Got my first transphobic insult

[GrayKat]

It caught me by surprise because I am am still presenting as male. I have ten months of HRT under my belt and my hair is longer, but that is it.

This is how it went down...
I met up with a guy I used to work with. We meet about once a month for dinner. But with the holidays, it's been two since I saw him. I walked up the the front door and noticed him walking about ten feet behind me. So I looked at him and gave him a quick greeting. He looked at me and at first he did not recognize me. Like I said, its only been two months since he saw me. So he has seem my hair long. But once it registered, he got an angry look on his face and said nothing.

So we walk in, I greet the waitress and we move on the the table. I hear behind me, "Your an old man wearing a wig". (I am neither old or wearing a wig). The comment was designed to be the worst possible. Lucky I had my back to him when he said it. Once we sat down... this was the exchange

He starts...
"That's a wig"
"No it's not"
"Yes it is"
"No...it's... not"
Then for a moment he looked confused.
"You got hair transplants"
"No, I didn't" (My hair is natural)
"Your hair is not that thick" (He has bad male pattern baldness, btw)
"Yes, it is. It's just longer"

Then he dropped it. But he was sort with me the whole time. I have a feeling our dinners will come to an end, which is fine with me.

[Jessica]

Was it a transphobic insult or jealousy?  Did he give allusion that he thought you were transgender?

[Devlyn]

Big hug! If he can't handle long hair on you, wait until the real changes kick in. He'll go off like a rocket! 

My friends earn that friendship, as I've earned theirs. I dismiss non-tolerant people from my life whether they're blood relatives or casual acquaintances.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Charlie Nicki]

What a douchebag.

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[KathyLauren]

I am not sure if that is transphobia or just being a d******d.  Either way, if he's going to be that way, you don't need him in your life.

[Kylo]

Sounds like one of those people who have no check mechanism between their brain and their mouth. Or they just want to get a reaction.

I've found that you can actually make these people uncomfortable by turning the situation back on them - I used to think they were the type who were embarrassed by nothing because they'd comment so openly in the first place... but it's not necessarily true. Or you can deflect their comment into a normal conversation. Or just totally don't feed it and ignore the remark.

[DawnOday]

Sounds like you earned your first stripe. Wear it with pride. Don't allow ignorance to interfere with your goal. A life of living in your own skin and finding happiness doing so.

[GrayKat]

Yeah, I had four stripes in the Air Force, I may beat that.

I have a thought and I would like to get some feedback on this. My hair is pretty much the same as it was two months ago. But I have noticed an acceleration in feminization. He did not recognize me at first even though he has known me for ten years. Could he have felt a momentary attraction to me due to the HRT and got pissed off? Don't worry, I am not entertaining my ego. I have no interest in men as it is. Perhaps that is why he said, "your a man in a wig".

[Lady Sarah]

It makes me wonder what that jerk will say after you get some electrolysis. Of course, you could tell him the same thing that happened to his head is happening to your face.

[Roll]

That is a very weird exchange. It seems strange in only 2 months he would suddenly see something he didn't before.

[KarynMcD]

Sounds more like he is jealous of your hair. I have a feeling that he's not going to want to hang out with you once you transition anyway, because you're a girl and real men don't hang out with girls. 

[sweetjohnnylat]

I'm sorry that happened to you. A similar thing happened to me at work I've been growing out my hair and a fellow older trucker said I know a stylist who can fix that hair. I was like who the f are you to offer me advice. I held it in then a few days later he tried again to stir the pot that time I let out some steam on him and dropped the F off on him. I'm trying to grow a thicker skin. This past weekend some fellow Christians approach me at a restaurant and tried getting me saved again lol. I'm like yeah I'm Christian too. Some people think they can solve problems that aren't there I just let it go walk in love and carry on.


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[Julia1996]

I agree with everyone, it sounds like he was jealous of your hair. I'm sorry that happened to you. You're better off without that tool as a "friend".

[Julia1996]

I'm sorry that happened to you. A similar thing happened to me at work I've been growing out my hair and a fellow older trucker said I know a stylist who can fix that hair. I was like who the f are you to offer me advice. I held it in then a few days later he tried again to stir the pot that time I let out some steam on him and dropped the F off on him. I'm trying to grow a thicker skin. This past weekend some fellow Christians approach me at a restaurant and tried getting me saved again lol. I'm like yeah I'm Christian too. Some people think they can solve problems that aren't there I just let it go walk in love and carry on.


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I try very hard to be tolerant of religion but it really rubs me the wrong way when people try so shove their religion in my face. I've slammed the door in the face of Jehovah's witnesses who wouldn't shut up after a few polite " not interested, thanks anyway"  didn't do it. Once I knew it was them and just didn't answer the door and they actually looked in the picture window! I turned the sprinkler system on and soaked them. And once at the mall some type of Christians were handing out pamphlets trying to "save" people. When I said no thank you one of them asked me if I died right then was I sure where I would go. I told him yeah, the morgue.  At the mall! The mall! Is nothing sacred?!

[DawnOday]

I try very hard to be tolerant of religion but it really rubs me the wrong way when people try so shove their religion in my face. I've slammed the door in the face of Jehovah's witnesses who wouldn't shut up after a few polite " not interested, thanks anyway"  didn't do it. Once I knew it was them and just didn't answer the door and they actually looked in the picture window! I turned the sprinkler system on and soaked them. And once at the mall some type of Christians were handing out pamphlets trying to "save" people. When I said no thank you one of them asked me if I died right then was I sure where I would go. I told him yeah, the morgue.  At the mall! The mall! Is nothing sacred?!

My Grandfather who was a Seventh Day Adventist minister loved it when JW's and Mormons came to the door and they would throw scripture at each other. Very interesting to watch. The thing about Mormons is that it seems women are okay to serve beverages but not serve in the church hierarchy. And until a few years ago African Americans were seen as evil.

[Faith]

My wife kept a stack of her literature by the door. When the knock came on the door, she was polite and simply said, "Why, I'd love to look through it. Here's some of mine for you to read."

they didn't come back

[Julia1996]

My Grandfather who was a Seventh Day Adventist minister loved it when JW's and Mormons came to the door and they would throw scripture at each other. Very interesting to watch. The thing about Mormons is that it seems women are okay to serve beverages but not serve in the church hierarchy. And until a few years ago African Americans were seen as evil.

My uncle's wife is some southern religion. The first time I ever met her she told me trans people went to hell. My dad told her if she was going to say ignorant things she could leave. So she got off the trans bashing and started talking about people in her church speaking in tongues and dancing around with snakes. I started laughing and she looked at me like I was Satan. I honestly thought she was joking. I thought the playing with snakes was a TV thing. I didn't know it was an actual thing! I'm not afraid of snakes and I've held them before but to mess with a snake that's venomous and can kill you is nuts!

[Roll]

My uncle's wife is some southern religion. The first time I ever met her she told me trans people went to hell. My dad told her if she was going to say ignorant things she could leave. So she got off the trans bashing and started talking about people in her church speaking in tongues and dancing around with snakes. I started laughing and she looked at me like I was Satan. I honestly thought she was joking. I thought the playing with snakes was a TV thing. I didn't know it was an actual thing! I'm not afraid of snakes and I've held them before but to mess with a snake that's venomous and can kill you is nuts!

[DawnOday]

Julia...May I recommend watching Jesus Camp on Youtube. Warning..You will be disturbed.

[Sephirah]

This is starting to go down a road it probably shouldn't. Let's leave the religion out of it, since it isn't really relevant to the OP.

There's an old saying: "Criticism tells us more about the critic than the criticised." This seems very apt in this case, GrayKat.