Was excited but had a brief moment of anxiety in the washroom before I met with her. She was really awesome.
I felt relaxed right away. A lot came out. It was like a tsunami. I was honest right from the get go. Basically my first words were. "I'm pretty sure I'm transgender." I think because I was in my man suit there was a little shock but not much on her part.
She's got a bunch of experience dealing with transgender people. She also told me that there are a myriad of other options that we can also look at. I told her about my anxiety and we talked about it and I said that coming into the appointment is my first step and it makes everything real. Through all this, my inner female wants out so bad it won't let things like anxiety stop me, I was briefly only scared because it's the first step into the unknown. I told her I wasn't even scared of bottom surgery if I get there so long as I still have the ability to orgasm. I even told her I was wearing panties and do so everyday now.. We talked about my relationship mybrelatinship with my mother(of course, lol) and my youth. We talked about how much I hate the way men talk about women and my sexuality and how my attraction to women has become envy.
What did become clear is I was able to finally articulate what it's like for me when I don't wear my "man-suit." I let my femininity out and it's like revealing an inner light with full confidence, confidence to be vulnerable to the world. Which I've never had wearing my man-suit.
Didn't really set much in the way of goals as it was more of an initial emotional dump. She did give me a program to look into however. I'm making another appointment in a couple weeks and I'm sure that's when the picture will become more clear for her as the first meeting seemed pretty chaotic and jumped around a bunch.
I feel pretty confident about it. I think she's a good fit at least for now.
Thanks for listening. Any input is appreciated.
