Orientation causing more stress than identity!

[islandgirl]

Ok. I am post op female who is and has always been interested in women. The more I explore possibilities the more worried I am that I will be unable to make a connection. I had been part of a lesbian facebook group for my age group and lately there was a conversation basically called us fake women. I am really worried that I will never be accepted as a woman in this community. It is not that I a in  position to date. I just want a social group, but being accepted? I don't know.

Your thoughts and experiences are appreciated. Thanks! Hugs

[PurplePelican]

Age can be a problem.. From my experience, older lesbians tend to be more anti-trans than younger ones.

[islandgirl]

Yes age is, I believe, a factor in this discussion. The group, of which I am no longer part of, is for over 60 lesbians. Some of the women brought up the point that they are of the generation that is not used to transgender women being part of the lesbian community, and that their are very uncomfortable with it. The most vocal were just down right rude! That is where the term 'fake women' came in.

I knew that making the choice to transition was a life saver for me. I also knew that with my age, having people accept me totally was going to be a challenge. I realize that I am totally ignorant where acceptance or not acceptance by the lesbian community is concerned!

[Rumples]

Without come off like I'm speaking to my eldest, you have to rise above it.

Unfortunately, across the generations I've found the LBGTetc community to house some of the most inwardly looking, bigoted people I have ever met.

[islandgirl]

Thanks! I know that is how to handle this! Like any aspect of our society, this part of the LGBT community is made of of women of all backgrounds and belief systems. I just am had time not believing that this will leave me lonely for ever. Friends have told me to stay the course and remember that this also means that there are many women that are accepting and inviting. Just haven't found them.

I will keep walking along my path with courage and the belief in the goodness of women kind!

[Maria77]

My best friend a few years back was a cis woman and lesbian.  She had a lot of difficulty dating even though she was young and cute.  So it probably isn't just the trans issue or you personally. 

  This was years back, but I went to a Lesbian party in NYC with erotic dancers and the one who was tranz had a bevy of admirers.   So some lesbians are accepting.  You might try going to some lgbt support groups or activities.  I think that when you meet people face-to-face there is a better chance of making a connection.

Keep in mind that many  lgb people haven't had much contact with us, and are only a little more  informed than str8 people.  So patience is best.

[islandgirl]

I agree with you. I have checked into LGBT meet ups and found the I would need to travel a couple of hours each way to get to the closest one. May be worth it though! I will have to keep eye on the schedule.

[Toni]

This has become a very big concern for me lately.  I have transitioned (post op) and am very comfortable with myself.  That being said, I don't want to spend the rest of my life BY myself.  So where do I go, I'm retired, to meet people that would be accepting of someone like me?  Do we end up migrating to areas of our own making like other immigrants coming to this country have?  The LGBT community seems iffy at best and trans people have had some difficulty with those groups for a long time as our first problem, GD, has nothing in common with LGB people.  I am currently checking out communities with Trans specific groups and support.  I may be forced to live somewhere other than I want just to be
near like minded people.  I think transition was the easy part.  Toni