Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 19, 2020, 07:59:05 pm »
A few days ago, I decided to try the 'Voice Pitch Analyzer' app again. The last time I tried it was on 29 Dec 2018, and back then it showed this:
Min Avg: 149Hz, Max Avg: 188Hz, Average: 167Hz - Androgenous range

When I tried it on 14 July 2020, my numbers were much better:
Min Avg: 167Hz, Max Avg: 221Hz, Average: 191Hz - Female range

Another in the photo series 'Women with Power Tools'. What could be more frightening to a man than a woman with a pole saw!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 21, 2020, 06:28:00 am »
Quote from: steph2.0 on July 19, 2020, 09:13:00 pm

Great progress with the voice, girlfriend!

In my new job I have to make and answer phone calls. It was scary the first few times, but so far no misgendering! Whew!

As for the power tools... well, the one I use is a lot shorter, and must be out of balance, because it vibrates a lot.

I won't make any comments about ten-foot poles...

- Stephanie

I was surprised by the increase in my voice pitch, because I have not really been working on it. I guess it is improving via continual use. I still don't like using the phone much. Although I have not been misgendered in person or over the phone in a long time, I'm still worried about it. It's too easy to be misgendered when they can't see your face.

Stephanie, for someone as mechanically-minded as you, it should be simple to fix that power tool vibration. However, knowing you I suspect it is a situation the Beach Boys wrote a song about -- 'Good Vibrations'. 

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 27, 2020, 08:50:20 pm »
Today went really well. I started off by wearing one of my new dresses, and Susan made some banana pancakes for breakfast. After work, I visited one of my favorite people and places -- Kris, my electrologist! After a two hour session, I stopped by Victoria's Secret to use the birthday gift coupon they sent, of course I picked up a few other things too! Then I stopped by Cheddar's to pick up supper, which Susan and I ate outside on our deck. Finally, it was time for dessert -- carrot cake!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

 

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 15, 2020, 07:41:48 pm »
I just realized it has been nearly three weeks since my last post. Everything is going well, I've just been busy. I took photos at a softball tournament in Boulder, CO on 1 - 2 August, around 8000! It took some time to review them, then select a few for editing from every game I attended.

On 3 August, I had a three-hour electrolysis session, and two more hours on 5 August.

On 6 August, Susan and I, along with our good friends Carl and Gina, attended a live show by Spinphony at the Soiled Dove in Denver. Spinphony is a Denver-based electric string quartet (a cello, two violins, and a five-string viola) that arranges and performs mash-ups of pop/rock and classical music. They played several tunes from their new album 'String Crossing', like 'Tell on Me' ('Take on Me' combined with 'The Willaim Tell Overture'😉 and 'Eleanor of Seville' ('Eleanor Rigby' combined with 'The Barber of Seville'😉. I know it sounds like odd combinations, but it really sounds amazing. Check them out on You Tube.

On 7 August (Friday), we attended an end-of-season pizza party for the softball team. The next day I finished all of the photo editing and began loading the photos onto some custom-printed flash drives for everyone on the team. Sunday, I met up with eight young ladies from the team who wanted me to take some photos. We took some pics at a local softball field, then headed over to Memorial Park in Manitou for more. Several of the girls brought multiple changes of clothes. After around 5 hours, I had about 300 new photos to review. Later that day Susan and I went to a graduation party for one of the softball players, and I also delivered all of the flash drives I had loaded with game photos.

On 10 August, I had a three-hour electrolysis session, and two more hours on 12 August. The next day I had a laser session for my arms.

Yesterday morning (14 Aug), I noticed something in our neighbor's tree. Upon closer inspection I realized it was a young raccoon! Although we live near a forested area, this was the first raccoon we had seen since moving here over a decade ago. It stayed in the tree all day, and this morning it was gone.

Today, Susan and I took a little break. After visiting the hair salon, we went out for lunch and did some shopping. I found an awesome summer dress at Nordstrom Rack, along with some clothing from Ross and TJ Maxx -- and of course a stop at Victoria's Secret!

I also need to mention that over the last three weeks we have had a special visitor drop by for overnight visits on two separate occasions -- @Sophiaprincess2019 ! It's always great when another member of the unicorn herd stops by for a visit.

This was my shopping outfit today... I can honestly say, I never expected to look like this.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 17, 2020, 11:25:56 am »
Susan and I went out for a little more shopping on Sunday. We had a few returns, but on Saturday I had discovered Victoria's Secret would honor an 'Angel Reward Card' which had expired at the end of May. The card was for over $100, so I wanted to use it before they changed their mind! I also decided to wear something new, but old. I bought this dress long before I realized I was transgender, it is one of the very few items I bought that long ago which still fit. An older lady at one of the stores told me I was 'so lucky to be able to wear a dress like that.' I couldn't agree more...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 30, 2020, 07:57:21 pm »
About two weeks ago I mentioned a new dress I found at Nordstrom Rack. I took a few photos of it today, the wind was playing havoc with my hair, but I think they came out nice.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

   

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 31, 2020, 07:25:40 am »
Thanks @davina61 ! I certainly wished I looked like this in my teens, or twenties, or thirties, or forties... it took a long time to get here.

Saturday morning a neighbor hosted a 'Driveway Donuts' get-together. They had moved in several months ago and wanted to meet their neighbors. Susan was ready first (a rare occurrence), so she left the house first and I arrived a few minutes later. We stayed for nearly two hours and met several neighbors, many of whom I had never met before. A few people asked Susan which house she lived in, after talking to Susan for a few minutes they would ask me which house I lived in. I answered with 'same house as Susan'. The universal response was 'Oh', followed by questions like 'where do you work?' No one ever asked any questions about our relationship. Someone asked Susan if she had any grandchildren, then they turned to me and asked the same question! One neighbor who knew my story was there, and she never mentioned anything about my past to the others. Everyone we met was very friendly, and there were no awkward moments.

Although Susan is comfortable being with me, she prefers not mentioning our relationship to others. Maybe one day the world will change enough that she will be comfortable revealing our truth.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 18, 2020, 07:08:56 pm »
I had two electrolysis sessions this week, totaling 3.5 hours. My electrologist had been away for nearly three weeks, but thanks to COVID-19 and wearing a mask, I was able to go without shaving while she was out of town. Not shaving for so long allowed her to differentiate between peach fuzz and the coarse/longer hairs that needed treatment. Although were quite a few hairs that needed work, the number is definitely dwindling.

I had a medical check-up on Tuesday, and everything was fine: BP 96/70, pulse 56, oxygen saturation 98%. There was a reason for the check-up, something that I'm still getting lined up. Once I am sure that everything is in place, I'll make a post about it. I also had a mammogram earlier today, it was my first since having a breast augmentation last year. I was expecting a lot of discomfort, but it wasn't too bad. I should receive the results next week. The lady who performed the mammogram said my surgeon (Dr. Ley) did a great job on the augmentation, she also asked me if I had ever been pregnant! I just answered 'no'.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 22, 2020, 07:49:19 pm »
I have reached a point in my life that I thought was an impossible dream, yet something still bothers me. The facial surgery I had last year was a major improvement, but it wasn't enough of a change. Most people readily accept who I have become, and no one questions my gender. However, they don't see what I see -- reminders of the person I used to be. He faithfully protected me for decades and gave his life so I could be free, but now he is a painful reminder of my past. It's difficult to let him go when I see him every day.

A few weeks ago I contacted the Meltzer Clinic for another round of FFS. I plan to have mandibular contouring and genioplasty, most likely followed by a facelift. Since many people have delayed surgery due to COVID-19, the lead time was only 5 - 6 weeks. I've made a deposit and scheduled the first round of surgery for 13 Oct, with a facelift in early 2021. I had an EKG last week and received clearance for surgery. I will have a video consultation with Dr. Ley on 28 September (she already has x-rays of my skull), and I should receive more details about the procedures and scheduling then.

As others have said, FFS is the true 'gender confirmation surgery'. Our faces are what people recognize and see every day, and our faces are an important aspect of how we view ourselves. Although Susan is not pleased with my decision, I think she understands. Oddly, the decision is causing me some anguish as well. I don't know if it's the expectation of post-surgical discomfort, concern that I may not be happy with the results, or the realization that I may soon no longer be haunted by the reflection of the person I used to be. Unless something unexpected comes along, I only have three weeks to wait...

If anyone was wondering, my mammogram results were 'normal'.

I also found a new dress at Ross for $8.99! Definitely something my parents would not have let me wear when I was a teenager. Now I just need the confidence to wear it in public.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 26, 2020, 04:19:34 pm »
Quote from: davina61 on September 23, 2020, 03:02:35 am

Sometimes we are our own worse critics and see things other do not, I think its your memory/brain that causes it and takes a long time to adjust .

You are correct Davina, we are our own worst enemy at times. It seems we can cruise along nicely until we learn about yet another difference in bone or tissue structure between someone who is transgender and someone who is cis. Once we see that difference in ourselves, it can become increasingly more difficult to ignore. A friend of mine used that 'face app' software on me, and that may well be what started it. It wasn't a bad experience though, it showed that I have yet to reach my potential. Of course, I also want to get rid of any facial features which remind me of the person I used to be. I realize the 'face app' photo may not be completely achievable, but I can certainly get closer than I am now.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 01, 2020, 08:01:33 am »
I have been busy these last few days. Last Sunday I drove down to Cuchara, CO, to take some high school senior photos for a friend, and I have been working on game photos for our local high school softball team. I have another softball game to cover today, then senior photo sessions Friday and Saturday. I will try to have them all done before I leave for Scottsdale next week. I am really starting to get excited about my trip to Scottsdale!

I have started a new thread for my upcoming surgery:
https😕/www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246843.msg2259172.html#msg2259172

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 02, 2020, 06:10:52 am »
Thanks Emma! The road we travel is a long one, but it leads from darkness into the light. The cost to travel along the road can also be quite high at times, but when the alternative is a life of misery and pain, or a life ended abruptly, the cost doesn't really matter. I have kept this thread going because I'm not done yet, and because of people who sometimes just need to see that the journey can lead to a much happier place.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 07, 2020, 01:05:53 pm »
A few days ago, I received a note from a co-worker. This is another example of why I tell my story:

Hi Jessica, I wanted to take a quick moment to reach out to you to say thank you for sharing your story at NCOD a couple years ago. It was late last year that I figured out I'm trans. As I'm sure you know, that can be a relieving and terrifying realization. I wanted to let you know that watching you share your story helped to give me the courage to accept that part of myself, begin my transition, come out, and to share my own story this year for NCOD.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 09, 2020, 07:02:19 am »
Thanks @Northern Star Girl !!!

Yesterday, Progressive Insurance held their annual National Coming Out Day event. This year's event was virtual due to COVID-19, and we had the highest attendance ever, with over 2000 people registered! Our Chief Marketing Officer opened the event, then six of us told our stories, including me. Our CEO closed the event, and she was in tears after hearing our stories. I expect there are a few other companies which foster such an accepting environment, but I feel extremely lucky to work here.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 17, 2020, 08:30:58 pm »
Part of the National Coming Out Day event was pre-recorded, but there was also a 'live' question and answer session. During the live portion, I wore a t-shirt which several people asked me about. I found it on Amazon...

[Oldandcreaky]

Jessica Rose, is this new website going to ask for verification with every post?

[Jessica_Rose]

Jessica Rose, is this new website going to ask for verification with every post?

I checked with Devlyn:
New members have to answer verification questions until (I believe) ten posts. It's always been that way.

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: November 11, 2020, 06:16:30 pm »
It's been quite a while since my last post, most of what's happened since then was related to my last round of surgery. Although there is still some swelling, the bruising has completely cleared up. The most exciting thing was actually a trip to the grocery store. As I rounded a corner near the bakery, I stepped on a small piece of carrot -- it seemed like a sheet of ice. I managed to break my fall a bit with my right hand, but not before my boots left awesome skid marks on the tile floor. Although it took me a few minutes to get back up, other than a sore shoulder and a stiff neck there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. I did talk to the store manager about it, they took several photos and I gave them my contact information. Maybe they'll send a gift card...

We are planning a trip down to Austin TX to visit one of our daughters the weekend before Thanksgiving, then we will head over to Louisiana for Thanksgiving with another group of relatives. None of them know about my recent surgery. It will be interesting to see if anyone notices.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I also found another good t-shirt on Amazon...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: November 12, 2020, 08:58:14 pm »
Thanks for dropping by @Northern Star Girl !!! I love getting occasional notes from you (and others on the forum), and I sometimes wonder how you find the time to check in on everyone!

I did get a call from the grocery store (a nationwide chain), but we have been playing phone tag. Hopefully we will be able to chat tomorrow. My neck and right shoulder are still sore, but everything else seems to be fine.

I saw my electrologist again today. The facial bruising had cleared up enough for her to do a complete clearing of my face and neck. When I started electrolysis nearly four years ago, it took months to clear my face and neck. Now it only takes an hour or so, and 95% of the hair is peach fuzz.

Getting where I am now wasn't easy, and I honestly never dreamed that I would one day look like this. The memories of who I used to be are fading, slowly being replaced by the person I have become. There are still some days when I struggle with my identity though. COVID-19 has significantly reduced the public interactions which provided daily affirmation. Unless I look in the mirror, I sometimes forget that I am not who I used be. Putting on makeup and wearing something beautiful reminds me of who I am, and my smile quickly returns. Since my healing is nearly complete and the swelling has gone down significantly, I will try to take some new photos this weekend. While we were in Scottsdale prior to my surgery, I found an awesome full-length red dress. Although it isn't exactly the same as the one in the movie, I call it my 'Jessica Rabbit' dress. Maybe I'll wear it for my personal photo shoot...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose  @Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
I am so glad to see that you, like many other of our returning members, are finding and
piecing together legacy postings and getting your life story back on your Blog thread.

With all the behind the scenes work here on the "new" forum it can be challenging to
find the time to do all the things that we wish to do to recover our past comments and
thoughts that we shared.    I am so very glad to see that you were able to get a good
start on putting things back where they belong.

Many HUGS, and my best wishes to you.
Danielle   [Northern Star Girl]