Bari Jo's Corner

[Laurie]

That was pretty cool, Bari Jo,pretty cool.

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[Jessica]

I just had a surreal moment and I wanted to document it here.  At group tonight somebody said she wants to have hair and wants to be beautiful said like her, and gestured toward me.  I'm like, whaaaat?  I honestly do not feel pretty or like I have hair, but it did make me happy tonight.  Wow, wth?

Bari Jo

Often we are our own worst critics.  We see the flaws others don't and they see the beauty that we don't.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Roll]

Girl, I've been saying you're pretty since I got here, don't you trust me?!

[Bari Jo]

Girl, I've been saying you're pretty since I got here, don't you trust me?!

No, I don't, but I appreciate it.  I have a hard time with any compliments. My inner self loathing is difficult to overcome.  I'm trying:)

Bari Jo

[Jayne01]

I just had a surreal moment and I wanted to document it here.  At group tonight somebody said she wants to have hair and wants to be beautiful said like her, and gestured toward me.  I'm like, whaaaat?  I honestly do not feel pretty or like I have hair, but it did make me happy tonight.  Wow, wth?

Bari Jo

Sounds like she knows what she is talking about. Beauty goes beyond skin deep. You are a beautiful person on the inside and that radiates out for all the world to see. Whether your hair is short or not makes no difference to how beautiful you are.

Take the compliment girl, the person in your group knows what she is talking about.

Jayne

[LizK]

I just had a surreal moment and I wanted to document it here.  At group tonight somebody said she wants to have hair and wants to be beautiful said like her, and gestured toward me.  I'm like, whaaaat?  I honestly do not feel pretty or like I have hair, but it did make me happy tonight.  Wow, wth?

Bari Jo

Hi Bari Jo

I have just caught up with your thread again and hope you are beginning to feel a little better than you have been. Reaching out takes courage as its not a natural thing for many of us to want to do. Maybe that person see's it as just part of you as you have always been. Your new hair must be getting close to being in distinguishable from the hair that was their pre transplants?

For the last 10 - 15 years I had seen myself as balding with obvious signs of hair loss. To then look in the mirror around the 4-5 month stage post implant and see the person with nearly a full head of hair was really disconcerting and something that took me a while to get used too.

Sounds to me like your hair is looking really good and much better than you think.  The person who paid you that complement was talking about you as a whole person and that included your physical looks. It can take a fair amount of time for our brains to see what everyone else already can.

Take care

Liz

[Bari Jo]

Thanks for the nice comments everybody.  I think the person thinks I have more hair than I do based on how much she has. She's probably 20 years older with more pattern baldness than I'm dealing with.  It's only been 2.5 months since the procedure for me.  All redness is now gone, but there's very little regrowth at the moment.  I think it's called the dormant phase. Still though, if she thinks that's a lot of hair, in a few months ths it should be way better

I hope I'm considered beautiful inside.  I do strive to be a good person. I know I'm no angel and I've done things I'm ashamed of, but I am trying to be better, best I can be.

Now, as far as exterior beauty, that is a whole other thing. Maybe there's therapy group just for that.
Eef, I'm glad I'm not the only one with image problems.

Okay, I had another thing happen that I'd like to document.  I've been talking with someone online for a couple weeks and he's been using my name Bari for all this time.  He saw my dead name on another link and used that a couple times.  I know he's not doing it on purpose to hurt, and I didn't expect it to hurt, but it did. I had to tell him to stop immediately.  It felt like all the progress I made evaporated each time I saw my dead name.

Alright, all for now.  I'm starting to feel better too, thanks for the concern on that front as well.

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

  I have noticed that I have been becoming more bothered by seeing my old name too. It used to not bother me at all. But I think since I began emerging from my bout with what my therapist deemed "Major Depression" it began bothering me. I do not know why. Perhaps it signaled me finally beginning to accept myself. Anyway my distaste for my old name has increased since then and more so now that my name was officially, legally changed. I know I have to live with it for awhile more since the only thing I have changed to date is my BofA account. I was surprised how good it made me feel seeing the confirmation email salutation saying "Laurie" and then going into my online account and seeing my whole new name on the account.
  I know it is a little thing but it made me happy. There is a lot of work to be done before it become a common thing but it will happen. Of course that will mean I'll see less of old what's his name.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Bari Jo]

I just got back from my first women's only group.  This is the local women's pinball league.  I was welcomed and everybody used my name (I wore a nametag).  Nobody questioned it and I even got hugs.  I got choked up from all the good feelings there.  Wow, so this is how it is to be yourself with other women.  I am so happy right now, I can hardly contain it.



Im the one in the hat.  Yes I have a long way to go, but still....

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

 Bari Jo Bari Jo Bari Jo.. tsk tsk tsk. Get your hands out of your pockets. How many girls do you see standing around with their hands in their pockets. You are in a perfect position with those other women to pick up some pointers. Use the opportunity wisely. girl. and keep you hands out of your pockets.
  Looking good and happy amongst your peers Hun. Have fun.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Bari Jo]

Bari Jo Bari Jo Bari Jo.. tsk tsk tsk. Get your hands out of your pockets. How many girls do you see standing around with their hands in their pockets. You are in a perfect position with those other women to pick up some pointers. Use the opportunity wisely. girl. and keep you hands out of your pockets.
  Looking good and happy amongst your peers Hun. Have fun.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Thanks for the guidance Laurie, I need as much as I can get!  Great new picture too!  You look happier than before as well.  Are we both out of our funk?

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

Thank you Bari Jo. I thought I should look and therefore feel good for my new driver's license. Yes I think I am pretty well out of my funk. Though I feel like I am waiting for the bad times to return. I know it's sad to feel that way but I  do. For now at least I am happy.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Thanks for the guidance Laurie, I need as much as I can get!  Great new picture too!  You look happier than before as well.  Are we both out of our funk?

Bari Jo

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[Megan.]

They have a different vibe those women-only groups don't they? [emoji4]
I'm glad it was a fun and positive experience, but yes, hands out of pockets! X

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[Bari Jo]

They have a different vibe those women-only groups don't they? [emoji4]
I'm glad it was a fun and positive experience, but yes, hands out of pockets! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Yes, very different, but fun and positive. Nothing but acceptance. I'm wondering if they were told ahead of time a trans woman would be joining. Nobody did a double take, everybody was just there to have a good time and it was non competitive.  I may have made a friend there too.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

Today was interesting.  When I left for work this morning, I realized the jacket I chose to wear still had a tiny transgender pride flag on the collar.  I had been pinning that on when going to trans meetings, pride things, doctors visits, basically anyplace where I'm positive the reception would be fine.  So it's on the jacket I'm wearing.  I decide to leave it on. Later in the day, I had a review which included one of my favorite composers.  I knew he was coming so I brought one of his soundtracks to sign, in case I had the opportunity to ask.  Well, I did, and he graciously did.  He asked my name, then he saw my name badge with my dead name on it.  He asked if he should make it out to that name.  I said yes, only spell it Bari, and he did, no questions. Perhaps he saw the pin, no idea.  My team was there at the time, and nobody seemed to think it was unusual that I wanted a different spelling.  I may keep wearing the pin to work, not sure.

Bari Jo

[Jessica]

Today was interesting.  When I left for work this morning, I realized the jacket I chose to wear still had a tiny transgender pride flag on the collar.  I had been pinning that on when going to trans meetings, pride things, doctors visits, basically anyplace where I'm positive the reception would be fine.  So it's on the jacket I'm wearing.  I decide to leave it on. Later in the day, I had a review which included one of my favorite composers.  I knew he was coming so I brought one of his soundtracks to sign, in case I had the opportunity to ask.  Well, I did, and he graciously did.  He asked my name, then he saw my name badge with my dead name on it.  He asked if he should make it out tdo that name.  I said yes, only spell it Bari, and he did, no questions. Perhaps he saw the pin, no idea.  My team was there at the time, and nobody seemed to think it was unusual that I wanted a different spelling.  I may keep wearing the pin to work, not sure.

Bari Jo

This is a subtle expression, but a very large step.  To become comfortable to be able to show this is you.  It makes you feel wonderful doesn't it.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Bari Jo]

This is a subtle expression, but a very large step.  To become comfortable to be able to show this is you.  It makes you feel wonderful doesn't it.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

I think so Jess.  It almost helps during this awkward phase when people can't tell why I am wearing makeup, or dressing this way.  When I got home last night, I looked up other transgender pins and I ordered one. Needless to say I'm a huge Star Wars fan, so this was a no brainer.  I do wish it said "Rebel" instead though, but this is the new generation of Star Wars:)

Here's a pict of the pin I ordered.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

As an addition, another pointed out that Resist was actually for the resist movement, not the Resistance from the new Star Wars series.  I looked up the description and sure enough they are correct.  I've canceled my order.  I'm just not a political person.

Bari Jo

[davina61]

May the Force be with you

[Bari Jo]

Tonight I came out to a childhood friend.  It was very emotional on my part.  He on the other hand was very understanding and supportive the whole time.  I cried a lot, but as we were chatting online, it was bareable to get through.  As this is my first childhood friend that knows, I'm sure others will follow, if not from me directly, but also as people gossip.

Emotionally drained, I'm ready to sleep early.

Bari Jo