Jess’s mess

[BrianaJ]

Yeah, "Minne-soooootans" -- polite to a fault, and would not want to mistakenly tread on a sensitive toe. I grew up with all my relatives from the upper Midwest and went to college there. They will not say a word until you bring it up or it becomes inescapable (and even then, they'll pull you aside for a private inquiry).

Not to over-generalize or anything 

Oh my, exactly what I was thinking as I've been following this.  In general, that politeness can't be overstated.  LOL  And while there are certainly people on the other side of that coin, we mid-westerners tend to mind our manners.  I hope you are enjoying it there.  Fall in the upper Midwest has always been one of my favorite times of the year.  I do miss it.

[Jessica]

Oh my, exactly what I was thinking as I've been following this.  In general, that politeness can't be overstated.  LOL  And while there are certainly people on the other side of that coin, we mid-westerners tend to mind our manners.  I hope you are enjoying it there.  Fall in the upper Midwest has always been one of my favorite times of the year.  I do miss it.

The term they use up there is Minnesota nice.
To be "Minnesota nice" is to be passive aggressive.
They always have a smile for you, but afterwards can be a different face.

I don't classify my son this way.  He hasn't been there long enough for the lessons my wife and I taught him to wear off.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Jessica]

Hi friends, I spent a lovely day visiting and having lunch with Michelle at a nice downtown restaurant.  Treated like the ladies we were by the ladies and men there. 
Chatted for a bit afterwards, then strolled through the town, stopping at the local NYX for some bronzer and a face sculpting palette. Treated like the ladies we were by the ladies there. 
Strolled a bit more through clothing stores and fell in love with a skirt that was not my size...sad.
Meandered down to a local place for afternoon coffee, ordered a Carmel macchiato for Michelle and doppio espresso for myself and the last cannoli to share.  As I was paying the barrister said "thank you sir".  No tip immediately!  I was quite perturbed and wanted to tell him off, but I didn't want to cause a scene and dropped it. 
Felt great till then, but didn't lose my confidence and continued with a conversation about being transgender with Michelle, loud enough evidently to create a hush in the coffee shop.  Didn't care and we continued discussing our misadventures with endocrinologists!  We weren't rudely loud and kept our voices low but all I heard were our soft voices.  Was this an impromptu lesson on transgender life to the masses?

Hugs and smiles from a California girl



@Michelle_P

[Jessica]

I'm beginning to think again that a private diary might be my best option to keep record of my transition.  It is only my thoughts and others have their own to think about, and I'll feel better if I'm the only one that I'm expecting to read it.

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm beginning to think again that a private diary might be my best option to keep record of my transition.  It is only my thoughts and others have their own to think about, and I'll feel better if I'm the only one that I'm expecting to read it.

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
As you know from reading my many comments around the various threads here on the Forums
is that I do BOTH a "Private Dairy/Journal" for my own more private thoughts...   and also as you know I try to keep my personal "Hunted Prey" thread here updated frequently that I can share thoughts and experiences with many like-minded friends that have similar experiences and life events.

Since my high school and college days and throughout my transition and my relocation I have kept an old-fashioned "pen and paper" journal that from time to time includes colorful doodling and some snapshot photos.   I find that it is  a great way to vent to myself and work out my issues and problems on paper and eventually formulate positive solutions.   
On rainy days, cold winter nights, or when I am feeling down, I will sit down with cup of coffee in hand and read many of my past entrees... it is a great to review where I have been and where I am now.
I would encourage you and all of my friends that have not yet done so to start a personal journal.

In conclusion, I think it is essential to have not only your personal transition thread here that you can give and also receive encouragement and sharing of thoughts....  but also a personal journal for your eyes only.   As I stated, I do prefer my personal journal to be the old-fashioned type using pen and paper.

Thank you for keeping your thread updated with your thoughts and your progress in your journey as you are reaching for your goals... and also for treating your followers to some of your lovely photos.

Thanks for posting and sharing as you do not only on your thread but also for all of your contributions and encouragement that you post to the other threads here on the Forums.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

I'm coming to the conclusion that personal threads can be a trap that can cause pain as much as help.  Pain comes from needing support and assuming it's not there because of silence.  I've seen it in many other comments throughout the site.  I regret suggesting diary threads to others as they can become tossed to the wayside for more exciting ones.  And there are too many for anyone to keep up with.
I feel that individual posts in proper forums, generating comments from those that are interested in the topic, works better for the fragile psyche that many of us have while transitioning.

[Michelle_P]

@Jessica, I keep a set of those 'college composition books', dollar store cheapies, to record everything in.  What I happen to post online are the sanitized "good parts" versions, if I post anything at all of events in my life.

There are some things I feel a need to keep a record of, but are too personal or controversial to share with the world.

I find this can be very helpful, especially when I find myself drifting into a rut or a loop of thoughts that I am repeating.  "Wait, I already wrote down what I thought about this, and what I planned to do.  No need to re-hash this in my head.  Move on!"

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm coming to the conclusion that personal threads can be a trap that can cause pain as much as help.  Pain comes from needing support and assuming it's not there because of silence.  I've seen it in many other comments throughout the site.  I regret suggesting diary threads to others as they can become tossed to the wayside for more exciting ones.  And there are too many for anyone to keep up with.
I feel that individual posts in proper forums, generating comments from those that are interested in the topic, works better for the fragile psyche that many of us have while transitioning.

@Jessica:
Dear Jess:   
I hear you and kinda understand how you have come to those conclusions .... BUT.....

Please allow me to respectfully agree to disagree.
Our own personal threads here on the forums help to keep our transition and life events all in one place for us to update and provides a place to come for those interested in following us in our journey.   
I find that my "Hunted Prey" thread has become my sanctuary and I will go there to find personal solace even if no one else posts a comment or reply. 

Most of the personal threads on here do a great service of providing guidance, encouragement and instructional comments and thoughts regarding transition that many readers find helpful.  Bear in mind that our threads may have followers and readers that share their thoughts with us, but there are also many, many newbies, lurkers and guests that we may never know about and not know how much encouragement and help that we have provided.

Of course there are some personal threads that are no so happy and not so encouraging because the author is going through very difficult time,  but then it is up to those members here to reply with help, understanding and encouraging replies that will let the OP (thread creator) know that they are not alone in their problems and not so good issues that they are dealing with in their transition journey.
I know for a fact that there are many members that have been helped and encouraged in this way.

Just sharing my thoughts with you, that is all....   again, I respect your opinion that you stated.

Thank you for your comments.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

Jess's Mess was not to be sanitized in any way.  It was to portray my experiences, in hopes to help others, along with myself.  It seems now it does neither and I truly regret suggesting such threads to others.  Last night as I commented on various friends threads, which were quite active, I could see mine sliding down the feed with no visits.  I needed support from it and realized it wasn't coming.
Why hurt yourself when it's more probable to receive help from someone interested in a specific post, instead of from a jumble of thoughts.



@Alaskan Danielle @Michelle_P

[Faith]

I use a browser only, no feeds, no tapatalk .. browser. I find I can keep tabs on threads/topics important to me plus any that could possibly slide out of view. The only hindrance to my posting is me, when there's a disconnect between my brain and fingers.

I selectively mark read so as to not miss something that may blend in.

I see and read your thread all the time, I only don't post due to my above mentioned hindrance.
and .. crap .. see, that thought just poofed out of my head ....

[Northern Star Girl]

Jess's Mess was not to be sanitized in any way.  It was to portray my experiences, in hopes to help others, along with myself.  It seems now it does neither and I truly regret suggesting such threads to others.  Last night as I commented on various friends threads, which were quite active, I could see mine sliding down the feed with no visits.  I needed support from it and realized it wasn't coming.
Why hurt yourself when it's more probable to receive help from someone interested in a specific post, instead of from a jumble of thoughts.

@Alaskan Danielle @Michelle_P

@Jessica
Dear Jess ...  one of my favorite California Girls
Hey girl, as you know, and my other friends here on the Forums know, I have my own "bad" times that I need extra support and encouragement as well.   

Even the most upbeat and positive members here have down days and may need a extra tight hug and encouraging thoughts from like-minded friends... I personally know this for sure.   
I have a nice group of good friends here on the Forums (including you) that sense when things are not going well for me and that is when we can all utilize the PM feature here on the Forums...  many times when my thread seems silent and I may need to be uplifted...  I am then a busy girl trying to read and reply to PMs sent to me from caring Forum's friends that are "there" for me...

So, Jess, in conclusion, I am "there" for you as you so many times have been "there" for me.

Hugs, and smiles, and well wishes,
Danielle ...    your Northern Star*Girl

[steph2.0]

Jess, I usually use Tapatalk, and that little checkbox on the top of the page that indicates I'm following a thread is checked for yours. I never miss a post, and please don't take my lack of comments as an indication of lack of interest. I contribute when I think I might be able to help, and occasionally give in to my silly nature and derail the conversation. I'm sorry if I haven't contributed as I should, and as always, the number of people who comment represent just the part of the iceberg above water. It took me a while to realize that myself for my own thread. Take a look at your page view count to prove that.

Still here. Still reading.

Stephanie

[Rayna]

Hi Jess,

I've been mostly away for a few days. Like Stephanie, I also have your thread checkboxed and see every post, eventually.

I'm sorry there was a rude part of your day with Michelle, but most of it sounds delightful. I love your sotto voce transgender seminar in the coffee shop.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

[Jessica]

@Jessica
Dear Jess ...  one of my favorite California Girls
Hey girl, as you know, and my other friends here on the Forums know, I have my own "bad" times that I need extra support and encouragement as well.   

Even the most upbeat and positive members here have down days and may need a extra tight hug and encouraging thoughts from like-minded friends... I personally know this for sure.   
I have a nice group of good friends here on the Forums (including you) that sense when things are not going well for me and that is when we can all utilize the PM feature here on the Forums...  many times when my thread seems silent and I may need to be uplifted...  I am then a busy girl trying to read and reply to PMs sent to me from caring Forum's friends that are "there" for me...

So, Jess, in conclusion, I am "there" for you as you so many times have been "there" for me.

Hugs, and smiles, and well wishes,
Danielle ...    your Northern Star*Girl

@Alaskan Danielle you know my personal thoughts on PM's....it's too slow, as bad as email and sometimes slower than snail mail.  I do find great support from friends through channels outside of Susan's Place in real time, but there are some that I need direct help from that do not utilize these features and it becomes a burden to try.  Thankfully there are those that do, but it's still lacking when specific friends are not doing so.
We all have problems time to time and there is no set schedule with emotions.
Yesterday was a great personal day with a friend that included pitfalls that I needed to address and hoped to get it through Susan's.  I get that everyone is wrapped up in themselves primarily and more than likely blind to others needs.  And at the moment, I'm no different.
Typically my emotions are not read well by others prior to me breaking.

Jess, I usually use Tapatalk, and that little checkbox on the top of the page that indicates I'm following a thread is checked for yours. I never miss a post, and please don't take my lack of comments as an indication of lack of interest. I contribute when I think I might be able to help, and occasionally give in to my silly nature and derail the conversation. I'm sorry if I haven't contributed as I should, and as always, the number of people who comment represent just the part of the iceberg above water. It took me a while to realize that myself for my own thread. Take a look at your page view count to prove that.

Still here. Still reading.

Stephanie

@Steph2.0 I don't blame anyone for not commenting, I find it very hard at times myself on other threads just to keep up.
That's partly my point, that there are too many and many end up pages behind and missing opportunities for relative comments.  Comments that could have helped at the time if it had been directed at a specific topic in the feed instead of a thread you hope to catch up on.  I'm certain I've caused the emotions I'm having on others for the same reason.



I love Jess's Mess and it breaks my heart to think I'm considering abandoning it.

😪

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
In my down moments, and we all have them, I find myself having to go to my own "Positive Mindset" thread to get encouragement from the wise and supportive members that have commented and shared their thoughts there. 

We can find hugs and support in so many ways here on the Forums, we just have to be open to exposing ourselves and our feelings, as you are now doing... and our friends will be along to be there for us.... just as it is being done right now on your thread here.

Even though I started the "Positive Mindset" thread please know that it is there for EVERYONE to benefit from.
                "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"

Hugs and bigger hugs,
Danielle

[Michelle_P]

Something to keep in mind is that you DO have friends you can reach out to.  Threads here are not the best or most interactive places to go for support, honestly.  They can, as Jess notes, rapidly slide down the list on a 'feed' and be missed by others.  Folks might gloss over a plea for help, in their own search for help and information.  Some folks may not recognize a plea for help through their own filters, and may respond in a very inappropriate way. (Been there, bitten by this!)

I think it is absolutely vital to build one's own support network, friends one can phone, Skype, or otherwise rapidly connect to for real-time aid.  I would strongly suggest NOT using a text-only medium like texting, e-mail, or message boards when one is in distress, because it is far too easy to misinterpret, misunderstand, and just plain miss cues and signals that are present in voice and expression.  Most of us are not exactly Hemingway when it comes to our writing, and are not that great at communicating nuance in text.

I'm often around via Facebook Messenger, FaceTime, Skype and even the telephone to connect and support others. It's OK to reach out.

[Charlie Nicki]

Jess we already spoke about this on Whatsapp but just wanted to drop by to show my support again. I love you and it makes me sad that you're feeling down. I think these threads can really help us just by venting and letting it all out. Don't take it personally if people don't reply, it happens to me in my thread as well.

We all care about you!

Hugs!!

[Jessica]

Something to keep in mind is that you DO have friends you can reach out to.  Threads here are not the best or most interactive places to go for support, honestly.  They can, as Jess notes, rapidly slide down the list on a 'feed' and be missed by others.  Folks might gloss over a plea for help, in their own search for help and information.  Some folks may not recognize a plea for help through their own filters, and may respond in a very inappropriate way. (Been there, bitten by this!)

I think it is absolutely vital to build one's own support network, friends one can phone, Skype, or otherwise rapidly connect to for real-time aid.  I would strongly suggest NOT using a text-only medium like texting, e-mail, or message boards when one is in distress, because it is far too easy to misinterpret, misunderstand, and just plain miss cues and signals that are present in voice and expression.  Most of us are not exactly Hemingway when it comes to our writing, and are not that great at communicating nuance in text.

I'm often around via Facebook Messenger, FaceTime, Skype and even the telephone to connect and support others. It's OK to reach out.

Michelle, you of course know I am quite aware of this and am not shy about using any of those formats.  And I do understand that there are some that refuse to open themselves to exposure by doing so. 
You have bolstered my thoughts on the use of personal threads.  I feel they are good only for fluff, and if you have a more immediate need, a new thread is warranty. Unfortunately you can't cross post in the forums and cannot document your plea in your personal thread and a separate one. 
In the beginning I was asked to create Jess's Mess as a documentary of my transition.  Little did I realize that it became part of me, since it was me, and nothing likes to be alone. 

So yes, I do understand that all it would take is a few more used brain cells to modify a comment to be acceptable on two different threads, but now that has taken away time in my reading and replying of others needs.




@Michelle_P @Charlie Nicki

Jess we already spoke about this on Whatsapp but just wanted to drop by to show my support again. I love you and it makes me sad that you're feeling down. I think these threads can really help us just by venting and letting it all out. Don't take it personally if people don't reply, it happens to me in my thread as well.

We all care about you!

Hugs!!

Girlfriend, you were my first supporter and friend on Susan's Place.  We are hrt birthday sisters.  And even though I've not been able to hug you directly, I feel yours all the time.
You are one of my direct links for help. 
You were the first I reached out to. 
You were the first to give that hug I needed.
We both made a vow to each other when we first started to be there for one another.  We are dear friends for it.

This proves the importance of real time communication between members if at all possible.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Charlie Nicki]

Michelle, you of course know I am quite aware of this and am not shy about using any of those formats.  And I do understand that there are some that refuse to open themselves to exposure by doing so. 
You have bolstered my thoughts on the use of personal threads.  I feel they are good only for fluff, and if you have a more immediate need, a new thread is warranty. Unfortunately you can't cross post in the forums and cannot document your plea in your personal thread and a separate one. 
In the beginning I was asked to create Jess's Mess as a documentary of my transition.  Little did I realize that it became part of me, since it was me, and nothing likes to be alone. 

So yes, I do understand that all it would take is a few more used brain cells to modify a comment to be acceptable on two different threads, but now that has taken away time in my reading and replying of others needs.




@Michelle_P @Charlie Nicki


Girlfriend, you were my first supporter and friend on Susan's Place.  We are hrt birthday sisters.  And even though I've not been able to hug you directly, I feel yours all the time.
You are one of my direct links for help. 
You were the first I reached out to. 
You were the first to give that hug I needed.
We both made a vow to each other when we first started to be there for one another.  We are dear friends for it.

This proves the importance of real time communication between members if at all possible.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

I love you darling [emoji3590][emoji3590][emoji3590][emoji3590]

[Kendra]

Jess, whether you post in a personal blog or use separate threads for each topic or good or bad day, I really do care.  We all do.  I don't always respond every time an important post is made but wish I had seen this more quickly.  And please know anyone here is welcome to contact me any time if you need a hand, and I may do the same.  We are in this together.