Dysphoric, Not Passing

[Hughie]

Hey all, feeling down because I'm almost 3 months on T and I haven't been gendered correctly once. My voice is still high, just had my third period. My face seems puffy-ish... rounded, at least. I had thought I'd seen some changes in the first couple of weeks for my face but that's disappeared.  My GP just increased my T dose again a week ago.

I'm feeling very discouraged and I'm in the midst of coming out to people, including work next week. I had hoped to be passing some of the time when I'm coming out, for my own mind's sake. I know that passing isn't a trans requirement, but the dissonance between my mind and body has me depressed.

What do you all do to cope with feeling down, not passing, etc?

[Laurie]

Hi Hughie,

  I'm Laurie and don't think we have swapped posts yet so now is as good a time as ever.  I am a MtF so I obviously don't have any direct help or answers for you except to suggest patience. Not know what a normal dose of T is (and I don't want to know) But I am pretty sure that they, like Estradiol, will work at their on pace not our expectations. 3 months to me as far as I know is not that long of a time for them to effect their magic. You should discuss these things with th doctor who is prescribing your T to get a feel for when you might expect certain changes. You may not be at a full dose yet. Doctors will start slow to observe for any possible ill effects from drugs. It took my doctor 10 months to raise my estradiol to what he considers a max dose which is seen as lower than some other doctors ideas on the subject.
   I am sure you will start seeing results as your T levels raise to normal male ranges.
Patience is the key guy.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Ryuichi13]

I know its a PITA, but puberty doesn't happen overnight.  Give it time, and it'll happen.

One of the things I did (and is still doing) was to take pics.  Of my face, of my body, , "everything," if you know what I mean.  One of the first things I noticed ws bottom growth.  It showed me that the T WAS  causing changes, even if I didn't think so.  I've heard that bottom growth is often the first thing that starts, so if you can, you might want to take pics, that way you can compare them.  I took weekly ones for quite a few months.

I was lucky, my voice also began to change soon after starting T.  It may take a bit, but video yourself as well every now and then.  I made sure to scrub my face clean before I did my recordings, that way I could actually see any changes as well.  Now I look at my old videos and its quite shocking how much my face and voice has changed.   

Facial hair seems to vary from person to person.  I've been on T for almost 15 months, yet my facial hair is still very sparse.  I was misgendered today, as a matter of fact.  Of course, I immediately corrected them, and the minute they heard my voice, they apologized, but it might still happen.  Simply correct them and move on. 

I'm postmenopausal, so I can't help you much with Shark Week, sorry.

While you're waiting for the changes to start showing, try observing other men.  The way they walk, the way they move, the way they hold their hands, how they eat, sit, stand, everything.  I'd sometimes go to the mall and sit in the food court and watch various men around me.  TV shows on Netflix can be good for observation as well.

Don't worry, the changes ARE happening, they just take time.  Think of it this way, keep taking T, and you'll look back on this time in five years and hopefully be able to give someone similar advice to what I'm giving you. 

Be strong brother.  You'll get there!  (And passing isn't everything.)  You're a man even if you don't think you look like one.  Trust me.

Much love bro,

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

[Hughie]

Hi Hughie,

  I'm Laurie and don't think we have swapped posts yet so now is as good a time as ever.  I am a MtF so I obviously don't have any direct help or answers for you except to suggest patience. Not know what a normal dose of T is (and I don't want to know) But I am pretty sure that they, like Estradiol, will work at their on pace not our expectations. 3 months to me as far as I know is not that long of a time for them to effect their magic. You should discuss these things with th doctor who is prescribing your T to get a feel for when you might expect certain changes. You may not be at a full dose yet. Doctors will start slow to observe for any possible ill effects from drugs. It took my doctor 10 months to raise my estradiol to what he considers a max dose which is seen as lower than some other doctors ideas on the subject.
   I am sure you will start seeing results as your T levels raise to normal male ranges.
Patience is the key guy.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Cheers, Laurie! I've been on a full dose for nearly a couple of months. I do see some small changes and my doctor is tracking my bloodwork, so I do feel like I'm in good hands there. I'm just below the bottom of the target range for trans guys, so we had increased it. I'm doing my best to be patient and I know it takes time...

[Hughie]

I know its a PITA, but puberty doesn't happen overnight.  Give it time, and it'll happen.

One of the things I did (and is still doing) was to take pics.  Of my face, of my body, , "everything," if you know what I mean.  One of the first things I noticed ws bottom growth.  It showed me that the T WAS  causing changes, even if I didn't think so.  I've heard that bottom growth is often the first thing that starts, so if you can, you might want to take pics, that way you can compare them.  I took weekly ones for quite a few months.

I was lucky, my voice also began to change soon after starting T.  It may take a bit, but video yourself as well every now and then.  I made sure to scrub my face clean before I did my recordings, that way I could actually see any changes as well.  Now I look at my old videos and its quite shocking how much my face and voice has changed.   

Facial hair seems to vary from person to person.  I've been on T for almost 15 months, yet my facial hair is still very sparse.  I was misgendered today, as a matter of fact.  Of course, I immediately corrected them, and the minute they heard my voice, they apologized, but it might still happen.  Simply correct them and move on. 

I'm postmenopausal, so I can't help you much with Shark Week, sorry.

While you're waiting for the changes to start showing, try observing other men.  The way they walk, the way they move, the way they hold their hands, how they eat, sit, stand, everything.  I'd sometimes go to the mall and sit in the food court and watch various men around me.  TV shows on Netflix can be good for observation as well.

Don't worry, the changes ARE happening, they just take time.  Think of it this way, keep taking T, and you'll look back on this time in five years and hopefully be able to give someone similar advice to what I'm giving you. 

Be strong brother.  You'll get there!  (And passing isn't everything.)  You're a man even if you don't think you look like one.  Trust me.

Much love bro,

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Great post, Ryuichi - you're very insightful. The suggestions are great too. There are changes downstairs and some small changes in body hair. Peach fuzz. I'll step up on the recordings to track changes. And more people watching.

[Ryuichi13]

Great post, Ryuichi - you're very insightful. The suggestions are great too. There are changes downstairs and some small changes in body hair. Peach fuzz. I'll step up on the recordings to track changes. And more people watching.

Thanks bro! 

I'm glad to hear that you're seeing changes!  Yeah, puberty is slow, after all it took years the first time around, right?

I was all over youtube before I started T.  The number of "1 month on T," "2 months on T," "3 months on T," etc videos are staggering!  Personally, I decided to not do that, and instead opted to keep the videos I make only on my laptop, but not everyone decides to do that.  More power to everyone, no matter what choice they make in tht regard.

I admit, coming from a medical background (I'm a Paramedic), I wanted to keep track of the changes for myself, to prove that they are happening, thus the full-body pics.  Since I began, my facial structure has changed, my shoulders, arms and legs are more muscular, my body fat is redistributing, my voice is now a nice baritone, I have more hair on me than I thought I would EVER end up with, and my facial hair, while spare still, is definitely there. I also have bottom growth, and a libido to match!  I didn't know the libido-thing would happen until I came on this forum.  My sex life both with (and without!!!) my partner are WAY better now!

So yeah, the changes, they are a 'happening, even if you don't think so at first!  It happens to everyone, even if it takes a bit.

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

[Hughie]

Thanks bro! 

I'm glad to hear that you're seeing changes!  Yeah, puberty is slow, after all it took years the first time around, right?

I was all over youtube before I started T.  The number of "1 month on T," "2 months on T," "3 months on T," etc videos are staggering!  Personally, I decided to not do that, and instead opted to keep the videos I make only on my laptop, but not everyone decides to do that.  More power to everyone, no matter what choice they make in tht regard.

I admit, coming from a medical background (I'm a Paramedic), I wanted to keep track of the changes for myself, to prove that they are happening, thus the full-body pics.  Since I began, my facial structure has changed, my shoulders, arms and legs are more muscular, my body fat is redistributing, my voice is now a nice baritone, I have more hair on me than I thought I would EVER end up with, and my facial hair, while spare still, is definitely there. I also have bottom growth, and a libido to match!  I didn't know the libido-thing would happen until I came on this forum.  My sex life both with (and without!!!) my partner are WAY better now!

So yeah, the changes, they are a 'happening, even if you don't think so at first!  It happens to everyone, even if it takes a bit.

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

I'm seeing the small changes but no one else is. I know, patience.   The hair on the inside of my arms is coming up darker and a very fine hair stubble beard that I've shaved a couple of times now. The libido's definitely on an upswing to go along with the downstairs growth. I think my face fat had changed some early on then changed again - not sure if that had to with the weight gain (10 lbs so far) which mostly went to my gut but haven't lost anywhere else.

Like you, I've made a few videos, but I've kept them on my laptop for me. YouTube is amazing but mostly I'm finding videos of younger guys transitioning. I'm 40, so I'm wondering how this plays out for folks out of their teens/early 20s. I guess time will tell.

Part of the issue is that though I feel male, I'm strongly attracted to men and I'd like people to see me that way. I'm just hoping these changes will kick in sooner. I haven't dated etc. in a looong time to the dysphoria. Between the libido and isolation, I'm ready to move on from the isolation. But I'd like to present a bit more male, at least occasionally. I have yet to pass once, soo... it's frustrating.

[Ryuichi13]

I'm seeing the small changes but no one else is. I know, patience.   The hair on the inside of my arms is coming up darker and a very fine hair stubble beard that I've shaved a couple of times now. The libido's definitely on an upswing to go along with the downstairs growth. I think my face fat had changed some early on then changed again - not sure if that had to with the weight gain (10 lbs so far) which mostly went to my gut but haven't lost anywhere else.

Like you, I've made a few videos, but I've kept them on my laptop for me. YouTube is amazing but mostly I'm finding videos of younger guys transitioning. I'm 40, so I'm wondering how this plays out for folks out of their teens/early 20s. I guess time will tell.

Part of the issue is that though I feel male, I'm strongly attracted to men and I'd like people to see me that way. I'm just hoping these changes will kick in sooner. I haven't dated etc. in a looong time to the dysphoria. Between the libido and isolation, I'm ready to move on from the isolation. But I'd like to present a bit more male, at least occasionally. I have yet to pass once, soo... it's frustrating.

Happy to hear about the changes!  Congrats!

I'm 56 now, and I started transitioning a month and a half before my 55th birthday, so changes are DEFINITELY still possible!  I've found a few videos of older men transitioning, but many are either years-old videos with no updates, or the poster only made a few videos to begin with.  If you find any of older men transitioning, feel free to post links here.  Hmmmm...maybe I should start a new thread for men 40+ that are transitioning...its a thought. [emoji4]

Take care bro!

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

[Hughie]

Happy to hear about the changes!  Congrats!

I'm 56 now, and I started transitioning a month and a half before my 55th birthday, so changes are DEFINITELY still possible!  I've found a few videos of older men transitioning, but many are either years-old videos with no updates, or the poster only made a few videos to begin with.  If you find any of older men transitioning, feel free to post links here.  Hmmmm...maybe I should start a new thread for men 40+ that are transitioning...its a thought. [emoji4]

Take care bro!

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

That's a great idea for a thread  - I'd totally be down with that. I don't come across the voices of the 40+ FTM people online. It would be cool to have a resource for that to check out, because so much of YouTube narrative is for teens or early 20s people transitioning. Which is interesting, but different places in life, etc, and would be interesting to hear that POV too from older folks.

[CursedFireDean]

I just wanted to let you know I also had a period of not passing while I was on T. I passed decently as a child when I was 16-18, but when I started T, all of a sudden my passing dropped to almost never. T causes some bloating in the face in many people, and it resolves itself within several months, but it was an incredibly painful experience while it happened. You're not the only one who experiences it, and you're definitely not alone.

As for dealing with it, I had a few things that helped:
- I recorded my voice and took photos of myself to compare to. It was disheartening when I felt the same as I did two weeks before, but then when I went back to day 1, I could notice something to be happy about.
- I would buy myself something affirming. New masculine underwear. A pair of pants. Some nice clothes. New masculine shampoo. Old Spice deodorant. Whatever I was able to afford that I saw as masculine, whether it be a $3 deodorant stick or a $50 pair of pants I'd wanted. Even small purchases felt hugely validating.
- Wearing clothes I thought I looked REALLY GOOD in.

Also, since you mention you're older than most people on youtube, I love to watch FinnTheInfinncible. He's documented a huge portion of his transition, and is still regularly making videos. I feel like I've seen a couple other decent channels from older guys but his is the one that stands out.

[Hughie]

I just wanted to let you know I also had a period of not passing while I was on T. I passed decently as a child when I was 16-18, but when I started T, all of a sudden my passing dropped to almost never. T causes some bloating in the face in many people, and it resolves itself within several months, but it was an incredibly painful experience while it happened. You're not the only one who experiences it, and you're definitely not alone.

As for dealing with it, I had a few things that helped:
- I recorded my voice and took photos of myself to compare to. It was disheartening when I felt the same as I did two weeks before, but then when I went back to day 1, I could notice something to be happy about.
- I would buy myself something affirming. New masculine underwear. A pair of pants. Some nice clothes. New masculine shampoo. Old Spice deodorant. Whatever I was able to afford that I saw as masculine, whether it be a $3 deodorant stick or a $50 pair of pants I'd wanted. Even small purchases felt hugely validating.
- Wearing clothes I thought I looked REALLY GOOD in.

Also, since you mention you're older than most people on youtube, I love to watch FinnTheInfinncible. He's documented a huge portion of his transition, and is still regularly making videos. I feel like I've seen a couple other decent channels from older guys but his is the one that stands out.

Great ideas, cheers! And good to know about the face bloating thing. Because that's the thing I think that gets me misgendered before I even have a chance to speak for people to hear my voice. I hope that bloat goes away soon because it's lame. And the voice. I'll take another video this week to keep track.

[PurpleWolf]

I'm totally not on T yet so can't help you with that...

All I can say is:
You waited this long to get on T! You've only been on it for 3 months. You'll look strikingly different when you've been on it for a full year, I'm sure! Everyone says the first year after starting it is the most stressful bcos of the slow changes, misgendering, not passing etc...

You survived in a wrong body for so long. You will survive this year too!!! Think of it as a journey to look like yourself, similar to a big weight loss. You might not be there just yet - but WILL be soon enough,  .

So... focus on the future even if today's a bit sucky!!!