It may seem odd that I'm posting here, since I just posted something in the "unhappy today" thread; but this was something good that happened. Technically, it happened yesterday; but hopefully that's OK.
I'm 60 years old and don't pass, and I've struggled with makeup and my wig. My presentation has been very feminized male for some time now, and with my name change being imminent I see myself going full-time. I sort of see myself as full-time now; I can't present female at work, however. I present female when I go shopping or go out socially.
There's a local transfeminine support group that meets once a month. I went to a few meetings soon after coming out, but then stopped because it was difficult to attend with my work schedule. This month, however, I needed some input related to the exigencies of my name change; so, I showed up. I went in total girl mode. Two things happened.
The first happened at the end of the meeting. The group coordinator told me as we were leaving that I looked fantastic and that she nearly hadn't recognized me. That was so good to hear, after my struggles with my presentation. The second happened at home, as I was getting ready to leave. I looked in the mirror and was taken aback by my own reflection – not because I saw a woman, but because of the woman I saw. This person was powerful – intelligent, deep, piercing in her gaze. I saw someone looking back at me that I barely know. It brings me to tears to think that this is really me, the real me. She has been buried all my life. Perhaps that sounds sad; but I am thrilled every time I see her – I think it's twice now – because I know it's me.
