Gender Euphoria

[EllieKHoult]

Hi all,

I'm just curious how people deal with gender euphoria and the inevitable worsening of your mood pre-full time transition.

I'm pretty much 90% Ellie whenever I'm not at work now and there isn't a particular reason I can't be. I'm not out at work though and won't be until I start hormones and go full time for transition.

This basically means I'm stuck for 6 days until days off in boy mode. That wasn't a problem before but since I fully embraced the fact I will transition eventually I've found my mood worsens the longer it's been since I could live as Ellie.

Does anyone have any suggestions to counter this?

Ellie xx

[KathyLauren]

My dysphoria definitely got worse when I was part-time.  I was Kathy at home and to selected friends, but <dead name> to everyone else.  Putting on my boy suit felt like putting on a striped prison uniform.

I escaped that by going full-time as quickly as I could.  I realize that that is not a good solution for everyone, but it was effective.

[Denise]

The only thing I found that helped was my own self meditation.  When things got distracting I would:
* pause what I was doing
* Put my hands on my lap
* Close my eyes
* Take a deep breath

That would let the thought/stuff pass.  Typically I would think a happy thought about transition.  10-20 seconds later I would be better.  If it gets really bad, be careful.  I had a huge blow up at work and almost lost my job.

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[Sarah_P]

The only thing I found that helped was my own self meditation.  When things got distracting I would:
* pause what I was doing
* Put my hands on my lap
* Close my eyes
* Take a deep breath

That would let the thought/stuff pass.  Typically I would think a happy thought about transition.  10-20 seconds later I would be better.  If it gets really bad, be careful.  I had a huge blow up at work and almost lost my job.

This is almost exactly how I deal with it, but I do the breathing exercises. I've had several times at work when the dysphoria hit so hard I almost had to go hide in the office and cry, but this managed to keep it under control.

Being part-time is so hard to do. It's even worse when I have to be in male disguise in my 'safe' spaces, because of my friends grandkids visiting. If it wasn't for my living situation at the moment I definitely would have gone full-time by now.

[Allison S]

I think my mind shuts off in a way and even though it's painful to be misgendered I think this is temporary. I'm always thinking about the future lately. Especially about my hair I want it to be long with curls. Talking to my friend helps even though she misgendered me but sometimes I think it's out of habit. On the positive side she complimented my hair color (very dark brown a caramel undertone) and that felt nice.

I just try ro focus on the things I can. A client at my job gave me apricot oil tablets for my face and she told me her regimen for keeping her skin healthy and beautfiul. She's in her 60s and her skin is amazing! It was a nice acknowledgment in the moment. [emoji4]

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[Jailyn]

I think Kathy cleared this post up for me!!! I was like gender euphoria well that a term I have never heard of. You mean dysphoria which most of us experience from time to time as trans. Euphoria is a positive thing and dysphoria isn't. Now this is the case with me too. I live full time in my life right now except for one instance and it is with my own immediate family. They still call me by the wrong pronouns, dead name, and don't attempt any at all. So when I visit it gets me down and not feeling myself or even when I call. I also get mail with just my first initial. Now how I cope with this is I come here, I talk to my friends, and resource and come to understand that I am not alone in having this slightly put me back in boy mode again. It is very hard to live in between both worlds and also with my name being in flux. I have it about half changed and half not so it is hard to deal with. I find ways to get picked back up. So always turn to those sources that make you happy and how you want to feel.

[EllieKHoult]

I think Kathy cleared this post up for me!!! I was like gender euphoria well that a term I have never heard of. You mean dysphoria which most of us experience from time to time as trans. Euphoria is a positive thing and dysphoria isn't. Now this is the case with me too. I live full time in my life right now except for one instance and it is with my own immediate family. They still call me by the wrong pronouns, dead name, and don't attempt any at all. So when I visit it gets me down and not feeling myself or even when I call. I also get mail with just my first initial. Now how I cope with this is I come here, I talk to my friends, and resource and come to understand that I am not alone in having this slightly put me back in boy mode again. It is very hard to live in between both worlds and also with my name being in flux. I have it about half changed and half not so it is hard to deal with. I find ways to get picked back up. So always turn to those sources that make you happy and how you want to feel.

Jailyn I hadn't either until the other week. It was someone at the trans support group who said it. Yes I obviously have dysphoria but the euphoria is about how happy you are as the correct gender, I.e I feel happier than a cis woman would when I am Ellie, which admittedly effectively makes the dysphoria worse.

The breathing suggestions aren't too bad, and I will try, but I don't think anything will sort it till I can go full time. I just wondered if anyone had a magic solution.

Thanks everyone though.

Ellie.