I can't imagine what it would be like living in NYC. I'd feel uncomfortable there even if I was a cis man. I live in a village of no more than 300, and the nearest "big town" where I go shopping has a population of 4000. So I get it that the big city would freak you out. But my understanding of NYC is that you can be pretty weird and no one will even notice you.
You have to look at your big picture. Would it be worth it to live with the continuing dysphoria just on the chance that something bad might happen to you? In spite of the terrible things that we hear reported on the news, the reality is that most trans women live their lives with nothing more than the odd glance that lasts a little too long.
Have you tried spending a day going about the city as your true self? I did, and it was transformative for me.
Ironically, I was in the city (population 400,000, big for here) for an therapist appointment to discuss my fear of going full-time. Because of winter weather, I went a day early and stayed overnight in a hotel. So I had an evening and a morning to kill before my appointment. Although I checked into my hotel in male mode, I spent the rest of the time in Kathy mode.
In the evening, I went out with some of my support group friends to a nightclub where one of the group members was MC-ing a comedy night. In the morning, I went out for breakfast, wandered around the shopping district, bought a few items, had lunch in a nice little coffee shop, all presenting as Kathy.
By the time of my appointment, I was feeling pretty good. I ended up being a bit unfocused about my fears, because they were in the process of evaporating. My therapist suggested a few more appointments to discuss the fear, but, by the time I drove home, I realized that I didn't need them.
That day of freedom cured me! YMMV. I can't promise you similar results, but if you haven't tried spending a day out in public, I would strongly recommend it.
