I went to 15 different schools in high school and junior high, not all PE programs were the same. The county that I lived in the most until after 9th grade, my best friend's mom was a PE teacher. Even if I didn't go to that school she could normally get me out of using locker rooms in any school in the county. Most of the gym teachers didn't require me to change in the locker rooms or shower because of the documented history that followed me everywhere. If I absolutely had to use the locker room to participate, even with my history, I failed every time. I played baseball and football in the schools that I didn't have to use the locker rooms and didn't in the others. The army was the worst. Most of the time I was allowed to shower separately as long as it didn't interfere with their schedule but not always. It was horrible and I was always a quivering mess after. Thankfully though I kept getting jobs that separated me from the rest of the company. Mailroom, dispatcher, Captain's secretary, Captain's driver, command sergeant major's driver then his personal assistant, he called me his Batman which I have never understood. All of those jobs I had a different schedule from everyone else or had my own separate bathroom.
I like men but of all the times I was in the shower or locker room I only ever was like, Ooooooh my! once. Usually I was too terrified. My first real crush was a guy in the army. He was in Germany before his wife and children got there and found out that that his wife had cheated on him, with his brother. Really, what kind of brother would do that?!? I was the captain's driver at the time and I asked if the two of us could have a pass for the next day so I could take him out and get him drunk. For me it was great, God he was so beautiful and tall and fun and ugh! We got super drunk. The next morning around ten hundred I lurched to the bathroom in a completely empty barracks and hit a wall of steam. I go to the showers to see what's going on and all of the shower heads are pouring out boiling water apparently. I hear a moan and go to see if whoever is there is okay. Mac is on the floor in the corner with a gallon jug of water beside him. You ever know a guy that is always going on about how small he is? That was Mac. If a girl needs six inches to be satisfied we will have to do it three times and other comments like that. What a liar! Oh my God it was like there was an oompa loompa in the shower with us.
Anyway, my reaction to him filled me with self hatred and disgust. I started drinking like I was on a mission from God and lost all of my friends. It was many years before I recovered from that night and decades before I accepted who I am. It was being with him and not the shower though and we never even did anything, just friend stuff.
There are many memories in my life I could do without, locker rooms are one of the worst. But at least I have that one good memory. 😊
