Small Victory for Vicky?

[VickyS]

Well, today is my wife's birthday so we went out for the day and upon our return and after I had epilated my chest and stomach for 30 mins (I do this every 2 weeks and I was due), I asked my wife if she'd be ok with me wearing nail polish on my toes.  I had done this years ago before we got together but stopped as soon as we lived together 11 years ago.

She looked at me quizzically but with a straight face and said:  are you changing sex?

It caught me off guard so I said: why do you ask that? and she replied 'with all the body hair removing and now this'.
I wanted to say, no, this is really me, I'm not changing anything, but I shrugged and said 'dunno, it just makes me feel better'.  She looked quizzically again and said 'have you got some?'  I then produced 5 bottles of different colours and said, which do you like? (maybe I was pushing things a bit there), she said it's not really her thing as she's not a girly girl and doesn't wear nail polish or makeup at all and never has. So I thought, in for a penny, in for a pound and went for baby pink! It's lovely by the way. 

A little later she said 'suppose they tell you to remove your socks and shoes when you go to the doctors on tuesday?' so I replied 'I'll just tell them this is who I am!'  'Oh' was the reply.

She did not seem too bothered and carried on watching TV.

So, although I should win 10/10 for being insensitive enough to ask her on her birthday, I do feel I have made a small step forward.  What do you think?

Vicky xx

[Laurie]

   What do we think? Well, I think she suspects something is up and letting you do some experiment. She probably has some thought as to what is going on but isn't sure what to think about it all. It may not be long before she confronts you about it or she could still be in a wait and see mode. Either way I think either you will give in and tell her or she is going to ask. Until that happens she is still likely not thinking  the same thoughts you hope she is. That will be cleared up when you get honest with her. What ever starts the conversation be open and honest as you can with her.

   That's my 2 cents and I'm sticking to it.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[DawnOday]

Good for you. I likewise got my first inkling that I might be accepted when my Wife and Daughter in law took me to their nail shop and got me the works. Pedicure, Manicure, eyebrow wax. I got French nails in nude because I didn't want to be too obvious. Nobody really said anything but they made me feel good about myself. It was one little gesture that allowed me to feel good for the first time in a long, long, time. What made my telling my wife relatively easy is from all the medical research I presented to her. While nothing is in stone there is a preponderance of evidence that what affected me happened in utero.

[KathyLauren]

Way to go on the nail polish!

If you have been thinking that it will be time to tell her soon, this would be the perfect opportunity.  As Laurie says, if you don't, she is likely to ask.  While the conversation is fresh in your minds, it's an easy intro: "Honey, remember yesterday you asked if I was changing sex?  Well actually,..."

Whenever you have the conversation, it will go better if you speak up first.  If she drags it out of you, it is likely to stack the cards against you.

Easier said than done, I know.  Just ask some of the good folks here how long it took me to tell my wife!  (Months)  But mine didn't suspect a thing.  It seems like yours does.

[tgirlamg]

   What do we think? Well, I think she suspects something is up and letting you do some experiment. She probably has some thought as to what is going on but isn't sure what to think about it all. It may not be long before she confronts you about it or she could still be in a wait and see mode. Either way I think either you will give in and tell her or she is going to ask. Until that happens she is still likely not thinking  the same thoughts you hope she is. That will be cleared up when you get honest with her. What ever starts the conversation be open and honest as you can with her.

   That's my 2 cents and I'm sticking to it.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Wise words from a wise woman....

Vicky!

We must all find our way forward through all this stuff in the manner that serves our needs...  if you keep moving forward... Your relationship will likely experience a need to be looked at and redefined to some degree or another...What that will mean in your case, I can not tell you... relationships can end... relationships can also adapt and blossom in new and unexpected ways... be gentle with yourself and gentle with her as you sort through all this in days to come!

Wishing you all good things!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 🌻

[Rachel]

Congratulations!

The disclosure will be the real test. She may have been half joking about the sex change or she may be serious due to the hair removal. The only way to find out is to disclose.

[Gertrude]

It went well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[jessica95]

Well, today is my wife's birthday so we went out for the day and upon our return and after I had epilated my chest and stomach for 30 mins (I do this every 2 weeks and I was due), I asked my wife if she'd be ok with me wearing nail polish on my toes.  I had done this years ago before we got together but stopped as soon as we lived together 11 years ago.

She looked at me quizzically but with a straight face and said:  are you changing sex?

It caught me off guard so I said: why do you ask that? and she replied 'with all the body hair removing and now this'.
I wanted to say, no, this is really me, I'm not changing anything, but I shrugged and said 'dunno, it just makes me feel better'.  She looked quizzically again and said 'have you got some?'  I then produced 5 bottles of different colours and said, which do you like? (maybe I was pushing things a bit there), she said it's not really her thing as she's not a girly girl and doesn't wear nail polish or makeup at all and never has. So I thought, in for a penny, in for a pound and went for baby pink! It's lovely by the way. 

A little later she said 'suppose they tell you to remove your socks and shoes when you go to the doctors on tuesday?' so I replied 'I'll just tell them this is who I am!'  'Oh' was the reply.

She did not seem too bothered and carried on watching TV.

So, although I should win 10/10 for being insensitive enough to ask her on her birthday, I do feel I have made a small step forward.  What do you think?

Vicky xx

Big victory for you, congrats! I personally dont wear nail polish, my nails are white.

[VickyMI]

I love to wear nail polish too. I hate taking it off.  When I can't wear it I use clear polish.

Your wife's reaction should be catoragorized as one small step at a time.

[VickyS]

Thank you all for your wisdom.  I guess I wanted ideally to see a therapist and then present my wife with the conclusion after I have had some professional help.

Well, today was a very strange day.  I went to see my GP about some arm pain/weakness (probably related to fibromyalgia) and also about depression and anxiety.

After the examination about the arm pain she said tell me about the anxiety and depression, so I told her how I don't identify as being male and although inside I feel female, my anxiety and depression in my darkest moments comes from the thought that I am not female on the outside and I could never practially be so I am stuck in 'limbo' wanting to be female and not wanting to be male.  She was very attentive and compassionate.  I expected her to grin when I told her about not identifying as male but she was very professional and lovely.  She will refer me to a psychologist or psychiatrist (can't remember which) as she said this is a very specialist field and she needs to check if there is an appropriate place in our catchment area.

I also told her that my libido is low and I'm not interested in women sexually but I am in men.  She then sent me for a blood test to check my testosterone levels, so I booked a follow up appointment for 2 weeks to discuss the results.

Good day I thought.  Step forward.  Then I got into work and one of the sales managers asked me if I was ok and would I like a chat?  So we had a chat and I told him EVERYTHING.  I was quite surprised that I opened up to him.  I have known him for years and he's a really nice guy and can keep a secret.  I really felt like myself when I was talking to him and I asked him if he'd had any idea from observing me and he said 'no, BUT now you come to mention it, you do have a feminine manner and you have quite a feminine face!'  MY GOD I could have hugged him.  I did not think I had a feminine face (eyes maybe) but we are our own worst critics!

Good day I think.  I feel wonderful at the moment. 

[Faith]

I'm up to fingernail and toenail of any color/pattern .. she critiques them.
I also do my eyes the best that I can, which she also critiques.

By critique I mean, looks good or not. Not as in, 'you look stupid'. We are generally in agreement, that's a plus. (although, I have been known to be stupid

Same with clothes really, our tastes align pretty well and it's more 'that looks good/bad on you' and not 'you're a guy, guys don't wear that' ..

bah, enough about me .. what's the matter with me?  All I meant was good for you. Small steps to introduce changes and watch for the reaction behind the words, not the words themselves.

best of luck moving forward

[Laurie]

 WOW Vicky,

   Those are NOT small victories!  Those are HUGE steps. You have taken two very bigs steps in becoming who you know you are. There is NO doubt that you are now on your way. The first really significant step on your own journey. (((HUG))) You done good girl, very good.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[VickyS]

I'm up to fingernail and toenail of any color/pattern .. she critiques them.
I also do my eyes the best that I can, which she also critiques.

By critique I mean, looks good or not. Not as in, 'you look stupid'. We are generally in agreement, that's a plus. (although, I have been known to be stupid

Same with clothes really, our tastes align pretty well and it's more 'that looks good/bad on you' and not 'you're a guy, guys don't wear that' ..

bah, enough about me .. what's the matter with me?  All I meant was good for you. Small steps to introduce changes and watch for the reaction behind the words, not the words themselves.

best of luck moving forward

Hi Faith!

I'm always interested to hear other people's stories and it's very helpful to see what's going on on each other's paths.  I'm not at the fingernail polish stage yet although I did wear clear for a while about 12 years ago.  Subtle, but I liked it.  I did wear black when I boarded out the loft also about 12 years ago but there was no-one around and I was terrified someone would knock on the door!  I would love to try eye makeup.  Not too bothered about lipstick but definitely eyeliner, mascara and eyeshadow.  Baby steps though!  So fabulous that your significant other encourages you and gives you feedback.  That must be truly wonderful!

WOW Vicky,

Those are NOT small victories!  Those are HUGE steps. You have taken two very bigs steps in becoming who you know you are. There is NO doubt that you are now on your way. The first really significant step on your own journey. (((HUG))) You done good girl, very good.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Thank you so much Laurie.  When I came out of the meeting room with my colleague I STRUTTED back to my work room!  I felt on top of the world! A huge weight lifted and I felt like my true self. I was beaming.  Until, one of the blokes in the next room happened to be talking about Big Brother (the reality TV show) and there is apparently a transwoman on the show.  He was saying how he could not understand it how a bloke would want to be a woman as he was born on the 'winning team'.  I was about to say something (and probably out myself further) but one of the girls in the room shot him down in flames.  I just stood there with my mouth open.  I thought:  Interesting.  Maybe a future ally?

Anyway, forgot to mention earlier that the doctor gave me a low prescription of anti-depressants, which I picked up from the chemists this evening and I'll take one in the morning.  Hopefully they will help with the anxiety late at night.

Also, when I was in the chemists waiting for my prescription, I got some nail polish remover and some new ladies razors.  I was feeling good, so I wandered over to the cosmetics part and wanted to buy some eye makeup but I lost my nerve and thought I'd order it on-line later on.  Before I went into the chemists, my mum rang me to see how I'd got on at the doctors (she did not know why I had gone) and I opened up to her too and told her everything also!  She was a bit quiet at first but then reassured me and told me how proud of me she was and she will always love me which made me cry.  I said I did not want to tell her over the phone really, but after a lot of bumbling by me and pregnant pauses I had to tell her as it was obvious I was holding back.

I'm going to bed now as I don't think I can cope with any more today!!

Thank you all for reading and I'm sorry if I have bored any of you.  lol

Vicky xx 

 

[Faith]

Way to go. Nothing boring about telling your story. It helps you and others.

Before eye makeup, read up on complexion and eye color. Saves money by not getting the wrong ones.

[Laurie]

 Again Vicky you have taken more steps. Telling your Mom was just awesome. I know what you mean about buying cosmetics and other things. They are for "my Mom", "wife", "sister", or a "Female friend" You really don't need an excuse because they 1) don't care if they are for you or 2) assume they are for a female in your life. They might even help you pick them out if you let them. You will get used to it. It may even become a challenge for you when you begin dressing regularly. I seem to remember a few of those but then I did something much bigger.
   But for now girl you are doing well and making steady progress. Good for you, Girl!

Hugs,
  Laurie

[KathyLauren]

Well done, Vicky, coming out to your doctor and your mother!

When buying your makeup, you will do better if you shop in person and out yourself to the sales staff (scary as heck, I know).  I had a trans friend along for moral support, and we said right up front that they were for me.  (I was presenting in boy mode at the time.)  The clerk was happy to help me pick out colours that were right for my skin tone.  She did a really good job, and I am mostly happy with the selections.  There is no way that I could have done that on my own, and even my friend didn't have a lot of experience, having only transitioned a few months ahead of me.

[tgirlamg]

Vicky!!!....

Sounds like some big moves in the direction you want to go!!! Like a train building up steam ...the wheels are starting to turn as you pull out of the station!...Looking forward to seeing you steaming down the tracks sister!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

[VickyS]

Before eye makeup, read up on complexion and eye color. Saves money by not getting the wrong ones.

Hi Faith,
Thank you for that, I'll do some research.  Makes sense now you said it, but I had not considered it before. Thank you.

Again Vicky you have taken more steps. Telling your Mom was just awesome. I know what you mean about buying cosmetics and other things. They are for "my Mom", "wife", "sister", or a "Female friend" You really don't need an excuse because they 1) don't care if they are for you or 2) assume they are for a female in your life. They might even help you pick them out if you let them. You will get used to it. It may even become a challenge for you when you begin dressing regularly. I seem to remember a few of those but then I did something much bigger.
   But for now girl you are doing well and making steady progress. Good for you, Girl!

Hugs,
  Laurie

Hi Laurie,
I don't quite have the guts for that just yet but if the mood strikes me right I may well do and hopefully sooner rather than later!  I made a pact with myself over my gender and sexuality after so many years of hiding and that was if someone asks me a direct question I will not lie.  I know I may have bent that slightly with my wife but when she asked me if I was changing sex my 'dunno' answer was probably right.  I don't know if being totally honest is always going to be a good thing but I have to at least try for my own sake. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, they really do help and I mean that very sincerely.

Well done, Vicky, coming out to your doctor and your mother!

When buying your makeup, you will do better if you shop in person and out yourself to the sales staff (scary as heck, I know).  I had a trans friend along for moral support, and we said right up front that they were for me.  (I was presenting in boy mode at the time.)  The clerk was happy to help me pick out colours that were right for my skin tone.  She did a really good job, and I am mostly happy with the selections.  There is no way that I could have done that on my own, and even my friend didn't have a lot of experience, having only transitioned a few months ahead of me.

Thank you KathyLauren,  I kinda like that idea of outing myself to a complete stranger.  In a weird and scary way that sounds fun.  Especially if you have a trans friend with you.  My only trans friend lives a long way away and I'm not out to her yet!  Maybe I should find a local support group and make friends there...  Mind you, clearing THAT with the wife might be a challenge!  There's definitely something in this matching the shades to your skin tones.  Definitely will look into that. Thank you. 

Vicky!!!....

Sounds like some big moves in the direction you want to go!!! Like a train building up steam ...the wheels are starting to turn as you pull out of the station!...Looking forward to seeing you steaming down the tracks sister!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Hi Ashley,  Love the steam train analogy! My wheels were rusted solid through lack of use but with a little TLC they are starting to move.  Lots of creaking and complaining but some movement!  Just got to mould this male carcass into something resembling what I feel inside.  Long hard track ahead but visualising the end result is a truly mind blowing and an emotional explosion.

I can only feel the utmost admiration for all the ladies and gents on here that have achieved their goals and for all those on the journey.  If people genuinely knew how much trans people have to go through, trans people would be revered and held up as examples to the rest of society of what can be achieved with hard work and determination against all the odds.