Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 09, 2019, 09:02:38 pm »
I had a checkup with my transgender care doctor in Denver, and Susan went with me. Originally the appointment was to remove staples left over from my recent scalp advancement, but Dr. Ley didn't use any. I decided to keep the appointment anyway so the doctor could make sure everything was healing properly. Dr. W said she was amazed at how my scalp incision looked, she mentioned that in just two weeks my scalp incision has done about three months of healing! You can still see a purplish line where the incision was, but there is just one tiny scab remaining. Dr. W then checked out the labiaplasty, and she couldn't believe that it had been performed just two weeks ago. The good doctor then said that Dr. Ley may just be her new favorite GCS surgeon!

Tomorrow (Saturday) I am going to my hair salon. I have been going to the same stylist ever since I transitioned, and Amy has been awesome! She always asks how my wife and I are doing, and she usually has a few questions related to transitioning. Amy knows I have had some recent surgery, but it will be interesting to see her reaction. People who only see me occasionally don't notice much of a change. People more familiar with me, like Susan and my electrologist, really notice the difference. I expect Amy will definitely notice the change.

Yesterday I made my hotel reservations for my trip to the Courthouse in downtown Dallas, right next to Dealey Plaza -- where JFK was assassinated. I hate heavy traffic, so I'm not looking forward to that aspect of the trip. I have original, signed letters from three therapists (I only need two) along with a notarized letter from Dr. Ley stating that I have had GCS. According to my attorney that will be enough to get a court order for a new birth certificate. The hearing is scheduled for 9:30am on 15 August.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 11, 2019, 02:59:53 pm »

Quote from: steph2.0 on August 10, 2019, 08:55:04 am

At least I wasn't born in one of those states that allow no changes at all for any reason.

- Stephanie

If I remember correctly, there are three states that don't allow gender to be changed on a birth certificate: Kansas, Tennessee, and Ohio. In some cases the states which issue updated birth certificates mark them as 'amended', while others issue a 'new' birth certificate. From what I have heard, Texas will actually issue a new birth certificate and seal the old one. I can accept having to fulfill several requirements before a new certificate will be issued, but this should be a paperwork exercise -- being required to appear in court after already getting a legal name change and GCS seems like overkill. Those states which do not allow it at all should really get their act together.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 12, 2019, 08:45:51 pm »
My first day back to work went very smoothly. I spoke to a few people who didn't seem to notice anything, others who knew something was different but couldn't say exactly what it was, and a few who said my facial features looked much softer now. My manager, who is also a close friend, said I looked much younger! Personally I thought my lips may be too big, but even my best friends said they looked great. It seems the results of FFS completely met my goals -- the changes were subtle enough that they didn't draw unwanted attention, yet I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. It is liberating to have my own face instead of sharing one with the person I used to be. Just one more big step now, my court hearing in Dallas on Thursday.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 15, 2019, 10:01:02 am »
I now have an original and five certified copies of a Texas court order for a new birth certificate!!!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 16, 2019, 09:22:18 pm »
Thanks everyone! Now for the rest of the story...

Susan and I made it to Dallas around 3:30pm on Wednesday. Chaos, the god of traffic, must have been taking a nap. Traffic was flowing smoothly until we were about two miles from the hotel, when everyone slowed down to 10 - 15 mph. There was no rush, so we just turned the music up a bit and chilled out. After checking in we went to our room and rested for a bit. We had skipped lunch, so decided to eat as soon as the bistro in the hotel opened. At 5:00pm we went to the lobby and checked the menu, the pan seared trout looked nice. Unfortunately the cook had not yet arrived, and the staff didn't know when they would be able to take food orders. We were hungry, and Susan agreed that the Subway across the street would be a good alternative. They didn't have any pan seared trout, but turkey sandwiches were just fine. After supper we walked to a small park next to the hotel and wandered around for about 20 minutes, then went back to the hotel. We were both tired, but we also wanted to clean up a bit. The room had a huge shower, and Susan smiled when I suggested we do something we had not done in a very long time -- shower together. We had a lot of fun, but this is the only photo fit for public display...



Thursday was the big day. After getting dressed up for my court appearance we had breakfast at the hotel bistro. After breakfast we freshened up then headed to the courthouse, which was only about 100 yards from the hotel! There was no line at the security checkpoint, and we went straight up to the assigned room. While waiting for the courtroom to open, we checked out the view -- we could see Dealey Plaza and the Book Repository, which figured prominently in JFK's assassination. Around 9:00am our attorney showed up, and she told me how the hearing would proceed. About 15 minutes later we discovered the hearing had been moved to a different room with a different judge, so we headed to the new courtroom and went inside. For about 30 minutes we listed to a judge trying to keep two opposing attorneys under control. Basically, one attorney would say 'the esteemed counsel for the plaintiff is an idiot', and the other would say 'the esteemed counsel for the defendant is a moron'. Eventually the judge called for a recess to listen to my petition,

The judge called my attorney and I up to the bench and swore me in. The attorney asked me several boilerplate questions like 'Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Are you a registered sex offender?' After answering those questions, the judge asked a few standard questions, then signed off on the petition and gave it to my attorney to walk over to the recorder's office. According to Susan the hearing lasted about three and a half minutes. Once the recorder scanned the court order into their system, we went to the records section in the basement, where I ordered five certified copies for a grand total of $15. A few minutes later Susan and I were headed out of the courthouse. Mission accomplished. Just before we left, I stopped for a moment and realized what I had just done, and I was almost overcome with emotion. In a way 'he' had finally ended his life, and in turn set me free to live my life. One of these days I will let the enormity of this sink in, but there are still some loose ends to take care of...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 19, 2019, 02:04:39 pm »
These last few weeks have kept Susan and I pretty busy -- my surgery in Scottsdale followed by a drive to Dallas for a court appearance. Yesterday we had a welcome break, a visit from Laurie and Michelle! They were only able to stay for one day, but it's always nice to have a visit from good friends.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Laurie, Susan, Jessica Rose, Michelle

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 04, 2019, 07:19:49 pm »
Wow, I didn't realize it has been over two weeks since my last post. I have been keeping busy with electrolysis appointments, laser appointments, taking photos at softball games, and life. This post isn't that exciting, but isn't that what transitioning is about -- eventually getting your life back to normal?

I noticed The Texas Dept of Vital statistics cashed the check for my new birth certificates on Aug 28. So far I have not heard from them, so I am assuming all the paperwork is in order. On Aug 30 I got a summons for jury duty, at least they got my name right!

On Monday (Sep 2nd) I decided to tackle some issues around the house. First on the list, some decking which was showing signs of rot. Some of the screws were so rusted they looked like nails because the threads were gone. I pulled up the first piece of decking only to discover the support under it was also rotting. We decided to call in the professionals on this one!

Next were some roots from a spruce tree which had lifted up a section of our driveway. After raking back the gravel and pulling up the weedblock, we discovered four roots which needed to go. One was only about an inch in diameter, another about two inches, a third was two and a half inches, and the last root was four and a half inches across. Within minutes of starting work, a neighbor we had never met stopped by and offered to help. He went home and came back a few minutes later with a bow saw and cut the two largest roots for us. I'm still wondering if seeing two 'damsels in distress' helped with this situation.

Yesterday I discovered that I am scheduled to attend a tech conference in San Jose, CA on 2 - 4 Oct. I am looking forward to it. Maybe I will run across a few people I worked with in the past, it could be fun! I also visited my electrologist, and she finally got to see the new landscaping by Dr. Ley. My electrologist has only worked down below on one other post-op woman, and she said there was simply no comparison. She was amazed at Dr. Ley's work and couldn't figure out how the good doctor was able to make things look so natural.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 05, 2019, 07:06:15 pm »
I had the 15th laser hair removal treatment on my face today, it was also probably my last. They told me to come back whenever I need a touch-up, but after 15 sessions I doubt any more treatments will make a difference. Facial laser treatments are quite uncomfortable. Even four hours after the session my face still feels sunburned, and for some reason the last few treatments have put me in a bad mood which lasted several hours. I think the treatments helped a little, but facial hair can be very stubborn. I'll let my electrologist take care of any facial hair from now on.

I also finally decided to try dilator #4 again. After tearing a few sutures during my first attempt about a month ago I decided to back off for a while. I warmed up with the tapered #3 dilator, and #4 went in without drama. It took a few minutes to reach full depth, but from what I can tell my depth is the same as it was prior to GCS II. There are only a few sutures still hanging around, most of the others vanished over the last week.

I still don't know if I will be speaking at my company's National Coming Out Day Event this year, but I am hopeful.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 08, 2019, 08:20:20 pm »
Today Susan and I attended a pre-season banquet for the club softball team I usually photograph. All of the team members from last season are returning, which is pretty rare. The coach presented t-shirts to commemorate winning the Mountain States Championship. All of the coaches and team members received a shirt, then they presented one to me! Each player also received a custom-printed flash drive with over 12,000 photos I had taken during the season.

At the end of the meeting I was talking to one of the moms and mentioned there had been a lot of changes in my life these last few years, she asked 'like what?'. Some of the girls on the team knew me pre-transition, so I assumed her daughter had told her. Apparently she had no idea. I decided to show her my 'before and after' photo. She looked at the photos and said, 'Oh, you lost your hair?' I said 'Um, no...' After a few more seconds she finally figured it out! We talked a while longer and she seemed to be very accepting. I guess I need to stop assuming everyone knows my background, that may be the only way I can break away from my past.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 16, 2019, 09:02:57 am »
Susan and I are in the middle of a long, but short trip. We left home on Friday and spent the night in Cedar City, UT. When we were taking our luggage back to our car a nice gentleman offered to carry our suitcase down the stairs! I used to reject offers like this, but now I always accept -- just another benefit of womanhood!

Friday we made it to our first destination, a visit with Susan's brother and his wife in Bakersfield. We had not seen them in at least 16 years, so the visit was overdue. Frank and Jackie were happy to see us, and it was like no time had passed since our last visit. Other than some accidental dead naming and misgendering, which I quickly forgave, it was a great visit. Unfortunately we had to leave early Sunday morning for our primary destination...

On Sunday we drove up to visit @Michelle_P , @Laurie , and their temporary houseguest fresh from her visit with Dr. Bowers -- @steph2.0 !!! We had an added bonus of meeting @Jessica  as well. Stephanie was napping when we arrived, but she woke up soon after. Michelle told her that Jessica was here for a visit, then Susan and I stepped in to her room. Stephanie was nearly overcome with surprise and joy when she saw us. Susan and I gave her a few small gifts, including some dark chocolate! We had a great time chatting the rest of the day, but too soon it was time for bed.

Susan and I need to leave early today, we hope to make it to Salt Lake City this evening, then get home early enough to get our furry children from the kennel. We did take a group photo, which I will post after we get home.

The entire trip will take around 38 hours on the road and cover about 2700 miles, but the look on Stephanie's face when she saw us was priceless.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 21, 2019, 02:56:29 pm »
We made it home on Tuesday in plenty of time to retrieve our furry kids from the kennel. Wednesday afternoon I took photos at a softball game. It was a fun game for us, we won 25 - 10. Thursday I had an electrolysis session, and Friday afternoon I had to take our car in for service. Just as we left Michelle's apartment the master switch for the passenger window failed, but the switch on the passenger door still worked. I needed to get that fixed before my next trip! Today was another softball game for a different high school. One of their coaches has always been nice to me, and she had asked me to take some photos at one of their games. This afternoon I will be taking some homecoming photos for another friend.

I will be returning to Michelle's place for a few days before my upcoming conference in San Jose. My current plan is to arrive late afternoon on Sep 27 and hang around until Oct 1, then head down to San Jose. Hopefully I will get to meet a few more friends from Susan's Place while I am out there.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

As promised, here is one of the group photos from my visit...
Left to right - Jessica Rose, Michelle, Susan, Laurie, Stephanie, and Jessica

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: September 25, 2019, 09:33:24 pm »
I am still packing for my trip tomorrow. I used to be really good packing only what I need, but now I have so many more options I always take way more than necessary! As usual I am driving. I plan to arrive at Michelle's place Friday afternoon (Sep 27) and hang out there until Tuesday afternoon (Oct 1), then I will head to San Jose for my conference. As soon as the conference ends Friday afternoon (Oct 4) I will be headed back home. If anyone in the San Francisco Bay area would like to get together while I'm in the neighborhood, please send me a PM and hopefully we can work out a good time and place to meet.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 11, 2019, 03:38:03 am »
I will be sending out this note at work today, to those who provided support and encouragement during my transition. I figured if they cared enough to show support, they may also be interested to know how I am doing....

Today is the second anniversary of the day I came out to my manager. Within days I began thinking about the day I would tell everyone. The thought filled me with a joy I had never known. I told my manager that I felt like a five-year-old and every day was Christmas Eve.

Two years have passed. Christmas is over. The wrapping paper, boxes, and bows have been picked up. The decorations have been put away. Our guests have gone home. The excitement has faded. Now it is just my wife and I. Our lives slowly returning to normal, yet our lives will never, can never, be the same.

I received a special gift. One which can't be returned or put back in the closet. One I had dreamed about. One I had thought to be impossible. As with many gifts, some assembly was required. A little surgery, dozens of medical appointments, hundreds of electrolysis sessions, and thousands of tears. My wife also paid a heavy price. The cost was high, but the result... the result was priceless. After all, how can you put a price on your own life?

I would like to share a haiku I wrote earlier this year, my first since high school...

His mind fraught with pain.
Protecting her all his life.
In darkness she waits.

Consumed with anger,
He sensed his end approaching.
He must set her free.

He shared his secret.
Gentle light now bathed her soul.
She began to grow.

Soon she became strong.
For her to bloom, he must fade.
His silent goodbye.

Surgery finished.
Reminders of him are gone.
His journey complete.

Her soul emerges.
Painful memories recede.
She is free to be.

Awake from her sleep.
Her mind and body align.
Her eyes open wide.

At last, I am she.
A new world beckons me on.
My journey begins.

I am now the person I dreamed to be, the person I always should have been. I can't change my past or forget all those years hiding in darkness, but now I am free to live the rest of my life as myself. Soon, I will have a new birth certificate which states that on July 27, many years ago, a little girl named Jessica Rose was born.

This has been a difficult journey, but I was never alone. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for a very special person. I don't know how she found the strength to stay with me, through decades of anger and rage, but true love knows no bounds. For over 35 years she has stood by my side -- for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. I owe my life to this special person, my best friend, my wife -- Susan.


Love always --Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 18, 2019, 08:03:20 pm »
On Sept 26 I hit the road to California again. I spent the first night in Salt Lake City and the next morning finally got to see the Bonneville Salt Flats in daylight! The contrast between the white salt flats and the hills behind them was actually beautiful. I made it safely to Michelle's place around 4:00pm Friday (Sept 27). The traffic was not as bad as I had expected. Laurie helped me take way too much luggage up to Michelle's apartment, but all was forgiven when I brought out the dark chocolate. @Michelle_P , @Laurie , @steph2.0 and I spent the rest of the evening in conversation.

Saturday morning, @Kendra , @Saha , and Beth arrived for a visit. It was great seeing Kendra again, and finally meeting Saha and Beth was icing on the cake. They couldn't stay long, but any time I get to spend with my sisters and their family is treasured. In the evening we met up with @Jessica  and @AllieSF  for dinner at a local pizza shop. Although we all agreed the pizza was a bit overpriced (Laurie was certain that it wasn't pizza), spending the evening together was well worth it.

On Sunday, Michelle treated us to brunch at Scott's Seafood. It was a buffet of just about any breakfast food you could think of. The brunch included bottomless mimosas! Monday, Stephanie and I did a little shopping. Although my wife says I have enough dresses, I found one that I just couldn't pass up! I also bought a few new tops.

Tuesday I planned to head down to San Jose for my conference, but first Michelle took us to an apple orchard near Placerville. It was a bit chilly, but we enjoyed browsing through the vendors stalls. I think all of us wound up buying something! Before we left the orchard, Michelle bought some apple fritters for us to share. We got back to town around 5:00pm, and it was time for me to pack up and head to San Jose.

After spending all day in meetings, Wednesday evening I drove up to San Francisco to meet AllieSF again. We had not been able to talk much at the pizza shop, and we really wanted to get to know each other better. I wasn't able to get to our meeting place until around 8:00pm, but I am so glad that I went. Allie and I talked about our journeys, our families, and our lives for the next four hours! I didn't get back to my hotel until after 1:00am, but it was time well spent.

I had not attended a technical conference in about 10 years, and I learned quite a bit. On Wednesday I wore the new black and red dress I had bought a few days earlier, and on Thursday I wore a short black and red dress over black leggings. On Friday I decided to wear jeans since I planned to head out of town after lunch. One of the male attendees saw me Friday and asked 'What, no red dress today?' It was nice to know someone had taken notice! Another guy I had met on Wednesday started chatting with me during breakfast. I mentioned something about being bad with names, and he said he used 'word association' to help remember names. Then he said something I will never forget, his mnemonic for me was 'Jessica Rabbit'!!!

After lunch it was time to leave. Traffic was already bad, but I made it to Winnemucca, NV around 8:00pm. The next day (Oct 5) I arrived home.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Jessica Rose, Saha, Stephanie, Laurie, Kendra, and Beth



There is a lot of nothing in northern Nevada, and I saw most of it.

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 21, 2019, 08:01:04 pm »
I was able to rest Sunday (Oct 6), if packing for another trip counts as rest. On Monday morning Susan and I hit the road for Cleveland, OH. The drive was uneventful and the weather was good. We spent the night in Des Moines, IA and made it to Cleveland Tuesday evening. One observation -- Illinois bills itself as the 'Land of Lincoln', I think it would be more appropriate to bill itself the 'Land of Tolls'. If you get within 50 miles of Chicago you will understand.

Wednesday was a normal day at work, except our DBA group invited Susan and I out for lunch. They always take me out to lunch when I'm in town, yet the team I am a member of never does... hmmm. Thursday was the National Coming Out Day event. Susan and I arrived early because I knew the auditorium would fill up fast. A few minutes after we took our seats, two of the folks presenting their stories introduced themselves to us. We had never met them, but they told us that I was the reason they were there that day -- they were both inspired by my story last year. Several others stopped by and thanked me for attending again. The event was a mixture of tears and laughter as five people told their stories that day. At the end of the event, our Chief Marketing Officer mentioned how he was embarrassed at last year's event because he was supposed to provide closing remarks but the stories had left him speechless!

After the event Susan and I mingled outside the auditorium. Several people came over and introduced themselves and told us how my story last year had affected them, many of the stories brought tears to my eyes. It was great to hear that my story had helped so many people. Our Chief Marketing Officer even came over and game me a 'high five', then let me know that it was my presentation last year that had made him speechless! After an hour or so Susan and I headed back to the hotel to pack up for our next stop, a visit with our daughter in Madison, WI.

We left Cleveland around 9:00am Friday and arrived in Madison around 4:30pm. We had just enough time to check in and unpack before our daughter (Emily) took us to her boyfriend house for supper (let's call him RJ). Susan and I had never met RJ, but within about 30 seconds he had won us over. He had done most of the cooking that afternoon, and he had a great sense of humor! Emily had filled him in about me, and all night long he got my name and pronouns correct. Emily had a class Saturday morning, so RJ took us over to the local farmer's market. It was a bit chilly, but we really enjoyed it. Susan and I left with some fresh apples, a selection of jams and jellies, and a quart of maple syrup! After lunch we visited the Mustard Museum in Middleton. Believe it or not, there are hundreds of varieties of mustard! We bought a few varieties for friends back in Colorado.

Susan and I left Madison around 1:30pm on Sunday, both in agreement that Emily had found a great companion to spend time with. We spent the night in Omaha, and made it back home around 4:00pm Monday afternoon. Our next long trip will be a visit to Louisiana for Thanksgiving.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 22, 2019, 05:33:33 am »
Something profound is going to happen today, it almost happened yesterday. I had gone to my electrolysis appointment, but before getting out of the car I checked my email. There it was, a note from dshs.texas.gov -- those of you following my story can probably guess what this is about. I started crying in the car, I nearly had a meltdown. To some of you it may sound like an overreaction, but I am an extremely tactile person -- if I can see it, if I can touch it, that makes it real. My reality is coming via Fed Ex overnight in an envelope, delivery should occur within the next five hours. An error made 57 years, 2 months, and 25 days ago will finally be corrected. I will have proof in my hands that on July 27 all those years ago, a little girl named Jessica Rose was born. I'm crying right now just thinking about it. When I finally hold that piece of paper in my hands my life will finally be real. I will be real. Jessica Rose will be real.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 22, 2019, 09:23:29 am »
The envelope has arrived, just holding it has brought forth tears that I can barely control. I know I just need to let go...

Maybe soon I will gain the strength to open this...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 22, 2019, 09:48:04 am »
I see the envelope sitting there. I know what's inside. Even without opening it my tears are nearly uncontrollable. It is something I have waited for nearly since birth. Yet there it sits, unopened. Why? It marks the end of a journey for part of me, the part who hid me and protected me all of those years. Opening the envelope marks the end of his journey. It will finally release my soul from the darkness, and as the door closes 'he' will be sentenced to the same darkness she endured. I don't hate him. He did his best to protect me, and now his sacrifice will be complete. I want to let go, I need to let go, yet I am frightened.

Her world full of fear.
Protecting her all his life.
In darkness he waits.

Her fear calls to him.
His soul awakens once more.
He must protect her.

Roused from the darkness,
His anger augments her strength.
She conquers her fears.

The danger now passed.
She is safe, he sleeps once more.
In darkness he waits.

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 22, 2019, 07:35:53 pm »
Opening the envelope had to wait. Even though I was working from home today, it was still a workday. Once my workday was complete I had a laser appointment, some shopping at Target, then grocery shopping. Finally, around 5:30pm it was time (I redacted some data for privacy)...

The envelope please...



Let's open it up to see what's inside...



OMG, my new birth certificate stating Jessica Rose was born a FEMALE all those years ago...



I was able to keep it together long enough for a photo or two...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: October 24, 2019, 07:31:07 am »
I want to thank everyone for their warm wishes, I really needed them this morning. Yesterday it was in the 50's and sunny, this morning I woke up to 23 degrees and about six inches of snow! Despite having two boys in the house (whippets) I still do most of the shoveling, although Susan does a good share as well. We do occasionally get snow in October, but even for Colorado Springs it is a bit early for this much snow.

It was still dark when I took this photo, about 1.5 hours before sunrise. For those who like technical details: Canon 5D mk IV, 1/15sec, iso 20000, 35mm, f/3.5, handheld