How?

[Geeker]

How do you tell someone something that will completely change the way they view and interact with you? I've thought about coming out, but I find it to be something that I don't know if I can put what little family I have left through. I can honestly say, this is by far one of the toughest decisions I've faced, if not the toughest.

[Devlyn]

Big hug!

If you're going to tell them, you just tell them. If you're not going to don't fret about it.

When my mother was dying I had to come out to my family. We decided it wouldn't be worth the risk of a potentially bad reaction in the dying days of her life. I had a chance to tell her and be accepted, but I chose not to. I live with that decision.

I wish you the best in what you're facing. Just know that whatever decisions you make or the outcomes, they're yours. Own them.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jessica_Rose]

Yes, it is indeed very hard. It took me weeks to write a letter to my wife explaining how the anger that had been growing inside me year after year was because I had been suppressing my true self. It took me a few more weeks to get the courage to give it to her. It did not go well. It took several visits to a therapist before my wife began to understand. Although she recognizes the vast improvement in my behavior, she is still a bit upset about losing her husband and gaining a wife. Through no action of her own she will become a lesbian.

You need to tell them how this has affected you throughout your life. Try to explain that you will still be you, just a much happier version. It does get easier as you tell more people, but the first one can be extremely hard if it is someone very close to you. Many of us have posted the letters they used when coming out. If you need some help finding them let me know and I'll help. Sometimes you really do just need to follow your heart. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anne Blake]

Yes you are in a very tough place, most of us have been there, our best wishes are with you. I had a similar story to Devlyn's and chose not to tell my mother. In her last days her dementia was bad enough that I was able to sit with her and she was unaware of who I was. But that is another story.

What you choose and the nature of your transition is all about where and how you balance your priorities. There are folks here that needed to go all the way with hormones and surgery and totally out in their lives and there are those that know inside who and what they are and live presenting in their birth gender for the sake of family. Each of their choices has costs that we must balance and pay. As you wrestle with your journey, you can find folks here on Susan's that will share their stories to help you understand your options, please reach out to us.

May you find blessings in your choice,
Tia Anne

[KathyLauren]

I think most of us have been where you are.  It is difficult, for sure.  It took me months to work up the courage to tell my wife.  But at some point, you just have to say it.

Most people are going to feel insecure about your relationship with them once you tell them.  Try to anticipate what their insecurities might be, and address them as best you can.  The more you have thought about those issues, the better the conversation will go.

The advice in the responses above is all really good.  I just want to add: good luck!

[Geeker]

I do believe I know the course of action I must take, thank you.

If I come out I will also have to move out. It's not that I doubt the person I live with will be accepting (my aunt), she would, but my bigot cousin almost certainly wont let her grandkids come over while I would be in the same house. The catch is, she can't afford for me to move out.