I have never posted this anywhere. It is the letter I gave my wife when I came out to her. From a personal standpoint I chose a really inappropriate day, Feb 12 2017. Not only is it right between my wife's birthday and Valentine's Day, but it is also the anniversary of our engagement. I had been trying to get up enough courage for weeks. I could not read it to her. I gave it to my wife while we were in bed together. It did not go well. I fell asleep crying, wondering if I had just destroyed my marriage. There were several nights over the next few months when we slept in different rooms. It was not until I convinced my wife to see a therapist with me that she began to understand. Our relationship is far from perfect, but it is healing. I think we will be OK.
FYI - The incident with my father happened around 1973 or 1974.
I have wanted to say this for weeks, but there is no way I could ever get the words out. I need to tell you something...
I cannot think of anyone else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. You have put up with me through good times and bad, and there have been many times when you have accepted some exceptionally poor behavior on my part. Through it all you have been by my side, you have been a wonderful mother to our daughters and my best friend. I don't want any of this to change.
I finally figured out why I get frustrated easily and have such a quick temper. I have been hiding and suppressing my emotions for over 40 years and it has reached the point where I have to make some changes in my life so I can be truly happy with myself. I have finally accepted that I am transgender.
It started when I was 11-12 years old. I remember going to bed each night wishing that I would wake up and be a girl. I really did not understand all of the differences between boy and girls then, but I knew I did not like being a boy. There was one a memorable occasion when my Dad threatened to castrate me, make me wear a dress, then walk me up and down our street on a leash. I do not remember what triggered his threat, but needless to say it was pretty scary to a pre-teen boy.
I did my best to fit in through grade school and college. Although I had some friends, I was never very popular. I was a geek long before that became something cool. I was always sort of a loner. I also had not given up on being a girl, I always had some articles of female clothing hidden around somewhere. Just having it near seemed to help. On a few occasions my parents discovered my 'collection', and needless to say they were less than thrilled. Having you in my life made all the difference in the world.
We got married, which was the best day of my life. We crossed the country while I was in the Air Force and we had two beautiful daughters. On the surface everything was awesome, but I was always followed by my desire to be something I knew I could never be, a female.
Around 2001 - 2002 I had convinced myself that it was time for me to become a woman. However after thinking about what it could do to our family I decided to suppress my feelings and keep 'her' hidden. It was depressing and caused a lot of anxiety and anger, but I still had some female clothing that helped me cope.
Our daughters are grown, I have a stable career, and I have a wife who deserves so much more that what I have given her. I have finally reached the point in my life when I can become what I have always wanted to be. I am tired of holding in my emotions. I need to be able to express more than just happiness and anger, and I can't do that as I am. I know this will have a profound effect on our lives, but I think it will bring us closer together. I need to start the journey and see what changes it may bring, and I need you by my side.
I love you.
