Gd is addictive?

[Shambles]

So i didn't think i would get another crunch moment until my new wig had arrived and this is due in a few weeks but ive found myself at a point where GD feels well plain addictive and wondered if you have had similar experiences.

So a couple of things happened at the same time on Wed, i received a 42b bra i ordered through the post and as ive lost weight i was trying to get some new t shirts that work supply. The do unisex unfitted ones that i currently wear and ladies fitted t's. Anyway i was given a little selection of spares to see what fits, and took these home. Well one of them turns out to be the female fitted t-shirt, thought well thats a bonus especially if it fits.

Well let me tell you that the bra and ladies t shirt combo felt so good, i have 2 jobs, one in the morning where i work alone and the second where i got the t's from in the 1st place. I wore the bra and tshirt for a few hours while alone and god i felt female, it felt good! Then i realized well i need to take these off now and compress them down and get into a bigger unisex tshirt and mood crashed.

So i have the approach of taking things one step at a time, not looking at the scary bigger picture, lets say you paint your toe nails for the 1st time, you feel good but if you take it off your going to feel bad again so that now stays on. Next you get rid of body hair, same thing you dont want that to grow back. Then... Then.... Then....

Its like a drug that you cant get enough of, you cant reduce the dose just take more. I've been waiting for a single moment that i can say to myself look, you cant have any doubts now can you? this feeling is so strong you know your doing the right thing. I think ive been waiting for this moment until i tell my parents about gd, some kind of absolute feeling that even a negative brain cant deny. I thought that was going to be me with hair but i think i had that moment looking down and seeing a shape, not thinking them boobs are wrong but thinking your belly is too big. It needs to go to make the boobs look bigger!

Anyone else see the similarities of GD and an addictive thing to do?

[VickyS]

Yes, exactly the same with the addiction.  When my wife made me cut my fingernails and remove the clear varnish I was distraught and she sat there and watched me do it while I was crying.  I realised at that point that you can't go back without the depression starting again and feeling so miserable.

My mood crashes also when I have to do 'male' things and it usually causes a spike in my dysphoria and I get upset.  If I go and do something 'girly', it helps a lot.

With regard to the doubt thing, in my experience it vanishes for a while, then when you are least expecting it, BOOM! it's back again.  I think some doubts are healthy and I'm sure that for a lot of trans folks, even when their transition is almost complete and they are gowned up ready for SRS, I bet the doubt monster is running through their mind at the last minute saying "are you sure about this, it's a one way path, there is no turning back".

I'm so glad you had a 'fem' moment with the bra and shirt.  We have to cherish those moments and remember them fondly when we are down.

Vicky xxxx

[krobinson103]

I've come to far to return now. Had a huge fight with my wife last night and basically told her to do whatever she thought was best, but this genie is out and no 'rules' for home will change a single thing. Its literally do or die for me. Just wearing male clothes makes me feel horrible.

[Tamika Olivia]

Transitioning is only addictive if wearing glasses, hearing aides, or getting a pacemaker is addictive. Getting well feels good, and it feels bad to backside back into a previous, less optimal, mode of being. Ask anyone who has ever lost their glasses!

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[pamelatransuk]

Shambles

Oh Yes. Once you accept yourself as Transgender and start expressing your feminine side, you want to express it more by whatever way you can - make up, clothes, electrolysis etc in private. Then at the right time, you go public!

Vicki

Yes we all have doubts which is quite normal as we considering major changes in your lives but we know they are simply doubts and hence unreal and they are only temporary.

Pamela