Scared to go fulltime..

[HappyMoni]

Allison,
   Many of the things you stress about now, like the unwanted attention, will fade. Keep going, stay positive, build your life the way you want it. It will get easier. You will get there. Don't give in to negative thoughts. Every trans person who seems very together now went through a lot of things on their way to getting to that point. You will build strength as you go.
Moni

[Allison S]

Yes you're right.. It's hard to see now but I'll try to have more hope. I'm focusing on moisturizing my skin, my teeth and nails. I'm also taking walks, listening to music, and trying new veggie juices.. I really do try not to stress too much. I have all my beautiful sisters Ashley, Moni, Laurie, Denise, Kathy, Natalie, Stella, Harley, Dawn, elkie, mendi, Rachel, Jessica-Rose, ... just to name a few here... and yes I did go through my whole post and read every word you've all given me. [emoji173] It means a lot to me

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[Allison S]

Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted... I'm on leave from work and I can finally focus on what I need to do so I can go back... I'm thinking I may want to find a new job altogether. I'm starting to forget that my job is part of the reason I'm on leave in the first place... I need a breather from everything. It's like it all hit me at once to test me and I'm so exhausted.

I still haven't moved everything out since I paid until the 31st. I'll go back and get the rest of my clothes later today when I finish doing laundry. Then I'll try to sell the cute purple stools I got 3 months ago. I can probably buy cleaning supplies with that money so I can spruce up the new place. It's a lot of work but it's finally what I need to do. Feels very different than things I just have to do.

I'm in a completely different neighbhorhood and it's much nicer. I feel like an imposter almost- one that somehow infiltrated the rich, nice area. I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.

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[Laurie]

Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted... I'm on leave from work and I can finally focus on what I need to do so I can go back... I'm thinking I may want to find a new job altogether. I'm starting to forget that my job is part of the reason I'm on leave in the first place... I need a breather from everything. It's like it all hit me at once to test me and I'm so exhausted.

I still haven't moved everything out since I paid until the 31st. I'll go back and get the rest of my clothes later today when I finish doing laundry. Then I'll try to sell the cute purple stools I got 3 months ago. I can probably buy cleaning supplies with that money so I can spruce up the new place. It's a lot of work but it's finally what I need to do. Feels very different than things I just have to do.

I'm in a completely different neighbhorhood and it's much nicer. I feel like an imposter almost- one that somehow infiltrated the rich, nice area. I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.

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Hi Allison,

Congratulations on moving. You are not just moving where you live, you are moving on with your life. It is almost a new beginning. You get to change things to make them better. I have faith in you that you will.

Hugs
   Laurie

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[tgirlamg]

Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted...

I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.

Allison!!!!

Now that's what I am talkin' 'bout Little Sister!!! 😀!!!!

Forward momentum takes us where we need to go!... The weight was lifted because YOU made it happen girl!!!... You have shaped your world in meaningful ways and you will continue to shape it in the manner you see fit!!!... Keep the flame of Hope alive in your heart, keep putting one foot in front of the other and set off in the direction you choose with your life... All will be well...

I'm proud of you!!!

Onward we go brave little sister!!!

Ashley 😀💗🌻

[ChrissyRyan]

Allison,

Living in a nice, safe, friendly neighborhood that is convenient for you and affordable is what I think most people want.  I hope this new situation work out well for you.  I am happy for you.

Plus I hope that you get to sell your stools, or better yet, keep them if you want to and that you can get some cleaning supplies at a low price.

Chrissy

[Allison S]

Hi Allison,

Congratulations on moving. You are not just moving where you live, you are moving on with your life. It is almost a new beginning. You get to change things to make them better. I have faith in you that you will.

Hugs
   Laurie

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Thanks Laurie. I think moving on is so understated but very important.. wish I did sooner.

Allison!!!!

Now that's what I am talkin' 'bout Little Sister!!! [emoji3]!!!!

Forward momentum takes us where we need to go!... The weight was lifted because YOU made it happen girl!!!... You have shaped your world in meaningful ways and you will continue to shape it in the manner you see fit!!!... Keep the flame of Hope alive in your heart, keep putting one foot in front of the other and set off in the direction you choose with your life... All will be well...

I'm proud of you!!!

Onward we go brave little sister!!!

Ashley [emoji3][emoji175][emoji258]

I was planning on getting my own place but decided I should get a room instead and save money a while longer. Thanks so much Ashley! [emoji4]

Allison,

Living in a nice, safe, friendly neighborhood that is convenient for you and affordable is what I think most people want.  I hope this new situation work out well for you.  I am happy for you.

Plus I hope that you get to sell your stools, or better yet, keep them if you want to and that you can get some cleaning supplies at a low price.

Chrissy

Thanks Chrissy!! It's so important. I learned this lesson the hard way with the last place I lived in.

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[Allison S]

I just want to add a little update. I'm not sure if I'm full time yet but since a couple weeks ago, day by day little by little I've been adding more makeup when I go out. Mostly just lipgloss and mascara for ease of things. I wear leggings because they're comfy. I don't get sir anymore. Some guy mumbled "have a good one man" but it was very under his breath and like he didn't mean to say it? I don't get called miss yet because my hair is still short and by all measures I'm probably more so a feminine andro / non gender to others type.

I feel like I'm wanting to get a "miss" from someone like I would a trophy... it's yet to happen and honestly, again, it's the hair length. It has to be! Maybe the beard shadow too?


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[KathyLauren]

I just want to add a little update. I'm not sure if I'm full time yet but since a couple weeks ago, day by day little by little I've been adding more makeup when I go out. Mostly just lipgloss and mascara for ease of things. I wear leggings because they're comfy. I don't get sir anymore. Some guy mumbled "have a good one man" but it was very under his breath and like he didn't mean to say it? I don't get called miss yet because my hair is still short and by all measures I'm probably more so a feminine andro / non gender to others type.

I feel like I'm wanting to get a "miss" from someone like I would a trophy... it's yet to happen and honestly, again, it's the hair length. It has to be! Maybe the beard shadow too?


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Congrats on being more yourself when you go out.  Only you can decide when it counts as full-time, but it sounds like you are close to it or already there.

I have never been "miss"ed, but that's because of my age.  I do get "ma'am"ed, though.  And I love it when my wife and I get addressed as "ladies" in a store or restaurant.  You will get it soon enough!

As your makeup and presentation skills improve, you will be perceived as more feminine than androgynous.  Make sure you tell us when you get your first "miss", so we can all go squeee!!! together.

[Faith]

good for you Allison. There's nothing more liberating than being yourself.

If I think about it, I've been 'full-time' for quite a while now. Although I wear all feminine attire + make-up, I don't 'feel' like I'm presenting female, nor do I expect to be ma'am'd or miss'd. I still feel like me only more comfortable.

keep moving forward

[kokasaki]

I think I'm a little late on this, but I also think it's important to say:
I've heard from a lot of people, "oh you're so strong for doing this," or "you're so courageous" but what they don't understand is that its not a choice that you can make. I don't choose to be strong, it happened along the way.
I think as you find your place and your people, it won't be as scary being fulltime. It will still be scary, don't mistake me, but hopefully just a couple of notches lower on the fear scale.

[Allison S]

Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.

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[kokasaki]

Good for you, as hard as it is (at least for some people) not caring about what others think when it's what you need is a really good thing to be able to do.

[tgirlamg]

Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.

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File this under.. "Things said by happy successful women at the beginning of their journey"

Love Ya Lil' Sister!... I knew from day one you were going to come to own this!!!

Onward we go brave girl

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

[Allison S]

Thanks everyone [emoji4]

I think I got a "miss" from the distance today even with my hair being short. I'm not sure though because he could've been talking to anyone since it was on the subway... he asked me for a cigarette. Another guy shouted "yo!" later and I just ignore that. Call me Miss or don't call me at all! I mean for guys that are strangers lol

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[Jailyn]

You have to start going full time at some point unless you don't want to. It sounds like you are so you have to start and put on a brave face and face the world. We all have a strength inside of us to do it. We have all treaded where you have. Different places and circumstances all of us started where you are did it our way. I was scared too for at least a couple months then it started not to phase me and was my new normal. It was me!!!! It felt so great to go out dressed as myself to be recognized as that too!!! Just take it step at a time and gain your confidence. You can't always immediately jump off the cliff.

[Susan Baum]

Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.

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Hi, Allison,
After reading your topic, it looks like you may have accidentally slipped into full time without realizing it.
And don't worry about the short hair, my wife (a middle school teacher) kept hers much shorter than mine so she could grab quick showers and get on with her days - and my sister still does! Neither care for the hassle of conditioning, brushing, styling...

Susan

[Allison S]

I think so Susan! I mean today I wore skinny grey jeans, a tshirt, tennis shoes and  no makeup. I still felt like myself. My face is a bit puffy from my laser session yesterday but otherwise I'm a girl.

I just envy people with long hair. I always did keep it short myself, but that desire to want something "right now" is really strong.  It's gotten better recently (I'm more patient) but since my face is so puffy from laser it just seems so much more necessary.

But it all just confirms I don't want to look masculine. I know what makes me feel good when I look in the mirror. I'm going to ask my dr about an orchi on my visit this month.

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[HappyMoni]

Hope you don't mind me saying this Allison, but I have seen you grow so much in the time I have seen you on the site. I think you are more and more gaining confidence. It is wonderful to see. You got this Girl!
Moni

[Allison S]

Hope you don't mind me saying this Allison, but I have seen you grow so much in the time I have seen you on the site. I think you are more and more gaining confidence. It is wonderful to see. You got this Girl!
Moni

Aw thanks! I hope so. I have my ups and (serious) downs still of course.

I have a list of surgeries I need which are rhinoplasty, forehead/brow bossing reduction and orchiectomy.

I don't think I'm the most beautiful woman there is. But I am a woman. I'm not the most feminine since, well, I did start off as a boy.

Being here has helped me a lot. I think my emotions are more stable now (5 months) and obviously my personal problems not being as bad helps.

I've been off work for almost 6 weeks which has nothing to do with my transitioning yet I think helps it the most. Everyday I wake up and I want to go out as myself. I always want to do something.

I'm a bit alone right now and I see couples walking around everywhere. I just think they're cute more so than feel envy.

I still have a long way to go. To be honest I'm counting down the months hoping things get better.

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