Chelsea's Transition Adventure

[JudiBlueEyes]

Great news Chelsea!  Certainly check on your local regulations.  TN will not change gender marker on the birth cert. but you may not need to.

This may be the info you need for your driver's license. 
1340-01-13-.19 CHANGES OF INFORMATION, DUPLICATES.
(2) License, temporary license or certificate for driving holders may obtain a revised license, temporary license or certificate for driving reflecting changes in personal information shown on the license or temporary license including name, address, date of birth, physical description, social security number, and organ/tissue donor status.

[steph2.0]

I got my Petition and Order for my legal name change this morning! Its getting real now. I got to save up $159.50 to do it and go before a judge. That is going to be embarrassing in front of people lol. I will change my gender marker later because of the stupid laws here and I have to live as a woman for a year and from the way I read it here in Tennessee they want you to have GCS before they will do it.

I'm not sure how it is in TN, but here in Florida the only people allowed in the courtroom during my hearing were those I brought with me. So not only was there no embarrassment, but I had a cheering section. Twelve friends and family members were there for me.

Having been born in Michigan, I can't change the BC gender marker until GCS. I'm not even bothering to change the name until then. I haven't needed it for a single thing, and pretty much everything else is done now. It's all about the name change court order, SSC, and drivers license.

Good luck!

Stephanie

[Chelsea]

Great news Chelsea!  Certainly check on your local regulations.  TN will not change gender marker on the birth cert. but you may not need to.

This may be the info you need for your driver's license. 
1340-01-13-.19 CHANGES OF INFORMATION, DUPLICATES.
(2) License, temporary license or certificate for driving holders may obtain a revised license, temporary license or certificate for driving reflecting changes in personal information shown on the license or temporary license including name, address, date of birth, physical description, social security number, and organ/tissue donor status.

Thank you Judi.  I could care less about my birth certificate. I'm only interested in changing it on my drivers license. If they give me a hard time I have family all over and will just go out of state and change it. Then when get a new one here they will have too. Also my height on my license says I'm 6 foot. lol  No idea how that happened because I'm 5'9.

Hugs,
          Chelsea

[Chelsea]

I'm not sure how it is in TN, but here in Florida the only people allowed in the courtroom during my hearing were those I brought with me. So not only was there no embarrassment, but I had a cheering section. Twelve friends and family members were there for me.

Having been born in Michigan, I can't change the BC gender marker until GCS. I'm not even bothering to change the name until then. I haven't needed it for a single thing, and pretty much everything else is done now. It's all about the name change court order, SSC, and drivers license.

Good luck!

Stephanie

Thank you Steph.
   I would feel a lot better if there was not a court room full of people while I do this. lol
My friend got her license out of state and then had one made here. Lot of work but there is a way around all this crap.

Hugs,
         Chelsea

[Jayne01]

Im not messing around anymore, its time!

You know the time is right for you and you are going for it!

Chelsea is a girl on a mission! So proud of you.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Chelsea]

These last 6 or 7 months of being on here I have heard so many compliments. Everyone has told me that I'm pretty and that I should pass well. I hear exactly the same things on FaceBook also. This has helped my confidence so much that I have been wanting to get out there in the world and be myself.
     Over the last few weeks I have starting going out more trying to get myself used to it. Yesterday Joni wanted to color my natural hair and see what she could do to it. I was already in full girl mode and she talked me into going to a dollar store and a beauty store as myself. Joni hid the lace of the wig with a scarf and I thought it was cute so we went with it. Beth wears hers exactly like this also. I'm very sad to say that It didn't go well at all. I most defiantly am not at all passable at this point in my transition.
     While in the dollar store a guy told the cashier Sue (I know Sue very well) that he thought I was steeling something. I have no Idea what that was about. Maybe he picked up on my nervousness. After that we went to a beauty store to get die and conditioner. By the time I left the store with Joni I was the Main attraction at the freak show. I must have caught the attention of 4 other females in the store and I'm guessing the read right through me. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. Two of the women actually followed us out to the car staring the entire time. This was the closest I have been in this transition to letting my old self out and handle it like I used to (but that would have ended up with someone calling the police on me.) Even though they was following us and obviously talking about me, I kept Charles at bay and got in the car.
    I had a right to be there just like anyone else and only took up about a one foot square of space.  I really hate people. I have learned the even if you get a thousand people telling you that you will pass well or you get a few hundred likes on FaceBook on your pictures that It has nothing on earth to do with people in the real world. I posted a picture of me yesterday in the car, before all the bad happened.
I thought I looked good enough or I would have stayed at home.
    This is the very last Picture of me that will be taken in public for a very long time. I have been so mad all day that I had to keep myself home away from everyone. Looks like I am going to have to keep playing like am a boy or come out and be treated like a freak. Who ever said sit back and enjoy the ride?  I have had nothing but bad the entire time in doing this. I don't have a punching bag so I just posted my feelings here. Thanks to everyone for listening to my vent.

Chelsea


     

[anne_indy]

So sorry to read abort your bad experience out yesterday. I prefer to be out with the protection of friends, but on several occasions have gone into a store on my own, and can see the other women checking me out. It feels awkward, but I realize that I have to start somewhere with the hope that eventually my feminine presentation will be more passable.

From your picture, I think you look terrific.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Faith]

Chelsea, I am sorry that it caused you distress like that. Based on your recount of the incidents I don't read failure. Questioning, yes. Failure, no. It sounds more like you had them wondering and unsure. That's a good thing. Sure, we all want 100% pass and want to bury ourselves until the magic happens. If I waited for that I'd never be out in public. I'm 24/7 now. Do I pass, nope. Am I uncomfortable? Sometimes but mostly not. I do not get any sideshow attraction stares. If I do, let them. They're probably envious of something. Smile at them and move on.

Be who you are, be proud. It's the uncertainty and nervousness that got their attention. Only one way to fix that. Although, beating on a punching bag to vent sounds like a good plan

Faith

[Northern Star Girl]

@Chelsea
My dearest Chelsea:
I heart goes out to you, unpleasant things like you just experienced can be devastating to your self confidence and self assurance as you go out and about in the world as "Chelsea" .... but please don't give up....   failures can be looked at as a learning experience and a way to keep refining our approach toward success.

As you know, I am a fan of  Winston Churchill  and the many quotes that he is famous for...
...so here is one that fits your situation:
     "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

Next time you go out as Chelsea, go with an accepting friend or two... and you must "get back on the horse" and go out again.....   
...the old saying of safety in numbers is really true.   
I have had my own moments in the past where if I didn't have my like-minded friends along with me I would have felt miserable in my failure.

Here are a few more inspirational words that will help you to affirm that you continue in your journey toward success.

      There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
         Colin Powell

      Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.
        Og Mandino

Hang in there Chelsea...  I know from my own personal experience that what you went through can be very tough and discouraging....  remember, in these early stages, safety in numbers... have at least a freind with you next time, and there will be a next time.... please!!!!

Thank you for your update, I always look for your thread when I login to Susan's Place.   Please keep all of your followers informed of your life events as you have been doing.

Hugs and hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Chelsea]

@Chelsea
My dearest Chelsea:
I heart goes out to you, unpleasant things like you just experienced can be devastating to your self confidence and self assurance as you go out and about in the world as "Chelsea" .... but please don't give up....   failures can be looked at as a learning experience and a way to keep refining our approach toward success.

As you know, I am a fan of  Winston Churchill  and the many quotes that he is famous for...
...so here is one that fits your situation:
     "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

Next time you go out as Chelsea, go with an accepting friend or two... and you must "get back on the horse" and go out again.....   
...the old saying of safety in numbers is really true.   
I have had my own moments in the past where if I didn't have my like-minded friends along with me I would have felt miserable in my failure.

Here are a few more inspirational words that will help you to affirm that you continue in your journey toward success.

      There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
         Colin Powell

      Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.
        Og Mandino

Hang in there Chelsea...  I know from my own personal experience that what you went through can be very tough and discouraging....  remember, in these early stages, safety in numbers... have at least a freind with you next time, and there will be a next time.... please!!!!

Thank you for your update, I always look for your thread when I login to Susan's Place.   Please keep all of your followers informed of your life events as you have been doing.

Hugs and hugs and hugs,
Danielle

I took Joni and Beth both with me. I noticed that on the way in the store that I looked way out of place. The problem is that Im not passable. Not at all. I look more like a cute guy trying to play girl. If I had looked more like a real girl then none of that stuff would have happened at all. Its me that needs a lot of work. I will give it a few years to see. If not I have made a terrible mistake in thinking I will just blend in with everyone.  Its gonna be a long time before I do that again.

Chelsea

[Northern Star Girl]

I took Joni and Beth both with me. I noticed that on the way in the store that I looked way out of place. The problem is that Im not passable. Not at all. I look more like a cute guy trying to play girl. If I had looked more like a real girl then none of that stuff would have happened at all. Its me that needs a lot of work. I will give it a few years to see. If not I have made a terrible mistake in thinking I will just blend in with everyone.  Its gonna be a long time before I do that again.

Chelsea

@Chelsea
Dearest Chelsea:
             

Love ya girl....  stay strong, stay determined.
Hugs and wishing you better days ahead.
Danielle

[SonadoraXVX]

Hi Chelsea,

Been reading the commentary here. Unfortunately,  the online life is not what the physical "meatspace", space is like. Yes, online support is good, but it has its limitation, physical support from the community is paramount. I found out the hard way too. Going on  6years hrt this end of November 2018, going literally for mail fail. There is some things that the real life tg community can teach us, that an online community cannot, no matter how hard it tries.

I bypassed meeting real life support, due to family, home, school and work obligations. But I realize that support is ME support and I must meet other truelife LGBTQ for real life community support and development. I myself have been forcing myself to meet others and its unbelievable how butch, androgynous mix I and and confusion I present to others and confuse myself too at times.

Truelife support cannot be bypassed.

My 2 cents...

Just my 2 cents.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

[TonyaW]

Hey Chelsea,  sorry you had a bad experience. 

Going by the the pictures you post though, I'd say your issue is with your confidence rather than passing. You look way more feminine than my 56 yo 6'2" 230 pound body can hope for. I've been full time for a little over a year now.

It's not confidence in your appearance (which will come) but a confidence in knowing that you belong, that you have the right to be who you want to be, to be who you are. 

I still have some bad days where my confidence gets shaken but so far I've bounced back.  I've been lucky that I've had no incidents like your recent adventure and
I live in a mostly conservative area, so it's not due to living in a more accepting community. My lack of problems here also leads me to believe that most people really don't care. 

I know it's easier to say "get confident" than it is to do it and I wish I had some magic words or infinite wisdom for you. 
I can tell you though that all of us that have that confidence were also scared s***less at one time.

You'll get there.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Jayne01]

Hi Chelsea,

I am really sorry you had that crappy experience. Don't give up on yourself. There is more to passing than just the way you look. You need to be confident in who you are. This is an area that still needs some work. You are doing incredibly well so far. There will be times when your day just turns to crap. I'm glad you posted about it here to vent. Get the anger and frustration out of your system then pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You've got this Chelsea. I believe in you.

Below I have picked out some of the things you said in your venting post. I did this to try and highlight how the language we use towards ourselves can have a big impact on our mood. I am not trying to pick on you while you are feeling down, so please don't take this the wrong way.

I most defiantly am not at all passable at this point in my transition.

Yes, you are passable. As far as your looks alone, I think you've nailed it. I haven't heard you speak, so I can't comment on your voice. What I think is letting you down is your self confidence. Your photos are 100% female so there must be other factors letting you down.

     While in the dollar store a guy told the cashier Sue (I know Sue very well) that he thought I was steeling something. I have no Idea what that was about. Maybe he picked up on my nervousness.

If you look visibly nervous, you will attract unwanted attention. This guy's first thought was to report you to the cashier for being a possible thief. You were clearly nervous being out in public as Chelsea but he didn't know that. He only saw s nervous looking person. That doesn't mean you don't pass.

...By the time I left the store with Joni I was the Main attraction at the freak show.

You are NOT a freak. Please don't refer to yourself that way. You are afraid and still finding your way. That doesn't make you a freak, it makes you someone to be admired for having the courage to do whatever it takes to be yourself. You are awesome!

....I'm guessing the read right through me.

You have no idea what others are thinking. Unless they flat out speak their mind all you can do is guess their thoughts and more often than not, you are likely to guess wrong. Just like that guy in the store who guessed that you might be a thief, he was wrong!

Two of the women actually followed us out to the car staring the entire time.

Were they following you or just happen to be going the same way? If they were staring at you, then why? Maybe they liked the way you dressed, or you reminded them of someone they know, or maybe they simply thought you looked really nice and were admiring you.

Even though they was following us and obviously talking about me....

How do you know they were talking about you? Did you hear what they were saying? Even if they were talking about you and saying things that were not nice, is it worth you getting upset over what some unknown strangers are thinking?

Looks like I am going to have to keep playing like am a boy or come out and be treated like a freak. Who ever said sit back and enjoy the ride?

Again, you are absolutely NOT a freak. Don't give up on yourself. This is a ride that can be enjoyed very much. Like any roller coaster, there will be low points and high points. Hang in there through the lows, they will pass. And when the next high comes around you will have moved on from the last low and you will feel on top of the world.

Get yourself out there again. Build your confidence back up again. Keep telling yourself that you are Chelsea, you are a woman and you belong wherever you choose to go.

You've got this!!! Don't give up!!!

Really big hugs!
Jayne

[GingerVicki]

What a bad experience. Just horrible. I agree that the ride is horrible for most of us. People are mean and they hurt us. They don't care but us in the community do. We understand. This is why people like us have problems with alcohol, drugs, depression, and suicide. This would definitely be a trigger event for myself and many others. If it triggers any of these seek help.

I hope that you realize that there are a lot of people in this world that would love to look like you.

[Chelsea]

Hi Chelsea,

I am really sorry you had that crappy experience. Don't give up on yourself. There is more to passing than just the way you look. You need to be confident in who you are. This is an area that still needs some work. You are doing incredibly well so far. There will be times when your day just turns to crap. I'm glad you posted about it here to vent. Get the anger and frustration out of your system then pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You've got this Chelsea. I believe in you.

Below I have picked out some of the things you said in your venting post. I did this to try and highlight how the language we use towards ourselves can have a big impact on our mood. I am not trying to pick on you while you are feeling down, so please don't take this the wrong way.
Yes, you are passable. As far as your looks alone, I think you've nailed it. I haven't heard you speak, so I can't comment on your voice. What I think is letting you down is your self confidence. Your photos are 100% female so there must be other factors letting you down.
If you look visibly nervous, you will attract unwanted attention. This guy's first thought was to report you to the cashier for being a possible thief. You were clearly nervous being out in public as Chelsea but he didn't know that. He only saw s nervous looking person. That doesn't mean you don't pass.
You are NOT a freak. Please don't refer to yourself that way. You are afraid and still finding your way. That doesn't make you a freak, it makes you someone to be admired for having the courage to do whatever it takes to be yourself. You are awesome!
You have no idea what others are thinking. Unless they flat out speak their mind all you can do is guess their thoughts and more often than not, you are likely to guess wrong. Just like that guy in the store who guessed that you might be a thief, he was wrong!
Were they following you or just happen to be going the same way? If they were staring at you, then why? Maybe they liked the way you dressed, or you reminded them of someone they know, or maybe they simply thought you looked really nice and were admiring you.
How do you know they were talking about you? Did you hear what they were saying? Even if they were talking about you and saying things that were not nice, is it worth you getting upset over what some unknown strangers are thinking?
Again, you are absolutely NOT a freak. Don't give up on yourself. This is a ride that can be enjoyed very much. Like any roller coaster, there will be low points and high points. Hang in there through the lows, they will pass. And when the next high comes around you will have moved on from the last low and you will feel on top of the world.

Get yourself out there again. Build your confidence back up again. Keep telling yourself that you are Chelsea, you are a woman and you belong wherever you choose to go.

You've got this!!! Don't give up!!!

Really big hugs!
Jayne

      Jayne thank you for the post. You are absolutely right. I have no idea what other people are thinking. What I do know after my 46 years is distinguishing the types of looks. The guy in the dollar store thought I was hot. lol He checked me out a few times and that is fine because it didn't make me uncomfortable. Now as for as the women goes, two of them were nice to me when me a Joni was checking out. They didn't say anything but It wasn't awkward feeling. Its after we checked out and Joni was showing me these little things that you pierce your ears with that got everyone's attention.
  Two of the women customers and the two that worked there was clearly talking about me and would not stop looking at me and that is when i got uncomfortable. I have no idea what they were talking about but it was about me. Yes i was nervous, very much but that is no excuse for the two customers to follow me to the car and stare a hole through me. They even drove around us just to get another look at me while Joni was looking for her keys.
      My thoughts is if Joni had went in the store by herself that would not have happened. If I am so passable then what happened? It wasn't because they thought I was good looking at all. It was more of "what the heck is this person thinking" looks. Something they noticed was very obvious, I just don't know what or I would change it. Im a redhead with a very hot temper. If someone hurts my feelings I am ready to fight. I had to make myself get in the car that day.
I know trans girls that go full time as soon as they start HRT but I am not that person. It is very important that I pass. I dont think I have been on hormones long enough to do this. There are so many things I need before doing this. I need my voice, my teeth fixed, my real hair. It will be years before I have the cash to fix this stuff and I just think I am rushing this. I just found out that going in public while looking like a half-girl will not work. Im not giving up but if I will never pass then I have made a very big mistake and will have to rethink my life. Waiting for HRT to work is about as entertaining as sitting around watching the cars rust but, that is all I can do right now.

Chelsea

[Chelsea]

What a bad experience. Just horrible. I agree that the ride is horrible for most of us. People are mean and they hurt us. They don't care but us in the community do. We understand. This is why people like us have problems with alcohol, drugs, depression, and suicide. This would definitely be a trigger event for myself and many others. If it triggers any of these seek help.

I hope that you realize that there are a lot of people in this world that would love to look like you.

@gingerViktorKay thank you for the nice words. I do realize that and I have had people tell me the same thing. Most of what you are seeing is a lot of makeup and they are selfies. My body proportions are way off and I dont look like a woman yet and that's my issue.

Hugs,
          Chelsea

[Jayne01]

Hey Chelsea,

The bad day you had while out has shaken your confidence. Some people go full time very early in their transition, even before starting HRT. Others are on HRT for years and have not yet gone full time. There is no set time for when you should do this. You will know when it feels right for you. It's not even something you can really preplan. Eventually you get to a point where the possibility of having crappy days like the one you had is a better option than spending one more day not being yourself. I am just about at that point myself. I am almost full time with the exception of work. I have some time off work in December/January and my plan is to officially come out at work before my time off and when I return it will be as a woman. However, the reality is that I may not be able to wait until then. I too want to pass. My voice especially, is really letting me down right now. I still have plenty of black facial hairs and beard shadow which I have never been able to successfully cover up with makeup. My mannerisms and the way I walk would give me away, or at least raise suspicion. Despite all that, I have an unstoppable desire inside me to go full time just as I am now because each day I spend as John is worse than being stared at, talked about or made fun of. My point is that you don't feel ready now to go full time, but you don't know what the future will be. It could be that next month your confidence has returned and you too are faced with an unstoppable desire to be Chelsea full time no mater what, or it might be in six months or a year.

Stay strong, learn what you can from the crappy days and keep moving forward.

Hugs,
Jayne

[JudiBlueEyes]

Chelsea I don't know what the girls saw but you are passing as evident from the reaction by the guy.  As hard as it may seem, let it roll off your back.   Don't fret over body proportions.  Look around and you'll see all types of body shapes and sizes.  Focus on mannerisms and how you move.  Don't be nervous.  Be more fluid, not stiff.  That is a big different in men and women.   

You're doing well!
Judi

[Northern Star Girl]

Chelsea I don't know what the girls saw but you are passing as evident from the reaction by the guy.  As hard as it may seem, let it roll off your back.   Don't fret over body proportions.  Look around and you'll see all types of body shapes and sizes.  Focus on mannerisms and how you move.  Don't be nervous.  Be more fluid, not stiff.  That is a big different in men and women.   

You're doing well!
Judi

@Chelesa:      cc: @JudiBlueEyes
Dear Chelsea:
I agree with what Judi stated in her reply comment.    I also agree with all the other reply comments on your thread... you appear to be very passable... 

...and as Judi said:  "Don't fret over body proportions"   
Look around at all of the cis-females, most of them are not necessarily happy with their own body proportions and they are obviously "passing" primarily because of the body movements and mannerisms that they have learned since childhood....   

In my case, it was definitely a learning curve that  I had to work very hard on,  getting those things right in order to pass full-time. 
Obviously voice and hair are a big deal ....  I know that on your list is voice therapy, I hope you can find the finances to continue doing more of that soon. 

Regarding your "natural" no makeup, no wig, photo that you posted on September 6th I think that you are looking quite feminine and at this point your concerns about your Adams Apple probably should not be on your immediate list in order to pass reliably. 
Look around, there are cis-women walking around out there that may appear to have something that could look like an Adams Apple... of course a necklace or choker can draw attention away from that if you are still self-conscious about it.

The old saying applies here:  "When you fall off your horse you have to get back on to keep up your confidence."

Thanks for keeping us all updated, we are your biggest fans, we are all rooting for you.
I will be eagerly looking for your next posting on your thread or anywhere else around the forums....  and feel free to continue with our PM  and/or email exchanges.  I am always happy to hear from you anyway that you want to communicate.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle