Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

What an incredible weekend! Susan and I went to Denver to help celebrate the re-wedding of our friends Tia and Debi. We spent the weekend at a house in Loveland with Stephanie (Steph2.0), Cassandra (SassyCassie), Michelle_P, Laurie, and Kendra. Saturday evening Julie (Julie-2010) even dropped by for a while. Having this group of amazing ladies all in one place was something I never dreamed would happen. In some ways I felt like a roadie who was accidentally invited to party with the rock stars! Being there and experiencing the abundance of joy, love, empathy, and understanding concentrated in that house was something I will never forget. I think the experience affected all of us. Even my wife was smiling and laughing more than she had in a long time.

Seeing my wife so happy and relaxed made me realize she had taken another step forward, so I decided it was time to discuss the continuation of my journey. At home Sunday evening while lying in bed I asked her if she loved the person I had become, and she said 'yes'. I said there was one more big step I needed to take which would allow me to truly become the person I was created to be. I asked her if I could begin investigating GRS. She thought about it for a few moments, then said 'yes'. I thanked her, caressed her, and began to cry.

Sunday morning breakfast, clockwise from bottom left: Susan, Jessica Rose, Tia, Cassie, Stephanie, Debi, Michelle, Laurie, Kendra.

[Jessica]

Jessica Rose, you look so happy and relaxed! 
I missed your birthday a bit ago... what are you now...35?
You definitely have aged well.
Beautiful, that's how I describe you!

Hugs and smiles, the other Jessica (Marie)

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
All of your followers on the forums that did not have the opportunity to attend the wedding are most envious of you and the other members that were able to get together .....  like you said, it was certainly a wonderful experience being in the company of all of those that we have followed and communicated with on the forums.... and staying together in the same house, so exciting for sure.
Thank you for posting the breakfast picture... it is definitely a keeper.

Oh, that was so nice and affirming for you to have your wife confirm her love for you and what you have become.... and supporting your possible future GRS decision....  definitely worth putting a note in your personal journal about that!!!   You are most fortunate in that regard.

Thank you for you wonderful report and good news posting....
Hugs and best wishes to you as always,
Danielle

[LizK]

Seeing my wife so happy and relaxed made me realize she had taken another step forward, so I decided it was time to discuss the continuation of my journey. At home Sunday evening while lying in bed I asked her if she loved the person I had become, and she said 'yes'. I said there was one more big step I needed to take which would allow me to truly become the person I was created to be. I asked her if I could begin investigating GRS. She thought about it for a few moments, then said 'yes'. I thanked her, caressed her, and began to cry.

Sunday morning breakfast, clockwise from bottom left: Susan, Jessica Rose, Tia, Cassie, Stephanie, Debi, Michelle, Laurie, Kendra.

How beautiful...its these moments of connection that make us who we are..so touching.

What a great bunch of people to spend a couple of days with and look at all those smiling faces.

Take care

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

I can't sleep. I am nervous, along with a few other emotions I can't really describe. Last night I discussed GCS/GRS again with my wife. Although she has some reservations, she agreed I could move forward if it is what I really want. I expect this will cause a new rough spot in our relationship. Even though the world now sees me as a woman, I carry a constant reminder telling me something otherwise. I am glad my wife agreed that I could proceed, because once I make up my mind I become an impatient woman. After dinner last night I filled out quite a few forms online, it seems they are necessary for the GCS/GRS consultation scheduled with Dr. Ley on Sep 24!

[LizK]

I can't sleep. I am nervous, along with a few other emotions I can't really describe. Last night I discussed GCS/GRS again with my wife. Although she has some reservations, she agreed I could move forward if it is what I really want. I expect this will cause a new rough spot in our relationship. Even though the world now sees me as a woman, I carry a constant reminder telling me something otherwise. I am glad my wife agreed that I could proceed, because once I make up my mind I become an impatient woman. After dinner last night I filled out quite a few forms online, it seems they are necessary for the GCS/GRS consultation scheduled with Dr. Ley on Sep 24!

Congratulations on a truly momentous move forward. I hope your consult goes well. I understand how you feel about having a constant reminder that in incongruous with who you are. I hope your wife is able to keep moving forward with you I am sure she has your best interests at heart.

Liz

[Dena]

After dinner last night I filled out quite a few forms online, it seems they are necessary for the GCS/GRS consultation scheduled with Dr. Ley on Sep 24!

Yes, that office seems to thrive on forms. When I went to get hormones from them it seemed like I had to fill out pages of forms and I am not exactly an amateur when it come to HRT.

[Jessica_Rose]

Congratulations on a truly momentous move forward. I hope your consult goes well. I understand how you feel about having a constant reminder that is incongruous with who you are. I hope your wife is able to keep moving forward with you I am sure she has your best interests at heart.

Thanks Liz! As expected the next day was somewhat difficult, but my wife and I had a good discussion about GCS and she seems to be more comfortable with it now. Talking about difficult subjects was something I used to avoid, but ever since going full-time I have been more open about my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes that can be rough. Getting things out in the open, no matter how painful, is the only way to get the issues resolved and begin the healing process.

Friday evening we had some unexpected visitors drop by, Laurie and Michelle! They don't know where they are going, but we are glad that they stopped by. Since our daughters are basically out of the house it was great having two new kids bringing joy and laughter to our household again.

Saturday morning I made a trip to the local Rescue Mission so I could donate another load of 'his' old clothing. I think we have gotten rid of almost all of that stuff now. When I returned Susan and I put Laurie and Michelle to work. Under the threat of eating frozen breakfast foods, Laurie and Michelle cooked up some awesome breakfast burritos! Saturday evening we met up with Randi L for a nice dinner at Biaggi's. I think Laurie and Michelle are planning to head out today, but then again who knows? They are always welcome to drop by for a few days whenever they are in the area.

Left to right: Michelle, Laurie, Susan, Jessica Rose

[Faith]

Jessica, While revisiting some of my old posts (helps me stay grounded and see how much, or little, that I've changed) .. While revisiting I was reminded that you were the first to welcome me. I feel totally amiss that I've never really responded in here even though I read it regularly. So, here I am responding rather than just thinking and moving on (as I am wont to do)

It's great to read about your successes and congrats on your upcoming consultation. I look forward to reading more.

As to your house guests, be careful ... they look like a couple of pranksters.

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks for the warning about Laurie and Michelle. I know they can be mischievous, but they have always behaved themselves at our house -- unless you count their frequent and flagrant PDA (public displays of affection).

While out shopping with my wife today I got a good laugh out of her. We were waiting in line for the self-checkout at Target and I leaned over and whispered -- 'I bet you never thought you would have a girlfriend as pretty as me!'

I realize this is not a very exciting photo, but let me explain. One of the long-running symptoms I had to deal with since my teens was 'retail therapy'. Simply buying women's clothing made me feel better. It didn't matter if I ever got to wear the clothing, just buying it had a calming effect. Jeans, slacks, dresses, tops, underwear -- it didn't matter. When I felt the need to buy something, if I liked it and thought it would fit, I bought it. Needless to say I bought a lot of clothing through the years, then stored it away out of sight. About six months into this journey I began donating items that didn't fit, which seems to be almost everything. For most of my life I needed US size 16, 18, XLarge or a similar size. Now through some magic I don't quite understand, I wear size 8, 10 and XS/Small. I donated quite a bit to a local rescue mission, and I have also given a significant amount of clothing to my electrolycist. She has quite a few transgender clients who barely make ends meet, and the clothing (almost all new with tags) has made many of them very happy. The photo shows how much I still have not given away. The boxes in the middle of the floor total about 36 cubic feet, and I have already given away even more than what is shown in the photo. My hoarding behavior is slowly fading away, and it feels great to clear out years of accumulated clothing. Now I can wear the clothes I buy, because I no longer have to hide.

[Jessica_Rose]

Since I posted a breakfast photo last week, I need to post one from Pleaides Place (Steph's nickname for the house in Loveland) with most of us still dressed up. This photo was taken the night of Tia and Debi's re-wedding. What an amazing group of folks to spend the weekend with!

Left to right: Julie, Stephanie, Cassie, Kendra, Jessica Rose, Michelle, Laurie, and Susan.

[Northern Star Girl]

Since I posted a breakfast photo last week, I need to post one from Pleaides Place (Steph's nickname for the house in Loveland) with most of us still dressed up. This photo was taken the night of Tia and Debi's re-wedding. What an amazing group of folks to spend the weekend with!

Left to right: Julie, Stephanie, Cassie, Kendra, Jessica Rose, Michelle, Laurie, and Susan.

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica.... thank you so much for posting that terrific photo of you all.. in your pretty dresses and outfits, hair looking great....   a sight to behold.

You perhaps might consider getting that photo enlarged and put in a frame to display in an appropriate place.
It is so nice that you all got to meet each other in person.... wonderful
Hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

I can't sleep. I am nervous, along with a few other emotions I can't really describe. Last night I discussed GCS/GRS again with my wife. Although she has some reservations, she agreed I could move forward if it is what I really want. I expect this will cause a new rough spot in our relationship. Even though the world now sees me as a woman, I carry a constant reminder telling me something otherwise. I am glad my wife agreed that I could proceed, because once I make up my mind I become an impatient woman. After dinner last night I filled out quite a few forms online, it seems they are necessary for the GCS/GRS consultation scheduled with Dr. Ley on Sep 24!

Jessica, I'm excited for you.  I have been taking baby steps towards where you are. I see the same circumstances arising in my future, having a more involved talk on the possibility of GCS/GRS.  I've broached the subject, so she knows it's on my mind. 
Reservations from a wife, I would expect, is common.  I know my wife has some.  But if you've proved yourself to be a good partner through the years, I think that could make a bond that holds a union together.
Love after all is love.

Please keep us in the loop of how things proceed 🌸🌸🌸

Hugs and smiles, the other Jessica (Marie)

[Jessica_Rose]

@Jessica_Rose

You perhaps might consider getting that photo enlarged and put in a frame to display in an appropriate place.

Hugs,
Danielle

Doesn't everyone have a wide-format photo printer at home? I think an 11x17 print would be perfect...

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:  
PERFECT,  a very nice print-out of the picture !!!!!   
It is indeed a terrific photo of a wonderful event involving all you beautiful ladies.

Hugs,
Danielle

Doesn't everyone have a wide-format photo printer at home? I think an 11x17 print would be perfect...

[LizK]

Doesn't everyone have a wide-format photo printer at home? I think an 11x17 print would be perfect...

Any chance you would print me a copy? I am happy to pay for all the costs...that is of course if the rest of the ladies are Ok with that

Happy to chat via PM

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

Any chance you would print me a copy? I am happy to pay for all the costs...that is of course if the rest of the ladies are Ok with that

Happy to chat via PM

Liz

I sent Liz a PM, along with an email containing the jpeg file of the photo.

I had a few interesting things happen this week. The company I work for holds a presentation on National Coming Out Day (Oct 11) to highlight the importance of LGBT+ coming out. The presentation is available via live-stream video to the entire company (about 34,000 employees). Last year I chose that day to come out to my manager. This year, as usual, they requested coming out stories for use during the presentation. A committee selects 8 - 10 stories from those submitted, these will be presented during the event. Most of the stories will be shown via pre-recorded video, but a few will be presented live. My story was selected. I won't know for a few weeks if I will be one of the live presentations, but either way I am thrilled to be able to share this with fellow employees. I have never done anything like this with such a potentially large audience. I am frightened by the thought of it, but if telling my story helps just one person find the strength to climb out of darkness, then it will be worth it.

Yesterday I was taking photos at a softball game for a team I had not visited before, although I know a few of the parents and players from over the summer. During the second inning, a man I had never met (I found out later his name is Steve) came over. At first I thought he was somehow teasing me...

Steve: 'You look familiar. Is your husband's name Leroy?'
Me: 'No, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.'
Steve: 'You really do look familiar. What is your husband's name?'
Me: 'My wife is standing behind you wearing a pink shirt.'
Steve: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.'

With a smile I assured him that I was not offended. My wife and I had a good laugh about it later!

[steph2.0]

Any chance you would print me a copy? I am happy to pay for all the costs...that is of course if the rest of the ladies are Ok with that

Liz and Jessica, you absolutely have my permission to print anything with me in it!


Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Steve: 'You look familiar. Is your husband's name Leroy?'
Me: 'No, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.'
Steve: 'You really do look familiar. What is your husband's name?'
Me: 'My wife is standing behind you wearing a pink shirt.'
Steve: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.'

With a smile I assured him that I was not offended. My wife and I had a good laugh about it later!

Now that's cool!

As is being chosen to tell your story. Whether recorded or live, that's something to be really proud of. You're killin' it, Jessica!


Stephanie

[Jessica_Rose]

Steve: 'You look familiar. Is your husband's name Leroy?'
Me: 'No, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.'
Steve: 'You really do look familiar. What is your husband's name?'
Me: 'My wife is standing behind you wearing a pink shirt.'
Steve: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.'

Something else about the encounter was the sequence of thoughts that ran through my mind, and I'm slightly ashamed about some of them...

-- This guy knows.
-- He used his x-ray vision to see through my clothes.
-- He hates me and is teasing me.
-- I think I'm going to deck him before he gets a chance to offend me.
-- I'll give him a chance to prove his intentions before I deck him.
-- Maybe he really doesn't know.
-- Wow, I guess he doesn't know.
-- He seems like a really nice guy.
-- I want him to know for certain that he did not offend me.
-- OMG! That made my day!

My defenses are still on high alert for that ugly encounter we all seem to have, but the further down the road I go the less likely it becomes. Maybe it is time for me to drop my defensive posture down to DEFCON 3.