I'm confused if I want to be female

[jake3029]

Hello i am jake and i am male and new to this site i found it by searching answer about if i am trans so im trying to get help i want to be sure if i am trans and if i am I'd like to know how i can tell people without being scared

I am 14 and turning 15 very soon puberty struck me and i feel weird with the changes im growing hair under my arms and even a slight beard and also hair above my penis I don't like all this hair i feel as if its unnecessary and annoying so i try to cut it off but only when im either home alone or can do it a way where i wont be found because I don't want to be calles out by someone saying if that im trans as i find it scary and embarrassing if people know that im going through all this stuff anyway some other reasons why i hate my body is my voice its deep i guess and sounds weird but a lot of people that i talk to say that my voice is really deep and I don't like it being that way i want it more higher pitched i always thought my voice was higher but when people told me it was deep i hated it i even found out through making videos for youtube and heard my voice on the video and i hate it anway next thing is my penis i dont like it when i tried mastrubating first time i felt weird and thought this doesn't feel right and I've done it a few more times and at those times i realised that i was trans possibly I don't enjoy it when i finish i just feel uncomfortable almost so being pleasured dont feel right or nice to me now my looks i wish my hair was longer but every time i have to get it cut i really hate it i want it to be long but my parents wont let me my clothes i feel like the way i dress is more feminine than masculine but it kinda looks like clothes for either gender i have some other clothes that make me look more feminine like the tight jeens i have but if i wear them i feel like it doesn't fit me because i am male i like the look but it makes me feel like its not right to wear in the open coz I feel like everyone will notice how i look and make a big deal out of it and even call me a girl wich i would like but whenever that happens witch it has happened a few times i say i am not a girl to i guess defend myself in a way

So that is roughly about the confusion im going through and to find out if i am female i now realise how much i rambled so ill end it here but i hope i can get advice out of this thank you!

[Artesia]

Hello.  Welcome to Susan's place!  Someone will be along shortly with some useful links.

My advice is find a professional and discuss this with them. 

As to telling someone and not being afraid....it becomes easier as you get more comfortable with yourself, and after you've told someone a few times.  Peoples reactions will affect the ease at which you will find it opening up to others.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Jake,
   From what you write, you certainly seem to have feelings like you might be trans, but this is something to be talked through with a therapist. At your age, you are still dependent on your parents, so I would think you would have to work through them. You know your parents. Do you feel like you could tell them you have questions about your gender? If not maybe you could tell them you are having a hard time and ask to talk to someone. Then maybe the therapist could help if you find you want to tell your parents. Fear is a part of this I am afraid. I wish it wasn't. I wish you good luck Jake.
Moni

[bobbisue]

     Hi Jake it is good you are trying to deal with your gender identity at such a young age this is the time to do this I cant say if you are transgender only you can determine that the fact that you are questioning is a good indicator that this is possible if it is possible for you to see a gender therapist that would be the best advice I can give I realize at you age this could be difficult or impossible as a late bloomer I have little knowledge on many issues of being young and questioning there are many young ladies here who can answer you questions better and I'm sure you will hear from them soon i wish you all the best

     bobbisue

[Jessica]

Hi Jake 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's, I'm Jessica! The ladies before me posted some very good advice.  I hope you can find the answers your seeking here at Susan's.
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself. 

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Pace. To answer your second question first, there is no way at first to tell people without being scared. The fear is so great that some on this site waited until they were 50 or 60 years old before they told their first person. The more people you tell, the easer it will be.

A gender therapist can help you become sure of your feelings however you will have to tell somebody before you will be able to see one. As that's still a problem, I have a couple of links that might help you. The first is our WIKI   where you will learn about the word Transgender. The second is "the transition channel" where you will be able to explore your feelings and maybe understand if you want to be female. Don't worry about asking questions because we were all once where you are.

[Janes Groove]

Welcome to Susan's jake.  It took a lot of guts to post what you did here for the first time. So congratulations on that.  Enjoy your time here and I encourage you to post here as often as you wish.  Your experience as a 14 year old who is questioning their gender is valued here and gives us a very fresh perspective on things.