New topic. It's been bugging me for a while, and I've been having difficulty bringing it up. I will warn, this can be a trigger topic for some, but I'm trying to be open. I don't want to be guarded on any topic any more, as I find isolating myself is destructive. This has to do with the drug use and party atmosphere that I do see represented in a segment of the trans culture. It might be an age thing, maybe the youth are into that. Or it might be a big city thing, where it might be more acceptable. I'm not sure. I do know it bothers me and I have a very hard time socializing with anyone that does drugs or finds it acceptable. This includes marijuana.
Some back story I suppose. I have an uncle that has been doing pot nearly all his life. He's actually a nice person, but he lacks any kind of motivation to make something of himself. It's caused grief in our family since he can't hold a job and literally has gone from couch to couch with many family members. I tried pot myself in college and found I did like the sensation in the moment, but realized very early on this wasn't for me. It slows my thought process down, and I do not want that. I like to make fast connections and weird connections. caffeine works very well for that, thank you.
Another example of my history with this is I had an old roommate that insisted her drug use was medicinal. She ended up giving an edible to my dog in one of her high moments, which nearly killed him. To this day, if I have a renter, I make sure that they know it's a drug free house, and that means all drugs, even medicinal now.
So back to present, at group on Thursday, one girl brought up how she only had one ecstacy pill left and she wanted to use it to unwind, and everybody was sure, of course, who wouldn't. Um, no. I know this group is also a tight group socially sharing numbers and meets for gaming nights, etc. When the meeting was over, I could not stay. I'm sure they wanted to also include me in their circle, but I couldn't do it. This is not for me in the slightest.
I'm thinking of dropping this as a support group (I currently go to three), mainly because of this kind of thing. The moderator let the drug use talk continue for like 25 minutes too, with no guidance, only acceptance. Ugh, I don't want to be the one that's not showing acceptance, but some things are destructive.
Some of you might think I need to loosen up, which is true. I'm up-tight, but also am fairly well put together and successful. I can tell you part of what made me this way, is not only not partaking, but also not associating.
So the question is, am I being too up-tight? I try to be nice, friendly, but I'm afraid I'm considered stuck-up, or elitist. Quite the contrary, I want to associate with all kinds of trans girls, all ages and backgrounds, but do want to limit it to non destructive behavior.
Anyway, this is occupying a large portion of my thoughts this weekend. I thought I'd share and see what you girls think. Oh, and this is being typed on my computer, not my phone. I'm hoping there is a lot less auto-correct nonsense in the text and grammar.
Bari Jo
