Feeling depressed around trans women who are prettier. Is that normal?

[Transfused]

Trans women who are prettier than me can get at me sometimes.
They can make me cry because I don't have tons of money to spend on beautifying surgeries and because life is not fair in general.
I pass and I'm greatful for that, but I need make-up to hide flaws while some women don't need make-up at all and can look beautiful without it.
Using make-up to look pretty makes me feel like a cheater and a loser.
I can go into very dysphoric mode when I'm around a trans woman who has less " tells " than me and who looks more " conventionally attractive " than me.
It also gives me anxiety when I see trans women who were naturally more lucky than me.

Am I a weirdo?

It's so exhausting.
I wish I had more money to have surgeries that can assist in removing " tells " but I'm all dependent on hormones and cheap beauty tricks.

The only surgery that I can look forward to is a BA.
FFS is a long way off unless I do sexual work but I think I want to avoid that.

It's so exhausting to live with dysphoria. I wonder if dysphoria ever ends :-(

[Allison S]

I know how hard it is living with dysphoria. I wish I could tell you that the 2nd year of hrt gets better. I'm only 5 months so I wouldn't know. But often ffs, ba, vfs, grs, body contouring, etc. may be needed for us. It's a long journey and it's certainly not easy... I'm just starting and the only way I can cope with knowing how expensive surgery is is that I know I have to wait another year or two. But it's not even that I can save money. I'm not working right now and I'm using my savings to survive sadly.. so my future feels very uncertain at the moment too [emoji17]

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[Transfused]

I know how hard it is living with dysphoria. I wish I could tell you that the 2nd year of hrt gets better. I'm only 5 months so I wouldn't know. But often ffs, ba, vfs, grs, body contouring, etc. may be needed for us. It's a long journey and it's certainly not easy... I'm just starting and the only way I can cope with knowing how expensive surgery is is that I know I have to wait another year or two. But it's not even that I can save money. I'm not working right now and I'm using my savings to survive sadly.. so my future feels very uncertain at the moment too [emoji17]

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Still hoping that a rich boyfriend crosses my path.
That or a robbery! Are you in? :-'P
( just joking )

Xxx

[Donna]

Fortunately I'm not feeling that way. I just turned 62 and have regrets that I didn't do this years ago. I don't know where I will end up and spend more time wishing I could look like some of the gorgeous transwomen I have seen. I'm hoping one day I will be passable but like others funds are limited.
I do have a urology appointment at the end of April to discuss an orchi and that might change my feeling if I can get it done. One day at a time right now for me.

[SarahFehrman]

All women go through that, dear heart. Does she look prettier than me? Is her dress nicer than mine? Does her hair look better? It never ends. We have to learn to be happy with ourselves as the women we are. The fact that we are working to become our real female selves shows great strides in self-improvement. XO


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[Dani]

I have some mixed feelings.

I do become a bit envious when I see a woman much prettier than me. Life is just not fair.

But really, why do us ladies let our personal appearance define who we are? Sure I try to be clean and well groomed, but I do not use a ton of make up or flamboyant clothing. I just want to be me. If that is me in shorts and a t-shirt, then so be it. I am happy to be alive as I am.

[barbie]

I tend to admire them rather than comparing myself with them. They have achieved something in their life. It should not have been easy at all.

There are many beautiful and elegant cis-women here, and I will never look like them. I am sometimes jealous of them. But, I am unique, and I also have something that they do not have and may be jealous of.

barbie~~

[Lady Sarah]

Let me ask you this:  how do you feel when around women that look nowhere as good as you do?

Where I live, there are very few good looking women, and they are all quite wealthy and young. Lacking any sort of "nobility", I am secure with my looks. Heck, I don't even need makeup to look better than many of the women in my area.

Rather than compare yourself to the most beautiful women around, try comparing yourself to the majority of the women around. I think you'll feel quite a bit better.

[MeTony]

All women are beautiful. All women question their beauty. This is what I have learned.

Most women wear makup. Don't feel bad about it. Stop comparing yourself to others. Easier said than done. But I know most women do the same and then they feel bad about them selves for not being pretty enough, beautiful enough, feeling like a fake.

Through a guy's eyes....you women are beautiful with or without makup. I don't notice stuff like that.


Tony

[Idaliaylix]

Yeah, I'm sure that's relatively common.  I've learned to stop seeking out images of other women online to compare myself to, as it can be crushing even though I'm not horribly dissatisfied with my appearance most of the time.  Severe depression does complicate things, though, and casts a dark veil of imagined ugliness over my self-perception that really comes out whenever I see other women around my age with a similar presentation/expression/style.

This is...delicate, but I also think that some of my body insecurities stem from the historical visibility of trans women in professions that are based around physical attractiveness in the public eye--models, actresses, sex workers, nowadays social media and reality-TV stars, etc.  This has been slowly changing a bit recently and shifting towards greater representation in other occupations, but I think it's important to realize that that skews our internal standards for ourselves too in a negative way.

[Charlie Nicki]

This is normal and some cis women feel this way about other women.

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[KathyLauren]

I certainly envy pretty women.  They set a standard to aim for.  But I don't get upset if I don't achieve their standard. 

I am all about being the real me, not trying to live up to someone else's standard.  I did that for 60 years, and I'm done with it.

The more confident I get in public spaces, the more I watch other women.  Yes, some are beautiful on the outside, and some keep their beauty internal.  These days, I see a lot of women who are farther from society's standard of beauty than I am.  I may not be the prettiest, but I am not the bottom of the barrel either.

I was in a public place yesterday when I saw a man walk in with a huge beak of a nose.  I was secretly thankful that I didn't have such an unfortunate schnoz, or I would have needed FFS for sure.  And then, a moment later, a woman walked in who was unquestionably his sister.  Same nose!  Yet she was walking around un-self-consciously as a cis woman.

The point is that few of us are extremes, even though society has made us feel like freaks.  We aren't.  We are just normal people, and we look like normal people.  And all of us are beautiful.

[JoniComeLately]

Dysphoria is a terrible thing and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know some very beautiful young trans women, and I certainly admire them, but I'm sixty, and I could never compete with them, but the same is true for most sixty year old cis women. But I feel very comfortable around these beautiful young women, which is something that never happened when I was trying to make my way in the world as a male. I am thankful that I have finally arrived where I belong.

I love makeup and derive a great deal of pleasure from improving my skill with it. Walk into a Sephora or Ulta store today, look at the other customers, and ask yourself, are these women losers? Of course not, they are celebrating their femininity, and so are you!  Embrace your inner woman as you care for your outer woman.

My outward appearance is not great, but I do the best I can with it. The best part, however, is that I find more and more that I am being accepted by other women as one of their own. Spend time with other women, both cis and trans, build your confidence, raise your head high, love yourself. I know this is hard, but as your inner connections with others grows stronger, your dysphoria will fade.


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[Optera]

As Charlie Nicky pointed it out, many cis women feel the way you feel, probably most of them I'd say.

It is something I don't like in womanhood in general because it's like women think they are born just to be the prettiest and the most seductive possible and get obsessed with this. Like there is nothing better to do in life.
(Sorry if I offend anyone by saying this)

The important thing is not that you are or are not the most beautiful trans around, you'll always find less and more attractive than you and it means nothing because it is all a matter of taste. The important thing is that you think and realise that you are pretty anyway, and sure of your charm and uniqueness.

You better develop your inner character so that it can glow inside and out and make YOU and OTHERS feel like "who cares" if someone else has a softer skin, because you glow, your unique glow and charm, only you have it.

Hugs 

[Julia1996]

I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far.  But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.

[kitchentablepotpourri]

Not very many trans women make me feel that way, but admittedly, very pretty cis women make me feel insecure sometimes, like if I'm having a bad hair day😀

[kitchentablepotpourri]

I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far.  But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.

When I first transitioned, attractive cis women were kind and friendly to me, and a lot of unattractive cis women were not.

[SailorMars1994]

Jealousy is normal. Just try not allow it to consume your life. Goodness knows I have some beautiful females both cis and trans I would die to have similar characteristics of , physically speaking

[krobinson103]

I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far.  But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.

Oh yeah. One of my co-workers is really jealous that my figure is better than hers. She is still friendly but every now and then. Figures its not fair a MTF can look nicer than her.

[Devlyn]

I'm going to have to find a prettier girl than me and check it out.