Hey everyone. I just jumped in to let everyone know whats been going on with me lately. The main thing and its sad is that me and my girlfriend Alivia have parted ways. Before anyone freaks out me and Alivia are absolutely fine. This has been coming for a long time. We have not even slept in the same bed for the last 3 years. We have become more like roommates than lovers. She will still be here for a little while until she makes arrangements with her family in Alabama.
Its not hit me yet but I know it will. You cant live with someone 10 years and not care about them. Again we both will be fine.
Now that the bad news is over, I have been feeling great this last week. The dysphoria has not bugged me one time and I have seen some pretty girls that normally would have triggered me but so far so good. Me being able to see that womanly shape starting has made me so happy and I think has helped my confidence.
On the money side of things I have my friend paid back and will be getting my first actual paycheck this week. The machine payment was due yesterday and I'm struggling to get it. I will not stress one more day about the machine. I'll just keep doing the best i can do because its not worth me getting sick over like last time. Alivia not being here will help me in the money department too. I know that sounds mean but she is actually looking forward to going to Alabama.
I cant wait to get my finances straitened out. I have missed three weeks of voice therapy because of money and I'm excited about getting that started again. I plan on doing laser next or electrolysis, I have red hair and don't know if laser will be very effective on it. I haven't even pierced my ears yet.
You all know Im such a wimp when it comes to needles.
I got my first negative feedback in my transition. One of my friends that I have known sense she was seventeen has not been answering my messages and I had thought see was busy. I found out through her sister that shes having a hard time with it and didn't want to talk to me. Me and her have been very close friends for years, shes a cool girl that likes muscle cars and motorcycles and through the years I have painted some of her prize cars. Its sad that I have lost a good friend over me wanting to be happy. I'm guessing she just don't understand.
The only other thing I can think of is mom. I don't remember if I told you girls or not but, mom told me a couple of weeks ago that if I was going to be a woman I could not live here. I told her that see would never have to see me as Chelsea but, I will keep taking my medicine and continue this transition as fast as I can. Sense that day me or her have not talked about me transitioning at all. So again I'm here in prison and cant come out. I'm still working on a way out of this one.
This post might look bad but I just wanted to add that I'm alright and very positive. I'm actually happier more now than I have been in my life. Just me starting to feel better about myself has helped me stay more positive lately.
My apologies for jumping around but I just typed all this out as i thought of it with very little sleep. lol
Hugs,
Chelsea
