Jess’s mess

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

@Alaskan Danielle

Danielle, I wish I could give a clear picture of my wife and I.  Yes, she did go to therapy, and no she still isn't communicating except to say she is not a happy camper.
So as I put it to Laurie this morning, "I feel like I'm walking a tightrope while doing the limbo"

I also have a mindful of worries that I would need to PM you about. 
It's almost Halloween and it has become scary in the world.


My upcoming week will be one of introspection, I will be doing something that I have never done except in guy mode.

@Jessica
My dear Jess:
I wish that I could wave a magic wand and instantly make all of these issues that you are dealing with just go away.
I am very sad to see that your and your wife are not happy campers together... plus all the other concerns and worries that you have.

Please, you know you are always welcome to PM me about anything at anytime.
For you I always have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.
Please believe me, I am sad when your are not happy.

Hugs and as always I am wishing you well.
Danielle

[Laurie]

 Hi Jess,

  I know your current situation because we talked some offline. I am sorry to see these issues in your life and know you feel a need to make some difficult decisions. As I have said before communication is key to a good relationship. Right now you do not have that and I really hope you can foster this with your wife. Know that I support you in whatever you decide and will always be available to you should you need.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[LizK]

@Alaskan Danielle

Danielle, I wish I could give a clear picture of my wife and I.  Yes, she did go to therapy, and no she still isn't communicating except to say she is not a happy camper.  She has given knee jerk parameters to me but in truth she does not know how she feels. 
Even though it has been more than a year, I have to give her the benefit of the doubt and treat her as if it was day one after her group therapy.  We still kiss, hug and say our I love you's, but it does seem one degree cooler between us.  That may be my insecurities talking though.
This biggest obstacle is her group sessions being twice a month, on a day she only occasionally has off.  Her next projected date is next year....oh joy....
So as I put it to Laurie this morning, "I feel like I'm walking a tightrope while doing the limbo"

I also have a mindful of worries that I would need to PM you about. 
It's almost Halloween and it has become scary in the world.


My upcoming week will be one of introspection, I will be doing something that I have never done except in guy mode.  I get to put everything together for a trip to Pismo Beach (actually it's now called Oceano Dunes) near San Luis Obispo.  This is bringing all the gear necessary for a safe 4 nights on the dunes.  Our self contained toyhauler holds the RZR in the back and sleeps eight.  Avoid the high tides and you've got a million dollar view!  My wife and a friend (the running gal pal that doesn't know) will be leaving on Thursday and returning on Monday.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Jess I am so sorry to hear of the difficulties you are still having. I wish I was able to help in some way. I understand how tense and difficult things can get when nothing has been settled. I can only imagine how tough it is for both of you.

happy to chat anytime

Take care

Liz


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[Donica]

Halloween 6 years back at Pismo Beach




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I wish I was still flying. My ex and I used to fly to Oceano every other weekend to dip our toes in the sand at the beach. I would have loved to fly up and meet with you guys. Just around the corner from there is a great restaurant called The Spirit of San Luis, on the San Luis Obispo airport grounds. My ex and I used the fly in and get lunch on the off weekends. Check them out! They have burgers and steak fries that are to die for.

Jessica, I'm so glad you and your wife are still hugging and kissing and saying your "I love you's". It sounds like you both still love each other. I sooo hope she just needs time.

Warm hugs girl!
Donica.

[Jessica]

This is why we live [emoji254][emoji254][emoji254]




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[Donica]

This is why we live [emoji254][emoji254][emoji254]




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Gezzzisss Jessica!!! That's so beautiful. It makes my heart sing too.

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[Jessica_Rose]

Hi Jess, this is Jess! I am glad to hear that your wife is trying. My wife Susan and I did not talk about it for months, and even then our relationship was strained right up to the breaking point. Sleeping in separate bedrooms was a common occurrence. Although Susan was interested in group support sessions, it never happened. It took Susan about 18 months before she began to figure it out, including two housecalls from Laurie! Susan is now happier than she has been in years. The only suggestion I have is time and patience. After waiting so many decades to find our path, sometime those two items are in short supply. I wish you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica]

The power is in our hands!




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[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Thank you for sharing those beautiful sunset pictures with all of your thread followers.
It is nice to see you posting again... you are always missed when you go into silent mode.

Here on the Forums there is always a lot of support for you in your not so good times,
and in your good times with can all share in your happiness.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Michelle_P]

Beautiful beach sunset photos.  Thank you for sharing, and enjoy the starry night!

[LizK]

This is why we live [emoji254][emoji254][emoji254]




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Hi Jess

Hope things are getting better between you and your wife

Take care
Liz

[Jessica]

I woke to this. 




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[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
OK now, you are making us all jealous with your recent pictures...
...great sunrise photo... very beautiful indeed.

Oh, and you changed your Avatar/Profile picture... it is one of my favorites... you look terrific.
Thank you for posting and sharing with your readers and followers.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

I woke to this. 




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[Jessica]

@Alaskan Danielle @LizK @Michelle_P @Donica @Jessica_Rose @Laurie

I'm glad you all have enjoyed the scenes at the beach. 

I may have eluded that my wife wasn't happy in general when I said she wasn't a happy camper.  Poor choice of words.
She is happy with our life and our love for each other, but isn't so keen on overt changes she envisions with me. 
Time will tell what changes are overt and which ones are subtle.  There is a lot of variables in how they are presented.
This last few days have shown me I can be comfortable in my past presentation, without diminishing who I am.  Can I be who my wife is happy with and be happy myself..... to a large degree yes.  I am who I am, and I've always have been who I am.  With my meds and my days out with my girlfriends have been adequate so far, so the status quo holds.
I'm 62, married for 37 years to my best friend and my true love with no regrets.
Life is what you make it.
Options were non-existent for transitioning in my early years, and I did my best.
The one thing that set me on the path I've been on for more than a year now was the acceptance that society was beginning to show for transgender people.  I have second thoughts if this is a reality.  Fear again has given me pause to present entirely the way I wish.
Reservations abound when revisiting the past, and I'm not speaking of my own, but of societal norms of long ago (though very much alive) regimes that had put extreme pressures on anyone they didn't like.  Is this happening again?  I pray we are better than that on a whole.  We will see tomorrow.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[LizK]

@Alaskan Danielle @LizK @Michelle_P @Donica @Jessica_Rose @Laurie

.................
This last few days have shown me I can be comfortable in my past presentation, without diminishing who I am.  Can I be who my wife is happy with and be happy myself..... to a large degree yes.  I am who I am, and I've always have been who I am.  With my meds and my days out with my girlfriends have been adequate so far, so the status quo holds.
I'm 62, married for 37 years to my best friend and my true love with no regrets.
Life is what you make it.
.......................................................... We will see tomorrow.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

You have achieved a balance in your life with everyone seming to be happy witht the outcome including you. More power to you if you can find a workable solution without transitioning and the aditional complications that come with that....congrats on finding a solution, it is such a difficult balacing act to achieve. Although you do seem to indicate that you are not 100% sure this will be completely ok for you "to a large defree yes" which can also mean "to a smaller degree...no" I hope for your and your wifes sake you have reached that happy compromise where you both get what you need.

Take care

Liz

[Jessica]

@LizK

You have achieved a balance in your life with everyone seming to be happy witht the outcome including you. More power to you if you can find a workable solution without transitioning and the aditional complications that come with that....congrats on finding a solution, it is such a difficult balacing act to achieve. Although you do seem to indicate that you are not 100% sure this will be completely ok for you "to a large degree yes" which can also mean "to a smaller degree...no" I hope for your and your wifes sake you have reached that happy compromise where you both get what you need.

Take care

Liz

Thank you Liz for your reply.  You are quite perceptive.  Yes, there is a degree of something missing, that for total happiness, I would need.  If my wife was comfortable with all I would "like" to achieve, it would be the better choice to be entirely happy.  But the cost of such a demand may be to never be happy.  If she can be comfortable with my "needs" we both can be happy.  I do have to admit my needs are a bit on the contrary side of her needs at the moment, and her needs are paramount also, but I feel our love will find a way for us.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[LizK]

@LizK

..... but I feel our love will find a way for us.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

...that's it...perfect

[Michelle_P]

@LizK

Thank you Liz for your reply.  You are quite perceptive.  Yes, there is a degree of something missing, that for total happiness, I would need.  If my wife was comfortable with all I would "like" to achieve, it would be the better choice to be entirely happy.  But the cost of such a demand may be to never be happy.  If she can be comfortable with my "needs" we both can be happy.  I do have to admit my needs are a bit on the contrary side of her needs at the moment, and her needs are paramount also, but I feel our love will find a way for us.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Jessica, I think you are in a much better place than many of us have been at this point in our coming out and interactions with family.  You are aware of your 'needs' vs 'wants', and are communicating with your SO. 

I have hopes that the two of you will find a path to mutual happiness.

[Jessica]

@Michelle_P

Jessica, I think you are in a much better place than many of us have been at this point in our coming out and interactions with family.  You are aware of your 'needs' vs 'wants', and are communicating with your SO. 

I have hopes that the two of you will find a path to mutual happiness.

Thank you Michelle for your kind words.  I know that life in general is based on compromises that social needs dictate.  What would this world be like if everyone acted like elected officials and only saw one view.  Self control in any relationship is necessary for equality, on all sides. 
I love, like and respect my best friend and heartthrob enough to have an understanding and compassion for her feelings as much as I hope she does mine.

Hugs and smiles from another California girl

[Rayna]

@Michelle_P

Thank you Michelle for your kind words.  I know that life in general is based on compromises that social needs dictate.  What would this world be like if everyone acted like elected officials and only saw one view.  Self control in any relationship is necessary for equality, on all sides. 
I love, like and respect my best friend and heartthrob enough to have an understanding and compassion for her feelings as much as I hope she does mine.

Hugs and smiles from another California girl

Thank you Jess for this perceptive exchange that you started. It is reinforcing for my/my wife's path, which I hope we can continue to follow.

Nobody who wishes to remain in a relationship can have everything. There is always compromise and accommodation. It is our universal hope that these do not unduly impede our being who we really are and need to express.

Best of luck to you and your wife as you navigate this river.

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