Harder to love others when uncomfortable in your body?

[KarlMars]

For me personally I think that my dysphoria puts a block between me and others and keeps me from fully connecting. I do feel love, but I think I would feel it to a greater extent after transition. Dysphoria has definitely kept me from pursuing romantic relationships after coming to term with the fact that I am really trans. What is your experience with this?

[Bari Jo]

Absolutely, I have felt the same.  I'm only a little into my transition, but my capacity for love of other people and myself is much greater now.

Bari Jo

[Kylo]

Not harder to fall in love, but very difficult to picture myself with that person.

[KarlMars]

Not harder to fall in love, but very difficult to picture myself with that person.

I see what you mean. More difficult to have the emotional connection that a relationship requires.

[Julia1996]

Definitely.  Before transition I hooked up with gay or bi guys. Simply because I had the horniness level of any teenager and those were the only guys available to me at the time. But I never had any feelings for them. It just didn't ever happen. It wasn't that any of those guys were dicks, they were nice guys. It was entirely me. I really don't think I was capable of loving a guy before transition. I had one guy I hooked up with a lot who developed feelings for me. As soon as he told me that I dropped him like a hot potato. I feel really bad for that when I look back on it. When he told me he wanted a relationship he told me I would be a good " boyfriend ". As soon as he said that I wanted nothing more to do with him and never even spoke to him again. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know I was trans, it was all me. But I had never thought of myself as anyone's "boyfriend"  and that was something I never wanted to be. I'm not 100% comfortable with Tristan but it's a physical thing. I can't have sex with him the way I want to yet. But that will change soon. I'm totally comfortable with him emotionally and I do love him. He's only ever known me as a girl and he treats me totally as his girlfriend which is the only way I can love a guy.

[Allison S]

I'm 27 and never had a serious boyfriend. I would hook up with guys but it never amounted to anything. I can't say it was all on my end. I had (and still have) and ideal type of men I like. When I found one that I thought could work and we were "starting" to build a relationship, he would tell it wouldn't work. I was told I'm too much of a girl. I try really hard to look past gender stereotypes but I'm feminine. Gay men wouldn't like that and I don't know about bi guys. I do prefer being the girl in a relationship and it just wouldn't work with a gay man or straight woman.

I still don't know how I feel about gender and society's expectations. I think I'm bitter over being trans right now. Maybe later on I'll get over it.

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[DawnOday]

It short circuited my first marriage after 7 years together. Still my first love and my greatest failure. Luckily I remarried but I have never given my current wife of 35 years a fair shake. She has always been competition of a vision that I was not whom I represented. I think she understands now the torment that has been my life, and has accepted my decision to begin HRT. It has been a blessing for both of us as I don't have to hide anything. Lately I have discovered what a rock she has been in her support of me and now I am free to love her without regret.

[SeptagonScars]

I'd say yes, in the sense that I always had kind of a nagging feeling in me that I couldn't quite receive affection or accept compliments about my body and such, from loved ones. It was like, I could love others but not quite accept love from others, during my transition and before it, until I got to a point where my body felt more aligned with my mind and I felt more "together" within myself. Then I started appreciating and understanding compliments better, even if I don't always agree, and I feel more connected to my partners now, if I want to be.

Having a lot less dysphoria now, I can see there is a subtle difference to how it was before when my dysphoria was a lot worse earlier in my transition and before it. I took a distance from myself to cope with my dysphoria, and that sort of created a wall between me and my partners as well. And also between me and my friends to some degree. But it didn't have a huge impact, it was more subtle. I think my other relationship issues over-shadowed this issue.

I'm still struggling a lot with romantic long term relationships likely due to the trauma in my past, previous very bad relationships, some of my asperger traits and what not. So it's far from peachy for me in that department, but in the trans aspect, I think it has gotten a lot better. Then I just have the rest to deal with...

I had one very short relationship (2 weeks) with my first boyfriend, a straight cis guy, me pre-transition and age 18. Then my second relationship with a bi cis guy (also pre-transition) lasted 9 months. Then my third relationship was after I had come out as trans and started T, with another bi cis guy and it lasted for 11 months. Then my fourth and latest relationship was with another trans guy, it ended a little over a year ago and lasted for 10 months. So that's 4 in total and except from the first 2, I was single and sleeping around for years in between and after them. If they didn't break my heart, I broke theirs. And that's the track I'm sadly on. But I hope it gets better, and that I'll learn from my mistakes, at some point.

[Kylo]

Yeah, good point, I always found it tough to even listen to compliments. I mean someone would tell me I was good looking and I'd be internally either laughing at it, or bitter. People are often superficial to begin with when it comes to attraction and since I didn't find myself remotely attractive I could never believe anyone else was being sincere if they said it either. I always felt like it was this perpetual joke, like they were having me on, and generally just pushed people away.

[Chloe]

Definitely.  Before transition I hooked up with gay or bi guys.

Ditto! So far, poll is UNANIMOUS!