Introduction - Ash

[Ashley92]

Hi All

I wanted to drop a note and say hi. I'm a 26 years old male(maybe?) near Toronto, Canada and I'm thinking like many others, I will need to be looking into some gender therapy myself.

A little about me, I'm a very much so typical "GUY" in public. I am extraordinarily reserved about talking about this to anyone but here goes.

I have always always had a thing for dressing like a girl, wearing makeup, listening to "girl music" growing up. I've always felt easier around my female friends with much deeper, stronger relationships. I've always felt like the odd man out with the boys even though we have fun. I was a student-athlete through school(football) and a jock, but behind the life I led, even with my girlfriend at the time, I would dress up. I would watch transsexual porn. I would constantly drift off into daydreaming about living as a girl.

I now work full time in an office, and am really dedicated to what I do and working where I work. If it goes the way I anticipate it will based on how I feel and have felt for what feels like my whole life (I started dressing up at like 10, haven't stopped) I'm scared of what that means for everything I've worked for to this point in my career and personal life (I'm not happy though and it feels like this is why). Does anyone have experience they can share?

Anywho, I could honestly sit here and type for an eternity and give you all a TLDR post rambling about me, but I won't this time. You lovely people can call me Ash, and it's nice to meet you (: if you have any questions for me, I will do my best (:


Ash

[Laurie]

  Hi  Ash,

   I'm Laurie,  Please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around. Does anyone have experience here with the kind of things you have related.? I hope you brought your reading glasses Hun. There are lots of folks here that have been through the same things you have. I myself preferred playing with girl and grew up borrowing girls clothes. I didn't have much trough finding some to borrow because I grew up with four sisters and we added another when I was a teenager. It didn't take my until 26 to try this girly stuff out though. No I'm a slow learner and I started it in a different time. It took me 64 years to discover I was transgender. A transwoman and a transsexual too. Once I did, I was taking hormones to transition about a month later. I've been taking HRT for over a year now and went to living full time last June. You will find many more like you and I here. Seeing a gender therapist is a good step to take in helping figure things out. They will help you figure out what to do next.
  I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

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[V M]

Hi Ash 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Roll]

Hi Ashley.

[ChrissyRyan]

Hi Ashley, I mean Ash!  Welcome!


Chrissy

[Ashley92]

Thanks for the welcome.

I don't know what to do next, I feel like I'm going crazy with the fact that I'm realizing I'm trans may be the case, but I haven't come out to anyone I can really talk to about it. I just had a conversation with the best friend I had a recent falling out with and I was trying to explain the falling out is in part because I'm going through a lot right now and will share when I'm comfortable or okay to do it and her first response was "Is this the part where you come out"...

I want to talk to someone about this, I'm so scared of my families reaction, I don't trust my dad's side of the family and my mom will want to talk about it for hours which I'm not ready for. I don't know what to do.

Seeing the story shared above, I know there are going to be people understanding of where I'm at, and I'm really happy I found this forum

[deanna7506]

Welcome to Susan's. One of things mentioned in many of the posts here is to find and talk to a gender therapist. You mention not having anyone to talk to about this, so while you try and figure what or how far you need to  transition, at least with a therapist your conversations are confidential. Once you discuss it else where, it is out there. I'm not sure the conversation you mention above about coming out is referring to being transsexual,irregardless, I do recommend telling any significant other about this prior to a commitment such as marriage. I wish you the best.

Deanna

[JulieAllana]

Hi Ash,
    I am going to be the broken record player here and say to talk to a therapist.  The one that I found (and hopefully you can too) specializes in transgender issues.  It is important to find a therapist that really knows about the topic.  I have to tell you, I had decades of trans repression under my belt and just talking to the therapist once really made me feel better. 

Once I realized I was trans I had the strange urge to scream it from the mountaintops.  Of course I didn't because that wouldn't have been practical to say the least, but being able to talk to someone about it (therapist) really helped take the pressure off.  And now, I am taking steps to transition.

     Good luck...Hugs

                     -Julie

[Michelle_P]

Hi, Ash!

Yes, like others have mentioned, talking to a therapist can be a good move at this point.  They can help you clarify your feelings and make a better decision on what you might want to do.

Should you decide to transition, you may be surprised at how accepting friends and workplaces can be.  Oh, not all are, but I've seen enough to understand that my fears were overblown in this area.