Moni's The Tipping Point in Transition and Normalization

[HappyMoni]

I have one thing to add on a personal note. I made an appointment for my first BA consultation with Dr. Basner in Baltimore. I then made a few calls about my prescriptions to the insurance company. I was gendered correctly every time which is kind of new for me. It really felt good. It's gettin better!
Moni

[Allison S]

I have one thing to add on a personal note. I made an appointment for my first BA consultation with Dr. Basner in Baltimore. I then made a few calls about my prescriptions to the insurance company. I was gendered correctly every time which is kind of new for me. It really felt good. It's gettin better!
Moni

Woohoo! You go Moni [emoji4]

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[SadieBlake]

Aw Moni, sing it sister!

Right you are, it's been a hell of a year for us :-). I know what you mean about mentors who help amazingly and then maybe disappear. For me it was rubyaliza who'd gone to the same practice I went to for GCS and was a goddess sent angel for raising my confidence in the outcome.

[DawnOday]

Monica    I can't have GCS so I envy you for that. But I can report after a year and half on HRT the place that made me start to be normal was at Gender Odyssey. Just walking in and seeing 1700 other people told me I had finally found my element. It was not so long ago I thought it would never happen. Thankfully Dena was there to give me some good advice and I proceeded to a hormonal  solution. Am I normal? No  Am I content? Yes. If you get the opportunity to attend next August I highly recommend it.

Dawn

[JulieAllana]

Hi Moni,
    This is a really awesome thread.  While I am in the very early stages of transition (only about a month and a half since I made that decision), I have really been transitioning my entire life as I slowly put the pieces together.  That moment on January 4th 2018 wasn't so much the feeling of being atop a cliff with the decision of having to jump (ok, thinking back, I can maybe see that too), but since then it has been more like taking my foot off of the brakes and just letting my vehicle accelerate naturally, going faster and faster.  No matter how I look at it, it was definitely a tipping point.  Today was my third time out in public...not even close to passing...wheeeee!
    Jan. 4th was a Sunday and I called the therapist the next day. When she suggested a date later in the week, I couldn't wait and asked her if she had something that day....and off to the races.


            Julie

[Laurie]

 Hi Moni,

  I just want to congratulate you on another good thoughtful thread. Many good and thoughtful things have been said here that hold value for others who read it and especially of value to those newer folk here. Sadly, once again I find myself with nothing of value to contribute. So I will continue to read and perhaps learn something in the process.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[HappyMoni]

It was a hard emotional day today. I feel like I need to try to turn something very sad for me into some kind of positive. I am thinking of how fragile and precious life is tonight. Whether it is another horrible school shooting or the news of health issues in my family, I am mindful of the one life we have to live. I am very grateful at this moment to be living genuinely. I took a long time to get here. I know the reason I waited is probably very similar to what some readers of this thread are going through right now. It is so hard to realize that we don't have forever. Our day to day fears seem so much more real than the thought of us long term being true to ourselves. As a late in life transitioner, I feel like many people my age are gearing their lives down. For me, I am living my new life  and have had to gear everything up for this new life. I feel invigorated if anything. I want as much time as possible to just live my little Moni life. I want to appreciate all that I denied myself before. Do yourself a favor. Stop, think, if you are miserable, don't accept it. Take a chance at being happy. Take steps to go for what you want. This is a transition thread. Don't let your fear keep you in a state of suspended animation. Yes it is hard. Yes it is risky as far as losing people. No one can decide if transition is right for you but you. If you need to go forward, grab for it. It is an emotional crazy roller coaster at first. I am here to say that it can work out well. I am me and no one can take that away from this girl. Fight foryou.

[JulieAllana]

I want to appreciate all that I denied myself before. Do yourself a favor. Stop, think, if you are miserable, don't accept it. Take a chance at being happy. Take steps to go for what you want. This is a transition thread. Don't let your fear keep you in a state of suspended animation. Yes it is hard. Yes it is risky as far as losing people. No one can decide if transition is right for you but you. If you need to go forward, grab for it. It is an emotional crazy roller coaster at first. I am here to say that it can work out well. I am me and no one can take that away from this girl. Fight foryou.

Yes yes and thrice yes!!  Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead!  I feel the same way.  Your words are truly inspirational.

         -Julie

[Anne Blake]

Hi Moni,

For me, I realized one big tipping point. I first began to become aware of my true gender three years ago next week. It was a slow growing awareness that just kept getting better and better. I was finding an identity that allowed me to finally find happiness. I kept believing that I was in control, that this was something that I could go to for a happiness fix and then walk away. Then one night a year ago last October 15th I realized that I was transgender and that there was nothing that I could do about it. My choices were to accept the truth and like it or die. That was a long hard night that could have gone either way. My wife and I were able to talk it through and accept that I needed to be me and we were both committed to going for it. The past year and four months have been all about transitioning and figuring out how to live this amazing life as a pair of the craziest old ladies you will ever meet.

Tia Anne

[Allison S]

Feeling happy and content... those are nice things. Right now I'm really struggling with love. Ok maybe not love but there's this guy... I don't know what I would do if he knew how I felt about him and he rejects me.

Lately I've been doing what Michelle_P suggested and telling myself that I'm worthy, loved and loveable. Really sticking to this self affirmation to learn to love...

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[SadieBlake]

Moni, I think we spent very similar Fridays. Granted my sadness came down to realizing I definitely wasn't going to get laid this weekend ;-). On the other hand my intended date for today has promised to make it up to me when she's back in town and there's little doubt that we like each other well enough that some form of romance is in the offing.  So yay for love, yay for sex or it's possibility.

Yay for life and living every moment to the fullest. Hugs to you in sisterhood ms Moni!

[steph2.0]

Hi Moni,

I absolutely love everything you wrote except this:

my little Moni life

Your life is not little.

You took charge of your own destiny.
You overcame fears and obstacles that most people in this world can't even understand.
You chose to stay around and help people who are going through the same thing when you had every right to finally relax and move on.
You pulled happiness out of a world that seems intent on making everyone miserable.
You completely remade your life.
You learned to love yourself.
You took your excess love and poured it on us. We feel it.

You have become a strong, happy, beautiful woman.

All of that makes your life the biggest thing in the world.


- Stephanie

[HappyMoni]

Julie, I love your enthusiasm, thank you.

Anne, I am honored to have shared much of our journey's with each other. These tipping points are important, in my opinion, to share with folks who are not as far along. I think we are both involved in the normalization process now. I know that in my transition, I wanted to know that the things that I went through that were hard or awkward would one day become easy, routine. Life in my appropriate gender has become way more natural than I imagined. I know it sounds over exuberant but I am experiencing each day with excitement and a level of self comfort I have never had before.

Allison, one of the things that you can do to be attractive to someone is be good with yourself. If you work on being confident in who you are people will see that. Finding love is a difficult thing. If you are in the process of making a lot of changes in your life, be patient, don't panic about the love thing. I know, easy to say right. You'll get there! Michelle is right, be positive. What is more attractive to you in a guy, someone who is upbeat and confident, or someone who is more of a downer. It goes both ways.

[HappyMoni]

How did you two slip in here?

Sadie, I mean this only half jokingly, your horniness inspires me.  Guess I need more Testosterone cream.


Steph  (with or without the fridge thingy),
   Like I said, 'my little Moni life.'  I am so lucky. Many of the things you listed were done with incredible support. In my head, I have no idea if the things I say really help. I hope they do for sure. I hope they don't come off as preachy. My intention is to help anyone I can move forward away from that horrible place where dysphoria rules. I will always remember how that felt. Thank you for your kindness.
PS Not worried about beautiful. My personal goal is to just be 'the girl next door.' I'd be happy with 'the broad next door,' but my hips are too small. 

[TonyaW]

As a late in life transitioner, I feel like many people my age are gearing their lives down. For me, I am living my new life  and have had to gear everything up for this new life. I feel invigorated if anything. I want as much time as possible to just live my little Moni life. I want to appreciate all that I denied myself before.

Exactly. I'm 55, started transition a little over a year ago.  In many ways I feel my life is just getting started.

It is causing some problems as my wife sees it as leaving the old life behind, including her.  Of course I understand why she might feel that way.  This isn't what she signed up for. 

I want everyone along with me as I do this, especially her.  The only thing I want to leave behind is pretending to be something that I am not. 

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[Anne Blake]

Hi Moni,

I like your choice of words in "Normalization". I earlier described my tipping point. It was a BIG DEAL to be able to accept and like myself and for Deb and I to figure out how WE could come through this together, stronger than before. Oh yeh, and to also survive. That was my tipping point. These other things; hrt, out full time, hair transplants (getting rid of the wig, awesome), GCS, each and everyone of them fantastic and needed (please, I am not trivializing these amazing steps), but for me, they were just icing on the cake. I believe that I transitioned that night that I accepted myself, since then it has been refinements and trying to figure out how to live life as me; yes, normalizing my new life. And yes, it does just keep getting better and better!

Tia Anne

[HappyMoni]

I sometimes wonder how long normalization will take. I said before that I have started  more living it and less 'transitioning' it. I have a way to go though. I still have a lot of times where I have not mentally accepted that I can do  things that other women know they can do. Like I can't imagine just walking into a salon and getting my nails done yet. I haven't gone into a store and bought some sexy lingerie. (Analogy alert for those of you with allergies.) I feel like my whole life I was the proverbial round peg in a square hole. I was the female brained person trying to fit into a male pattern of living. I did it so long, I got squeezed and distorted in the whole process. Now that I am finally a round peg  in a round whole, I see that I am relaxing more and my distortion is easing. It does take time to do this. The old barriers pop into my head sometimes. What do I mean? Well I got bad news yesterday at work. I got upset, tried to keep it together, but lost it when someone offered me a consoling hug. I mean I couldn't stop crying in front of two people I work closely with. Okay, so today, the thoughts started, "Did I make a fool of myself? Did I show weakness?" Then I thought, "You dummy, new rules not old." I can show emotion and be vulnerable. It is  no longer, "show no emotion and never, ever cry in front of  others." Yeah, that was square hole rules.
So, I would be interested  in what others think about this process. As for me, do I keep going at my pace, gradually live my new life and let new experiences  slowly transform me? Do I push myself to do the things I haven't yet done? Yeah, I know, rhetorical question, as I alone know that, but what would you do? I am convinced that the more you experience, the more normalization happens. The quicker normalization happens, the quicker transition can be left behind or made more comfortable.

[Anne Blake]

Moni, I am going to argue that normalization is just another word for living your life. You mentioned you can't imagine just walking into a salon and getting your nails done (by the way, you should just go and get them done, along with a pedicure, it feels so fine to be spoiled and it is really ok to enjoy the feeling). I know several cis women that have never done that. Your bucket list may not be that different than many natal women. Should you hurry accomplishing a list of experiences that you consider essential to be a woman.......silly question. I believe that a normalized life is doing things that you enjoy and being comfortable with, add more as the opportunity comes up. If you are uncomfortable doing some things alone, take a girl friend along. This is also a new round peg ok thing to do. So many experiences are so much more enjoyable with the social aspect added. Shopping is not about hunting and gathering, it is an opportunity to spend time with a friend or two and if something catches your eye, buy it, or not. If you find some thing that really bothers you and you feel that you need to get past the bother, it is ok to challenge yourself, but it may not be all that critical a thing to do.

Ok, I will stop blathering on,
Love you girl!
Tia Anne

[SadieBlake]

Moni, for once I think I can weigh into your thread without dragging your discussion into the realm of sexuality ... Well you did mention sexy lingerie ;-).

I've been buying lingerie at VS and local places since the '80s. Of course prior to '97 when I started buying for myself  the trips were for my now ex wife ... Well gifts for myself for her to wear. After realizing I was trans I spent at least a decade telling the sales staff I was buying for my GF, eventually I just stopped giving a reason.

I started going to a salon as soon as I'd grown my hair out far enough to warrant a trim, probably  8 months after starting HRT and announcing my transition. I was simply motivated, my hair is one of the few things I can address to.feel more femme.

Uncomfortable for me is going into a bar on lesbian night, for that I want a wing woman. My women's groups aren't easy to walk into but once there I find myself at ease as soon as things get started.

Happy you're moving forward Ms Moni!

[HappyMoni]

Moni, I am going to argue that normalization is just another word for living your life.