May 23rd - ONE YEAR FULL TIME AND SECOND >-bleeped-<VERSARYWow! it has already been
one entire year full time. Time flies.
I knew May was a big month for me and looking back I was not really sure which date I should use, so I decided to use the date I sent out an email to most people at work introducing them to Sarah. This was
May 23rd, 2017 at 8:46 AM after quite an awesome week of firsts
In this thread from last yearThe subject line caused a lot of concern and I did get a few responses saying: "No problem about being trans, we were afraid you would quit" hahaha... I did choose the subject line on purpose.
** left click for larger view
Just as a quick recap -
I admitted to being trans in April 2016, started Therapy in October 2016 and Hormones January 2017. Starting coming out to friends in March 2017.
It has been a fun, thrilling, exciting, incredible, interesting and tumultuous year. But it also had its challenges.
I am out and about and visible every single day. I am Sarah.
Before and AfterWhile thinking about this day, I did go through old photos and I did find a photo from August 2016. This was after coming out to my wife but before any therapy or Hormones. I was wearing a dress I still have, and I do have a picture in it from early May 2018. What a difference. The sad short haired male is gone and has been replaced by a bubbly and happy woman.
One year in 60 seconds I have to admit, that I have been very lucky in my transition so far. Work took fantastic about my coming out, they changed my email address within a few days and sent me new business cards. All my customers have been great, they changed their systems. All of our friends have been great and very accepting. My family was very accepting and supportive. Parents in law are OK about it.
My wife continues her best to be supportive, but I do know she is still struggling. So far we are both committed trying to make it work, and even her the normality of the new situation is actually helping her too.
Over the past few months, my passing rate in public has dramatically increased and at least for people who did not know me from before, I do get gendered correctly about 99% of the time. I have been seen as my kid's mother at the doctor (Hot Mommy#2). So far I have been able to travel multiple times without issues, use the correct bathroom and the gym locker room. And I finally made it through the "awkward hair" phase. Still not able to do much with it, but it has reached a nice length. I graduated from Laser Hair removal, now awaiting Electrolysis. My other body hair has always been fairly spotty and is in nice female range (shaving every few weeks).
Most days for me are just normal days. Get up, drop the kid at daycare, go to the gym, work, pick the kid up, go shopping and then household chores. I still travel a lot more than I want but in the end, it pays the bills, and I can fully travel as Sarah. The weekend is farmers market, music class, yard work and fun activities. Just normal life as Sarah. A lot of that is documented here in multiple posts.
I am generally accepted into the "girls club" and I am generally treated like the women I am.
I have met fantastic people during my journey so far. I have made so many new friends, on Susan's and beyond, and I am very grateful about every single one
The entire year I have worn men's clothes twice early on and I hated it. All of them are now boxed up and waiting for a friend to pick them up for charity. I do have a decent new wardrobe, a good mix between a soccer mom and "Meghan Markle in the TV show Suits inspired" business style.
Recently I started taking care of my fitness and body better to be able to celebrate many more of these special days hopefully.
Oh...
and for all the gatekeepers: 1 year RLE - done and dusted. That was easy.
I am lucky to live in a very accepting area of the US and so far have not had any negative reactions. A few odd looks, especially early on. Nothing has been said to me and I have not heard anything being said behind my back. I am fully aware that this is only a matter of time until it happens and I need to be ready for that day.
Fun moments over the past year... being called "mom" by my kid's doctor
... The Canadian Customs Agent was asking me how I am related to the person in my ID's, and after I explained we laughed and she looked up all the steps I have to take whenever I am ready to change my name legally. So sweet.
... Being referred to as "moms" when out and about with the family.
... Meeting a parent of a trans child in a clothing store in the smallest of all towns in the middle of Pennsylvania. She made shopping for the dress I wanted so much easier by telling me about her son.
... A 70-year-old man in a store was insisting on carrying "heavy" items for me.
... Being offered seats and doors being held open.
... Getting the first pieces of mail for "Sarah."
... Seeing "Sarah [lastname]" in TV credits, last time it was still all my old name.
... Breaking out in tears over some of the sweetest things my kid did.
... Finally having emotions.
... Being kicked out of the men's room (yeah!)
... When signing up for Gym, they changed my gender to "female" even though they had my male ID right in front of them. They also pushed me through the ladies locker room for the first time.
... People I worked with walking right past me, not recognizing me after all these changes.
... Being hit on by a mid 20's nerd at the checkout of a computer store.
... Creating guilt trips in men and being brought a lovely dinner at work as a result of it.
... Using the words "Fine" and "Whatever" in stereotypically feminine manner.
and so many more fun moments.
I have been hit with puberty. A 38-year-old woman (well, I am 38 for a few times now) with raging teen hormones. Fun. I think I will subscribe to "teen vogue" next and get some glitter nail polish.
StrugglesThe good days by far outweigh the bad days, so I am happy. I am also working very hard to change my attitude towards life.
Admittedly, I do struggle now and then. I do know I did make the right decision and I don't want to nor can I go back to my old life. Parts of my struggles are caused by the initial thrills having worn off. There was so much adrenalin in the beginning. The first friend to tell, first time out in a dress in general public, starting hormones and coming out at work. And then there was a normal life. Just living as Sarah. And I did start missing the rush of the next step and the reward when crossing another bridge.
While I have long stretches of really enjoying the "normal," I do get interrupted by wanting to take the next steps.
Thanks to the current law in Germany, a name and gender marker change is nearly impossible. While the entire government wants to make changes, it just does not have any priority to them. I could change all my US documents, but that would only cause a lot of confusion, especially when traveling.
My voice is still a significant giveaway. Not sure what to do about that yet. Maybe I need to invest the time in voice training. I have not lucked out in breast growth - stuck at an A cup, and that is shrinking due to my current weight loss.
I am still very insecure about many aspects of my presentation and manners. I think there are still too many giveaways. I am seeking an excellent female mentor.
And of course, I am still struggling with what I have done to my wife.
I also list puberty in this category. It has caused a few issues too. And I cannot stand cold showers. (For all my German speaking friends: I am a "Warmduscher" - someone who only takes hot showers). And apparently "One Direction" split up. "Fifth Harmony" is on Hiatus, and I never liked Justin Bieber, so what am I gonna do now? That sucks.
What will the next year bring?Continue to live my normal life. Yes, I am a suburban soccer mom.
My biggest hope for the next year of Sarah is to work on improving the relationship with my wife. This is the foundation for our happiness and moving forward on many other aspects of my transition.
My next logical step is to look into surgery. Initially, I did not think this would be important to me, but it has become essential to me over the past year. I am also starting to consider BA. I was hoping for at least a B cup and I may need some help. Both are much further away than I want and there will most likely not be anything happen in the coming year.
My parents and family will finally meet Sarah - for logistical reasons we only see each other every two years.
And then just a few simple things: complete facial hair removal, add a few items to my wardrobe and get my first mammogram.
Continue to improve my fitness, keeping up with the gym and other workouts.
If you made it till here - Thank you so much for reading through all this.
thank you all for your continued support!!!
