Re: Here I go again :-( 2.0

[Karen]

Ok.  Pro tip...

Don't start catching up on this thread at "Danielle !"    I thought something was seriously wrong, and thankfully I read on to realize I missed a big part of the story.  Next time I "plan" to go back further.

You are all too funny.

Thanks for the fun.  I needed it. 

Karen

[Northern Star Girl]

Ok.  Pro tip...

Don't start catching up on this thread at "Danielle !"    I thought something was seriously wrong, and thankfully I read on to realize I missed a big part of the story.  Next time I "plan" to go back further.

You are all too funny.

Thanks for the fun.  I needed it. 

Karen

@Karen
Dear Karen:
No worries!   As you can see, this is a very fast moving thread chock full of innuendos and poking good fun at each other...
... once you catch up you can easily determine that everyone is having a great time here.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

Laurie Possitively
          Loves
          All of these
          Natterings.

And thusly I retired to my Amana

[LizK]

I really dont't know what the issue is here because I am Postive Lauries Always Nice

Its true isn't it.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Laurie         cc: @Michelle_P
Dear Laurie:
All of this fun is indeed lots of fun.... but I would love to see your thread get back on the rails so you can post informative and interesting updates about yourself and your goings-on for all of your followers to read about.

If you feel so led, I am more than ready to hear about YOU and also about your visit with Michelle and other friends from the Forums that you have in the bay area.!!!!!

Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Please Laurie, Any New updates?

[Laurie]

Okay I will make an update.

I drove down to visit Michelle. I was there about 10 days. We did stuff sometimes with Jessica. I drove home today.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Rayna]

Ok, way to put your heart into it 

But we know all about you from others. Your shadow is long and encompassing...

[Northern Star Girl]

Okay I will make and update.

I drove down to visit Michelle. I was there about 10 days. We did stuff sometimes with Jessica. I drove home today.

Hugs,
  Laurie

@Laurie
Dear Laurie:
Well your temporary fun is over, and yes an update is absolutely required...
...with pictures if you feel so led.

I am glad that you were able to not only be with @Michelle_P but also you were both
able to visit with @Jessica.

Fun Times that your followers want to hear about....
... and I will borrow what @Jayne01 stated in her comment:
Please
Laurie,
Any
New updates?

Hugs,
Danielle

[Tessa James]

Just to let everyone know:  I received cryptic messages from Laurie and upon arriving home found clear evidence that she had visited and thoughtfully delivered wonderful water gifts from Jessica down south a ways.  Water truly is our first need and I might save a little of Oregon's abundance thanks to them.

These girls do so much more than just haul ass occasionally!

Thank you Jessica, Laurie and all......see ya soon maybe?

[Laurie]

You are welcome Tessa. I was happy to help both Jessica and you by delivering those containers. I hope my placement of them was okay and out of the way for you. If not then move them yourself or wait for Jessica to help on Saturday when we get there with the two others.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Northern Star Girl]

You are welcome Tessa. I was happy to help both Jessica and you by delivering those containers. I hope my placement of them was okay and out of the way for you. If not then move them yourself or wait for Jessica to help on Saturday when we get there with the two others.

Hugs,
  Laurie

@Laurie
Dear Laurie:
You sometimes display a tough as nails shell ....  but you are really are a most caring and thoughtful person as evidenced by many of the good things that members here say about you.... 
... me included.
 
Thank you for being you.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Laurie]

Hi folks,

  I was making a reply in another thread a few minutes ago. I was giving my thoughts on doubts and thaat such thoughts are probably common to a lot of us when I decided my thoughts were probably more appropriate here in my own thread. So here they are..

  We all seem to have though nagging stubborn thoughts we live with in transitioning.  Am I doing the right thing? Who am I kidding? What if I'm wrong?
  You would think that after almost 2 years on hormones, changing my name, joining Kaiser so the door is open to surgeries, and deciding to pursue GCS, these thoughts would be gone. Nope, still there and worse some days more than others. Will they ever leave me alone? I sincerely doubt it. I fear what may happen if these doubts ever really grab a hold  in my head. I consider what I have done already to be irreversible. There is no going back. There is only an end.
  Today I go to a class on vaginoplasty for people contemplating GCS. Yep, that would be me. Another step in the process. Monday I visit with my therapist and should be picking up my two letters required for GCS. Another step. The next thing will be to turn in all the requested documentation the Kaiser doc said she needs in order to make referrals for electrolysis and GCS.  Moving ahead, always ahead. Doggedly. It is what we do. But what if I'm wrong? I don't know. I don't know what I might do. But it scares me. I can't be wrong. Can't be fooling myself. But...

Laurie

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi folks,

  I was making a reply in another thread a few minutes ago. I was giving my thoughts on doubts and thaat such thoughts are probably common to a lot of us when I decided my thoughts were probably more appropriate here in my own thread. So here they are..

  We all seem to have though nagging stubborn thoughts we live with in transitioning.  Am I doing the right thing? Who am I kidding? What if I'm wrong?
  You would think that after almost 2 years on hormones, changing my name, joining Kaiser so the door is open to surgeries, and deciding to pursue GCS, these thoughts would be gone. Nope, still there and worse some days more than others. Will they ever leave me alone? I sincerely doubt it. I fear what may happen if these doubts ever really grab a hold  in my head. I consider what I have done already to be irreversible. There is no going back. There is only an end.
  Today I go to a class on vaginoplasty for people contemplating GCS. Yep, that would be me. Another step in the process. Monday I visit with my therapist and should be picking up my two letters required for GCS. Another step. The next thing will be to turn in all the requested documentation the Kaiser doc said she needs in order to make referrals for electrolysis and GCS. Moving ahead, always ahead. Doggedly. It is what we do. But what if I'm wrong? I don't know. I don't know what I might do. But it scares me. I can't be wrong. Can't be fooling myself. But...

Laurie

@Laurie
Dear Laurie:
Doubts and fears will always be just a thought or two away as we go down our transition road...  you have made and carried through many decisions to get where you are now on your transition road.... 
Reminds me of an old song....
     "You've Come Too Far To Turn Back Now"
              I can't turn back,
              I won't turn back,
              come too far to turn back now.

So Laurie, please put your doubts and fears aside.... 
Positive thoughts are required.
All of that sounds like good advice to me.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Melinda@heart]

  I'm right there with you today Laurie. I don't  know why, but today has been a really bad day for doubting my decision. All those thoughts about whether I'm making the right decision have been just on the edge of my mind. They keep trying to creep in. I'm have to keep focusing on other things when they do. Today has just been kinda blah for me.

I keep hearing that song Foolin' by Def Leppard play in my head.

"I'm not foolin myself..."

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

[LizK]

Hmmm...I think you and I need to have another little "chat"....Don't make me come find you!!

Take care

Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jessica]

@Laurie

Hi folks,

  I was making a reply in another thread a few minutes ago. I was giving my thoughts on doubts and thaat such thoughts are probably common to a lot of us when I decided my thoughts were probably more appropriate here in my own thread. So here they are..

  We all seem to have though nagging stubborn thoughts we live with in transitioning.  Am I doing the right thing? Who am I kidding? What if I'm wrong?
  You would think that after almost 2 years on hormones, changing my name, joining Kaiser so the door is open to surgeries, and deciding to pursue GCS, these thoughts would be gone. Nope, still there and worse some days more than others. Will they ever leave me alone? I sincerely doubt it. I fear what may happen if these doubts ever really grab a hold  in my head. I consider what I have done already to be irreversible. There is no going back. There is only an end.
  Today I go to a class on vaginoplasty for people contemplating GCS. Yep, that would be me. Another step in the process. Monday I visit with my therapist and should be picking up my two letters required for GCS. Another step. The next thing will be to turn in all the requested documentation the Kaiser doc said she needs in order to make referrals for electrolysis and GCS.  Moving ahead, always ahead. Doggedly. It is what we do. But what if I'm wrong? I don't know. I don't know what I might do. But it scares me. I can't be wrong. Can't be fooling myself. But...

Laurie

Hi sis, I on a regular basis have questioned myself.....
All those thoughts of "is this real", "am I crazy", "what am I thinking", "I'll never pass",
WHAT IF I'm WRONG???
This is a real thing! I'm not crazy! I've been thinking these thoughts for decades! I just might pass in the future!  But what if I'm wrong???
There is no test if you are wrong or right.  It takes knowing yourself and trusting that you are making good decisions.
It was only last night that I mused again, and it became clearer to me than it ever had...that I was indeed doing the right thing.  I mean, who would subject themselves to even electrolysis for a maybe. But when I thought of who in my life I've been, it's always had a feminine slant to it.
The only thing masculine was my sex drive, and even that was misplaced.  I had long hair (I wasn't a hippie, missed that boat) that I had for decades.  For me it's finding a balance that works in my semi-structured life.  For you, it's the Wild West.
 
You have lived a life of a woman for a while and have found happiness that had eluded you for your entire life.  You've gone through great sacrifice to be who you are.  I see your real smile quite often and feel you have made the correct choice.

Love you, Little sis

I will see you in a few days.... it's time for me to help you with a real hug.

[Mariah]

Laurie, we all have those doubts and they are not uncommon. The fact your having those doubts is a good sign that your wanting and trying to make sure you make the best decisions possible that fit you and that you won't regret later. There is nothing wrong with that all. If GCS ends up being what you need, then congrats. You have plenty of time to figure it out along the way before anything occurs. I have know doubt you will be happy with your decision in the end. Hugs
Mariah

Hi folks,

  I was making a reply in another thread a few minutes ago. I was giving my thoughts on doubts and thaat such thoughts are probably common to a lot of us when I decided my thoughts were probably more appropriate here in my own thread. So here they are..

  We all seem to have though nagging stubborn thoughts we live with in transitioning.  Am I doing the right thing? Who am I kidding? What if I'm wrong?
  You would think that after almost 2 years on hormones, changing my name, joining Kaiser so the door is open to surgeries, and deciding to pursue GCS, these thoughts would be gone. Nope, still there and worse some days more than others. Will they ever leave me alone? I sincerely doubt it. I fear what may happen if these doubts ever really grab a hold  in my head. I consider what I have done already to be irreversible. There is no going back. There is only an end.
  Today I go to a class on vaginoplasty for people contemplating GCS. Yep, that would be me. Another step in the process. Monday I visit with my therapist and should be picking up my two letters required for GCS. Another step. The next thing will be to turn in all the requested documentation the Kaiser doc said she needs in order to make referrals for electrolysis and GCS.  Moving ahead, always ahead. Doggedly. It is what we do. But what if I'm wrong? I don't know. I don't know what I might do. But it scares me. I can't be wrong. Can't be fooling myself. But...

Laurie

[Laurie]

 Hi Folks,

  Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I'm fine. Really I am. I think I was just cleaning out some cobwebs in my head. Yes, I do get those "what ifs" doesn't everyone. They nag at you and try to torment you when they come avisiting. I have other thoughts that hurt and torment me. If I dwell on those it could be bad. So I have those all packed up in a box stuffed in the corner of my head. It's an old worn box with a couple holes though and sometimes those get out. I gather them up and put them back in. But not tonight.

  I went to the OHSU vaginoplasty class today as suggested so that one is out of the way. It was interesting but there really wasn't anything I was not aware of already. I met another lady there who is on another FB group I am part of. She lives in Washington and goes to these classes regularly. I did hear that Dugi will postpone a surgery if the patient does not have a support based for home care and someone to drive them home upon release from the hospital. He will test for nicotine before the surgery and will postpone the surgery if he doesn't like the results.

  Tomorrow is another 2 hour session with Christina my electrologist (alternate therapist) So that will make for a fun afternoon.

  Well, I am taking my aching back to bed since I've already take a muscle relaxer and a melatonin. Perhaps it will feel better in the morning. Good Night all.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Northern Star Girl]

@Laurie
Dear Laurie:
I am so glad that you are getting your head wrapped around all of the issues that you are dealing with.
Tomorrow is a new day, the sun will rise again... so at least it will start out well, go with it and continue on.

Have fun being electrocuted tomorrow... that will certainly make your day!!!!   
How many more sessions are you estimating that you will require?

Well, it sounds like that you are all medicated and ready for a hopefully good sleep tonight.

Nighty night...  take 2 aspirin, go to bed,  and login in the morning.
Hugs and hugs, and wishing you well.
Danielle