Bari Jo's Corner

[Bari Jo]

I've been itching to start my own thread since I started.  I saw others do theirs and the longer I waited the harder it seemed, I had more posts, and how to combine?  Not sure.  I'll periodically add some old topics in here just to consolidate, but my new topics also, I'd like to add an well.

Almost all of these starts with introductions.  I'll do that also.  I'm 47, too old on my book, but young enough to know there is still much life to live.  I was unable to accept who I was until just before turning 47.  I knew since I was 8, but had been actively in denial and repression nearly 40 years.  I just couldn't take it anymore, the GD took over soo many times and I was unable to function.  In this last time, I started to make a list of reasons I was trans and posted them here.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,227108.msg2013692.html#msg2013692

The response I got was affirming.  It seems obvious but the amount of times I've done DIY and quit, it just seemed like I was in a cycle.  I was really about to quit again, but knew the beast would strike again.  So instead, I started to be open about "my problem,"

I told my intro here which was a little rehash, but a much nicer way and better intro to me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,228812.msg2030351.html#msg2030351

Since this intro I've come out to my parents and my sister and a few others.  One thing I learned from my parents is how much they've forgotten about my childhood.  My father couldn't remember any discussion about me wanting to be a girl.  My mom did remember, but thought it was nothing, let it pass immediately.  Me, on the other hand, I was scarred mentally from that point.  I probably thought about that talk at least once a week for 40 years.  I hid from anybody that tried to get close, I repressed, I felt I never matured socially from that point.  Granted, I got smarter as I aged, and it's what allowed to to accept.

Anyway, enough for post one.  I hope I'm not boring anyone.  I feel I've got some unique experiences, and am surprised and thankful whenever Im told I'm not alone.

Bari Jo

[Jessica]

Hi Bari Jo 🙋 you didn't bore me at all!  Your road is very similar to my own.  In my own reflections from reading others experiences, I have gained great insight to my own self.  Just yesterday I sorted out that I yearned to be a woman far earlier than I thought (I remember now wanting to be Inger Stevens from The Farmers Daughter). 
Sharing our experiences here is part of our much needed therapy, and benefits all.

Hugs, Jessica

[davina61]

Good on ya, best thing I did was start my "diary" or ramblings

[Faith]

"bout time Bari! Now, lay yourself bare ... NO! Not Literally

[Bari Jo]

Thanks I'm going to continue with current and past things alternating till there are no past things any more.  This next one is mainly current.  I've been very apprehensive about coming out at work.  I know my work will be accepting.  I probably work for the most accepting company there is on the planet.  What worries me is the day to day.  I will need to use the restroom often.  I know I'm seen as strange, but they still see me as a man, and we have zero gender neutral bathrooms in my building.  My building was built in the 50s and we have had precious little done to it.  I've been trying to think of ways for my coworkers so view me as female.  One is dressing the part.  I dress as a femme boy, tight jeans, painted nails, earings, perfume.  Next I'm trying to cultivate me being seen as a nurturer.  I'm bringing in home made goods every so often for our team.  And lastly the name.  When I bring in the homemade goods, I say it's from Bari Jo.  Nobody has said anything about the name yet.  I'm not pushing it, but will slowly emphasize it.  I also have a name tag with my name, which I may start wearing.  For now it's on the wall by my desk.

Anyway, here's the link to the story of me coming up with the idea of coming out at work through food.  So far everybody likes what Bari Jo brings in.  I plan on doing more of this over time.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232838.0.html

Of course I'm not asking them about bathroom policy but will have to figure this out eventually.

Bari Jo

[HappyMoni]

Bari Jo
   Congrats on your thread and on your progress. I have a prediction. I think that people will react better to you once they know your truth. People don't do well if they aren't sure what you are about. Be honest with them and I think you will see many people relax and support you. I knew someone on this site who was getting a lot of grief at work because they didn't know what was going on. She was slow walking her coming out. I asked her if, by doing it gradually, was she going avoid any heartache? Why not shorten the process, get it over, and move on. She did and was amazed how good people were. She thought it was anti-climatic in fact. Just a thought for you to think over, Girl.
Moni

[Megan.]

Yays! "you have subscribed to this topic" [emoji16].

You've broken through those mental walls,  and leaped the hurdles, onward girl! Own your life, be happy, and share it with us coz we're a nosey bunch! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Jessica]

Thanks I'm going to continue with current and past things alternating till there are no past things any more.  This next one is mainly current.  I've been very apprehensive about coming out at work.  I know my work will be accepting.  I probably work for the most accepting company there is on the planet.  What worries me is the day to day.  I will need to use the restroom often.  I know I'm seen as strange, but they still see me as a man, and we have zero gender neutral bathrooms in my building.  My building was built in the 50s and we have had precious little done to it.  I've been trying to think of ways for my coworkers so view me as female.  One is dressing the part.  I dress as a femme boy, tight jeans, painted nails, earings, perfume.  Next I'm trying to cultivate me being seen as a nurturer.  I'm bringing in home made goods every so often for our team.  And lastly the name.  When I bring in the homemade goods, I say it's from Bari Jo.  Nobody has said anything about the name yet.  I'm not pushing it, but will slowly emphasize it.  I also have a name tag with my name, which I may start wearing.  For now it's on the wall by my desk.

Anyway, here's the link to the story of me coming up with the idea of coming out at work through food.  So far everybody likes what Bari Jo brings in.  I plan on doing more of this over time.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232838.0.html

Of course I'm not asking them about bathroom policy but will have to figure this out eventually.

Bari Jo

I don't know all the particulars, but maybe it's time. 

[Jin]

Hi Sweetie,
I too work in a very accepting office. Several days a week I come in wearing girl clothes and accessories. Nobody treats me any different. There is a gender neutral space but it is not convienent from where I sit, so I just use the room appropriate to the days costume as long as the visit does not involve changing.

Keep up being Bair Jo!!

[Bari Jo]

Yays! "you have subscribed to this topic" [emoji16].

Wait you can subscribe to threads?  I feel silly.  I miss days or more of updates sometimes.  How do you do that?

Bari Jo

[Megan.]

I use Tapatalk (android), there is a little circle up the top right to select for subscribing when viewing a thread. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Bari Jo]

I don't know all the particulars, but maybe it's time.

I don't think so.  I'm not ready for that.  I'm thinking in six months.

Bari Jo

[Cassi]

I use Tapatalk (android), there is a little circle up the top right to select for subscribing when viewing a thread. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

I couldn't find any circle.  More specific location?  I use a laptop.

[Jessica]

I don't think so.  I'm not ready for that.  I'm thinking in six months.

Bari Jo

.

I'm excited to follow this thread and your changes.  I know it feels good to have a thread that has your feelings in print that others and yourself can say "this is you".

Hugs, Jess

[Faith]

Wait you can subscribe to threads?  I feel silly.  I miss days or more of updates sometimes.  How do you do that?

Bari Jo

I couldn't find any circle.  More specific location?  I use a laptop.

I don't know about tapatalk, on regular web pages at the top (and bottom) of each topic is a 'NOTIFY' button

[Bari Jo]

Okay, now that I've had some pluses, I'm going to bring up a minus.  This particular happening occurred when I was on a transition high.  It started after I discovered a new app called faceapp.  It's a gender change app on Android.  My Avatar pict is from that app. If you see a tiny yellow woman icon in the lower left of the pict, it's from faceapp.  Anyway, I was really enjoying the app.  Then I started to really look closely at the differences from before and after and started considering FFS.  I was asking for advice on this in the FFS forum, and we'll got some, brutally honest feedback.  It took whatever confidence I had built up, took it all away, and then dug a hole so deep I couldnt see the bottom, then threw me in it.  I read it at lunch at work and sobbed, literally.  Afterwards I had a meeting and was asked how I was and that made me start sobbing again and I had to excuse myself from the meeting.  I was very guarded in any topic on Susan's for a while, even considered quitting altogether.  Some very nice ladies here saw my distress and talked me off that ledge.  I still am guarded going near the link for that forum, and almost never go in it now.  It has discouraged me from participating in the faceapp and before/after threads too.  I know, irrational.  I'm a girl, nobody said I was rational.

So anyway, here's the faceapp thread which can be fun.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,228054.0.html

Here's the thread I had for FFS.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,229525.msg2039163.html#msg2039163

You may ask why rehash that here.  Well, it's part of what makes me Bari Jo.  Its part of this crazy journey of mine, and although I don't want to feel pain from these moments I don't want to forget.

Bari Jo

[Jessica_Rose]

Bari Jo, just yesterday I posted something that relates to your post about Faceapp. I am sorry that episode depressed you so much, but you may want to see this:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=233040.new;topicseen

Initially I was also very concerned about my appearance, but now I realize it is not that important. Certainly I will still try to be the prettiest 'me' that I can be, but finally being able to just be me far outweighs worrying about how others may rate my appearance. If you think about it, you may find this to be your truth also.

On a related note, several months ago I saw a female softball coach that looked familiar. Then I ran across one of your posts with your faceapp avatar, and that coach could have been your avatar's twin sister!

[Bari Jo]

Thank you Jessica Rose.  I have not reached that level of acceptance for myself yet.  I'm working on it.  it's one of the hardest things to do.  I see myself as my avatar pict, reality shows different.  A doppelganger huh?  I'd love to put us together and see how close we are to each other.

Bari Jo

[Roll]

'Bout time you got your own show too! ... Wait, are we up against each other in the same time slot? (For you wee ones, a time slot is from when people used to watch TV on devices that did not stream, and so you had to watch a show at a specific time, and only that time. So if there were two shows on at the same time you wanted to watch, too frickin' bad!)

In celebratory fashion, I bring unto thee a gift of a google link to pictures deemed "slightly amusing":
https://www.google.com/search?q=slightly+amusing+picture

Also, here is an emoji parade:


And here is a nude photo of Don Rickles:

[Image Removed]

And here is a link to a weird British Hep C campaign starring Right Said Fred (I seriously have no idea how I found this):
http://www.liver4life.org.uk/not2sexy

... And with that, I leave you be.

[Bari Jo]

'Bout time you got your own show too! ... Wait, are we up against each other in the same time slot?

Nah, yours is prime time.  Mine is late night with parental advisory warnings:)

Bari Jo