It seems my last post was lost to the corruption, and I'd like to preserve the intent of the content. I will repost what I remember of it here, plus add a new wrinkle to my transition, which happened just this morning.
Xmas and new years are now over. In contrast from last Xmas, this one was way better. Last Xmas my father requested that I not tell any relatives just yet about me. I had only recently come out to him and we were relearning how to get along as father and daughter. It was tough on me and found myself retreating to my room at night and crying myself to sleep. My dog was great comfort though. I did end up buying femme fashionable uggs and doing my nails neutral during that Xmas. I just couldn't take being bottled up completely.
This year though all my relatives know and I have universal support. Everyone used my name, although gender was missed mostly by my sister. Still though, makeup, nails and dressing made me feel much better about myself. This was the first Xmas without my Fanta and I sorely missed him. Even so, it was a better trip.
Two things transition wise happened on that trip I want to take a note of. One is I went shopping with my dad for things for the house and I was gendered correctly in front of my dad by other customers. I also had this happen at the airport shops every time too.
Either I look better, or there is more training happening. I'm hoping the former. I'm glad my dad was able to see others treat me as a woman too.
The second is at the TSA screener. As you know the person at the scanning booth genders each person to load the correct scanning profile to compare against. I was gendered as female, but then immediately flagged for a pat down. I am fine for that and was expecting it. They then showed me areas that they had to pay closer attention too. I expected this also. What surprised me though was it was only one area. My legs, were fine, my shoulders were fine, boobs fine, belly fine, crotch out of norm. So I got a pat down there from a lovely lady that complimented my makeup and earrings. I am starting to think the makeup and earrings compliment is part of the govt playbook to diffuse any tension with mtf transgender situations. I had the same thing at the dmv a month prior. Anyway all was well. I had no tension really, I was actually happy my scan did not vary from their profile more. Later on while waiting to board the plane the gate agent pulled me out of line and said she found a better seat for me. I did not ask for one, I think the airport keeps tabs on unusual experiences and tries to make them better, or maybe the universe was shining on me.
I have been posting less frequently since there really haven't been a lot of highs and lows or major milestones to achieve. I'm on hrt for 1.7 months, out to the world including work, am full time, have my name and gender changed already. I am kind of just bobbing along in the transition sea. There doesnt seem much of a wind going anyplace. I am not sad, nor happy, just there and living. I have a theory on this and that in the beginning of transition everything is so new and every tiny step and change was full of new feelings, new experiences, full of emotion good and bad sometimes. As time went on, these milestones seemed to be further apart and either more major or require time and more work. Now I have achieved a lot, experienced a lot and done a lot in my transition. Am I fully transitioned? Heck no, but what's left takes way longer so I'm kinda bobbing around trying to be more femme, continuing electrolysis, losing weight. I'm still too heavy, too masculine and have too deep a voice. I'm working on them all. I still get misgendered nearly 95% of the time and that's unacceptable.
Now, some plusses, it's not all bad and boring. I participated in a womens pinball tournament and came in third. Pinball, btw is my number one outlet as Bari Jo. I love being femme, and playing I love playing with ladies, having girl talk, the encouragement, hugs and so on. It's the closest thing I have to being a teenager again. Anyway, in this tournament I came in third. I usually never do that well. I won a sash and tiara, and wore them proudly. I wore the tiara to the next league night too. I even display it at work. I tell people they can refer to me as princess if they prefer:).included is a pict from the Royal Court. I am glad I didn't break the lens. Oh I hung out with another girt at another Pinball show too and dang if we weren't having BFF moments. She's from the east coast so not close. We hung out talked boys, our lives, where we re gong, had drinks and played pinball of course. I so need a BFF like that locally. Anyway Royal Court time.
Now another new thing. This just happened this morning. I was hit on by a butch lesbian. I don't think I'm all that passable, but I was femme enough for her, so that got me super happy. I thanked her for the conversation and bid her a great day. I was off to work, so had to run, but wow, first experience there. I do have some feeling for women still, but am going to try for a boyfriend instead. Maybe men will start hitting on me soon. I hope so. I do feel the need, it's been far too long.
Bari Jo
