Does getting stared at ever get any easier?

[KathyLauren]

It's definitely because I'm visibly trans but thanks though I'm trying to be okay with it. I also post flattering pictures on here that don't really show why people are staring. But I'm trying to stay positive about being able to pass since it's only 25 days on hrt. This is a more realistic picture with no wig or makeup on other than a little eye liner.

Hun, you are outrageously cute, with or without the wig!  You totally pass in this photo.

If you catch someone staring, make eye contact and give them a great big smile, so they know that you've caught them staring.  The smile says, "I know you don't have the balls to say what's on your mind!"  It will intimidate them and they will look away, embarassed.

[ChrissyRyan]

I guess we each have to develop coping mechanisms that help in times like these.

Do though keep your spirits up overall, try not to be down or discouraged for too long.

You will have many fabulous interactions, and you are young.  Enjoy your times ahead.


Chrissy

[BT04]

OP, you are NOT visibly trans. You look like a normal woman to me and I wouldn't give you a second thought if I passed you on the street. (And I mean that in the best possible way lol.)

But yes, it does get easier. I guess? I dunno, I've been gawked at for one reason or another my whole life and I learned to develop a certain kind of attitude that made that stuff roll off my back. Granted, it's was easier to pull off when I was a teenager, but the lessons I learned about the different kinds of spines one can grow still serve me now.

[Northern Star Girl]

Hun, you are outrageously cute, with or without the wig!  You totally pass in this photo.

If you catch someone staring, make eye contact and give them a great big smile, so they know that you've caught them staring.  The smile says, "I know you don't have the balls to say what's on your mind!"  It will intimidate them and they will look away, embarassed.

AGREED... yep, eye contact and a big smile are your best defense against the dimwits... men or women!!

[Julia1996]

I think you look good in all your pictures. You look quite passable to me. I would have to agree with Cindy that people are staring because you're pretty. Being trans we always just assume someone is outing us when they stare but that's not always true . people stare for any number of reasons. I've been stared and gawked at my entire life. No one likes to be stared at. But it's gotten easier for me. As mean as it was, my mom's advice helped a little. Once when we were at the mall I had said something about people staring at me. My mom said " well what do you expect? You're not normal looking and people are going to stare. I suggest you get used to it". Once I was out with my brother and this guy was staring holes through me. My brother walked up to him and asked him why he kept staring at me and hadn't he ever seen an albino girl before.  The guy said it was because he had never seen anyone like me. he said he wasn't staring because I was albino, he was staring because he thought I was beautiful and looked almost supernatural. I could have done without the supernatural comment but having him say that made it dawn on me that when someone stared at me it wasn't automatically for negative reasons. People still stare all the time but I always just smile at them. Usually they smile back. I can't know for sure exactly why someone is staring at me but I'm not going to stress out trying to figure out why. I just assume they are staring for positive reasons.

[ChrissyRyan]

"I can't know for sure exactly why someone is staring at me but I'm not going to stress out trying to figure out why. I just assume they are staring for positive reasons."

That is a good mindset Julia.  "...For positive reasons."


Chrissy

[Mendi]

Honestly, you look ok and in a year you will look more than ok, great!

I don't think that anyone really clocked you as trans, I have a hard time of figuring why someone would laugh to you. Perhaps they were laughing to something else....or just laughing to everybody, I mean there are some strange people out there

Some guys at the mall always seem to laugh at women...god knows what they are talking about...

[epvanbeveren]

Wait you aren't CIS?

No honestly you look amazing and very well passable. Although I would like to use the word "blending" in.

It will take time and one day you will not even notice it anymore. For myself I started to notice the "quiet staring" change to "calling me Mem" when the doors were opened.

Many great replies already, just give yourself some time dear.

Hugs Erin

[Jessica]

I only have one days experience of being the woman I am in public.  My avatar is of me two days ago on my maiden excursion in the real world.  The two transgender women I was with gave me the support I needed to understand that most people don't notice or if they do, they keep it to themselves.  I noticed people looking at everyone not just us.  It's natural to want to fit in society.  Trans folk are part of society now.

[kitchentablepotpourri]

When I see someone covered with tattoos I want to stare and take it all in, but as a small child my parents taught me values, and one of those values was that it is impolite to stare, so I just can't look at the tattoos too long before looking away. I jave a question for forum members with a lot of tattoos; how do you feel about people checking out your tattoos; should I ask someone with a lot of tattoos if it is ok for me to look at them?

[Allison S]

Okay I'll be honest with your wig/hat they're probably staring because you don't see that hair color everyday! It actually looks like it could be your real hair color so people are naturally curious

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[kitchentablepotpourri]

I only have one days experience of being the woman I am in public.  My avatar is of me two days ago on my maiden excursion in the real world.  The two transgender women I was with gave me the support I needed to understand that most people don't notice or if they do, they keep it to themselves.  I noticed people looking at everyone not just us.  It's natural to want to fit in society.  Trans folk are part of society now.

People naturally look at other people, so I would feel bad if I didn't even get a glance.  Some trans women are under the impression that if they dress down they will blend in better, and go unnoticed, but I don't think that is the case, because most people (especially women) notice everyone in their space. I mentioned that I don't stare, but I do take sort of a mental snap shot of someone that grabs my attention for whatever reason, and most others do the same thing, unless they were raised by wolves! 

I have a shiba inu puppy, and she looks like a little wolf; when she misbehaves I tell her that she was raised better than that, and if she acts like that in public people will think she was raised by wolves😀

[Virginia]

I'm a heterosexual cisgender man with long hair; getting stared at comes with the territory. Not so much here in the US South as lots of good ol boys have long hair, but up North it's a different story. Sometimes I stare back. People HATE that. Sometimes I give them the finger. Toddlers stare the most but I get that. My long hair doesn't fit into the neat little boxed they are being taught to put men and women into, so I just smile back.

What ticks me off the most is that nobody EVER stares at my female alter. Well, not counting the guys who are checking out her behind. Same body. Same hair. The double standard makes me shakes my head.

[Julia1996]

When I see someone covered with tattoos I want to stare and take it all in, but as a small child my parents taught me values, and one of those values was that it is impolite to stare, so I just can't look at the tattoos too long before looking away. I jave a question for forum members with a lot of tattoos; how do you feel about people checking out your tattoos; should I ask someone with a lot of tattoos if it is ok for me to look at them?

I don't have any tattoos but my boyfriend does. He doesn't mind if someone looks at them. Actually it's mostly other guys who look at them and comment. Women usually just look at them but say nothing. He doesn't have a sleeve tattoo like my brother but he has a couple of sharp ones on his forearms. When people check them out he  will even lift his shirt so they can see the ones under his shirt. He has large tattoos over his chest and back. The first time I saw them it was a shock. Personally I find a guy with tattoos very hot but it was thinking about the time it took to do them and how much it must have hurt that shocked me. I did once think about getting a small butterfly tattoo on my wrist when I was 16. My dad was already annoyed with my brother for starting his sleeve and when I asked him if I could get the butterfly tattoo he told me absolutely not and if I came home with any tattoos he would remove them with a cheese grater. LOL. But now I have no desire to get any ink.

[BT04]

I jave a question for forum members with a lot of tattoos; how do you feel about people checking out your tattoos; should I ask someone with a lot of tattoos if it is ok for me to look at them?

It's definitely part of what you sign up for. Or, conversely, if you don't want to stand out, then you probably shouldn't get full sleeves lol. (Unless you're in Portland, then NOT having ink is weird lol.)

[Julia1996]

People naturally look at other people, so I would feel bad if I didn't even get a glance.  Some trans women are under the impression that if they dress down they will blend in better, and go unnoticed, but I don't think that is the case, because most people (especially women) notice everyone in their space. I mentioned that I don't stare, but I do take sort of a mental snap shot of someone that grabs my attention for whatever reason, and most others do the same thing, unless they were raised by wolves! 

I have a shiba inu puppy, and she looks like a little wolf; when she misbehaves I tell her that she was raised better than that, and if she acts like that in public people will think she was raised by wolves😀

I had a little white toy poodle and when I had him groomed they always put blue ribbons on him and painted his nails blue. Once when I was walking him this guy commented how cute he looked only he called her she. After I told him he was a boy he said " but he has bows and nail polish. I hope dogs don't experience humiliation. Poor little guy". LOL.

[kitchentablepotpourri]

It's definitely part of what you sign up for. Or, conversely, if you don't want to stand out, then you probably shouldn't get full sleeves lol. (Unless you're in Portland, then NOT having ink is weird lol.)

Lol, isn't the Portland motto "keep it weird" or something like that?

[ChrissyRyan]

It's definitely part of what you sign up for. Or, conversely, if you don't want to stand out, then you probably shouldn't get full sleeves lol. (Unless you're in Portland, then NOT having ink is weird lol.)

LOL.  I have seen a Portland (Oregon) wall that said, "Keep Portland Weird."

[krobinson103]

I had 14 years of being started at in Asia for being tall and white (pre transition) being called all sorts of names because they didn't know I spoke the language. You grow a thick skin and eventually it means nothing.

[esphoria]

okay so I think its safe to say most of us have been there and this might be a broken record but just letting you know my thoughts.

For me I constantly think I'm getting clocked in the moment because people act weird sometimes. but the truth is I can't tell what a person is thinking by the look they're giving me and at times when I was 110% sure someone clocked me it was just a guy thinking.... well lets just say he got vocal about it. They could be thinking jealously,admiration,lust, thinking they know you or about whipped cream... the possibilities are endless. I find more often than not its my insecurities that I project onto them.

I also found that what you wear greatly influences how much and to what degree people stare at you. If you are wearing a red dress with stiletto heals and a bold makeup look people are going to stare more than if you wear more neutral colors and conservative clothing(there still gonna look regardless). I found when I was first getting use to it that a conservative look would help me out because I didn't want people to look... I just wanted to go get some soda or tp:)


I guess my point is to not worry to much about how people look at you cuz like all the other lovely people said here you got a cute face and people like to look at cute things:), with or without makeup!