Jessica's Rose Garden

[LizK]

.......

Something new happened today. In the past my 'equipment' had never been a source of dysphoria. Up until about two years ago I was happy to have it, although I had always yearned to trade it in for a different model. Today, suddenly I don't like what I see. My mind tells me that it shouldn't be there, and now it really bothers me. Only 108 days to go, but it feels like an eternity.

I can relate with what you are saying as for me GCS was never a possibility for me so as I was "stuck". My genitals were my genitals...I didn't "hate" them they were what they were...I was totally indifferent to them however when I realised what was driving a large percentage of my GD....I then knew I had a chance of pushing it out of my life permanently and after all the havoc it wreaked on me over the years and those I love. It was not a difficult decision once I understood how it all fit together.

Congratulations on gaining that insight....108 days will go in a heart beat and then I hope you feel the relief and deep satisfaction of knowing that everything is now how it should be [emoji3]

Take care

Liz



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks Liz. I hope your recovery is still going well.

Well it's official. The first co-worker I came out to, who I initially thought was my best friend, is definitely off my Christmas card list. I had not talked to her about personal issues ever since she questioned my decision to come out at work last February. I tried to talk to her again today, and I think I figured out what is happening. She is a good listener, but she doesn't hear anything. She thinks she is an expert because she once worked with another transgender person. She has no idea of the pain we experience. She doesn't understand why misgendering and deadnaming are so painful to us. She doesn't get upset when someone misgenders her, so it shouldn't bother me either. She thinks I am oversensitive. Today I learned my lesson, and I will not attempt to discuss anything personal with her again.

I'll just read this note from @Steph2.0 again so my smile will return...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232764.msg2206331.html#msg2206331

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
I am so sorry that you went through that bad and unhappy experience with your co-worker.
When encountering those people that do not accept your life-changing decision and your transition plans I have always found it best to not enter into a discussion or debate with them, particularly when that person is adamant about their opinions and even harbors a hostile attitude. 

It is just about certain you will never be able to change their mind about their views and certainly they won't be successful in changing your mind about your viewpoint.... so a further discussion is futile and will only inflame the situation....   
Bite your tongue and don't say anything argumentative or unsavory, take the high road and just walk away, head held high.

I trust that you can just move on, don't get overly involved in conversation with her again, and just continue in your successful journey.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Thanks Liz. I hope your recovery is still going well.

Well it's official. The first co-worker I came out to, who I initially thought was my best friend, is definitely off my Christmas card list. I had not talked to her about personal issues ever since she questioned my decision to come out at work last February. I tried to talk to her again today, and I think I figured out what is happening. She is a good listener, but she doesn't hear anything. She thinks she is an expert because she once worked with another transgender person. She has no idea of the pain we experience. She doesn't understand why misgendering and deadnaming are so painful to us. She doesn't get upset when someone misgenders her, so it shouldn't bother me either. She thinks I am oversensitive. Today I learned my lesson, and I will not attempt to discuss anything personal with her again.

I'll just read this note from @Steph2.0 again so my smile will return...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232764.msg2206331.html#msg2206331

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks Danielle. When it became obvious she wasn't listening, I told her that there was no reason to continue the conversation because there is no way she could ever truly understand the pain in our lives. My 'friend' is moving to another workgroup soon and will be physically moving to another desk, so I probably won't see her very often anymore. I will remain civil with her and engage in small talk on occasion, but certainly nothing personal.

Yesterday I made a comment to Susan (my wife) about our friends. Specifically about how many new and wonderful friends we have made since starting this journey. In many cases they are people we never would have met otherwise. Some are new friends we have made on Susan's Place, while others we met because I have become so much more outgoing. It is so much easier to speak from your heart when you are not hiding part of your soul.

I may well have 'lost' a few people which I had considered friends at one time, they have just slowly faded out of my life, but the losses are far outweighed by the new friends we have made. In most cases we have a much deeper and richer relationship with our new friends, possibly because I am simply a much happier person who has stopped hiding the most beautiful part of myself. In fact, @Steph2.0 now considers us part of her family, something no one else has ever said to us. Transitioning has affected my life in more ways than I had expected. It opened up a new world of friendships and family, I just had to open my eyes to see the possibilities.

[Jessica]

Jessica, I had the same type of experience with who I thought was my best friend.  She too seemed very supportive, but alas was just a listener that didn't hear.  Instead of understanding my pain, she turned the situation to be all about her.  Unfortunately this has put a crimp on the friendship between her and my wife also.
Sad for that.

Thanks Liz. I hope your recovery is still going well.

Well it's official. The first co-worker I came out to, who I initially thought was my best friend, is definitely off my Christmas card list. I had not talked to her about personal issues ever since she questioned my decision to come out at work last February. I tried to talk to her again today, and I think I figured out what is happening. She is a good listener, but she doesn't hear anything. She thinks she is an expert because she once worked with another transgender person. She has no idea of the pain we experience. She doesn't understand why misgendering and deadnaming are so painful to us. She doesn't get upset when someone misgenders her, so it shouldn't bother me either. She thinks I am oversensitive. Today I learned my lesson, and I will not attempt to discuss anything personal with her again.

I'll just read this note from @Steph2.0 again so my smile will return...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232764.msg2206331.html#msg2206331

[Jessica_Rose]

Both of our daughters are home. The last time they were both here was when I came out to them the day after Christmas last year. This will be my first Christmas, and our first as a decidedly non-traditional family. We are enjoying each others company. We are all happy, except for maybe Kimberly, she recently broke up with her boyfriend.

I made a quick run to the grocery store last night for eggnog and broccoli. The eggnog was for Susan, and the broccoli for Emily. While leaving the store a lady said 'Excuse me ma'am, how tall are you?' We talked for a few minutes, then went our separate ways. She has no idea that our brief conversation made my day. I do like what I see in the mirror, but sometimes I am still surprised to be treated as any other woman.

I also wanted to mention a post I made last Saturday morning. I made a similar post last year and it got a fair amount of attention. So far no one has made a single comment. I don't know why this year is so different from last year, but my post was about something that affects all of us.  Here is the link:

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,243494.msg2207451.html#msg2207451

Susan and I hope you and all of your loved ones have a Merry Christmas!

[steph2.0]

Susan and I hope you and all of your loved ones have a Merry Christmas!

Though I had the best of intentions, once again I am remiss in sending cards again this year. So this will have to do:

Merry Christmas, Jessica Rose, to both you and Susan.

Stephanie

[Jessica_Rose]

You are forgiven Stephanie. After all, you have been just a bit busier than usual lately! I am glad your trip to Spain went so well, and that you are pleased with the work you had done. Maybe working on cards together is a new tradition you and your BFF can take up next year! Both of us still have a long road ahead, but at least we know where the road leads in the short term, and who we will be sharing the journey with.

Love always -- Jessica Rose 

[Jessica_Rose]

The house is quiet. It's cold outside, but our house is full of warmth. My wife and daughters are asleep. The lights on the tree are twinkling, illuminating the gifts below. The scent of turkey slowly filling our home. Soon my family will awake and we will celebrate the day. It's Christmas, Jessica's first Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[ChrissyRyan]

Merry Christmas Jessica.

Chrissy

[randim]

The house is quiet. It's cold outside, but our house is full of warmth. My wife and daughters are asleep. The lights on the tree are twinkling, illuminating the gifts below. The scent of turkey slowly filling our home. Soon my family will awake and we will celebrate the day. It's Christmas, Jessica's first Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Have a wonderful first Christmas Jessica.

[Donica]

Merry Christmas Jessica and Susan!!!

[Jessica_Rose]

All the gifts are open, and everyone is happy. My favorite gift was from my parents. It was a simple acrylic necklace, but it was the inscription that made it special. The first word brought tears to my eyes:

Daughter
You are
strength and courage
and a thousand miracles
a day.
You are
endlessly amazing
and unbelievably
loved.

Dang, I'm crying again...

These are the new ornaments I mentioned on an earlier post, along with a photo of my family (left to right: Emily, Kimberly, Jessica, Susan)

[GordonG]

All the gifts are open, and everyone is happy. My favorite gift was from my parents. It was a simple acrylic necklace, but it was the inscription that made it special. The first word brought tears to my eyes:

Daughter
You are
strength and courage
and a thousand miracles
a day.
You are
endlessly amazing
and unbelievably
loved.

Dang, I'm crying again...

Very nice indeed. Crying is good!

[Donica]

So very heart felt. Your parents and family are very special.

Hugs Jessica!

[Jessica_Rose]

The necklace story gets even better, my dad picked it out! He was the one member of my family who I was certain would reject me. My fear of his reaction kept me from coming out years earlier. I have no other explanation for it -- miracles do happen. I still cry whenever I look at it, it is priceless to me.

[steph2.0]

The necklace story gets even better, my dad picked it out! He was the one member of my family who I was certain would reject me. My fear of his reaction kept me from coming out years earlier. I have no other explanation for it -- miracles do happen. I still cry whenever I look at it, it is priceless to me.

I'm so happy for you, Ms. Jessica Rose. The emotion is inducing tears all the way to Florida.


Stephanie

[Michelle_P]

The necklace story gets even better, my dad picked it out! He was the one member of my family who I was certain would reject me. My fear of his reaction kept me from coming out years earlier. I have no other explanation for it -- miracles do happen. I still cry whenever I look at it, it is priceless to me.

Wow!  That is pretty amazing, and yes, makes that necklace incredibly special.

I never had the chance to come out to my parents.  I think my Mom would have accepted me (I think she had suspected for a very long time), but Dad... I just don't know.  There were some other folks who were very special in my life, and who I never expected to accept me.  They gave me a little necklace when I was just starting full-time life as myself, that read "She believed she could, so she did."  That is still very special to me.

Sometimes we find acceptance where and when we least expect it.

[LizK]

All the gifts are open, and everyone is happy. My favorite gift was from my parents. It was a simple acrylic necklace, but it was the inscription that made it special. The first word brought tears to my eyes:

Daughter
You are
strength and courage
and a thousand miracles
a day.
You are
endlessly amazing
and unbelievably
loved.

Dang, I'm crying again...

These are the new ornaments I mentioned on an earlier post, along with a photo of my family (left to right: Emily, Kimberly, Jessica, Susan)

Jessica that is a lovely real life story of love and acceptance.... thank you for sharing that with us


Merry Christmas

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

Emily's boyfriend came to visit yesterday. Emily lives in Wisconsin, but Adam lives in Denver. Needless to say they don't get to see each other often. Adam had not seen me since I had transitioned, and Emily mentioned that he was having a hard time reconciling my transition with his religion. Adam said that I am the first transgender person he has ever knowingly met. It wasn't planned, but I talked to Adam privately for about two hours last night. I showed him my coming out video, told him even more of my story, and answered his questions. I think it cleared up much of the misinformation and many of the misconceptions he had. At he end of our conversation, he decided that I was not the monster his Mom made me out to be. He has accepted me, and I think we will have a good relationship. That was actually quite important, because he plans to become my son-in-law within the next year or two!