Jess’s mess

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
How are you doing lately?   I understand that much of your home remodeling project is nearing completion and now you have to try to get all of your belongings back in the rooms where they belong.   A perfect time to sort through stuff that is now superfluous to you and get rid of it.   You had mentioned previously about thinning out your unneeded stuff.... we all need to do that occasionally, otherwise, heaven forbid, we could look like the hoarders that we see on television programs.

When I moved and relocated I thinned things out to my essentials to keep my moving costs down.  What I did not want to bring along, I can do without, or I purchased here....   However, I am very sentimental, so it was difficult to part with some things, I imagine that can apply to some degree to all of us.   Basically I had 4 suitcases and 2boxes of stuff that I was able to check as extra baggage and I moved with no furniture or anything else that I arrived here, ... also many of the townspeople donated stuff like basic furniture and a boxes of food to get me started.   They were so very kind and generous to the new woman who had flew into town.   I had my credit cards and checkbook ready to buy what I needed when I ad some furniture and boxes of food to get me started.

So, I would be interested in a quick summary of what you had done to your home.... from the past pictures you posted of your remodeled Oasis in your back yard, I was very impressed with how very inviting your home appears.....  you and your sweetie are very blessed to be certain.

Hugs and best wishes to you and yours,
Danielle

[Jessica]

@Alaskan Danielle

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
How is are you doing lately?   I understand that much of your home remodeling project is nearing completion and now you have to try to get all of your belongings back in the rooms where they belong.   A perfect time to sort through stuff that is now superfluous to you and get rid of it.   You had mentioned previously about thinning out your unneeded stuff.... we all need to do that occasionally, otherwise, heaven forbid, we could look like the hoarders that we see on television programs.

When I moved and relocated I thinned things out to my essentials to keep my moving costs down.  What I did not want to bring along, I can do without, or I purchased here....   However, I am very sentimental, so it was difficult to part with some things, I imagine that can apply to some degree to all of us.   Basically I had 4 suitcases and 2boxes of stuff that I was able to check as extra baggage and I moved with no furniture or anything else that I arrived here, ... also many of the townspeople donated stuff like basic furniture and a boxes of food to get me started.   They were so very kind and generous to the new woman who had flew into town.   I had my credit cards and checkbook ready to buy what I needed when I ad some furniture and boxes of food to get me started.

So, I would be interested in a quick summary of what you had done to your home.... from the past pictures you posted of your remodeled Oasis in your back yard, I was very impressed with how very inviting your home appears.....  you and your sweetie are very blessed to be certain.

Hugs and best wishes to you and yours,
Danielle

Danielle, thank you for reaching out.  You are correct that my sweetie and I have purged much before having the remodel done.  This is something that we both enthusiastically embraced prior to even thinking of any remodeling.  Marie Kondo....I love you!
Spring cleaning is a ritual for me, but this years was a doozy.
One cause for the aggressive stance is that I'm getting help from my sweetie.  Once we began fruitful communication and going to couples and singular therapy, she became aware of her own lifelong issues and is committed to making better of herself.  This makes me very happy to see her confronting them, she is much happier now.

There was a hiccup in the ordering of a door and put off completion of the remodel by a few weeks.  That gives us time to pick the best carpet to be installed.
Just yesterday my sweetie and I went shopping for a new bed, happily we both fell in love with the same one.  We are replacing a 16 yo Select Comfort bed that was basically inflatable matteresses surrounded by foam.  Unfortunately when we dismantled it black mold was found on the foam that was directly in contact with the air bladders....Ick!!!  Evidently through all the years of adding air, the moisture in it made its way through.  Never getting one like that again. 
Sealy this time!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Jessica]

Had a nice visit with the "Wandering Waif" and her girlfriend "Mistress Michelle".
They had just returned to the Bay Area from Alaska with adventures to share.
But I found it interesting that they left the "Honey Badgers" alone in Michelle's home.....oof!
They'll rethink that next time.

Hugs and smiles 🌸🌸🌸




cc: @Laurie @Michelle_P

[Jessica]

Finally became comfortable to invite friends to my home.....it didn't happen.
As many would expect putting one's self in a position of possible disclosure with neighbors, it was a hard choice.  Not having any opportune moments to do what I'd wanted to do with them for more than a year, the moment slipped away.  It took this long, maybe longer till that opportunity arises again.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
I can understand your feelings about all of what you described.
I am wishing you well as you deal with this.

HUGS for you, and well wishes,
Danielle

Finally became comfortable to invite friends to my home.....it didn't happen.
As many would expect putting one's self in a position of possible disclosure with neighbors, it was a hard choice.  Not having any opportune moments to do what I'd wanted to do with them for more than a year, the moment slipped away.  It took this long, maybe longer till that opportunity arises again.

[sarah1972]

Oh no Jessica, so sorry to hear. Not sure why it would take long for another opportunity, besides you finding the strength and courage to do this again.

I really hope there will soon be a chance for such an event, you are a strong woman.

Hugs,

Sarah

Finally became comfortable to invite friends to my home.....it didn't happen.
As many would expect putting one's self in a position of possible disclosure with neighbors, it was a hard choice.  Not having any opportune moments to do what I'd wanted to do with them for more than a year, the moment slipped away.  It took this long, maybe longer till that opportunity arises again.

[Jessica]

My transition is uncomfortable for my wife, my other family and neighbors don't know.  Allowing transgender friends into my very personal life is a huge risk for me. I have very few days that I can call my own, none are an entire day.  My adult son was home last year every day as he was unemployed.  Privacy was nil.  He finally got a job, but with other responsibilities of my own along with my wife's schedule, I have one day a week in the afternoon that I'm left alone.  The friends I had longed to have visit have their own schedules also.
Today I hoped to visit them at there home but with all the work being done recently in our home, I've been swamped with putting it back together.  I was looking to mitigate my time by inviting them for a bbq lunch at my home in my oasis.  They had their reasons and declined.  So coordinating connections can be difficult.  Weather is another factor as I would like to share our private oasis, but even in California there is inclement conditions.  Doing this becomes a matter of all the dots connecting.  Rarely is this possible, so planning a future date seems impossible.  Not to mention changes in anyone involved lives. 

Oh well, that's my mess to deal with, Jess



cc: @Alaskan Danielle @sarah1972

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
I am so very saddened to read about your difficulties described in your last posting.... 
... my HEART [emoji173] hurts for you and I am trusting and praying that you
can resolve as many of those issues as you can.
       
HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle

[islandgirl]

Sending positive thoughts and many hugs!

[Jessica]

Thank you Danielle, Sarah and Kelly 💕💕💕
I appreciate the support, it can be hard to get sometimes.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl


cc: @Alaskan Danielle @sarah1972 @islandgirl

[Charlie Nicki]

My transition is uncomfortable for my wife, my other family and neighbors don't know.  Allowing transgender friends into my very personal life is a huge risk for me. I have very few days that I can call my own, none are an entire day.  My adult son was home last year every day as he was unemployed.  Privacy was nil.  He finally got a job, but with other responsibilities of my own along with my wife's schedule, I have one day a week in the afternoon that I'm left alone.  The friends I had longed to have visit have their own schedules also.
Today I hoped to visit them at there home but with all the work being done recently in our home, I've been swamped with putting it back together.  I was looking to mitigate my time by inviting them for a bbq lunch at my home in my oasis.  They had their reasons and declined.  So coordinating connections can be difficult.  Weather is another factor as I would like to share our private oasis, but even in California there is inclement conditions.  Doing this becomes a matter of all the dots connecting.  Rarely is this possible, so planning a future date seems impossible.  Not to mention changes in anyone involved lives. 

Oh well, that's my mess to deal with, Jess



cc: @Alaskan Danielle @sarah1972

I wish I was closer so I could go to your oasis! Sending hugs sis.

[Jessica]

@Charlie Nicki

I wish I was closer so I could go to your oasis! Sending hugs sis.

I wish you did too!

Hugs to you too sis!

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica 
Dear Jess:
Wishing you a good morning.   
Hopefully you have noticed that the sun came up this morning and it is a NEW DAY.
This is a new day to reset your feelings about yourself and your view on your life.....

You have a lot of very good friends that care for you and your well-being....
Many HUGS  [emoji173]
Danielle

[Jessica]

@Alaskan Danielle

@Jessica 
Dear Jess:
Wishing you a good morning.   
Hopefully you have noticed that the sun came up this morning and it is a NEW DAY.
This is a new day to reset your feelings about yourself and your view on your life.....

You have a lot of very good friends that care for you and your well-being....
Many HUGS  [emoji173]
Danielle

Thank you Danielle, I'll have to trust you about the sun, it's a bit overcast this morning.
I'm mean after all you see the daylight longer than I do, so you're a bit of an expert.
I have to continue my chores in the oasis this morning, heaven doesn't come without a price.
That will distract me from my blues.
Hopefully my sweetie bakes some scones when she arises.  That will put a smile on my tummy at least.

And thank you again for the heart shaped cookie.  It definitely put a smile on my face.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Laurie]

My transition is uncomfortable for my wife, my other family and neighbors don't know.  Allowing transgender friends into my very personal life is a huge risk for me. I have very few days that I can call my own, none are an entire day.  My adult son was home last year every day as he was unemployed.  Privacy was nil.  He finally got a job, but with other responsibilities of my own along with my wife's schedule, I have one day a week in the afternoon that I'm left alone.  The friends I had longed to have visit have their own schedules also.
Today I hoped to visit them at there home but with all the work being done recently in our home, I've been swamped with putting it back together.  I was looking to mitigate my time by inviting them for a bbq lunch at my home in my oasis.  They had their reasons and declined.  So coordinating connections can be difficult.  Weather is another factor as I would like to share our private oasis, but even in California there is inclement conditions.  Doing this becomes a matter of all the dots connecting.  Rarely is this possible, so planning a future date seems impossible.  Not to mention changes in anyone involved lives. 

Oh well, that's my mess to deal with, Jess



cc: @Alaskan Danielle @sarah1972

Hi Jess,
It was with dismay that I read your recent posts regarding inviting friends to visit at great risk of exposing yourself to family and friends should they see you with non cis friends. Oh for sure I and almost all of us have known that risk of suspicion or out right exposing our dark secrets. I'll grant you it is a scary possibility. I am saddened to read you felt let down that your friends did not take you up on your invitation.
  But please let me posit this, could it be possible that your friends may have felt your fears of exposure in your invitation? Perhaps you mentioned that you would be put out of your comfort zone by having them come over. Perhaps the invitation itself felt a bit of an imposition for you or more of a consolation for not being able to visit them, as had been tentatively agreed, on your one day you usually have to yourself. Is it possibly conveyed any of these contrary signals to your friends in your invitation? perhaps your friends were actually of the belief their not accepting your invitation was doing you a favor?

[Jessica]

@Laurie

Hi Jess,
It was with dismay that I read your recent posts regarding inviting friends to visit at great risk of exposing yourself to family and friends should they see you with non cis friends. Oh for sure I and almost all of us have known that risk of suspicion or out right exposing our dark secrets. I'll grant you it is a scary possibility. I am saddened to read you felt let down that your friends did not take you up on your invitation.
  But please let me posit this, could it be possible that your friends may have felt your fears of exposure in your invitation? Perhaps you mentioned that you would be put out of your comfort zone by having them come over. Perhaps the invitation itself felt a bit of an imposition for you or more of a consolation for not being able to visit them, as had been tentatively agreed, on your one day you usually have to yourself. Is it possibly conveyed any of these contrary signals to your friends in your invitation? perhaps your friends were actually of the belief their not accepting your invitation was doing you a favor?

Big sister, I believe you hit the nail on the head.  Yes I did say I would be out of my comfort zone but the situation I tried to portray was that I felt comfortable with having two women friends come up to my home and enjoy a lunch together.  I live in 1 o'clock position in the court I live in, so there is a sense of seclusion and the oasis is private, along with no one home.
This situation most likely will be hard pressed to find until next September when my grandson returns to school.  I will be now watching him most days.  The chance I had yesterday was a connection with all the dots to allow it.  Moments like that are fleeting and must be grabbed while it's in your hands. 
The feeling that declining would bring me comfort was misplaced and only saddened me, and the thought that I was trying to make up for my own cancellation is plausible as I did feel bad about it and tried to create a situation that still allowed my chores to be completed and have lunch with these dear friends of mine. I love my friends and have no compunction to be seen with them.
Next time when I say come over, hopefully the invitation will be accepted.

But your thoughts are spot on in how this situation can be perceived for many of us here and I appreciate them.
And maybe the way I write can be interpreted as vague.
It's still my mess to deal with.

Love ya sis!  Thank you for your visit to my thread, you're long overdue.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl