How did you feel the first time you came out as trans?

[PurpleWolf]

So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

[Artesia]

To be honest, I can't remember if it was to everyone here that I first said it, or if it was one of my friends.  It's almost two years now.  Wow, how time flies.  I'm fairly certain that this was the first place I stated it.  The first person I discussed it with, in person; was a friend and coworker who just wants me to be happy.  No tears, just walking around in my heels to show her how comfortable I was in them.  She wasn't supportive, at the beginning, but later took me to Colorado and it was the first time I went out as me in public.  Also was where I finally settled on my true name.

[Gertrude]

Trans or cross dresser? At one time, transgender wasn't in use yet. ->-bleeped-<- was the previous word before that. We've come a long way. I have to wonder what it will be tomorrow.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Doreen]

21 years old, overriding compulsion to finally be me, a female.. not attempting to live as others had seen me.  I got my first hormone levels drawn...Estrogen count 60, Testosterone <3... I'm basically a girl already at least hormonally.. Pre anything

So me, to my mother... I show her my labwork.. tell her I"m female and I'm making it final.  Mom to me "I wish you'd never been born".   That was the last time I talked to her for 10+ years.  Noone needs that kind of negativity.  I get called an abomination by my only living grandmother.   The rest of the family has nothing to do with me over a decade.

I got my name changed, got some surgery to fix downstairs ambiguity.  Now me, 43 years old... I FINALLY have insurance.   I've been having bad lower abdominal cramping  a while now, and finally got back on HRT after not taking anything for over a decade.

Ultrasound:  Oh, you have a  uterus + ovaries too, and no prostate, nothing internally male whatsoever.  Thank the gods.

I show this to mother (we started talking again).   I showed her 5 pictures, told her I have about 70 more from the ultrasound.  Mother doesn't believe any of it... refuses to see any more pics.

At this point I have to understand she's delusional and probably had a hand in my intersexed birth 'assignment' in the first place.  Turns out I had old really scar tissue around the belly button I'd never known about either, and she's always been a liar.  Found out dad was divorced, oldest brother born out of wedlock, I was born while father was in prison... so many lies, this just makes one more.. my questionable birth.  Still have one older brother referring to me by my old name.. a long dead one, that is oh so wrong on so many levels.

A somewhat disjointed story, but that's essentially who & where I came out.  My mother.. and she told everyone else.  I told my brother & sister too, they are somewhat accepting of me as their sister.

So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

[KathyLauren]

The first person I came out to was my wife, about a year and a half ago.  The build-up was traumatic: I was nearly paralyzed by fear, the same fear that had kept me in denial for decades.  It took me months to build up the courage to tell her.  So many times, I was on the verge of doing it, drawing a breath to speak, getting my tongue and lips in position for the first syllable, and then having a panic attack and saying nothing.

When I finally said it, I was in a funny detached state: it was like I was listening to my own voice speaking the words I had rehearsed.  I said I was pretty sure I was transgender.  She wanted to know why I thought that, so I told her that all my life I had wished I was a woman.  She said that didn't necessarily mean that I was transgender, and I replied that it was pretty much the definition of it.

Having gotten the T-word out, I knew that our relationship would be at the top of the agenda.  So when she asked what my plans were, I emphasized that I did not want to leave her.  That I figured the next step would be to find a therapist and take it from there.  And then she said the magic words: "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you."

Joy, relief, love, gratitude!  That moment was the beginning of my new life.  I have other rebirthdays: first HRT and starting full-time, but that one was the first.

Next month, we are in a local theatre production of Cinderella, and she is the fairy godmother.  Of course!     (I am the sound & light girl.  In real life, though, I know I am Cinderella.)

[Julia1996]

It was terrifying. I didn't come out, my dad outed me. He just asked me outright if I wanted to be a girl. I freaked out and panicked. I freaked out because of my mom. She had pretty much told me my dad would throw me out and disown me. I found out much later that my dad suspected I was trans and had actually talked about it with my mom. She's the one who couldn't accept it and she knew telling me my dad would disown me would have a big effect on me. Once she told me I needed to be careful about wearing makeup, nail polish, etc because my dad wouldn't put up with much more. And then another time she asked me if I was taking female hormones, was someone maybe giving me birth control pills. I told her no I wasn't and she said she hoped not because if I ever did my dad would disown me. She told me he had actually said that. Of course he didn't but I didn't know. She also told me my brother would hate me and never have anything to do with me again. That seems ridiculous now but at the time I was afraid she was telling the truth. Yes my dad and brother already thought I was gay and didn't have a problem with it but being trans is an entirely different thing. So I thought it was possible that coming out as trans would be too much for my dad and he would reject me. The thought of my dad and brother rejecting me was heartbreaking for me.

I had just turned 17 and I had been at a friends house. While I was over there I had used hot curlers in my hair and I had tried out some liquid eyeliner she had just gotten. When I got home my dad just looked at me. My mom started asking what I had done to my hair and telling me to go wash my face. My dad said " do you want to be a girl"?  And I freaked out and started crying. He told me it was ok if I did and hugged me and told me I didn't need to cry. My mom said " oh great! That's just wonderful! I'm the one who should be crying, what are people going to think"? After my dad calmed me down he asked me why I hadn't told him sooner. I told him because I was afraid he would disown me. He asked why I would ever think that and I told him because my mom had told me he would. He got furious with her and I really think that was the beginning of their end.

My brother hadn't been home when all that went down so I did have to come out to him. I wanted my dad to tell him for me but he told me it was something I needed to tell him myself. I was really scared to tell him but I managed it. He just said ok and asked me if I thought it was a big surprise to him. He told me I had pretty much always been more like his sister anyway.

When my uncle found out he started with the mentally ill crap, suggested my dad have me committed to the nuthouse and even suggested conversion therapy. My uncle and grandpa both told my dad he wasn't helping me by supporting my " delusion". Then my mom started telling me I was a big embarrassment to our family. That was very true for her but not at all true for my dad and brother. My mom told my dad it would effect his standing with the police department.  He just told her she was being stupid and he wasnt the one who was trans which was the only way it would effect his work.

That's how I came out/got outed.

[KathyLauren]

Wow, Julia, I love your dad and your brother!

[Bari Jo]

I had all these pent up anxieties how people would react.  So far everyone has been been accepting.  Some even magically supportive.  My first coming out is one of the magically supportive.  I was planning on doing it in person, but I painted myself into a corner reacting.  I was crying, heart beating like a freight train, and magical support.  After it felt amazing.  I felt lighter, prettier, at one with myself.  I still feel it's the best day of my life, even though it's awkward.  Here's the link if anybody cares to relive it.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230281.0.html

Bari Jo

[Shambles]

Wow i feel for you doreen and julia. My 1st time was so arkward, was going to mention it to my doc even though they given me a phone appointment not face to face and they didnt phone when they said so the call came when i was at work. It was a male nurse not my doc but i said the words still, as i said it i didnt belive i just said that... to a complete stranger aswell. Came off the phone in denial. That didnt sound right, thats not me. After a few hours of thinking about it i came back around to my current mindframe. I new it was true but where to go from here?

1st time in person was a couple of days ago to wife. Could not speak about this, i havr never talked to anyone my whole life about anything personal. I just cant do it, and if could i no the carefully crafted mental speach that had been running though my head would not come out right and i would end up not doing the subject justice and then doubt myself. I wrote it down, was about 1000 words but i could have written a book.

Hid the letter close to me and said ill do it at 8pm. Clock ticked down and i was pooping myself, heart racing egging myself on but 8pm ticked by. I knew if i didnt do it soon i wouldnt for some time. It was 845 when i said i wanted to speak to you for awhile now but cant say it so ive wrote it down. Handed the letter over then sat there as her thoughts of me comptly changed. Wasnt a good night but needed to be done. Feel alot better for it now

[Roll]

Not including therapist, it was in October to my father. I was so terrified at a fundamental level. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably, but in that fear driven silent sob way. Still, it was only the second most terrifying moment of my life (not to repeat myself for the billionth time on this, but the first by which everything else has been contrasted against was in the last few hours of my mother's life when I acknowledged she was actually dying, and I just sat over her bed crying more than I could have ever imagined it would be possible to).

Afterward, I felt numb. I went to sleep fairly readily, and it just was the new reality.

[Devlyn]

I was nervous as a long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. I came out by showing my friend a picture of myself dressed. She looked for a moment and said "If you're going to do that, you need to get boobs." 

Pretty nervous for what turned out to be nothing.

Hugs, Devlyn

[DawnOday]

The day I came out, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had been treated for stress for thirty-five-years. Who knew I was really transgender? Well, I did and nobody else and I kept it secret. But regardless I was unable to admit my confusion to the varied therapists I visited. I began to get more and more agitated about the reason my first wife left 40 years ago. I didn't know why she decided to have an affair. I was ashamed to violate my vows. But I have been on HRT for 16 months. My face is just about hair free and the hair of my head is to my shoulders like my hippie days. Just now it's grey but kind of sexy. This has been the most stress free year of my life and I look forward to each new day of discovery

[Kylo]

Felt pretty much nothing. I wondered if I was supposed to feel better for telling people, but I didn't as it was fairly anti climactic anyway, and I had to deal with skepticism and people who thought they know me better than I know myself.

It wasn't a weight lifted. The weight would be there no matter how many people knew it, or how safe it was to talk about it, as the only weight that matters to me is what I think of it. I'm my own worst judge, so as long as I was ok with it it didn't matter who knew what.

I wasn't afraid of telling anybody.

That's because nobody has any leverage over me, I suppose. There is nobody who could hurt me psychologically with their opinion of me for that information. There is noone who would throw me out of the house or fire me or whatever. And there is nobody I know of that could actually hurt me physically for it or would want to. I feel just as worthy as any other human being out there of existing, at the very least. If someone tried to shame me, it wouldn't work for this reason. They have nothing to hold over me that I actually believe makes them automatically better. 

Sure, I felt weird explaining it to people at the time, because as a general idea it does seem out there to most people and it seems out there to me when I think of how it changes labels, or of bothering doctors and surgeons with myself. But I didn't feel ashamed or whatever.

Telling people is only the beginning. Once that is over, then you have to deal with the aftermath.

[Sephirah]

So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

It was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done in my life. It was one of those things that I knew once it was out there, I couldn't take it back. So I had to be sure.

I still remember how I felt. I was sweating, my mouth was like sandpaper. Even though it was to someone online. Someone I'd been dating for a little while. Someone I'd had a relationship with for a relatively long time. Honestly I don't think I've ever been more scared of anything before or since.

Did they take it well? Exceptionally well. See the thing is, this girl was gay. She lived in America and we'd spoken on the phone a lot. I really never understood why she even wanted to date me, with her being gay. But she did. Maybe she already knew something I didn't, who knows.

I don't remember the details of the conversation, only the emotion. But the upshot of it was she registered here a little while before I did, to try and understand what it all meant. And... from the outset she never treated me as anyone other than myself. Which was the most incredible thing for me. It was her who actually persuaded me to come here. She wound up being a mod, lol. Not long after I did. Probably the only SO mod there's been, at least that I can recall.

It didn't work out. But not because of me being transgender. Other stuff. But I won't ever forget that first time, and how amazing she was about it.

I actually did cry when she didn't just tell me to get lost. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling of relief and acceptance and just... well ecstacy really. And how someone could be so... understanding and want to try and find out what it meant to me and what I was going through. It stayed with me. It still stays with me.

[Lady Lisandra]

I felt terrible. I came out to my ex partner. She started blaming me for destroying her dreams and her future. After that I was afraid of coming out to anyone and delayed my transition 2 years.

[Anne Blake]

I first came out to a close friend of thirty five years and next to my pastor, didn't go well. Neither speak with me any more and we were encouraged to leave our church home.

[Maddie86]

Mine's kinda weird, it's a little messy. Technically there's one girl that I came out to first, but I don't really consider her the first. It's my friend's ex and she would always message me after their breakup and then eventually ask about him, constantly, I think in the end she was just faking friendship to keep tabs on him. I got suckered in and we got close. She knew that I liked to dress up as a woman for Halloween and stuff so she started asking me about it and I started opening up a bit. This was October of 2016 and I didn't tell her I was trans just yet. We talked a little over the next few months and then in early Feb 2017 it just all came out one night. I remember I was talking to her on facebook while I was in a hotel room for work, I remember telling her that I actually wanted to be a woman and I said I couldn't believe what I was telling her and that I never actually thought I would come out to someone. The thing is though that she dragged it out of me by asking me all these questions, which honestly I needed, but she needed to mind her own business too, this girl has no boundaries.

I did some reflecting for a few days and starting trying to plan things out. Then 11 months ago today I was texting with another friend and made a joke that she took seriously about my pronouns and she asked about it and I said I'd talk to her about it some other time. This girl was a good friend of mine that I had known since I was 15, she's an awesome person and I love her dearly and I had hinted to her before about a lot of this stuff, so I figured that if I could tell that other girl about me then it's time that I started telling my real friends. So I started talking to her through facebook that night and I was terrified, I was shaking and it was hard to type but it went great, she made me feel loved and supported and for the first time in a long time, hopeful. She said she had known a while and she said I seemed trapped and tortured and that she's super happy for me. She's been so helpful with my transition so far. I felt so relieved after I told her.

So what happened with both of those girls? Well the first girl I wrote about is no longer part of my life. She was a fake friend who was just using me to spy on her ex. She blocked me and unfriended me on facebook in April on the day that my grandmother died (after she left me condolences!) and then she messaged me a week later like nothing happened, and again a month later. I ignored both messages. The other girl is still one of my best friends and truly supports me and I've posted a few pics of her on here with me <3

[Sno]

My partner has known for a very long time, and still supports the vagueries of me.

In the wider world, there are now two folk that know - one of our own, who I have known for a very long time, they on,y know because I felt I had nowhere else to turn - they know me and my past, and context is important.

The other is my therapist, and that disclosure was preceded by much anxiety - the irony of which doesn't escape me.

Its very intimate, and the act of disclosure requires vulnerability.

Rowan

[Belladonnakarapinskia]

I was exhilerated, but trepidated, coming out to my mom in mid-2016, I didn't expect to recieve the amount of backlash i received, I ended up reneging on all that I told her, I was twenty-years-old and now I'm twenty-one years old, but now I turn twenty-two years old in early-may 2018, I'm going to see a gender therapist at a gender clinic on 31st january 2018

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Belladonna!

Welcome to Susan's.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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