Jess,
I am dealing with a similar tightrope walk. Unfortunately for me I am most definitely binary. I would not be happy as him. I know this. I fear that I am no longer on that tightrope, I fell off to one side. I am just waiting to the net to catch me .. falling and falling. Like you I cannot envision a happy life without my soulmate, I also cannot envision it as him. That is the something Lori and I both agree on. She knows and understands that I cannot be him, am not him.
I am so glad to hear that you are finding/actively seeking your balance on this tightrope that we call life. I sincerely hope that you both find that balance.