I need help please urgently, please!

[mortiis34]

Hi lovelies,
As some of you know, I have been lurking around these forums for many years, putting my 2c in where it was wanted (and sometimes when not!).
Late last year I began seeing a wonderful new psychologist who actually picked up on the fact that I have Gender Dysphoria. She asked me if I was happy in the body I was in, and if I thought that it was the right one. Of course not, I replied, and I have ALWAYS felt that.
(I was actually up until birth considered to be female, my mother was so upset when she gave birth to a thing with a penis, after being told all through pregnancy that she was having a baby girl).

So... a month ago, my wonderful psychologist had to leave her practice and move to a different area where I could no longer see her, but she referred me to her boss (who owns the practice where I was seeing her). She is very experienced in gender and sexuality issues of all sorts, yet being that I have only seen her once, I was not comfortable enough to bring it all up with her

My issues lays here:

What do I say?

How do I approach this?

I desperately wish to move forward to who I truly am inside but am I too old (41)?

If I chose to go ahead with it all (I know I eventually will, even if it kills me), how do I move
forward from here - ie: what medications do I get prescribed, and how long will things take?

I do not (at this stage) wish for surgeries (I have a phobia of hospitals!), so I am looking at purely
medications and skincare products right now - any recommendations.

I am also in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia (and would love to connect with someone locally
who could perhaps chat and help with advice locally).

Sorry for the long-winded approach to this, but I wanted to be as clear as possible in my explanations,
seeing as this is indeed life-changing for me (and those around me).

Thank you all so much, in advance.
x

[Rachel]

Hi,

When the words are stuck that you need to say then say something else as a warm up.

Need to say, I am transgender.

Warm up,
I have something very important I need to share with you. I feel like a female.

As a side note, I am sure your new therapist has your case notes.

As you transition your need to align may outweigh your fear of hospitals.

[bobbisue]

     I desperately wish to move forward to who I truly am inside but am I too old (41)?
   
     41 is but a distant memory for me and I started transition last may it is never too late to be yourself as for the psychologist just be yourself and start talking about your fears you dont have to mention gender at first just state them as fears about being yourself you will get to that when you feel comfortable

     bobbisue

[Cassi]

Of course 41 is too old.  Geez, I'm 64 and I just started HRT a little over a month ago.

When I first met my Endo, she said that you're wanting to do HRT and become a woman when most women are becoming more manly.

At least at 41 you can't be accused of being someone who follows clicks, lol.

All joking aside, I'm old, and there are a few others that are older and if you haven't seen either Jess's and Ashley's pictures as well as a lot of others who started out close to retirement age, then you need to check them out.  Look at Rach's awesomeness too as well as Harley Davison Quinn .

Hugs & as Ashley says, march on brave sister

[Harley Quinn]

I believe that the owner of the clinic already knows.  If it came out in your session of therapy with the previous doctor, then it was in your file when they did the handoff.  So that part is easy.  All you really have to do is let the new doctor know that you think you're ready to try hormone therapy and see if its the right fit for you.

41 isn't "too old".  I am creeping up on the big 40 myself.  It isn't old.  Everything will turn out just fine at 41.  I'm certain of it.

As far as medications... estradiol, and spironolactone are pretty standard.  Finasteride is sometimes offered.  And some doctors add in Progesterone or Medroxyprogesterone.  Hormones work nearly immediately.  However full effect takes years.  2 to 10 years for some people and still noticing changes.  Everything is really gradual.  Nothing happen overnight really.  Except that darn breast tissue.  You'll start seeing that start to develop in a month... then it'll slowly progress for another few years.

[mortiis34]

Thank you for ALL the kind comments people, I truly do appreciate it. I am also wondering if the new psych has notes detailing what my old psych and I discussed, hopefully she does. I just do not have the bond that I had with her yet, but I may be bringing it up with her next week hopefully.

I am so pleased to know that 41 is NOT too old. I mean, it is primarily the "peak" of life some say!

Estradiol I have heard is a great , I know a lot of Girls who swear by it
Is it so dramatic though that people will notice things straight away?

[KathyLauren]

I am another one in the "old biddy" category.  I started at 61, and things are going quite well.  I'm an A cup, I have been full-time for nearly a year, and I get gendered correctly.  Life is good.

Is it so dramatic though that people will notice things straight away?

It depends on what you mean by "straight away".  And, as always, your mileage may vary.  You yourself might feel the effects very quickly, like a day or two.  For some people that is quite dramatic.  For others, it is more subtle. 

You will likely feel your breast tissue start to wake up within two to three weeks.  No one else will notice that, but you will.   Depending on your rate of growth and your overall body shape, you might be able to hide your breasts for several months.

Facial changes become visible over months.  By six months, there is a good chance that you will notice them.  Others might, too, but most people are likely to think that you have lost (or gained) weight, or that you have changed your diet.  The fact that you are on HRT will not be the first explanation that occurs to them.

[mortiis34]

KathyLauren,
Thank you so much, that was my thoughts exactly. Due to my small height when I was younger i was placed on male hormone growth treatment (I was only 10-13 years of age), I hated it, having to inject myself every day ( I have a severe needle phobia).

Breast tissue is something which I think I already have a bit of (not sure why), so I may or may not notice more of that.
I am hoping that the hormone replacement does not cause too much weight gain (if any), it is something which I have often dreaded (I am in the process of trying to lose some weight).

Facial changes - are you meaning actual structure or just skin etc, I have naturally quite soft skin, so that can only be a good thing to help things along

[stephaniec]

just keep moving forward

[ToriJo]

Some thoughts: If you need to, write down what you want to say, hand it to the psychologist, and don't say anything - let them just read it.  Put something in there about this being scary as you-know-what, but really important.

I am 40.  I just started (Sept 2017 for hormones).  I can still easily (sadly) pass for a guy on the hormones, but YMMV.  I definitely have breast growth, but small and, if I had the desire, easily disguisable still.

For me, I knew this was right a few days into HRT.  My mind is right, my emotions are mine now, and I have more energy than I ever have in life.

You can see my avatar - that's no photo magic (it would be a lousy advertisement for a photo editor if it was!).  I don't look like a football player or marine, but I'm also far from blending!  I get sir'ed a lot, but I'm me.  I'm full-time everywhere but work now, and will be full time at work in two weeks.  I mean my other option is to be a boy the second half of my life.  Ick.  I'd rather be a non-blending woman than a man the rest of my life.

Besides, this is the most masculine I'll look the rest of my life - the hormones will continue to do their (painfully slow!) thing and it'll get better.  But even if it doesn't, I don't regret what I am doing.

I've seen other ladies our age and even older that could be models if they wanted - very conventionally beautiful despite a late transition.  We're all different.

My advice: Definitely tell whoever you're seeing for therapy.  And look at, "What bothers me the most?"  For me, it's facial hair, and if that's the case for you, start hair removal as soon as you can.  You don't need hormones or anyone's permission to start that.  Also, if you can find a local support group, I find that fantastic - among other things, it's a safe place (relatively) to dress and be yourself, which I definitely needed.  They'll also have good local resources.

[Harley Quinn]

Thank you for ALL the kind comments people, I truly do appreciate it. I am also wondering if the new psych has notes detailing what my old psych and I discussed, hopefully she does. I just do not have the bond that I had with her yet, but I may be bringing it up with her next week hopefully.

I am so pleased to know that 41 is NOT too old. I mean, it is primarily the "peak" of life some say!

Estradiol I have heard is a great , I know a lot of Girls who swear by it
Is it so dramatic though that people will notice things straight away?

Your new psych will have the notes.  It's part of the handoff.  They get the file and a breif prior to taking on your case.  It's just standard operating procedure.

I started hormones a little over 2 years ago.  I'm almost 38.  I felt the difference in about 5 or 6 hours after getting my Estradiol injection.  Some people started noticing physical changes in me after about 9 months.  Believe it or not, I can still pass as a guy.  With the correct application of makeup, I can be taken for a woman as well.

[Harley Quinn]

Facial changes - are you meaning actual structure or just skin etc, I have naturally quite soft skin, so that can only be a good thing to help things along

Facial changes are skin texture, fat accumulation in your cheeks.  Jaw muscles will become less pronounced.  All of the changes will be soft tissue.  Your skeletal structure will not change.  But a few milimeters here and there with the changes in facial fat distribution, skin texture, pore sizes, and less muscle in your jaw will make a large difference in how your face looks.  It'll get softer with a less angular appearance.  You'll end up looking like the twin sister you never had.

[HappyMoni]

Why not come out and say that you connected to the other person and you are anxious about starting with someone new. If she doesn't work to make you comfortable, she is not someone you want to see anyway. As for being too old, I started at 58. All you have is the rest of your life, live it to the fullest. You are just a young pup.  Hint, don't look for reasons not to do what you want/need to do. Don't let fear rule you.
Moni

[Sno]

Hi hon,

Life is always a little challenging when change happens, but, your therapist should have been professional, and performed a thorough handover to the new person, so you shouldn't have to say anything more than, "could you summarise what therapist 1 has passed on to you, so that I can ensure there are no gaps, or misunderstandings". They need to build confidence with you, with an 'in' like that, they can help nurture that trust by clearly showing how professional they have been.
Second, expect the first session to just be chit-chat - bonds and relationships (especially therapeutic ones) take time to develop, aided by familiarity.

At the end of the day, the clinic will be looking to keep you on board for as long as they can meet your therapeutic needs, but feel no obligation, if you feel that it's not working after session 1, or session 100, get and find a new therapist.

Personally, I was in such a state when I first started therapy, that I was having panic attacks about being hospitalised, which as it transpires would have triggered my PTSD - not a good move, and my therapist spotted that very early on.

We do understand, and are here to help if we can.


Rowan

[AnonyMs]

There's quite a lot of transwomen in Melbourne, and I believe its quite easy to get on HRT there if you want (and visit the right people). I'll send you a pm with some info.

[Artesia]

Yes, to old, to old this one is to begin her training. In a horrible attempt at sounding like Yoda.

I'll be 45 this year.  I've been on HRT for a little while, September of this year is 2 years.  It feels like it was longer than that.  I feel more natural now than I ever did as a male.  You will be fine starting HRT.  Life's to short to be unhappy with yourself.

I think I looked like Uncle Fester before HRT.  I think I'm doing pretty good.

[Meghan]

I'm in my third months on HRT and I was turned 57 years old last November. My Therapist give me a green light to begin Hormones Replacement after second session, because she thinks I will be happy to be who I am.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

[mortiis34]

Hi people,
sorry for the lack of responses here, I've been quite depressed lately, and have a lot of updates (or drawbacks, to be honest).

Since my previous (first) post here, I have been back and seen my psychologist, expressing in detail to her what I was planning.

She was not surprised (obviously), but was not supportive in any kind of way, other than telling me to go off and find a support group to join in order to get further help. She recommended me one for Trans Men (FTM), so obviously she had not been listening to me pouring my heart out to her for the past hour and a bit.

This is the kind of response I have always gotten from psychologists when I have expressed my inner self, complete denial, not being heard properly, and expecting me to just go off and find someone else to help and support me on this journey.

I understand that the majority of this journey is going to be hard, and will have to be done by myself alone, but I truly do need more support than that of myself (most of the time, I am very hard on myself, and not supportive at all).

And...

Over the past 4 weeks I have been trying to make appointments at the various gender-related clinics here in Melbourne, not ONE of them would take me on, they're all supposedly "filled up, with hundreds on the waiting list, so we're closed indefinitely for new patients".
I even considered referring myself for mental health case management again, in the hope that perhaps they could get me in somewhere sooner.
They didn't want me either.

I am at a loss as to where to turn now. I want to do so many things, and begin this journey properly, but there are so many roadblocks and people standing in the way.


I hope that I am strong enough for this, as it seems right now I am not.

[Cassi]

Why not come out and say that you connected to the other person and you are anxious about starting with someone new. If she doesn't work to make you comfortable, she is not someone you want to see anyway. As for being too old, I started at 58. All you have is the rest of your life, live it to the fullest. You are just a young pup.  Hint, don't look for reasons not to do what you want/need to do. Don't let fear rule you.
Moni

Wow, nice Avatar Moni!!!!!

[Harley Quinn]

I wish I could speak to the issue in Australia.  That sucks.  I figure the best I can do is bump this thread and hope that a couple of our Aussie friends jump in with some pearls of wisdom.