, get a hold of yourself...  no acting out your desperation... you have supporters and members and your followers here that are your biggest fans and we are here for you to listen to you venting your frustrations and disappointments and we have shoulders for you to lean on and to cry on if needed.   
WE ARE YOUR BIGGEST FANS and also we will indeed rejoice with you when you report the good news that you experience.

Please hang in there, the road in your journey is certainly exciting, but also there are potholes to navigate through... please continue to share your experiences with us.  Writing about all of these things can be very good personal therapy and can help you to ponder positive solutions to your issues.

Many, many HUGS... and well wishes,
Danielle

[Laurie]

Hi Jo,

  Sometime it seems the world is against us doing what we feel we need to do. Things seem to conspire against us. We finally work up the courage to do something and something goes wrong to thwart us. ARRRRRRGG!! you just want to scream or more often now, for me, to cry. Yes it can be hard. But you know something we van get past these disturbing setbacks. It's not the end of the world. There is tomorrow or next week. Sometimes you just have to cast your self adrift and go with the flow until you can do something to change things. But giving up is not an option. You can do it Jo. You will get past these difficulties. I have faith in you Hun.

Hugs,
  Laurie