Does getting stared at ever get any easier?

[Courtney.lane408]

Was just out in public with a friend and got stared at so hard. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. Pictures with and without the wig.




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[Cindy]

Honey,

I suspect you get looked at because you are a pretty woman and people tend to look at pretty women.

Try walking around with a hole in your throat all day!!

Just relax and ignore it. It takes a bit of getting use to but it is part of female life.

[Courtney.lane408]

It's definitely because I'm visibly trans but thanks though I'm trying to be okay with it. I also post flattering pictures on here that don't really show why people are staring. But I'm trying to stay positive about being able to pass since it's only 25 days on hrt. This is a more realistic picture with no wig or makeup on other than a little eye liner.


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[Cindy]

You look fine!

Hey and where is the smile? A big smile does wonders and you will then notice that other women always smile back.
Men just don't know what to do but that is normal man stuff so I'm told.

You are just starting and it is intimidating but after a while you just get immune to the looks. As I said all women get looked at all the time.

Just take a quiet sit on a bench on a street or a shopping Mall and watch how people look at each other. You will be quite amused and amazed, it is also good practice in observing how to respond in public as well.

[krobinson103]

Don't let the stares bother you. You look great. Yes, you are a bit different from the 'average' person but in a way isn't that good? Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway. Also, as time passes it will become easier in terms of appearance and having the confidence to just be yourself and not worry about the minority who want to make an issue.

Its a great step, get out there and do it again. I promise it will be easier!

[Courtney.lane408]

Me I want to be average that's all I want haha


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[Dena]

You look feminine enough that I don't think it was for that reason. What's more likely is when they looked at you, you became nervous and they picked up on that. When you are in public, you need to ignore what others are doing and as long as you don't show nerves, they will quickly satisfy their curiosity and look elsewhere.

The only time I have ever been the subject of stares like that was after I had surgery, I took my roommate out for a trip in public. This was one of her first public outings and I could feel her nerves, so could a man seated about 50 feet away from us. It drew his eyes towards both of us and while it didn't bother me, I needed to talk my roommate through it.

If you are going out with a friend, tell them about this and ask them to distract you if you start getting nervous. It will take you time to get over your nerves but it gets better each trip out the door.

[JoanneB]

I remember back in 1978, or was it 79? My first of two utter Fail transition experiments. Getting stared at churned up all those (negative) childhood memories of being "Different". For me "Different" carried over both way back as a kid and young adult. I spent over half of my life being picked on. At 6ft tall you tend to stand out in a world where most women were.... 5'4".

After a few years of misery and a I know what will fix me marriage I "experimented" again. Same result. I then stuffed buried, or otherwise tried to kill the Trans-Beast to no avail for some 30 years or more. That was when I took it on the Trans-Beast for Real.

These days when I get that uncomfortable too long of a look from a guy or another women I think to myself "I guess I really do look as great I thought" when I took that last look in the mirror before leaving the house.

Attitude. 99% of "passing" and 100% of just feeling good about being the Real You in the Real World

[Allison S]

Hrt takes time. I know that's what I'm waiting on. Also my hair to grow out. Things like my shoulders, hands and feet won't change and can probably easily clock me in the future too so I just think- if I stress things now so much I'll be super disappointed later.

As much as confidence helps and the advice "just smile" is peachy, in reality we're going through something very very difficult. I don't mean to disregard anything others have said but let's be honest when we don't have life together in our 20s, transitioning is not a walk in the park or just putting on a dress and going out. No income, no support or savings. Very awkward stage in transitioning... well let me stop here since I'm going beyond what your post is about.

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[TinaVane]

You really look cis woman to me. I think it's normal for us to think we are being clocked when peeps look at us


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[Danielle79]

It's definitely because I'm visibly trans but thanks though I'm trying to be okay with it. I also post flattering pictures on here that don't really show why people are staring. But I'm trying to stay positive about being able to pass since it's only 25 days on hrt. This is a more realistic picture with no wig or makeup on other than a little eye liner.


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If that's you after 25 days of HRT, you're going to look amazing in a year. Seriously.

You already pass. How do I know? I'm on Tapatalk, and at first I thought your first photo was from another forum. It took me a few seconds to realize that you are trans.

Is it possible that this person staring at you realized that you're trans? Sure, and it's unsettling when it happens. But most people just aren't observant enough to notice.

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[kitchentablepotpourri]

Hrt takes time. I know that's what I'm waiting on. Also my hair to grow out. Things like my shoulders, hands and feet won't change and can probably easily clock me in the future too so I just think- if I stress things now so much I'll be super disappointed later.

As much as confidence helps and the advice "just smile" is peachy, in reality we're going through something very very difficult. I don't mean to disregard anything others have said but let's be honest when we don't have life together in our 20s, transitioning is not a walk in the park or just putting on a dress and going out. No income, no support or savings. Very awkward stage in transitioning... well let me stop here since I'm going beyond what your post is about.

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I started at 35, and I was not financially secure, because I really did not know what I wanted to do. Let's be honest, transition is expensive, so if you transition without much income you are going to be struggling to get the things you need. So I decided to go back to school, and I got degree in an allied healthcare field; the job paid well enough that I was able to save enough to have my first round of FFS after a few years, all the while having a nice place to live and a nice new car to drive; and I was doing something that I loved, and I was helping people as well.  So, what I'm saying is don't wait for things to happen; make them happen. Insurance is starting to pay for trans related healthcare in some places, but you have to wait in line, and see who they want you to see; it's a whole lot better when you make your own decisions. So, I put off my transition to full time for 9 years, but I was still able to be on HRT five years prior. 

Yes, I wanted everything done overnight; I had friends who went to Dr. Ousterhout for FFS, and then have SRS; I would watch trans documentaries, and see the magical transitions, and my heart would ache, and I was happy for them. I knew that my turn would come, because I was doing what I needed to do to make it happen. And everyone else can make their dreams become reality also; just make a plan and put in the work 😊

[Janes Groove]

The answer is yes and no.

At first we get stared at more and we are more hyper-aware and also more mistaken about what importance strangers attach to our appearance. Hint (90% of people could care less.  To wit:  'Oh look a transgender person!  Hmmm, was I supposed to pick up a quart of milk at the store tonite on my way home?')   And then we start to develop a thicker skin to it.  Then as the hormones work their magic the staring (and the misgendering) occur less and less frequently but even when it becomes a rare occurrence it usually comes out of nowhere like a punch in the gut when we are feeling on cloud 9 and we are least expecting it and we feel crushed. Just be yourself. Let the hormones work their magic. You're young. You have a wonderful female life ahead of you. Enjoy it.

[Courtney.lane408]

I started at 35, and I was not financially secure, because I really did not know what I wanted to do. Let's be honest, transition is expensive, so if you transition without much income you are going to be struggling to get the things you need. So I decided to go back to school, and I got degree in an allied healthcare field; the job paid well enough that I was able to save enough to have my first round of FFS after a few years, all the while having a nice place to live and a nice new car to drive; and I was doing something that I loved, and I was helping people as well.  So, what I'm saying is don't wait for things to happen; make them happen. Insurance is starting to pay for trans related healthcare in some places, but you have to wait in line, and see who they want you to see; it's a whole lot better when you make your own decisions. So, I put off my transition to full time for 9 years, but I was still able to be on HRT five years prior. 

Yes, I wanted everything done overnight; I had friends who went to Dr. Ousterhout for FFS, and then have SRS; I would watch trans documentaries, and see the magical transitions, and my heart would ache, and I was happy for them. I knew that my turn would come, because I was doing what I needed to do to make it happen. And everyone else can make their dreams become reality also; just make a plan and put in the work [emoji4]

I'm very lucky that I make around 70k a year which does make things a lot easier! So I'm for sure saving now in case I'm a year or two I think I need ffs. Electro currently under way.


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[kitchentablepotpourri]

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything about you, but I responded to the post from Allison S, since she mentioned the financial aspect of transition; and there are a lot of trans people who are struggling financially, so I was offering some advice and hope.

[Courtney.lane408]

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything about you, but I responded to the post from Allison S, since she mentioned the financial aspect of transition; and there are a lot of trans people who are struggling financially, so I was offering some advice and hope.

Don't apologize I think it was great advice!! It's definitely easy to think hrt is just some rocket or roller coaster you strap yourself into that rockets you into passing eventually. It's a lot more like a mountain where you have to climb every painful foot all the way to the top step by step. Your so right this is on me to fight for who I want to be!


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[amydane]

Your beanie is so cute! Where did you get it?

...stares are going to happen, kids are the worst at it. It's tough to take that sort of attention, especially when your used to blending into the crowd. I wish that part of transition were easier.

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[Northern Star Girl]

In lots of other threads here it seems that a reoccurring theme is being stared at... unless one has unlimited self-confidence and unlimited self-assurance... being stared at can be a heart wrenching event for sure. 
Why are they staring?... are they reading me as a non-passable female?...is my slip showing? ...are my nipples showing? .... or are they just being rude people... men do it, women do it. One should just do their best, keep smiling and have a happy countenance and shrug it off, don't let it destroy your transitioning endeavors.  A big smile and a happy demeanor are most attractive to everyone who looks at a person.

[Rachel]

I went full time November 15, 2015. That was 2.25 years ago. Before that I was part time. I have been on hrt for 4.75 years. Somewhere along the way the stairs stopped and I became comfortable with being me. I think I realized it was going to be ok and relaxed. I have also had a lot of work done over and he years.

You are doing fine and after a few years on hrt and expressing you will look back on the experience and be glad you walked the path.

[Charlie Nicki]

Courtney, you look great. But I do want to say that I think it's a positive thing that you acknowledge your vulnerability, first it will make your skin thicker, and second it'll definitely help other girls who are starting or aren't full time to realize that this is a difficult but normal part of the process and it happens to all of us even the most beautiful ones.

Hugs!

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