Sarah's New World

[Jayne01]

Hi Mrs Sarah <last name>,

Thank you for this wonderful update. It definitely warrants some squeeeeeeeee's.

The GP office asking for Mrs Sarah <last name>, the end is coming near with your zapping and the gala event will be so much fun to get all dressed up for. This is all very exciting stuff, worth a squeeeeee!!!

But the surgery is super Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee worthy. I am so excited for you that I may just pee myself. [emoji15] Choosing between the different types of surgeries is a big personal decision. GCS is a big one that has been on your mind for quite some time now. Having a young child who is still at an age where she will accomplish lots of firsts in her life makes time away from home and recovery time an important consideration.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! What an awesome and exciting update. I am very happy for you Sarah. I am also happy to see an avatar again. A photo of you would be better when you are ready to put one up again, but the cute characters you have now are better than nothing.

Hugs,
Jayne [emoji1299][emoji171][emoji1299]

Aug 31st - Surgery Plans

Sorry for springing the surgery topic on everyone without providing more detail.

Before I go there a few random updates:

Squee... My GP doctor's office called for a follow-up appointment... asked for "Mrs. Sarah <last name>" So nice.

And... today I can finally shave. One more zapping session. But I ran out of shaving cream. Too bad, now I have to buy a new bottle even though the end is near.

Would be nice if the gala would be at MGM Las Vegas - it is not. It is MGM National Harbour, less than an hour drive away (depending on traffic).


So - now for surgery.

I have been thinking a lot about the four different options I have: Face, Voice, BA, and GRS. With every choice, I do have to consider my small family. Our closest relatives are on another continent and it is pretty much the three of us. Our kid is 30 months old and of course in a stage of her life, where I really do not want to miss out on a lot. The 6 weeks I missed due to a work assignment was something which took months to repair. I also know that she is usually scared of big changes, like even the wig I had in the beginning, freaked her out.

My face is one of those things I am not sure about. Sure my nose and eyebrows could use some work but it is also not yet bothering me too much. It is also one of the most visible options.

Voice - I have put off until I have tried voice training. This may be one of the things once I am done with all the zapping.

BA - This is a lot higher on my list. After 20 months on HRT I am still a "38 barely", not even filling an A cup. I know my E levels are still on the lower end even tough I am maxed out on dosage. So there may be some hope for growth if I could eliminate the source of all evil.

Which of course leaves the one I am currently starting to plan:

GRS - I have been tossing around the three options (Orchi, cosmetic and full depth) - I know I would only have one surgery if possible, so Orchi was pretty much out. I also knew my preference was full depth vaginoplasty.

I ended up discussing the options with y wife and she understood Orchi not being what I need and she even said, cosmetic may not be what I need/want. We also discussed that I need to check on a few things to make sure this does not have any impact financially and on our lives. She was under the impression I could not work for 2 years. I assured her, that under normal circumstances I can be back after a few weeks. I still have to check on FMLA and Short Term Disability.

My preference would be a surgeon close by, to make things easier for her and our kid to visit and to avoid lengthy travel.

The closest being Karen M Boyle in Baltimore. While she has worked with Dr. Blubond-Langer in the past, I did not find anything about her in this forum and some other places I looked.

Of course, there is NYU and Dr. Blubond Langer as an option

and then Dr. Keelee McPhee in Raleigh. I know a few girls here had their surgery with her, so there is information around.

Baltimore is easy for me to get to and initial visits to NYU could be combined with work trips. NYU has the longest wait list, which may be another thing to consider: timing. I know the next of my regular huge work assignments is coming too.

So, this is where I am Lots of added research to do for me. I have the appointment at my GP where I will bring up the surgery and then also an appointment with my therapist to discuss this and see if she is willing to write a letter. We have talked about it before. I also want to ask her about the Psychiatrist I need in addition, maybe she has a good referral.

Wow, this became a longer post than I thought. But now you know where I am :-)

Hugs,

Sarah

[sarah1972]

ARRRRRGGGGHHH...
I did some reconnaissance on the Gala I am going later this month and found fotos/videos from last year...

NO EVENING WEAR!!!! Business outfits. The only person in evening wear was one of the hosts.

So disappointing. Especially since BFF[emoji1352]‍[emoji373][emoji171][emoji68]‍[emoji335] and I already went virtual dress shopping.

There goes my fancy night out and all the pampering [emoji22][emoji22][emoji22]

Well - if it fits, I will still keep the fancy dress for the next occasion. But now I still have to go shopping.

My wife just said: it is sooo hard to dress as a woman, you can only do it wrong.

Oh... and the men's outfits I saw? BORING!!! Or bad: why would anyone with a sane mind wear light brown shoes along with Wilma dark blue pin stripe suit. Serious? Also Sneakers are a total no go. Men. 🤷‍♀️

Rant over.

[KathyLauren]

It's not a real gala if the men aren't in tuxes and the women aren't in fancy dresses. 

[sarah1972]

It's not a real gala if the men aren't in tuxes and the women aren't in fancy dresses. 

I know, right? I found one or two women in a cocktail dress. But given that I prefer to blend in, my cocktail dress will stay home.

I have some hope for a Gala in New York in May. That is a proper one, with tux, fancy dresses, high heels and red carpet... but that is sooooo far out...

[Michelle_P]

It's not a real gala if the men aren't in tuxes and the women aren't in fancy dresses. 

In my world I would expect to see a good portion of the women in tuxes and the rest in fancy dress.  My world may be slightly non-normative with respect to the dominant culture...

[Jayne01]

OH NO!!!! How disappointing. It would have been so much fun to dress up fancy. The dress is beautiful and you would have looked absolutely stunning wearing it.

Who is the organiser of this event?!!? I will give them a piece of my mind and make them change the dress code to a proper fancy gala event!!!! And I don't have many pieces of my mind to spare!!! [emoji23]

You can still do the pampering and make yourself look smashing in a business outfit. You deserve some pampering.

The gala event in NY sounds like they know how to do it right. Maybe something else will come up before May. You should contact your good friend in NY to see if she has any upcoming fancy events that you could invite yourself to! [emoji126]🤷‍♀️

Hugs,
Jayne [emoji1352]‍[emoji373]

ARRRRRGGGGHHH...
I did some reconnaissance on the Gala I am going later this month and found fotos/videos from last year...

NO EVENING WEAR!!!! Business outfits. The only person in evening wear was one of the hosts.

So disappointing. Especially since BFF[emoji1352]‍[emoji373][emoji171][emoji68]‍[emoji335] and I already went virtual dress shopping.

There goes my fancy night out and all the pampering [emoji22][emoji22][emoji22]

Well - if it fits, I will still keep the fancy dress for the next occasion. But now I still have to go shopping.

My wife just said: it is sooo hard to dress as a woman, you can only do it wrong.

Oh... and the men's outfits I saw? BORING!!! Or bad: why would anyone with a sane mind wear light brown shoes along with Wilma dark blue pin stripe suit. Serious? Also Sneakers are a total no go. Men. 🤷‍♀️

Rant over.

[Northern Star Girl]

I know, right? I found one or two women in a cocktail dress. But given that I prefer to blend in, my cocktail dress will stay home.

I have some hope for a Gala in New York in May. That is a proper one, with tux, fancy dresses, high heels and red carpet... but that is sooooo far out...

@sarah1972
Dear Sarah:
Thank you very much for posting your "Surgery Plans" update.   I am wishing you well and that everything proceeds as you are hoping....   thank you for sharing all of that with your followers.  Please keep us updated so we can rejoice with you when the good things happen... and of course if and when the not so good things happen, we can then support you with our thoughts and comforting words....

As you are. I am so disappointed to hear that your MGM Gala is not quite the "gala" that was expected. 
I fully agree with statement by @KathyLauren  ...
"It's not a real gala if the men aren't in tuxes and the women aren't in fancy dresses.  "

I am not yet certain that you should put away your little black dress quite yet....  I know that you must have business (female) friends that you can contact to get another opinion of what the dress code will be like....   if it were me, I would go in my LBD and black patent high heels anyway....  mainly because I really do not get an opportunity very often here in my situation to dress up like that.... but on the other hand perhaps your decision to fly under the radar might be prudent....   but please check it out with other attendees before you give up on the dressing up option.  It is so much fun to dress up with all of the adornments and all the preparation and pampering.

Again, thank you for all of your interesting updates,  it is nice to keep up with your goings-on.
Hugs,
Danielle

[sarah1972]

My dear readers -

some of you may have noticed me being more absent from the forums than usual. For the past six months, I have been dealing with increased levels of anxiety and depressions and I currently do not have the energy to stay up to date on the forums.

Getting increasingly worse, I have finally taken steps to get out of this situation after noticing that even the prospect of having surgery in 2019 did not pull me out of my troubles. I am extremely excited about this and I am really looking forward to being as whole as possible.

I did have a major breakthrough in finding the cause of my depression late last night when I finally realized what the trigger moments have been. None of which are related to my transition. Finally, I have something to work on.

I am not sure how long the process will be and how / when I will be more active again on the forum.  I know some of my friends are going through very exciting times, and I want to stay up to date on their journeys. I will not fully leave but will reduce my presence and activity here. I have a lot to work through and I have to fully focus on getting back to the happy and bubbly girl I was when I started HRT.

So long!

Love you all,

Hugs,

Sarah

[steph2.0]

My dear readers -

some of you may have noticed me being more absent from the forums than usual. For the past six months, I have been dealing with increased levels of anxiety and depressions and I currently do not have the energy to stay up to date on the forums.

Getting increasingly worse, I have finally taken steps to get out of this situation after noticing that even the prospect of having surgery in 2019 did not pull me out of my troubles. I am extremely excited about this and I am really looking forward to being as whole as possible.

I did have a major breakthrough in finding the cause of my depression late last night when I finally realized what the trigger moments have been. None of which are related to my transition. Finally, I have something to work on.

I am not sure how long the process will be and how / when I will be more active again on the forum.  I know some of my friends are going through very exciting times, and I want to stay up to date on their journeys. I will not fully leave but will reduce my presence and activity here. I have a lot to work through and I have to fully focus on getting back to the happy and bubbly girl I was when I started HRT.

So long!

Love you all

And we all love you, Sarah. I think we all go through what you are right now. I've watched it happen to many of our sisters and brothers here, and I had to take time off myself a few months ago, though I couldn't stay away long. Know that we'll be here to listen and help whenever you need us.

Take care, sister.


Stephanie

[Northern Star Girl]

My dear Sarah:
Thank you for bringing your thread back to life.
Yes, certainly take all the time you require to get back on track and to yours  happy place.
Meanwhile if you leave your thread up your followers can review all the posts and lift events you have experienced and all the comments and replies.

Whenever you feel free to come back and post then we will know where to find you.

As always I am rooting for your success and happiness.
Thank you for giving all of us a heads up....
HUGS AND HUGS
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Hey Sarah!!!!

I am so happy to see your thread has returned. This thread is an important part of your journey, documenting highs and lows and even everyday soccer mum non eventful times. It is a way for your online friends to be a part of your journey and to offer support and friendship. Also, any newcomers to the site that come across your thread could find some useful information to help them on their own journey by relating to something posted here.

Take all the time you need away from the forum to find happy and bubbly Sarah. Please leave your thread here, it will be waiting for you to return, just as your many loyal readers will be.

Finding the root cause of your depression is a massive breakthrough. Now you can work on how to manage it. Please get well soon, you will be missed while away from here, but your health is most important.

Come back soon....

Love you girl! [emoji171][emoji1299]

Hugs,
Jayne

My dear readers -

some of you may have noticed me being more absent from the forums than usual. For the past six months, I have been dealing with increased levels of anxiety and depressions and I currently do not have the energy to stay up to date on the forums.

Getting increasingly worse, I have finally taken steps to get out of this situation after noticing that even the prospect of having surgery in 2019 did not pull me out of my troubles. I am extremely excited about this and I am really looking forward to being as whole as possible.

I did have a major breakthrough in finding the cause of my depression late last night when I finally realized what the trigger moments have been. None of which are related to my transition. Finally, I have something to work on.

I am not sure how long the process will be and how / when I will be more active again on the forum.  I know some of my friends are going through very exciting times, and I want to stay up to date on their journeys. I will not fully leave but will reduce my presence and activity here. I have a lot to work through and I have to fully focus on getting back to the happy and bubbly girl I was when I started HRT.

So long!

Love you all,

Hugs,

Sarah

[sarah1972]

Sept 17 - Intermediate update

Thanks to everyone who has commented after my last update. It means a lot to know that I have so many friends caring about me. Like I care about all of you.

For a quick update:

Things are looking a little bit better these days. It seems the news meds are helping and a few people have noticed an uptick in my mood, including my wife. I still have ways to go but I am finally starting to get better and can focus again on what is important. I hope this trend continues so I am back to being a happy soccer mom soon.

The weekend was fun and packed with activities. I also got some other important work done.

We had a (funny) incident this weekend: We were out and about with my 30 months old daughter and my wife. At one point, we wanted to check/change her diaper and all went into the ladies room. The diaper was fine, and we pack up. My wife reminds me, that I wanted to go potty too while I was there (thanks Spiro) and off I go. not thinking much about it. The stalls were in an adjacent room to the sinks. All goes well, I come back to wash my hands and as soon as I turn around the corner, my kid decides to yell "Papa" through the entire ladies bathroom considerably happy to see me. I thought they would wait outside, but they decided to wait inside. And of course, the bathroom was packed with other women. Lucky enough, no one worried about a kid yelling but it could have gotten quite uncomfortable. At least it was in DC which has laws in place allowing me to use the bathroom matching my gender identity.

I try hard to see it as a funny incident of "kids being kids" but of course it has me worried too and I need to figure out how to handle this going forward. The last thing I want is being outed and getting in trouble right in front of my little baby girl.

So much for today...

Stay strong everyone and have a great week!

Hugs,

Sarah

[Northern Star Girl]

@sarah1972
Dear Sarah:
Thanks for sharing your latest and long awaited update to your personal thread.

I am so very glad that you are getting well and will soon be "Happy Soccer Mom" and "Hot Mama #2" once again.

Wow,....  you handled being called Papa while your were in the Ladies Room very well, if that had happened to me it would have caused me to pee my pants....  your kiddo was innocent of course, but perhaps "next time" you might find a way avoid this distressing  opportunity for disaster!!!

Again, thank you for your update.... get well soon and be certain to get your flu and pneumonia vaccination shots ASAP.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Donica]

Sept 17 - Intermediate update

Thanks to everyone who has commented after my last update. It means a lot to know that I have so many friends caring about me. Like I care about all of you.

For a quick update:

Things are looking a little bit better these days. It seems the news meds are helping and a few people have noticed an uptick in my mood, including my wife. I still have ways to go but I am finally starting to get better and can focus again on what is important. I hope this trend continues so I am back to being a happy soccer mom soon.

The weekend was fun and packed with activities. I also got some other important work done.

We had a (funny) incident this weekend: We were out and about with my 30 months old daughter and my wife. At one point, we wanted to check/change her diaper and all went into the ladies room. The diaper was fine, and we pack up. My wife reminds me, that I wanted to go potty too while I was there (thanks Spiro) and off I go. not thinking much about it. The stalls were in an adjacent room to the sinks. All goes well, I come back to wash my hands and as soon as I turn around the corner, my kid decides to yell "Papa" through the entire ladies bathroom considerably happy to see me. I thought they would wait outside, but they decided to wait inside. And of course, the bathroom was packed with other women. Lucky enough, no one worried about a kid yelling but it could have gotten quite uncomfortable. At least it was in DC which has laws in place allowing me to use the bathroom matching my gender identity.

I try hard to see it as a funny incident of "kids being kids" but of course it has me worried too and I need to figure out how to handle this going forward. The last thing I want is being outed and getting in trouble right in front of my little baby girl.

So much for today...

Stay strong everyone and have a great week!

Hugs,

Sarah

Oh dear yes! That could have been a very trying moment indeed Sarah. Kids say the darndest things don't they? . Those were fun days. I wouldn't change them for anything. Wow! I just found your thread. I need to catch up.

Hugs,
Donica.

[JudiBlueEyes]

Oh Sarah, that will be a story to tell years from now!   Like Danielle I probably would have had an "accident."  I'm sure the next time you'll say "meet me outside."

[Jayne01]

Hey girl! I'm so happy to see an update on your thread. Getting your health back is of course the most important.

The story with your kiddo in the ladies room was interesting and made me laugh at things kids say and do. I'm glad it didn't turn into an unpleasant situation for you. Perhaps if something like this happens in the future, reply to Kiddo in German. Hearing a foreign language may be enough to cast away any unwanted extra attention from others in the vicinity.

Keep taking care of yourself.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Kendra]

Kiddo, ich bin eine frau.

[steph2.0]

Ach Kiddo, ich Heißen Mommy!

[sarah1972]

Hahaha!!! Your responses made my morning/day!

@Alaskan Danielle, @JudiBlueEyes  - Yes, I got really lucky that I was already done peeing when this happened. (My kiddo would sometimes comment with "Empty" on that state.) Otherwise, I have to agree, I might have peed myself.

@Donica - Oh yes, she is just in that age where she says the funniest things in the world. We burst out laughing frequently and of course, I love her to the moon and back.

@Jayne - Respond in German might be an idea! I talked to my wife again and she said no one reacted oddly. So Everyone assumed she was yelling at someone outside. And yes, asking them to wait outside is a good idea for next time.

@Kendra - Yes! Somehow I hear this in an intonation of the band Ramstein.

@Steph2.0 - Well - given my outfit... you might be just right...

Speaking of the outfit... That was interesting, first time I tried a strapless bra... took a bit of adjustment here and there but it did work out.



maybe we need to pick up the discussion again of finding a different name/term for me.

Hugs,

Sarah

[Kendra]

> Somehow I hear this in an intonation of the band Ramstein

That band name is also what my size 4 dilator is called.