Bari Jo's Corner

[Allison S]

Bari Jo you're on a roll! So happy for you and isn't it fun getting your makeup done? [emoji4]

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[Bari Jo]

ToriJo you've got to tell me how that goes.  Having the makeover was super fun.  I highly recommend it, plus bringing a friend helps too!

And Allison, yes so much fun!

Now onto more trans stuff.  I just had breakfast with my dad.  We went over my labs and he could tell I was doing DIY since I had e and t results that were different than he'd expect from a cis male from my earliest test.  Then he really surprised me.  He brought up a conversation we had about 16 years ago.  It was just after I started my first transition attempt and I got scared and quit.  He was able to put two and two together realizing it wasn't a conversation about gyno, it was me getting scared since the hormones I was on were working and fast enough to scare me.  Anyway it made me happy he was able to see I've been struggling with this for so long, way longer really.  That was just the first DIY attempt at transitioning.  Anyway, Good job dad!

Bari Jo

[Jessica]

I'm so happy things went so well for you at work!  And your dog gets to be with you too?  Girl, you got a raise and a bonus in the same day!

[Bari Jo]

Today I am wearing light makeup at work.  This is a first for me.  I don't pass yet, but I'm confident the makeup will be fine.  A neighbor of mine thought I wore makeup everyday already.  I have weirdly natural smokey eyes and ridiculous dark eyelashes so she though they were enhanced, nope just part of what has put me on this path.

My second bit of news, I recently funded something that I thought might be trans related therapy for me.  I do like beer and at one time thought about making my own beer appliance.  This was about ten years ago before Picobrew, brewie, and the other beer appliance options out there. I even bought my own domain name for a tiny beer outfit.  What is smaller than micro brew?  Particle brew.  I bought and parked atombeer.net for my eventual hobby of making my own beer.

Alright, so how is this trans related?  It is going to be my first public face of Bari Jo on something.  I will host meet-up groups for brewing and enjoying beer and will be presenting each time.  It's a way of coming out of my shell slowly and safely.  I will specialize in cream ales, ciders and fruity beer, basically the kind I like and everybody ribbed me, for liking girly beer.

Btw, the appliance I ordered is the Picobrew Z.  They have specials for the next couple of weeks.  If you use my code of KYV8P you get an additional $50 off.

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I can't be the only if us that enjoys this hobby and partaking in beer.  Join the madness?  I will need to update my r2d2 kegerator for this too, I think.  Yes, you read that right.

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

What is smaller than micro brew?  Particle brew.  I bought and parked atombeer.net for my eventual hobby of making my own beer.

Well I guess I'm stuck with quarkbeer.com and maybe stringbeer.com.

Nah... don't even really like the stuff, at least the ales and lagers. Now, what you're making sounds pretty good!

Go Bari Jo!

Stephanie

[Bari Jo]

Well I guess I'm stuck with quarkbeer.com and maybe stringbeer.com.

Nah... don't even really like the stuff, at least the ales and lagers. Now, what you're making sounds pretty good!

Go Bari Jo!

Stephanie

You can always brew under my label.  Think atom beer periodic table of our beer...

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

You can always brew under my label.  Think atom beer periodic table of our beer...

Bari Jo

Why am I thinking of the opening sequence of Breaking Bad?

[Bari Jo]

An accepting and supportive person in my life told me about Transparent, a transgender show on Amazon Prime.  Throughout my life I've avoided any movie or TV show that had a trans person in it.  Avoiding was part of my denial. So I tried to watch this, hoping to use it as therapy.  I gave it a good run about five episodes.  As a transgender person, the fears and situations discussed are real and strike a chord.  However, I was hoping it would be more like therapy.  Instead it's more like here's the pain, remember this thing you have been worried about?  I had to stop watching, it was too real and uncomfortable.  There was one comment about counting the family you have, and then the bathroom situation.  I'm done.

I think maybe this is a show for non trans people to learn and be exposed to trans issues.  I don't feel the show in any way is for actual trans people.  Anyway, it made me sad, angry and shameful, so I'm no longer watching.  Am I the only one with this reaction?

Bari Jo

[Jessica]

I have not watched Transparent, but feel if all it does is point out the hardships, then all it would be is a documentary of triggers.  Don't need that.  A balanced representation between the positive and the not so positive I think would create a therapeutic viewing experience.

[KathyLauren]

I haven't seen Transparent, but your review doesn't make me want to see it.

For an uplifting portrayal of a trans person, watch Boy Meets Girl, a movie from a couple of years ago.  One of the few movies with an actual trans actor portraying the main character.

[Bari Jo]

Yes, I'm hoping for others to avoid the triggers too.  But, if my reaction is unreasonable, and anyone has other feelings on this, I'd like to know.

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

Hi Bari Jo,

  I have watched the first 4 seasons of Transparent. It is a gender diverse soap opera depicting many aspects of gender identity and the life thereof. I think it does cover trials and tribulations of life as a gender diverse person. A lot of the series is about Mora's children all of which have issues. It is meant to tell others of some of the issues we encounter and how difficult it is to deal with them. No it is not a feel good program. It is a soap opera and just like all soap operas it focuses more on the drama of life. It definitely does contain lots of triggers and it is meant to for w/o them the issues cannot be portrayed.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Bari Jo]

Hi Bari Jo,

  I have watched the first 4 seasons of Transparent. It is a gender diverse soap opera depicting many aspects of gender identity and the life thereof. I think it does cover trials and tribulations of life as a gender diverse person. A lot of the series is about Mora's children all of which have issues. It is meant to tell others of some of the issues we encounter and how difficult it is to deal with them. No it is not a feel good program. It is a soap opera and just like all soap operas it focuses more on the drama of life. It definitely does contain lots of triggers and it is meant to for w/o them the issues cannot be portrayed.

Hugs,
  Laurie

This is my feeling on it too.  I'm glad the show is out there, as it will open the eyes of non trans people, but dang.  Still I am impressed you were able to continue watching Laurie, too many triggers for me.

Bari Jo

[Roll]

Prior to the revelations, I liked Tambor from Arrested Development and it was billed as a comedy so I went in with expectations that were definitely not met. On top of that, I just didn't really relate to the characters, partly probably because of age and partly because it's just not a similar environment to the one I find myself in. In the end, it just failed to click with me on any level.

[Bari Jo]

To continue this topic.  I've discussed the show at group, and while my opinion isn't unique, everybody said to have all trans people watch this and then if they want to talk about anything from the show be there to discuss.  Do, yes, to my cuz gendered friends and family.  Please watch the show

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

I'm having a weird realization, and I don't like it.  I'm procrastinating doing my taxes, but this same procrastination is manifesting in eating and self loathing.  It's a destructive cycle and I can't seem to break it.  I ate a 1000 calorie dessert last night, then immediately felt shame, and it's gave me a familiar feeling of worthlessness.  I am starting to feel this way in all aspects.  My decision to transition isn't in question though.  I need to prop up my feeling of worth and I'm not sure how to start and make it stick.  I think others notice if you don't think you are worthy, then they won't think you are either.  Another vicious cycle.  I am very hard on myself.  I'm leaving my thoughts here, can't seem to continue.

Bari Jo

[Another Nikki]

I've watched it.  I think Jill Soloway did a fair job with portraying Moira's trans background- the childhood, the hiding, the angst and finally the break where she had to be free.  I could relate to quite a bit of it.  I appreciated the comedic twist with a touch of sadness thrown in.  I have a friend who is Jewish who said Judith Light's character reminded her of her mother so she was hooked from that angle, and her husband watched it with her.  Since they were familiar with the show we got to skip a bunch of background when I came out to them.

My wife tried watching it and said the characters were too narcissistic and it was too sad for her.  For me, after Moira mostly figured out her path it became kind of meh, especially last season.  I doubt I'll watch the next one if it continues.

When I log on to Amazon to watch shows, Transparent is or was front and center.  I think the exposure to trans media for Amazon subscribers is positive.  It pushes us further out into the mainstream.  We exist, Amazon created a show about one of our peeps and we aren't going away.

[Another Nikki]

I'm having a weird realization, and I don't like it.  I'm procrastinating doing my taxes, but this same procrastination is manifesting in eating and self loathing.  It's a destructive cycle and I can't seem to break it.  I ate a 1000 calorie dessert last night, then immediately felt shame, and it's gave me a familiar feeling of worthlessness.  I am starting to feel this way in all aspects.  My decision to transition isn't in question though.  I need to prop up my feeling of worth and I'm not sure how to start and make it stick.  I think others notice if you don't think you are worthy, then they won't think you are either.  Another vicious cycle.  I am very hard on myself.  I'm leaving my thoughts here, can't seem to continue.

Bari Jo

I cycle through depression, self loathing and anger regarding being trans .  fortunately most of the time I'm fine.  exercise helps to get that endorphin release, and I try to fake it till i make it.  easier said than done though.

[Bari Jo]

So I'm feeling low, and am meeting my dad for lunch.  I wanted to talk with him about feeling low.  He brings up a book review he saw on Fox News for a book he thinks we should both read.  When Harry Became Sally.  I'm already on guard, since he saw the review on fox.  I asked what the general tone of the interview was.  He said, just a normal review.  So at lunch I look up the reviews.  It's anti trans.  He says he didn't know.  I am feeling so low right now.  My own father recommending that?  Tell me I'm not misinterpreting this

[Bari Jo]

My sister tells me she saw the same report and the author is empathizes with trans people.  He was probably tryjng to connect with me.  I really feel like it made a wedge though.