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Jess’s mess

Started by Jessica, January 15, 2018, 09:25:05 PM

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Kendra

#100
February 10, 2018, 09:34:10 AM
Quote from: Jessica on February 10, 2018, 12:53:12 AM
> Life is what you make of it.  If you are afraid of shadows, you stay out of the sun.  It's wonderful in the sun.

^  This - exactly.  YES!  ^
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, Labiaplasty & BA 7/2018. 
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Jessica

#101
February 10, 2018, 11:30:48 AM
Quote from: Kendra on February 10, 2018, 09:34:10 AM
^  This - exactly.  YES!  ^

It was a very sunny day yesterday too!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Jessica

#102
February 19, 2018, 02:24:06 PM
So I went for a routine teeth cleaning this morning at the dentist I've seen for years.  The receptionist studies my face and tells me I look younger.  Granted I have gotten rid of that caterpillar on my lip, and my hair is longer.  But my face is softer and lines are disappearing.  I say thanks and then I'm told that my regular hygienist had an off road accident and I would be seeing a temp today.  She starts talking about the Olympic skating commentators and that the guy was so flamboyant, but added that that's okay, as long as he's happy.  Then pointed out how you have to consider what to say and for the need to be PC about things like that.
I wonder if she saw the woman I am in my face and eyes?

Curiously curious, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Bari Jo

#103
February 20, 2018, 10:15:30 AM
Maybe, I hope so.  I've had lots of people study my face and make comments too.  Repeated comments are the best.  I've had the "is he gay gossip" a lot with the neighbors.  Some may equate that with Johnny weir, that skating commentator.  My mom thinks he's trans ajd that is how trans people act in her mind.  She gave me a jacket during this visit that was very Johnny weir.  I had to tell her no, think of me as a normal girl, not a flamboyant gay man.  It's easy to confuse the two with people with little experience with trans people.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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Jessica

#104
February 20, 2018, 12:28:01 PM
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 20, 2018, 10:15:30 AM
Maybe, I hope so.  I've had lots of people study my face and make comments too.  Repeated comments are the best.  I've had the "is he gay gossip" a lot with the neighbors.  Some may equate that with Johnny weir, that skating commentator.  My mom thinks he's trans ajd that is how trans people act in her mind.  She gave me a jacket during this visit that was very Johnny weir.  I had to tell her no, think of me as a normal girl, not a flamboyant gay man.  It's easy to confuse the two with people with little experience with trans people.

Bari Jo

I have to disagree with you about Johnny Weir.  Everyone is unique in their own self, and this is his expression of self.  I used to think I was bisexual, now I think that I'm NB (non binary) or gender fluid.  When I desire a man I am a heterosexual woman, when I'm with my wife I'm a heterosexual man.  He may be feeling he is NB or gender fluid, but enough on the masculine side to create his happiness as he is. 
The definition of transgender is all over the place and maybe all humans may be NB or gender fluid.  Where they find their comfort is where they fit on that sliding scale of personalities.

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Charlie Nicki

#105
February 20, 2018, 12:48:11 PM
Quote from: Jessica on February 20, 2018, 12:28:01 PM
I have to disagree with you about Johnny Weir.  Everyone is unique in their own self, and this is his expression of self.  I used to think I was bisexual, now I think that I'm NB (non binary) or gender fluid.  When I desire a man I am a heterosexual woman, when I'm with my wife I'm a heterosexual man.  He may be feeling he is NB or gender fluid, but enough on the masculine side to create his happiness as he is. 
The definition of transgender is all over the place and maybe all humans may be NB or gender fluid.  Where they find their comfort is where they fit on that sliding scale of personalities.

I like this idea.
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Jessica

#106
February 20, 2018, 01:11:07 PM
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on February 20, 2018, 12:48:11 PM
I like this idea.

Thanks dear sister!  There is a misunderstanding of what it means to be transgender, even here at Susan's. The umbrella is large.  But then again this is only my theory and no basis of fact.  So what do I know?........as much as anyone else.

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Bari Jo

#107
February 20, 2018, 02:17:55 PM
Quote from: Jessica on February 20, 2018, 12:28:01 PM
I have to disagree with you about Johnny Weir.  Everyone is unique in their own self, and this is his expression of self.  I used to think I was bisexual, now I think that I'm NB (non binary) or gender fluid.  When I desire a man I am a heterosexual woman, when I'm with my wife I'm a heterosexual man.  He may be feeling he is NB or gender fluid, but enough on the masculine side to create his happiness as he is. 
The definition of transgender is all over the place and maybe all humans may be NB or gender fluid.  Where they find their comfort is where they fit on that sliding scale of personalities.

I'll buy this, the part of the message that was impt though was people have their own ideas of what transgender is.  Hence the Jonny weir esque jacket at a gift.  No thank you, I will stick with normal girl:)

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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Jessica

#108
February 20, 2018, 02:20:51 PM
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 20, 2018, 02:17:55 PM
I'll buy this, the part of the message that was impt though was people have their own ideas of what transgender is.  Hence the Jonny weir esque jacket at a gift.  No thank you, I will stick with normal girl:)

Bari Jo

I totally get that!  In my theory, you fit right in.
I started a thread on the definition of Transgender just now.
Hopefully you can share you views on it.

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Bari Jo

#109
February 25, 2018, 02:31:21 AM
Quote from: Jessica on February 20, 2018, 02:20:51 PM
I totally get that!  In my theory, you fit right in.
I started a thread on the definition of Transgender just now.
Hopefully you can share you views on it.

Is this thread still around?  I couldn't find it.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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Jessica

#110
March 06, 2018, 10:48:02 PM
So I had another adventure with Laurie and Michelle, and met Robyn another Susan's member.
The emotions that have gathered since my second day out have me envisioning new goals.  I never thought I could look as feminine as I think I did yesterday.  I feel now that with voice training and learning new social skills, I could feel comfortable as a woman.  Until now, I never really believed I could truly accomplish this.
Am I believing in a pipe dream?  Do I really look as feminine as I think?  Can I alter the way my mannerisms have been forever?  Can I sit with a group of women and not feel out of place? 

Perception of the vision of my appearance is in the eye of the beholder.  So who's to say what's feminine?
I feel I've always had a more free spirit than most males, which I can equate to nurturing my love for life, which again most males don't connect with.  So I've already think in a different way, which can dictate my mannerisms.
I think I answered my last query yesterday morning at Sephora's enjoying a makeover.

So I have to re-evaluate again, as I do on a regular basis.  But this was a leap in thought that I did not expect.

The first question is a resounding no.  This is a reality that is possible!

Smiles, Jessica

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Cassi

#111
March 06, 2018, 10:50:24 PM
Never forget, you're one of the original "Transisters" and can do anything you set your mind to.
HRT since 1/04/2018
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Jessica

#112
March 06, 2018, 11:39:35 PM
Quote from: Cassi on March 06, 2018, 10:50:24 PM
Never forget, you're one of the original "Transisters" and can do anything you set your mind to.

Thank you Cassi for the vote of confidence!  Can you do two part harmony?

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Michelle_P

#113
March 07, 2018, 12:09:01 AM
Jessica, this is not a pipe dream!

As you discovered, you can easily have a more feminine appearance.  Mannerisms can be re-learned just as you once learned your current set.  Speech can be trained, learning prosody (that singing speech style of femininity) the different accentuation, and even some pitch change.  Surgeries can assist in pitch change if absolutely needed.

You have a definite feminine spirit.  You can alter your social gender appearance and role to match.

Hugs!
Michelle P.
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Kendra

#114
March 07, 2018, 01:16:34 AM
Jessica you look great!!  And even more important, you are starting to see what is possible and is real. 

I went through a similar thought process.  I am soooo happy for you!
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, Labiaplasty & BA 7/2018. 
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Jessica

#115
March 07, 2018, 01:27:49 AM
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 07, 2018, 12:09:01 AM
Jessica, this is not a pipe dream!

As you discovered, you can easily have a more feminine appearance.  Mannerisms can be re-learned just as you once learned your current set.  Speech can be trained, learning prosody (that singing speech style of femininity) the different accentuation, and even some pitch change.  Surgeries can assist in pitch change if absolutely needed.

You have a definite feminine spirit.  You can alter your social gender appearance and role to match.

Hugs!
Michelle P.

Thank you @Michelle_P  I do appreciate all your help and support you've given me.
The thing about pipes, whether a dream or not, if you stand it on end, you have the option to climb to higher heights!

Jessica

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Jessica

#116
March 07, 2018, 01:50:45 AM
Quote from: Kendra on March 07, 2018, 01:16:34 AM
Jessica you look great!!  And even more important, you are starting to see what is possible and is real. 

I went through a similar thought process.  I am soooo happy for you!

Thank you so much @Kendra!
It's an epiphany, a revelation of inspirational realization from a flash of vision of a reality not easily grasped. 
I see a road in front of me that has always been my path from birth and will lead me to a content conclusion.  I am confidently positive in my life with all my choices I have made, knowing the only way in life is forward.

Smiles, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Charlie Nicki

#117
March 07, 2018, 05:34:22 AM
I'm happy for you Jess and I love your new picture.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Jessica

#118
March 07, 2018, 09:11:50 AM
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on March 07, 2018, 05:34:22 AM
I'm happy for you Jess and I love your new picture.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

Thank you @Charlie Nicki, you were my first friend here at Susan's and I love you like a sister!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

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Bari Jo

#119
March 07, 2018, 10:14:51 PM
Another new picture, girl you are on fire!  Did you do the makeup on this one?  You look insanely happy in the pict, like you did!

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
  •  
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