Jessica's Rose Garden

[JulieAllana]

You are an inspiration to us all, and myself in particular.  Congratulations!

        Julie

[Jessica_Rose]

I cannot believe this.

My wife and I went to the salon again today. The stylist colored, shaped, and trimmed my eyebrows, then gave me a new hairstyle. My eyes began to tear up when I saw what she did - I never believed I could look like this. Next we went to CPK for lunch, then hit the mall. I found some nice tunics at Macy's, but I was not sure of my size. So for the first time ever, I used the ladies dressing room. It was crowded and most of the rooms were full, but no one seemed to have any issues with me. After picking out a few tunics we went to Merle Norman. I now have pierced ears! It was not nearly as bad as I though it would be, almost a non-event. I also got a simple makeover, something easy for work that does not take too long. Their cosmetics are somewhat more expensive that what I would normally get, but the lady there was really nice so I bought some. We then made a trip over to Target to pick up some combs, brushes, and a few other items I may need.

Anyway, now to the amazing part. I had posted in another thread that when I started my journey I was certain that I would be an ugly woman, but I cannot believe how wrong I was. This brings tears to my eyes. Here is a new before and after...I think this may become my new avatar.

[Cassi]

Hard to believe it's not your brother's picture

Awesome!

[ToriJo]

Seeing the smile is awesome!  You look great!

[KathyLauren]

Jessica, what a gorgeous smile!  Such an improvement over the glum guy on the left.

[Laurie]

 Hi Girlfriend,

  How nice it is to see your smile. Just who is that sourpuss in the left picture anyway? You are NOT related to him are you, Hun? You couldn't be. I like the hair better in this picture and the joy is plain in you. Congrats of the pierced ears. You do know that they are almost a right of passage don't you?
  It is so nice to see you happy, Hun.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[HappyMoni]

Congrats Jessica Rose, you look great, your progress is amazing, I am so happy for you. I expect you will be a little nervous tomorrow, but you will be fine. This is the new reality, and (drum roll please) here she is. Fantastic!
Moni

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks everyone!

The pierced ears are definitely a rite of passage, and it hurt a lot less than I had anticipated. Stubbing a toe is way more painful. I think finding the right hairstyle made all the difference in the world to me. Now I feel comfortable and confident about going out into the world. Unfortunately now I don't want to wash my hair in case I can't recreate the style! I think the only issues I may have left are my own fear and apprehension about the inevitable rude comments and stares that we all experience at some point once we go out in public.

So far I have received about a dozen replies from co-workers, and as expected all of them have been supporting.  I am really looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I usually get in around 6:00am. Most of the folks who work overnight are not in my workgroup, and I expect none of them got the memo. It will be interesting to see how they react to the new girl. One of my co-workers left before the meeting, so unless he checks his email over the weekend his first indication of a change will come when he arrives at 7:00am and sees me at my desk. I can't wait to see his expression!

My wife and I went shopping again today. It seems clothing and jewelry are always on the list. Although for the most part it was uneventful, something rather important did happen. At one point my wife wanted to get my attention and said 'John. Oops, I'm sorry...Jessica.' That was the first time she ever called me by my new name at home or in public. I gave her a heartfelt thanks for doing that. I know this is hard on her, but hopefully that was the first small step towards our future together.

[ToriJo]

I don't think hearing my wife say my name and pronouns will ever get old or fail to bring a smile to my face.    I'm glad you're experiencing it!

[Jessica_Rose]

My first day at work!

It was actually uneventful. I occasionally checked different parts of our systems and noticed my new name slowly spreading across them. The most awesome of course was when my new email address went live. There are still a few spots that have not picked it up yet, but the changes are occurring quicker than I thought.

A few folks came over to talk, everyone was really nice. There was one person I expected a negative reaction from, and he ignored me all day. Even donuts and brownies did not get his attention. No real loss there. The most fun was someone who sits near me missed the Friday meeting, and he had not seen the email. When he saw me he said 'What the...'. I just told him he should not have missed the meeting! He read the email, we talked for a few minutes, and the rest of the day was just like any other day. Everything just felt right. No drama, no stares, it felt like nothing had really changed -- except of course for the big smile on my face. It was simply a perfect day, because for the first time in my life I can finally be me. Now that I am thinking about it, here come the tears of joy!

This is what I wore to work today...

[ToriJo]

Oh wow!  Due to some quirks with the HR system where I am, I may be doing my first day in less than a month. I'm glad your day went well, it makes me think mine might not be as scary as my fears.

Congrats on your authentic, true life!

[Laurie]

Fantastic Jessica. You look good in that outfit. skinny girls like you make me jealous.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Anne Blake]

Hi Jessica, you nailed it, I love the look and that top is perfect on you. Well done!

Tia Anne

[HappyMoni]

Way cool Jessica! I imagine it was hard to actually think 'work' on your first day. Congrats!

[KathyLauren]

Congrats, Jessica!  And, wow, you are sure rocking that look!  What a great photo!

[Jessica_Rose]

ToriJo, so far all of the fear and apprehension I have felt proved to be totally unfounded. No matter how much I try to think of bad outcomes, they never occur. I admit I do work and live in an area that is very tolerant, and I expect to have some bad experiences at some point, but so far the biggest obstacles I have had to overcome were all in my mind.

Thanks Laurie, there are already two women at work who have made comments about my figure, and they both want me to stop bringing in donuts and cookies! They are both friends of mine, and I really am enjoying the compliments. As a kid who wore pants with a 40-inch waist in 8th grade, I never in my life expected to look like this.

Tia Anne and Kathy Lauren, thanks for the compliments! I have always loved this look, but alas it would have been inappropriate for John! I look at the photos, and even though I took them I can't believe that is me. Now that I have the freedom to express my true self, I am going to indulge in trying to duplicate the looks that I have enjoyed seeing over the last several years, but I plan to avoid the parachute pants!

You hit the nail on the head Moni, there was not really much work to do today. Although I did hunt around on our systems for computer code I had written over the last 12 years change every instance of 'John' to 'Jessica'. There was really no point in that, but it made me feel better.

[Jessica_Rose]

Day two at work was uneventful. A few more of the systems now have my new name and I was able to load an avatar photo into the system so now everyone can see what I look like. I had never uploaded a photo for 'John'. I also received a few more notes and calls of support. Everything just felt right. Overall it was another great day!

I did make a quick trip to the DMV to renew my driver's license again. The first photo was horrid, but it had my new name and gender so I was happy at the time. Now at least it will have a photo that I find acceptable.

I did have some fun at the dentist office. We have been going to the same office for over 10 years and we are all on a first name basis. My wife had an appointment, when we walked in the receptionist was a bit surprised.

Receptionist: You look like a girl!
Me: I'll take that as a compliment.
Receptionist: You want to be a woman?
Me: I am a woman.

Her facial expression was priceless! The dentist came out later and saw me, but he did not say anything. Later I found out he thought that I was John's sister. I also took that as a compliment. Eventually the dentist and his staff came out and I gave them a short explanation then answered a few thoughtful questions. Apparently I am the first patient they have had who has transitioned. After the Q&A session the dentist and I talked about cars for a while, just like nothing had changed. It will take a while for them to pick up my new name, but I think we are off to a great start.

I almost forgot! I loved wearing those black boots so much yesterday that I went with brown today!

[Laurie]

As someone we all love says. (sort of)

Onward you go Sister!

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Jessica_Rose]

My new ID badge showed up today! The photo even looks reasonable. When I handed in my old badge at the security desk the guard said 'Who is John?' I said 'That was me.' He did look a bit confused at that point.

The IT folks also gave me a new LAN ID. My initials and last name did not change, so why couldn't I just keep my old one? It may actually be a bit in my favor. My old ID was Jxxxxxx2, my new one is Jxxxxxx1. I guess I moved up a notch.

Other than going to work as a woman, using the ladies room, and speaking in a higher pitch, everything seems the same. Except for one person who now ignores me (which I expected), everyone is treating me with the same respect as always. I walk down the aisles expecting stares, odd looks, laughter, or rude comments, but none of that ever happens. So far none of the things I was worried about have occurred. It is almost like nothing has changed, except for finally being at peace with myself, and for the big smile that I always seem to have!

[bobbisue]

     Jessica I know what you mean I find nothing much has changed except the name and pronouns I must admit being a bit envious of your outfits as a mechanic it is really difficult to wear anything nice to work

     bobbisue