Jessica's Rose Garden

KathyLauren · October 28, 2018, 07:56:24 AM

Good idea to "head 'em off at the pass"!

Rayna · October 28, 2018, 12:29:28 PM

Thanks for sharing key excerpts of your letter, Jessica. It is helpful to me, who is composing a clarifying email to my own family (all are accepting but a bit confused). I hope you don't receive any inappropriate correspondence this holiday season.
Randy

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LizK · October 28, 2018, 02:34:27 PM

Good luck I hope it goes really well for you

TAKE CARE

Liz

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Michelle_P · October 28, 2018, 02:46:25 PM

Great idea and letter, Jessica. The photos of the two of you are really cute as well.

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Jessica_Rose · October 28, 2018, 07:59:00 PM

Several of our friends have asked my wife if I am attracted to men. In order to head off that question as well, I plan to add something like this:

Upon hearing news of my transition some people assume that I am attracted to men. This is not the case. I played that role for over 50 years and didn't like it, so why would I want to date one? Our love for each other transcends gender.

Rayna · October 28, 2018, 09:06:47 PM

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 28, 2018, 07:59:00 PM
Several of our friends have asked my wife if I am attracted to men. In order to head off that question as well, I plan to add something like this:

Upon hearing news of my transition some people assume that I am attracted to men. This is not the case. I played that role for over 50 years and didn't like it, so why would I want to date one? Our love for each other transcends gender.

Nicely put, with a good explanation. "Transcends gender" I like that!

Laurie · October 28, 2018, 09:21:20 PM

Hi Jessica and Susan,

Important things first... I love the pictures of you two and the one with Susan on yor lap is cute.

Now, like the others have already commented, I think the first strike option is a good strategy. As yoou said they have already gotten your coming out letter so this should by rights be just a reminder for them. A short refresher course if you will. Including the FAQ should help them through possible faux pas situations.
As always I'm glad to see you and Susan working together and figuring things out. Keep it up.

Hugs,
Laurie

Jessica_Rose · October 29, 2018, 05:12:36 AM

Quote from: Laurie on October 28, 2018, 09:21:20 PM
Hi Jessica and Susan,

Important things first... I love the pictures of you two and the one with Susan on yor lap is cute.

Now, like the others have already commented, I think the first strike option is a good strategy. As yoou said they have already gotten your coming out letter so this should by rights be just a reminder for them. A short refresher course if you will. Including the FAQ should help them through possible faux pas situations.
As always I'm glad to see you and Susan working together and figuring things out. Keep it up.

Hugs,
Laurie

Actually, these recipients don't know about my transition. Some are long-time family friends, one uncle, two aunts, and the rest are friends and neighbors from various locations we have lived. Most of them we only hear from once a year. I still have a neighbor or two who may not know because of my work hours! We will probably lose a few of these folks, but that is their loss.

I have asked Susan to consider joining Susan's Place. I know there are not many 'significant other' members, and her experiences may be helpful to them.

On a sad note, Susan and I talked to my parents yesterday. One of my older brothers, Carl, was diagnosed with colon cancer about four years ago, is fading fast. The cancer has spread to many other locations. Carl and I used to fight quite a bit growing up, but we later became good friends. He has fought for years to hang around, but now the pain and ravages of cancer have become overwhelming. My parents recognize that he won't be around much longer. We are not sure if he will make it to the end of the year.

Donica · October 29, 2018, 09:02:26 AM

Dear Jessica and Susan! I'm very sorry to hear about your brother Carl. All my hopes and prayers are with you and your family.

It would be lovely if Susan would join Susan's. I'm sure there are many that would love to talk to her.

Best Wishes!
Donica.

Laurie · October 29, 2018, 09:50:18 PM

Hi Jessica,

I guess I misunderstood what you said. I see the error of my ways now (fat chance of that). At any rate I was incorrect.
I am sorry to hear of the deterioration in Carl's health. Cancer is such a hard thing to deal with and I mean it is hard in more ways the the disease itself. It affects so much more in the person's life and those around them. I hope you and the family are doing okay with What is happening. If not some grief counseling may be in order. I have lost my mom and a sister to cancers and of course you know my story with it. That is all I am going to say about it.
I hope all is well otherwise.

Hugs,
Laurie

Jessica_Rose · October 31, 2018, 05:24:02 AM

When Carl was first diagnosed he was given 6 months, which he has far surpassed. Even though we know the day is coming, it will still be met with sadness.

I decided to post the 'holiday' version of my coming out letter. Since new threads seem to get much more attention, and since I felt some folks may find another sample letter useful, I put it here:

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,242079.msg2190088.html#msg2190088

Rayna · October 31, 2018, 07:55:42 PM

Jess, my love to you and your family, and especially to Carl. Your love is what will get you all through. Love Randy

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Jessica_Rose · November 02, 2018, 04:35:13 PM

Quote from: RandyL on October 31, 2018, 07:55:42 PM
Jess, my love to you and your family, and especially to Carl. Your love is what will get you all through. Love Randy

Thanks Randy. Carl has been a HAM radio operator for decades and has friends spread far and wide. He even received a citation from the US Coast Guard for personally coordinating the rescue of dozens or people in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. He could be brusque at times, be he always had a good heart.

The 'holiday letters' were mailed Thursday morning (1 Nov). I don't really expect much response. As long as the holiday greetings say 'Jessica' then I will know the letters had the desired effect.

I sent a note to my primary care physician a few minutes ago to schedule the items I will need to take care of to stay on track for my appointment with Dr. Ley. It seems like a long time away, but it is slowly growing closer...

Jessica_Rose · November 03, 2018, 08:44:34 PM

Susan insisted on going to the local Rescue Mission this morning to donate the last remaining bags of 'his' clothing, including some heavy coats. It is nice not encountering those little reminders anymore, and getting back some closet space.

The day started off with a few flurries, then the sun came out. Soon the wind picked up, the clouds rolled in, and we had a rain/snow mix for about 30 minutes. Behind that, blue skies and sun. I love the weather in Colorado, we get all four seasons, sometimes in the same day!

Most days now feel normal, like nothing special has happened. Then I think about where I was two years ago and I realize the incredible changes that have taken place in my life, and I know there are more changes yet to come. One day the excitement and newness will fade, but what remains will be the most incredible gift of all, one that will be with me the rest of my life -- I will be the person that I was meant to be. No hiding. No acting. For the rest of my life I get to be myself. I am Jessica Rose.

LizK · November 03, 2018, 09:33:16 PM

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 29, 2018, 05:12:36 AM
Actually, these recipients don't know about my transition. Some are long-time family friends, one uncle, two aunts, and the rest are friends and neighbors from various locations we have lived. Most of them we only hear from once a year. I still have a neighbor or two who may not know because of my work hours! We will probably lose a few of these folks, but that is their loss.

I have asked Susan to consider joining Susan's Place. I know there are not many 'significant other' members, and her experiences may be helpful to them.

On a sad note, Susan and I talked to my parents yesterday. One of my older brothers, Carl, was diagnosed with colon cancer about four years ago, is fading fast. The cancer has spread to many other locations. Carl and I used to fight quite a bit growing up, but we later became good friends. He has fought for years to hang around, but now the pain and ravages of cancer have become overwhelming. My parents recognize that he won't be around much longer. We are not sure if he will make it to the end of the year.

Hi Jessica Rose

I am just catching up on your thread again and saw this post. I am sorry that you are all going through this. These situation is hard on everyone especially the person suffering from it.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on November 03, 2018, 08:44:34 PM
Susan insisted on going to the local Rescue Mission this morning to donate the last remaining bags of 'his' clothing, including some heavy coats. It is nice not encountering those little reminders anymore, and getting back some closet space.

The day started off with a few flurries, then the sun came out. Soon the wind picked up, the clouds rolled in, and we had a rain/snow mix for about 30 minutes. Behind that, blue skies and sun. I love the weather in Colorado, we get all four seasons, sometimes in the same day!

Most days now feel normal, like nothing special has happened. Then I think about where I was two years ago and I realize the incredible changes that have taken place in my life, and I know there are more changes yet to come. One day the excitement and newness will fade, but what remains will be the most incredible gift of all, one that will be with me the rest of my life -- I will be the person that I was meant to be. No hiding. No acting. For the rest of my life I get to be myself. I am Jessica Rose.

Jessica Rose I hope that the excitement remains with you for a long time yet. What I notice more than anything is the absence of the GD...I was doing something yesterday that 3 years ago would have had me a GD wreck for days but now it barely registers...like most of us I have times when it gets bad but its nothing like what it used to be...as I said its what's not there!!

Take care

Liz

Rayna · November 03, 2018, 09:34:32 PM

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on November 03, 2018, 08:44:34 PM
...
For the rest of my life I get to be myself. I am Jessica Rose.

Can't add to that! You are yourself.

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Jessica_Rose · November 04, 2018, 06:08:04 PM

What an awesome day! Susan and I went to Ross, which seems to be where I find most of my clothes. When we walked in one of the employees greeted us:

Employee: 'Hello again!'
Me: 'You remember me?'
Employee: 'Of course I do!'
Me: 'Well, I hope it is for the right reasons.'
Employee: 'I remember you because you have a wonderful smile and always pick out beautiful dresses to try on. I keep hoping you will come out of the dressing rooms wearing one of those dresses so I can see it!'

We talked a while longer and I told her that I hadn't always been a happy person. I showed her my old driver's license. She was speechless for a moment, then she hugged me and said she could see the glow of happiness around me. After I told her part of my story she hugged me again and said I had made her day. I told her she had done the same for me!

I know I should stop outing myself, but I want to help people learn a little and be more comfortable with us. If they never know my background, how will they learn? I am careful who I tell, and I will probably stop when I have my first bad reaction. Of course it would be safer if I stop before I get a bad reaction...

KathyLauren · November 04, 2018, 08:41:28 PM

What lovely encounter!

I totally understand your desire to out yourself. I am the same way. I see being visible as my activism. I sometimes wonder why I do it, but my judgement has been right so far. Of course, I don't out myself to everyone I meet.

JudiBlueEyes · November 04, 2018, 09:21:03 PM

Jessica that was a sweet encounter you had with the clerk. I'm sure her perspective is much better due to you!

Judi

Jessica_Rose · November 06, 2018, 08:54:59 PM

Responses from the holiday letter have started to arrive...

The first was a call from one of Susan's friends. She supports us all the way. She really liked the letter and mentioned that one of their grandchildren is intersex.

The second was a neighbor in her mid-70's. She walked over to our house and gave my wife a hug. She said we were both very brave, then mentioned that one of her nephews transitioned last year (FTM).

Looks like we are off to a great start!

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Jessica's Rose Garden