Being laughed at

[Laurel D]

Last night I was hanging out at a McDonald's with a friend, and while he was in the restroom a guy sitting at the next table noticed me and burst out laughing. He whispered something to the guy next to him, I couldn't catch all the words but I could make out he said 'did you see that?' (because apparently I'm an inanimate object). I stared back at him to let him know I was aware of his taunt and he gave me a thumbs up. I felt so embarrassed and humilliated. I was so ashamed I bottled it up and didn't even tell my friend when he came back. I spent all the bus ride back home in tears, thinking of all the things I would've liked to say to that jerk but didn't dare.

I know I shouldn't let some stranger's opinion of me affect me, but I feel so discouraged right now. Sometimes I feel like I should give up on my attempts to be perceived as female and just cut my hair and dress like any ordinary dude. I'd be miserable as hell but I'd fly under the radar. I dunno. I feel like either way I choose is a road to unhappiness.

It happens to me quite a bit ( almost daily.). The first time it happened, I wanted to cry. But now, I just pretend like they are not there. When I get overwhelmed with it. I play some music on my headphones. I try to get bad people out of my mind as fast as possible. Because as  others already stated, I probably will never see these people again, so they don't deserve a place in my mind. 

No matter what anyone says to you, what matters the most is, you being you. And you loving the real you. Everybody else who doesn't support you is just background noise.

Sent from my LG-TP450 using Tapatalk

[Jacqueline]

I too am so sorry. It must have been awful. I so want to say to move on and not let it bother you.

However, I know how hard it is not to take comments to heart. Especially when it is about your physical appearance. It likely makes one want to shrivel up and disappear. I mean, this is you in physical form. So, to get a reaction like that is a recrimination against yourself. Mortifying is the word that comes to mind. You are brave for having gone through it.

I have only gotten looks so far. However, I used to get this sort of thing as a kid. I wasn't even trying to be different from myself. I isolated myself and built up very strong walls. It protected me at the time but it was not mentally healthy for me.

Have a good cry. Know how in the wrong and terrible these "fellow humans" are. Try to forgive them and move on. If you can't, just move on. I don't think it ever stops hurting. However, it becomes a known pain, like shots, cutting your self shaving, brushing really tangled hair. Seems silly when I write it that way. I know it isn't. It is wrong and just plain rude.

You are brave, and strong. It takes so much bravery simply to accept our true selves. Then to take that acceptance walking out the door personifying that belief. It is so much easier to just give in. Never the less, she persists and continues to.

Others have said some of my thoughts. Just how awful must their lives be to have to use us as their entertainment and validation of superiority or acceptance. They have never grown beyond middle or junior high school. They must be terrified to be accepted or lose their place. You are braver and stronger than them. Bravery and strength does not mean you don't feel hurt and cry. It is in the persistence beyond so many odds.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother journey.

With warmth,

Jacqui

[Janes Groove]

The thing is, this is not about you at all. It's all about him.  There's a reason it's call transphobia.  You touched a deep well of fear in that guy.  His fear response was a primal one. To laugh.  He was laughing at himself.  Laughing at that place of fear that he has no other way of dealing with.  His fear of the other that he doesn't understand.  He doesn't know why he doesn't understand.  He just knows that he is afraid.

Don't get angry at him. Feel sorry for him. Pity him.

[Jin]

I usually just grin back at them. If it gets too obnoxious, I say something like: "What's on your mind, Big Boy?" really loud.

If it is homophobic, something like, "Why are you interested, queer or something?"

Scares the crap out of them.

I can no longer pass so it is real obvious, Positive comments beat the negative about ten to one.

Oh, I can't stand McD's. the food gives me gut-ache.

[Maria77]

Unfortunately, all trans seemingly have this happen to them at some points.  It hurts, it's embarrassing and demeaning.

But we often can do something about it.   The last time it happened to me I was at a supermarket franchise checkout line.  My voice broke (dry throat) and you could just see the dim wit checkout girl's  one brain cell begin to fire.  So when she figures out I'm a trans she starts laughing and trying to get the attention of the young man working the next aisle over.   I guess she wanted to let him in on the "joke."   I was more angry than anything and asked to see the store manager.  The alleged store manager was not very interested.   So when I got home I contacted the Franchise Headquarters with a stark headline:  "I was harrassed in your store today by one of your employees."  I then went on to ask if lgbtq people are welcome and safe in your store.  The next day I spoke with the District Manager, and I suspect that she might have been a Lesbian (family, lol)   She profusely apologized, and later that day the store manager (the real one!) called and said the girl had been disciplined.  She said the girl (basically admitted it) was extremely sorry and would never do anything like that again. 

Pondering that and other incidents-if it occurs in a national (or strong regional) business we stand a very good chance of redress and a teaching moment to boot.

It works better to use lgbtq, because it is a larger demographic and a lot of people who wouldn't harrass a gay man feel no remorse about demeaning us.  So if using the added power of Lesbians and gay men better frames the problem : it's better for all of us (lgbtq)

That said, it's best not to rebut male harrassers (especially groups of young males!) because there is a danger that it will become physical (mtf & ftm). With those types it is often easiest to just avoid that demographic as much as possible.

[AnnMarie2017]

There's a reason they call it self-confidence.  It's called that because it comes from within yourself.  It doesn't depend on the approval of others.  Confidence that needs the approval of others may feel better than the lack of it, but it is not self-confidence.

Self-confidence is about knowing in your heart that you are a good person.  That you are strong.  That you have overcome serious obstacles to become your authentic self.  That you make your decisions based on what is right and what affirms yourself and others.  It comes from self-esteem.

Self-confidence allows you to walk past the low-lifes who stare and mutter, with your head held high and a smile on your face because you have found yourself and they haven't.  It is unshakeable.

As she so often does, KathyLauren goes to the heart of the matter.

In time, as your confidence grows, this sort of thing will bother you less and less.

When I first started going out in girl mode, I was leaving the mall as four Hispanic dudes were going inside; and one of them saw me and just cracked up. It bothered me then; but, thinking back on it, I feel more amusement than anything else. They're just clueless. I think some of them need to "put us in our place," at least in their own minds, in order to keep their own worlds in order. I think some people find us very threatening, because we shake up one of the bedrock "knowns" of their worlds. We make them uncertain.

It's more about them than it is about us. As you grow to love yourself more -- and you should -- the reactions of foolish people just won't matter. You know the truth. They don't.

[epvanbeveren]

I have had my fair shares of laughter. At first it really bothers, but thankfully it will get better. Better in a sense of you dealing with it. I think the biggest change in me was after starting HRT. Over time I started to ignore the looks and or talk.

I now notice the compliments. When I am out with my daughters they will tell me later that someone was staring at me or talking about me to their friends. However my daughters gladly stare back and give them a look.

Be yourself dear, it take time but eventually you start to not noticing it as much.

[Steph34]

I have been laughed at sometimes, and given weird stares routinely, and I find it very hurtful. it is a painful reminder that I did not seek hormones when I was young and would have been pretty, because then I would have gotten a very different kind of attention. Therefore, I see this negative attention as a reflection of my weak will. I had the option to live as a woman, but I let ignorance and fear control me, so now I am a joke.

Once when I was on a walk, two young adults  (a man and a woman) asked for information about the trail. I looked at them and responded, thinking my voice would pass. To my dismay, my voice did not pass, and the two of them broke into intense laughter as they walked away without acknowledging my help.

On another walk, I overheard two pretty girls debating whether I was a man or a woman - they disagreed with each other. Their conversation ended with one saying "I could be wrong; it could be a woman, but it looks like a MAN!" Ouch!

This kind of rudeness was one of the reasons I delayed transitioning. I have always been a sensitive person and it really hurts. Unfortunately, negative attention became a self-fulfilling prophecy as I became too old and masculine to fully feminize...

[Northern Star Girl]

Snipped:

I have been laughed at sometimes, and given weird stares routinely, and I find it very hurtful.
- - - - -.
On another walk, I overheard two pretty girls debating whether I was a man or a woman - they disagreed with each other. Their conversation ended with one saying "I could be wrong; it could be a woman, but it looks like a MAN!" Ouch!
...

Steph34:  I think all of us while transitioning and even after have experienced this kind of hurtful and negative attention, I know that I have.  Hang in there and try to stay positive, consider the source... rude and biased people... you can't control how they act BUT you are in full control of how you act and your reactions.

I love your curly long hair!!!  ...    Have you resumed your HRT?

[barbie]

That can happen to anybody, even to cis-gender people. Have you ever traveled to a remote country? When I was in a Russian city, some of a kind of redneck people in the street there shouted at me, although I do not understand Russian. In a Argentine city, Buenos Aires, a young girl called me Chino, and some little students asked my Chinese colleague to take photos together. People's responses to a kind of different person vary greatly depending on personality, culture and education.

Self-confidence is important as others said. In my case, actually I tend to be brazen, sometimes embarrassing those people. At least, they need some courage to speak to me. But most people here (S. Korea) are not so much rude to strangers. When I was in a Japanese university last year, some young students came to me, asking me some questions on my fashion, and taking photos together. People tend to treat me as a kind of celebrity.

barbie~~

[Julia1996]

Some people are just scum. There is a girl with downs syndrome who works at Walmart. She stands at the entrance and greets people and if you walk in with a bag from another store she puts a sticker on it. She's a very sweet person. She likes hair and sometimes she asks if she can touch my hair. So one day I'm talking to her as I'm walking in and she wants to touch my hair. All of the sudden I hear laughing and I look around and there are these 3 teenage girls just gawking. One of them says " OMG, she let that "thing" touch her! I bet she catches "retard" from IT!" then they all just started laughing. I was beyond shocked. I was actually speechless. There was an older lady on her way out of the store who saw the whole thing and she just unloaded on them. They weren't laughing anymore. What kind of utter and total scum would make fun of and laugh at someone with downs syndrome? ?? It just blows my mind that anyone could be that evil!

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped: 

One of them says " OMG, she let that "thing" touch her! I bet she catches "retard" from IT!" then they all just started laughing. I was beyond shocked. I was actually speechless. There was an older lady on her way out of the store who saw the whole thing and she just unloaded on them. They weren't laughing anymore. What kind of utter and total scum would make fun of and laugh at someone with downs syndrome? ?? It just blows my mind that anyone could be that evil!

@ Julia1996:  I tend to not stay silent... I will speak up like that lady did in pitiful situations like that also. 
Sometimes when I am in the restroom when I see someone come out of one of the stalls and I see them head right for the door I speak up and say "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"  I will either get the finger and a dirty look as they leave or they are somewhat contrite, mutter something and then head for the sink to wash their hands.

[Julia1996]

snipped: 
@ Julia1996:  I tend to not stay silent... I will speak up like that lady did in pitiful situations like that also. 
Sometimes when I am in the restroom when I see someone come out of one of the stalls and I see them head right for the door I speak up and say "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"  I will either get the finger and a dirty look as they leave or they are somewhat contrite, mutter something and then head for the sink to wash their hands.

People are gross! Once I was in the ladies room and I hear the pad disposal box slam shut and I hear a wrapper crinkle obviously she was changing her pad. So I'm washing my hands and she comes out of the stall and walks right out the door! Ewwwwww! !

[DawnOday]

Often being the tallest person in the room. I have always been stared at like when I find a person taller than me. I just can't take my eyes off them. But being tall and being laughed at for having a small penis by the rest of the guys in the locker room. Somehow they think my height says how long my penis should be.. That seems so long ago. If I could just get rid of the damn thing. Unfortunately surgery is not in the cards.

[Steph34]

Steph34:  I think all of us while transitioning and even after have experienced this kind of hurtful and negative attention, I know that I have.  Hang in there and try to stay positive, consider the source... rude and biased people... you can't control how they act BUT you are in full control of how you act and your reactions.

I love your curly long hair!!!  ...    Have you resumed your HRT?

I did consider the source: two people who were infinitely more feminine than me, with looks I could only dream of as a 'late' transitioner. I felt like I deserved to be looked down on by them, so I just kept walking, perhaps a little faster. When people make fun of me, I see it as proof that I am a failure for not seeking hormones sooner.

The only times since September 2014 that i went off my HRT were for two surgeries late in 2015. I love my long curly hair too, and the fact it was all falling out was my strongest motive to transition - to try to save the one feminine feature I had. And you have a nice shape; you'll be fine, not so sure about me...

[stephaniec]

this was a couple of summers ago I was sitting at a table outside a restaurant and a guy was coming by the restaurant and started yelling 'that's a guy '  some people just come from a dimension that never evolved from the amoeba , no offense to amoeba's

[Jennifer.Diamonds]

   I believe it was mentioned once, that we should pity the man. He has no idea what he has done. Karma kill break him someday, I'm sure. But there are so many people out there that just have no idea what we are. Or why we are doing it.
   The man was a total nerf-herder, obviously.

[Dianesortof]

Pity the poor unaware creature. You are becoming a Butterfly and he will be a pig till the day he dies. You can not teach a pig to fly.

[Julia1996]

this was a couple of summers ago I was sitting at a table outside a restaurant and a guy was coming by the restaurant and started yelling 'that's a guy '  some people just come from a dimension that never evolved from the amoeba , no offense to amoeba's

That's something else that really pisses me off, the need people have to let EVERYONE know you're trans if they out you. This happened to me at the mall once when I was with Tristan. I ran into this hateful girl I went to school with. Of course she recognized me, there aren't many albinos running around in Denver. This stupid girl saw me as she walked past me and made a point to turn around and come back. She asked Tristan if he knew I was a " dude" and and the guy who was with her told him he was ###g a "dickstump". He asked the girl what of it and told her she was a bit uppity for a swamp donkey. Then he just looked at the guy and said " got anything else to say mate?" He didnt. When people out any trans person in public they are putting them in danger. What if Tristan hadn't known I was trans and reacted badly to finding out? He's 6'5 and all muscle. One punch would totally destroy my face and it wouldn't take much from someone that size to kill me. I'm pretty sure that's what the girl was hoping for. People just suck!

[Jennifer.Diamonds]

That's something else that really pisses me off, the need people have to let EVERYONE know you're trans if they out you. This happened to me at the mall once when I was with Tristan. I ran into this hateful girl I went to school with. Of course she recognized me, there aren't many albinos running around in Denver. This stupid girl saw me as she walked past me and made a point to turn around and come back. She asked Tristan if he knew I was a " dude" and and the guy who was with her told him he was ###g a "dickstump". He asked the girl what of it and told her she was a bit uppity for a swamp donkey. Then he just looked at the guy and said " got anything else to say mate?" He didnt. When people out any trans person in public they are putting them in danger. What if Tristan hadn't known I was trans and reacted badly to finding out? He's 6'5 and all muscle. One punch would totally destroy my face and it wouldn't take much from someone that size to kill me. I'm pretty sure that's what the girl was hoping for. People just suck!

Yes they do. I imagine I'll be getting a taste of this sort of crap when I go visit my folks this summer.. Should be interesting to say the least. Can't wait to be reminded of why I left in the first place.