Nicole

[nicole87]

Hello.

First, I apologize for my poor english (I'm french).

Our story is a bit complex, it would be difficult for me to explain everything. Probably impossible, since I don't understand everything, I fear  !

I am married, with two childs. I am born a boy, and my wife is born a girl. A few years ago, we had a lot of couple related problems. Went to the psy together. And we understood that, from the beggining, she was the male and I was the female, despite our genitals.

Since I was young, I've always "played to the girl". Always prefered to be the girl. I am very sensible, cry very easily. We took a few months to examine our options. Transitionning is not an option. Too hard to deal with, for our childs. And, honestly, I am not sure I would like to completely change. I don't really feel to be a woman. I feel like a woamn inside. But my body is not really a problem for me. Hope it's clear, I don't know how to explain it better...

I don't need to change my body, but I need to feel feminine. That's why, after many tries with doctors who rejected my problems ("go and see a psy, you are silly in your head"), I decided to start a low dose oestrogen, alone (I am monitoring my health periodically, I pay for 1 checkup / year). Now it's two years I am on oestrogen. And, honestly, I feel really better. I feel... Myself : not really a man, not really a woman. That's me ! I've always had a small dick, so now I call it my dicklit ; and my wife enjoys it.

My wife had nearly the same journey. She realized that despite her female body, she had a masculine mind. But she does not feels the need to change, like me. She would only wish to enlarge her dicklit (sorry for being such direct, I don't have the words in this language to tell it better). She wants to keep her female body, since she is a really nice woman, and has a lot of success with mens (we are a "free couple", and we often have meet other men). She would not want to virilize her body. Only her dicklit...

Hope this presentation was understoodable, and hope it is acceptable with the guidelines of the forum (did not understand everything when I read it).

Thanks for your comments.

Nico(le)

[Kendra]

Hello Nicole, welcome to Susan's Place!

Your English language skills are fine, and I admire anyone who can understand and write in additional languages.  I studied a bit of French but didn't learn enough.  I am more familiar with the Japanese language - easier since my mother is from Japan.  I am Male to Female transgender, located in the USA. 

The story of both you and your wife realizing your gender roles are different is great - a contrast to cases where one person in a relationship does not understand the other's needs.  The gender binary of pure male or female is traditional but does not fit everyone.  It's a biological fact some people are different or fit between those two extremes, and even without physical factors the human mind is very complex.  We are fortunate to live in a time when there is additional freedom to truly be the people we are.  The world we live in isn't perfect but it is improving.

I believe the most important part of transition is the mind.  In some cases it may help to change the body to fit the mind but that isn't always necessary.  You should carefully collect information and decide what goals are best for you, and it sounds like you have been doing that. 

Since this was your first post I'll add information to help with initial navigation, and also the site guidelines. 

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Nicole, I am glad you decided to join Susan's and write your first post.  I wish you the best.  Welcome!

Kendra

[nicole87]

Thank you Kendra.

I am trying to read these posts, but my english is quickly limited !

Hope I won't make mistakes. I am currently reading other experiences on "low-dose" estrogen, very interesting for me since I am in this case.

And I hope my wife is going to subscribe too, and find useful information on her case.

Thanks again,

[Jessica]

Hi Nicole 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's!  I'm Jessica a transgender woman.  Your story is somewhat similar to mine in that I have always been the wife and she is more of the husband, even though she does not identify herself that way.  Gender therapy would be something I would recommend for you both.  You don't need to transition completely to feel better, as you know, and can live the way that works for you and your wife without a family disruption.
By the way your English is fine.

[V M]

Hi Nicole 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. My skill in other languages is limited to a few words in Spanish and sometimes I am not so sure about my English. Anyway, gender identity is fairly complex and it sounds like you could fit in the Non Binary. This is where your not 100% male or female but somewhere in-between. Not all doctors understand the Non-Binary so your best option would be to see a gender therapist. We have a page in our WIKI that might help you understand what you feel. I know it's in english but I think you should be able to get the basic idea. If nothing else it might help you find the words needed to search for additional information.

[Faith]

Hi Nicole, great name. I'm Faith Nicole.

Your english if just fine. I only know english and I have trouble with it

I think it's great that you and your wife found each other and a balance in how you perceive yourselves.

Welcome to Susan's

[nicole87]

Thank you very much for these warm welcome messages.

Kiss,