Jess’s mess

[Jessica]

Jess, whether you post in a personal blog or use separate threads for each topic or good or bad day, I really do care.  We all do.  I don't always respond every time an important post is made but wish I had seen this more quickly.  And please know anyone here is welcome to contact me any time if you need a hand, and I may do the same.  We are in this together.

Thank you Kendra, I never for a moment thought anybody didn't care about me or would purposely withhold help. 
My comments are my thoughts on the effects of personal threads.
I'm unsure how I will proceed, if at all, with my own.
Like I've mentioned, I love Jess's Mess, and will find it hard to put the brakes on mentioning my trials in it.  It will feel incomplete, and I will not consider it accurate.
I see my trials getting lost amongst the forums and I will never make sense of them in the future.
So I guess Danielle's idea needs to come into play and do a hard copy.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

@Kendra @Alaskan Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
My Dear Jess:
A big and giant H U G
.... and a edible HEART.... for my California Girl
   

I am thinking of you.... and as always, best wishes.
Danielle

[Jessica]

@Jessica
My Dear Jess:
A big and giant H U G
.... and a edible HEART.... for my California Girl
   

I am thinking of you.... and as always, best wishes.
Danielle

Thank you Danielle, you know I'm a sucker for sprinkles.
This brought a smile to me!
Why the rough day, I ask myself.
Was it the misgendering yesterday?
I think so.
WC in CA had become a safe haven for me, I felt comfortable throughout the area.
Not so much now.  That was the first on purpose (I feel) slight to Jessica by anyone.
Nativity and trust don't always work together in the public I guess.
I now will unfortunately be uncomfortable for awhile and likely not so open.   
Never felt that would happen (being uncomfortable). 

Hugs and smiles, Jess

@Alaskan Danielle @Laurie @Michelle_P

[Michelle_P]

Thank you Danielle, you know I'm a sucker for sprinkles.
This brought a smile to me!
Why the rough day, I ask myself.
Was it the misgendering yesterday?
I think so.
WC in CA had become a safe haven for me, I felt comfortable throughout the area.
Not so much now.  That was the first on purpose (I feel) slight to Jessica by anyone.
Nativity and trust don't always work together in the public I guess.
I now will unfortunately be uncomfortable for awhile and likely not so open.   
Never felt that would happen (being uncomfortable). 

Hugs and smiles, Jess

@Alaskan Danielle @Laurie @Michelle_P

Jess, I know how the misgendering can fester.  But remember how you were addressed at lunch.  Remember how the gals at that makeup shop were.  Lots of positives, one bored junior barista with an attitude...

That coffee place is off my list for a while.  Once the kid gets fired I'll go back.

[Jessica]

@Michelle_P

Jess, I know how the misgendering can fester.  But remember how you were addressed at lunch.  Remember how the gals at that makeup shop were.  Lots of positives, one bored junior barista with an attitude...

That coffee place is off my list for a while.  Once the kid gets fired I'll go back.

Yes you're correct, but all it took was one bad comment to remind me, that is what he saw.

[Jessica]

So friends I'll join the ranks of the electrocuted this Tuesday.  My first session of hair removal.  Target upper lip!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[JudiBlueEyes]

Hi Jess.  I see there are a number of comments on your electrolysis thread.   I've made a reply.  You could have added that here as it is a part of your life's happenings. 

About the life of diary type threads, remember that as in real life there are exciting times and not so exciting times (thankfully).  You're in this for the long haul.  We can see it.  I read Jess's Mess regularly, but don't always offer a reply as I may have nothing new to offer beyond what others have written.  I do think there are specific audiences for each type of thread and you certainly have yours.  So keep posting!  And best of luck next week with the start of hair removal. 
Hugs, Judi

[Jessica]

@JudiBlueEyes

Hi Jess.  I see there are a number of comments on your electrolysis thread.   I've made a reply.  You could have added that here as it is a part of your life's happenings. 

About the life of diary type threads, remember that as in real life there are exciting times and not so exciting times (thankfully).  You're in this for the long haul.  We can see it.  I read Jess's Mess regularly, but don't always offer a reply as I may have nothing new to offer beyond what others have written.  I do think there are specific audiences for each type of thread and you certainly have yours.  So keep posting!  And best of luck next week with the start of hair removal. 
Hugs, Judi

You are so sweet Judi 🌸🌸🌸
I have sometimes had events that have made me a bit emotional.  You may have read earlier that my first purposeful misgendering occurred yesterday in an area I trusted and felt safe.  It took a bit for it to truly sink in and the wave engulfed me.  I feel better now after many well wishes and good advice like yours.  Thank you so much 😊
I am not apt to sanitizing Jess's Mess and will stay the course by reimagining real life events posted here, so that I can receive more viewing of pressing issues on more forum specific posts...... good or bad.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Jessica]

This morning, after reflection, I sent a text to my dear friend Michelle.
As I proof read it, I realized it was appropriate to post on Jess's Mess.

I want to apologize for my melt down yesterday.  Just one small comment (from the barrister) was bigger than I thought.  Which of course in "Jessica" fashion snowballed.  It took a bit to grab on.  I'm not sure if you read my reaction in my face when it happened.  It changed multiple times. 
Should I have said something at the time?  I still think not.  It was clear to me he had no respect for us and why exacerbate that when there was no chance of it meaning anything to him.  Along with making a scene with a line out the door behind us.
I'm better now, not as leery of presenting in public as I was yesterday.  Which is good, considering my electrolysis provider is in my home town. 
On Tuesday another first will happen.  Presenting where I live.

Many small steps, make giant leaps

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Jess:
There is absolutely no need for you to apologize for the feelings that you expressed in your previous posts.

I was so very concerned when I read your recent post here your thread that indicated that you were so despondent over being mis-gendered... and other feelings that you had regarding keeping your posts up to date on your personal thread that spilled over here on the Forums....
....yes indeed, the ups and downs of the transition journey...  even though as far as I am in my own transition, as you well know I still have my down moments, and you and my other friends here on the Forums are always there to help boost my self-worth...... but is also my local friends that I can meet with in person that can give me a hug and a shoulder to cry on when I need it.
Along those lines, as @Michelle_P mentioned, building a network of good friends that can immediately and personally support you is essential.  Having a local network friends that can be with you in-person is a really big help.

I am glad to see your most recent happier post ...  I hope you are getting back to your happy place.
I figured that my heart-shaped sprinkle cookies might have helped too.

Hugs and well wishes as always... 
Danielle

[JudiBlueEyes]

You may have read earlier that my first purposeful misgendering occurred yesterday in an area I trusted and felt safe.  It took a bit for it to truly sink in and the wave engulfed me. 

I know how you feel.  It still hurts me when it happens, which is infrequently now but still...   I move on more quickly now. 

I'm happy to hear you will continue to write.  Life goes on and sometime the mundane is just what we need to make it all real.  It would be too stressful to live in a constant whirl of emotion.   All my best!

[Jessica]

Dear Jess:
There is absolutely no need for you to apologize for the feelings that you expressed in your previous posts.

I was so very concerned when I read your recent post here your thread that indicated that you were so despondent over being mis-gendered... and other feelings that you had regarding keeping your posts up to date on your personal thread that spilled over here on the Forums....
....yes indeed, the ups and downs of the transition journey...  even though as far as I am in my own transition, as you well know I still have my down moments, and you and my other friends here on the Forums are always there to help boost my self-worth...... but is also my local friends that I can meet with in person that can give me a hug and a shoulder to cry on when I need it.
Along those lines, as @Michelle_P mentioned, building a network of good friends that can immediately and personally support you is essential.  Having a local network friends that can be with you in-person is a really big help.

I am glad to see your most recent happier post ...  I hope you are getting back to your happy place.
I figured that my heart-shaped sprinkle cookies might have helped too.

Hugs and well wishes as always... 
Danielle

Thank you my dearest Northern Star*Girl, your cookies were vital in my restoration.
My network of personal friends is spread wide and some are near enough for that hug and that shoulder.  Unfortunately for some,  the despondency can shut down the instinct to reach out and use that network.  Sometimes it excludes important ties because of "whatever" constraints.
My first instinct was to reach out to my oldest friend on the forum, and she was there for me immediately from countries away.  Even at such a far distance, it was effective.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl


@Alaskan Danielle

[Jessica]

I know how you feel.  It still hurts me when it happens, which is infrequently now but still...   I move on more quickly now. 

I'm happy to hear you will continue to write.  Life goes on and sometime the mundane is just what we need to make it all real.  It would be too stressful to live in a constant whirl of emotion.   All my best!

Thank you Judi 🌸🌸🌸
It was part of (as Michelle would put it) "Real Life Experience 101"


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[LizK]

You really have had a rough few days haven't you...I understand your feelings about your thread and as you have seen I have finished mine asking for it to be locked last week.

I understand why people have their own threads as I have had mine but there are number of pitfalls that come with your own thread and one of them is this feeling of being ignored. When the people from within you group simply nod and smile when reading your posts they don't always feel the need to comment or there may be nothing to comment on, however as the thread owner it can be had to take this into account and see it for what it is.

I felt that way plenty of times in my thread but the most important reason for me stopping was that I was missing that diversity of thought. By sticking to my thread I only received responses from my group and that is not what I wanted to do but by the time I wrote something, replied to my PM's and responses to my postings I was so tired that I was not able to venture into the new posts section.

Being deliberately misgendered especially in a safe space is hard to take because aside from anything else it is a personal attack. It triggers all sorts of horrible feeling usually directed inwards. I hope you are feeling better

Take care

Liz                                                 

[Jessica]

@LizK

You really have had a rough few days haven't you...I understand your feelings about your thread and as you have seen I have finished mine asking for it to be locked last week.

I understand why people have their own threads as I have had mine but there are number of pitfalls that come with your own thread and one of them is this feeling of being ignored. When the people from within you group simply nod and smile when reading your posts they don't always feel the need to comment or there may be nothing to comment on, however as the thread owner it can be had to take this into account and see it for what it is.

I felt that way plenty of times in my thread but the most important reason for me stopping was that I was missing that diversity of thought. By sticking to my thread I only received responses from my group and that is not what I wanted to do but by the time I wrote something, replied to my PM's and responses to my postings I was so tired that I was not able to venture into the new posts section.

Being deliberately misgendered especially in a safe space is hard to take because aside from anything else it is a personal attack. It triggers all sorts of horrible feeling usually directed inwards. I hope you are feeling better

Take care

Liz                                               

Thank you Liz for your comments about personal threads. You exemplified my thoughts, but instead of me sanitizing Jess's Mess, I will carry on my thoughts unhindered.  If there is an issue I need a more broad range of answers, I will annotate it here and expand in a new thread.  That gives me the best of two worlds.

I have always considered myself strong in the face of adversity, but my misgendering was unexpected and l was left speechless until I could gather my thoughts.  Unfortunately I had never had those thoughts before, so it was a learning process that I'm still working out.


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
I am so very happy that you have worked things out regarding your involvement in your thread and elsewhere on the forums.
I am always making your thread one of my first stops when logging into Susan's Place.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Donica]

Checkbox? What checkbox? Where? All I have is the Bookmark? Dear Jess! I don't know where this checkbox is but I have had you in my bookmark for awhile now. It sometimes takes me awhile to catch up with all these wonderful and helpful threads. If I haven't posted in your thread, please know it is only due to the lack of my own experience on the issue. I certainly wouldn't want to post anything unnecessary or unhelpful.

I'm glad you have decided to continue to keep updating your thread. Sometimes I may have a problem that may be right up your alley. It makes it easer to just come here and ask you for help. I know (if I may?) I could just send you a PM but by asking for help in your thread may help others as well.

Besides, it would be very difficult to chase you all over the forum just to here how you are doing.

Warm hugs Jess!
Donica.

[Jessica]

@Donica

Checkbox? What checkbox? Where? All I have is the Bookmark? Dear Jess! I don't know where this checkbox is but I have had you in my bookmark for awhile now. It sometimes takes me awhile to catch up with all these wonderful and helpful threads. If I haven't posted in your thread, please know it is only due to the lack of my own experience on the issue. I certainly wouldn't want to post anything unnecessary or unhelpful.

I'm glad you have decided to continue to keep updating your thread. Sometimes I may have a problem that may be right up your alley. It makes it easer to just come here and ask you for help. I know (if I may?) I could just send you a PM but by asking for help in your thread may help others as well.

Besides, it would be very difficult to chase you all over the forum just to here how you are doing.

Warm hugs Jess!
Donica.

How sweet Donica, thanks for the hug. 🌸🌸🌸  I take all I can get.
That "check box" is on Tapa Talk.  It's a platform that some enter Susan's Place through.
I use it for posting pics mainly and haven't utilized that feature of followed threads.
Mainly I depend on my bookmarks.

My issue with personal threads has been thought out and I feel that I am able to chronicle everything on Jess's Mess and still create a separate post that would be more involved.
Just a few more brain cells used, that's all.

I put no blame on anyone for not being able to keep up with members personal threads.  It's a huge undertaking that only few (like @Alaskan Danielle) can do.
I'm just as guilty as most!

I must stress that if anyone has a personal thread going, do not rely on it for answers.  Always expand your posts to reflect a more description of your issue in a separate post (since not everyone may be following) and you're far more likely to receive an answer.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[GordonG]

As a relative newcomer to Susans, I'd like to chime in. Please don't take offense at what I'm about to say. It just my personal way.

I've mostly stayed away from "personal threads" because the few that I've looked at are rather boring to me as I read the latest posts. I just happened to click on this one. There is just too much to read if I want to start at the beginning. 28 pages just for this one. I'm mainly on the forum for information that is pertinent to me and my situation. Granted that there maybe good information for me in some of these personal multi-page threads. But I have neither the time nor the inclination to read all of it to glean a few "good ones."

Sorry for this interruption. Please continue on.

[Jessica]

Checkbox? What checkbox? Where? All I have is the Bookmark? Dear Jess! I don't know where this checkbox is but I have had you in my bookmark for awhile now. It sometimes takes me awhile to catch up with all these wonderful and helpful threads. If I haven't posted in your thread, please know it is only due to the lack of my own experience on the issue. I certainly wouldn't want to post anything unnecessary or unhelpful.

I'm glad you have decided to continue to keep updating your thread. Sometimes I may have a problem that may be right up your alley. It makes it easer to just come here and ask you for help. I know (if I may?) I could just send you a PM but by asking for help in your thread may help others as well.

Besides, it would be very difficult to chase you all over the forum just to here how you are doing.

Warm hugs Jess!
Donica.

Donica, feel free to PM me anytime!

As a relative newcomer to Susans, I'd like to chime in. Please don't take offense at what I'm about to say. It just my personal way.

I've mostly stayed away from "personal threads" because the few that I've looked at are rather boring to me as I read the latest posts. I just happened to click on this one. There is just too much to read if I want to start at the beginning. 28 pages just for this one. I'm mainly on the forum for information that is pertinent to me and my situation. Granted that there maybe good information for me in some of these personal multi-page threads. But I have neither the time nor the inclination to read all of it to glean a few "good ones."

Sorry for this interruption. Please continue on.

I entirely understand what you mean.  Yes, Jess' Mess is many pages and it is too much to read and it doesn't have the pizzazz of Hunted Prey.  It's written mainly to chronicle my transition. 
This has given me consternation when trying to receive answers to "at the moment" issues.
That is why I am now adding only an abbreviated version on the thread to mark when I was having those thoughts, then expanding those thoughts on a new thread that could be read by far more than what visits my personal thread.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl


@Donica @GordonG