This Is Me

[TonyaW]

The movie (Greatest Showman) was so so,  but this song is striking a chord with me so I thought I would use it to  start my own thread.



This Is Me lyrics [emoji767] Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me

Songwriters: Justin Paul / Benj Pasek









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[Mary1]

The movie (Greatest Showman) was so so,  but this song is striking a chord with me so I thought I would use it to  start my own thread.



This Is Me lyrics [emoji767] Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me

Songwriters: Justin Paul / Benj Pasek









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You told me no song stood out


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[TonyaW]

You told me no song stood out


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Not as an Oscar nominee.  It's a pretty standard pop anthem with cliche lyrics, but  it's fitting for me.  So yes, I like it.

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[TonyaW]

A great day today. 

No work, had the day off.

Got a compliment on my hair at the bank.

Filed my Petition For Name Change at the clerk of courts. [emoji847] 

Spent the afternoon with my wife and her sister.  Some girl talk about nails and eyebrows etc.  Correct gendering by my wife, which was awesome since we've been having a bit of a rough patch lately. 



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[TonyaW]

Had my one year doctor appointment.

Blood levels  from the last year. 

Pre-hrt 02/17/17
Test 437
Est     19


05/10/17
Test  156
Est      61


08/10/17
Test  32
Est    73  


02/13/18
Test  3. 
Est.  162

Reference values. 

ESTRADIOL LEVELS

SEX                     pg/ml

Women (> 18 years old)    
     Follicular Phase  30-120
    Ovulatory Peak   130-370
     Luteal Phase      70-250
     Post-Menopausal   15-60
Male                    15-60

TOTAL TESTOSTERONE LEVELS

SEX      ng/dl        ng/ml
Females  6 - 86     0.1 - 1.2
Males  270 - 1100   2.4 - 12
Conversion factor: 1 ng/ml = 3.47 nmol/l

So the numbers are all good. 
Adding progesterone to the meds. 

Yay Tonya



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[TonyaW]

Tried out my friend's golf simulator for the first time today.  He put my name in as Tonya and picked a female avatar for me but then calls me by my male name half the time the rest of the day.  Not upset, I haven't seen him in a while.   He's trying and still invites me to play golf so gets a pass on that yet. 

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[ChrissyRyan]

Did he ask for a Mulligan after any of those former name uses?   


Chrissy

[Mary1]

Had my one year doctor appointment.

Blood levels  from the last year. 

Pre-hrt 02/17/17
Test 437
Est     19


05/10/17
Test  156
Est      61


08/10/17
Test  32
Est    73 


02/13/18
Test  3.
Est.  162

Reference values. 

ESTRADIOL LEVELS

SEX                     pg/ml

Women (> 18 years old)   
     Follicular Phase  30-120
     Ovulatory Peak   130-370
     Luteal Phase      70-250
     Post-Menopausal   15-60
Male                    15-60

TOTAL TESTOSTERONE LEVELS

SEX      ng/dl        ng/ml
Females  6 - 86     0.1 - 1.2
Males  270 - 1100   2.4 - 12
Conversion factor: 1 ng/ml = 3.47 nmol/l

So the numbers are all good. 
Adding progesterone to the meds. 

Yay Tonya



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What does they mean?

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[TonyaW]

So this is happening...

License came in the mail on the Monday after the Thursday DMV visit.  The picture is still awful but it's got my name and an F on it.

New debit card came from the bank later in the week. 

Social security card came about a,week after that. 

Changed my name in the HR website at work and all the benefits etc are starting  to come up as Tonya.  A request has been sent to IT to change the email and the programs that I use all day (and what everyone else sees).  Thinking it won't as IT usually doesn't move that quickly, but hoping that will be done when I log in Monday after a 3 day weekend.   


Last week voted for the first time as Tonya. 
Basically had to re-register, but can do that at polls here.  No issues with that, no misgendering by the poll workers. 

Birth certificate came in the mail also.  Wisconsin won't change gender there unless GCS.

Need to do the passport yet, but not going anywhere soon so no need to hurry there.  Get a decent picture for that hopefully. 

So now I start changing my name with all the people that I owe money to.

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[TonyaW]

Not much of a thread of my own  if I don't even post to it so I'll add something. 

Was thinking it's been about a year since I came out to most of my family so I went and looked up a few things like that that I might want to know at some point.

So my unofficial time line:

First therapy appointment 9-1-16

Pierced ears 9-6-16

First conversation with wife about the possibility of transition  9-10-16

Start HRT. 02-23-2017

Out to family (Mom, brother, sisters) 06-21-2017

Out to Dad,  when he read letter which was mailed 2 weeks earlier. 08-11-2017

Out at work.  I left a note and "colleagues  guide to transitioning" packet on bosses desk.  08-05-2017

Out to a few select friends.  This could probably be considered my "full time" date also.  08-18-17

Name Change. Total cost $313.82. 3-21-18.


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[Northern Star Girl]

@TonyaW
Thank you for posting your transition timeline and your other posts here on your thread detailing significant happenings in your transition journey... it certainly is important to make plans and set goals for yourself.... and to keep track of your progress...   obviously all of that is subject to change as you continue in your journey.

I did notice that your last 3 posts are spaced at about 2 months apart....   since I really like to follow others threads and progress...  I kinda hope that you consider updating your thread just a little more often... but of course only if you feel comfortable doing that.

Thank you again for bringing your thread up to date.  I will be checking in frequently or as you post more.

Hugs and well wishes to you in your journey.
Danielle

[TonyaW]

@TonyaW


I did notice that your last 3 posts are spaced at about 2 months apart....   since I really like to follow others threads and progress...  I kinda hope that you consider updating your thread just a little more often... but of course only if you feel comfortable doing that.


Hugs and well wishes to you in your journey.
Danielle

Combination of two things mainly.  A generally ordinary, no real problems transition (a good thing) and the few things that have come up (name change, issues with the medroxyprogesterone, and a not welcome birthday card from my dad) I have posted about elsewhere when they happened. 


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[TonyaW]

So in the spirit of trying to post to my own timeline/journey thread, here's something from yesterday.

Was out for dinner and the hostess wished me a "Happy Pride Month".  It was genuine gesture and no one else heard but a small part of me is thanks for the reminder that I don't pass. Not too much though.  I haven't really tried to do too much about my voice yet and I did speak to her when we arrived. If there was any doubt based on my looks, that would give it away.

Sure I'd love to pass, but at my age and stage of transition, I'm mostly happy with being treated as a woman and gendered properly.


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[TonyaW]

Had to take a box out to the recycling and tried to carry it flat against my chest and I couldn't.



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[KathyLauren]

Had to take a box out to the recycling and tried to carry it flat against my chest and I couldn't.

Ha ha.  I know that feeling.    At home, I never wear a bra - it's just more comfortable without.  Except if I'm doing some physical work like digging in the garden.  It's just so easy to bonk the girls without thinking!  The little bit of padding helps.

[TonyaW]

Ha ha.  I know that feeling.    At home, I never wear a bra - it's just more comfortable without.  Except if I'm doing some physical work like digging in the garden.  It's just so easy to bonk the girls without thinking!  The little bit of padding helps.

Oh it didn't hurt.  I've had very little pain or tenderness while the flowers have been blooming. They itch like all hell sometimes though.   

My point was that there is no such thing as  flat against my chest any longer.  [emoji4]

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[TonyaW]

I probably ought to start seriously working on my voice. 

Constantly misgendered on the phone.  I know there's no way they'd know so I can't get mad at them but it is a reminder. 

A small part of me enjoys it though when they say things like "YOUR name is Tonya?"
or they ask me to spell it to be sure they heard it correctly.  Make them figure it out.

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[davina61]

Same here , Davina? . Have a bass voice as well .

[TonyaW]

Well I don't sound like Darth Vader but definitely a male voice if I'm not trying, which I  don't very often because I'm not very good at it.  Though I did get ma'am ed at the Taco Bell drive through on the way to the Brewers game yesterday.  Which would mean I look to be female from far away through 2 windows.

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[TonyaW]

So I send of my passport for name change.

It was the last thing I could think if that needed fixing on the name front.  Of course I get two things in the mail that day addressed to old name. One about my daughter's car loan that I co signed on, so yeah I forgot about that one.  The other from a walk in clinic I had went to that I've only ever been to as Tonya and gave them my insurance card which says Tonya.  It's part of the network my regular doctor belongs to and they  apparently did not update my name when I gave all the papers to my doctors office.  Didn't do labs at my last doctor's appointment or I may have known that sooner.  Does it ever end?

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