Poll: Being trans in a relationship

[PurpleWolf]

Has being trans affected your dating potential?

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

6) Anything else you wanna share?

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I can't really answer these questions myself... Been together forever with my spouse who has always seen me as a guy despite me being pre-everything. She loves me as a person and sex has never been a problem, so...! And she's totally straight. I'm a pretty lucky guy I'd say  !!!

[Gertrude]

No, I'm married


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[Christy Lee]

Before realizing i was Transgender, i was in a relationship with a guy for 6 months, thats it, things got  too confusing after that

I havent really dated much, maybe once or twice, they didnt know i was trans but felt like i should tell them but never did,

Yes Sex feels wrong as a guy, whenever i imagine it, it just feels wrong as a guy which is to do with my genitals

Yes, and no, yes because i havent really tried too much because ive been Asexual for the longest time

This doesnt apply to me

Being Trans has made my sexuality hard to pin down, sometimes i can be attracted to men and not women, other times ive found i was attracted to women and not men, i never really felt bisexual tho at these times, im starting to now tho, i actually came out as gay to mum a couple of years ago cus i was strongly attracted to men at the time still Asexual which i told her about also, she didnt believe me that i was gay said if thats how i feel then thats how i feel but she didnt believe it we havent really progressed much since then or talked about it at all actually except she still doesnt believe, Part of me at the time wanted to be like well im not gay im a trans women, if i liked women then i would be gay but i couldnt get the words out, i think thats why its hard for me to come  out as trans

One last thing, i guess ive always feared, being seen as a man in a relationship by my partner, by my family,  so its something ive always shyed away from, dating gay guys never felt right to me either, so i guess ive always just been Asexual because of feeling that 

[Kylo]

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

Kind of. 10 years.


2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

I haven't been dating since transitioning since I was already in a relationship.


3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

Not really looking at the moment.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

There's no chance of it remaining a proper relationship the further I get into transition. The more I started to look like a man the harder it got for him to deal with. However, we do have something more resembling a familial relationship now than a romantic one.   

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

If I'm in a relationship I'm not looking, so haven't had the opportunity yet to notice anything. Easier to socialize though, and since all my dating has come from actual socializing rather than dating sites which I never use, I expect if I wanted to find a date I'd find one. Now isn't the time to be looking, but maybe in the future. Depends. I'd quite like to be single for a while. I've only been single for about a year and a half in the last 18 years. A break would be nice.

6) Anything else you wanna share?

I wouldn't wish dealing with transphobia in a relationship on my worst enemy.

[Lady Sarah]

Has being trans affected your dating potential?

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

6) Anything else you wanna share?

---
I can't really answer these questions myself... Been together forever with my spouse who has always seen me as a guy despite me being pre-everything. She loves me as a person and sex has never been a problem, so...! And she's totally straight. I'm a pretty lucky guy I'd say  !!!

1) Going on 3 years
2) Online dating makes it easier. If you know how to go about it, they know exactly what they are getting into.
3) Not a big problem. Since my genital does not work, and it is quite small, it doesn't get in the way.
4) N/A
5) Before, it was nearly impossible, as virtually nobody wanted me, and I really wasn't looking. After, I dated a great many guys, had sex with only a few, and finally found Phillip.

[invisiblemonsters]

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

i was with someone for 6 years who knew i was trans before i transitioned. now i'm single.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

i was rejected once because she was a virgin. not a big deal.

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

nope and nope.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

n/a

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

much easier for me after transitioning. people see me as male (more so then before). i'm much more confident and have no issues talking to women.

6) Anything else you wanna share?

i don't disclose that i'm trans to every person i'm interested in and show interest in. i only do it to people who i know i am gonna be with or see myself with or obviously i'm gonna sleep with. from there, it works itself out (or doesn't). i've never had real issues with dating while trans. i've had some women tell me they could "tell" i was trans once i told them i am trans but i figure that's something cis people say to make themselves believe they could "spot" when someone is trans.

[PurpleWolf]

Great answer!

i've had some women tell me they could "tell" i was trans once i told them i am trans but i figure that's something cis people say to make themselves believe they could "spot" when someone is trans.

Exactly...! Had they 'known' you were trans they would've asked right 

[Kylo]

Right. I've noticed cis people find it almost irresistible to say something about if aware.

[kitchentablepotpourri]

I met my husband a few months after I transitioned; we've been together for 10 years, and married for a year and half 😊❤️

[Holis]

1) I am in a relationship with "trans Person " (FtM) for one year now.
6) First he introduced himself as a woman  and after some month he came out to me. He was so upset and crying, thought I would leave him, but before he could say a word I started. I felt that he was going to tell me that he would like to be a man. I started slowly, aking him if it had something to do with his sexuality, he affirmed. Than I asked him, if he wanted to be a man, again he confirmed crying and hugging me.
I told him that I love him, that I fell in love with a person, not a gender or sex. I was telling him I had relationships with women before and also with a man. It is just the most wonderful person I ever met and somehow we're anormal, but fitting together.

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[KathyLauren]

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?
Yes.  Together 19 years.  Married 15 this fall.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?
None, not applicable.

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?
Currently asexual + not looking.  Only a problem in wanting an innie instead of an outie.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
Yes.  She was understanding and supportive right from the beginning.  Still together, and the relationship is stronger than ever. 

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?
I am much more social now, and people seem more willing to talk to me.

[Julia1996]

Yes I'm in a relationship. Tristan and I have been together almost 2 years now.

I don't really have much experience dating as a trans person. I hadn't intended on having a relationship until after I had SRS. But I met Tristan and the relationship just happened. Yes I've been rejected because I'm trans. About a month after going full time I met a guy and really liked him but when I told him I was trans it went badly.  He said he wasn't into "->-bleeped-<-s" and that I was beautiful but it didn't matter because I was still a "dude" and still had a Dick swinging between my legs. He also told me I was lucky he was a nice guy or I would have gotten an "ass whipping".It was that awful experience that made me decide to hold off on dating until after SRS.

No I never had problems finding sex partners. I was very feminine looking but masculine gay guys, bi guys and confused or curious straight guys really seemed to like me. One thing I found weird was this one guy I hooked up with regularly really liked the way I looked but when he noticed I was getting breast tissue and I told him I was on hrt he dumped me with a quickness.  I wore make up, had long hair and was gendered female by anyone who didn't know me and none of that bothered him. Yet starting hrt sent him running. Lol.  Yes my genitals have always been a problem for me. They have always been off limits to any guy I've ever hooked up with, including Tristan. Some of the gay guys found it weird but didn't care as long as I gave their genitals attention. In my relationship with Tristan they have limited the way we have sex.  Thankfully they will be gone soon and I will be able to fully enjoy sex for the first time in my life.

Tristan wasn't exactly happy to find out I was trans. We had been dating for a month and we had kissed, made out and I had given him oral but he wanted to have actual intercourse so I told him I was trans. He didn't get mad or upset but he told me he really had to think about it. I figured that was the last I would ever hear from him but a week later he called me and wanted to talk. He had never met a trans person before and knew nothing about us. He had actually done some research online on trans women. He told me he liked me and wanted to keep dating me but only if I was ok with the fact he never wanted to interact with my boy parts and would really prefer not to ever see them. I told him I had no problems with that. He also said he was willing to wait a little while for me to have the surgery but that he wouldn't want to date someone forever who still had "it". I told him I was having surgery as soon as possible. He asked me a lot of questions which I answered honestly and we've been together ever since.

I'm not looking for anyone anymore but I've noticed I get a lot more male attention after fully transitioning. Now they flirt and smile. Before transition they would stare with a confused look trying to figure out if I was male or female. I think my lack of boobs at that time outed me as a boy and a lot of the time their staring ended with them saying " ##->-bleeped-<-ot"!

[PurpleWolf]

Yes I've been rejected because I'm trans. About a month after going full time I met a guy and really liked him but when I told him I was trans it went badly.  He said he wasn't into "->-bleeped-<-s" and that I was beautiful but it didn't matter because I was still a "dude" and still had a Dick swinging between my legs. He also told me I was lucky he was a nice guy or I would have gotten an "ass whipping".It was that awful experience that made me decide to hold off on dating until after SRS.

I'm so sorry for that  !

I'm not looking for anyone anymore but I've noticed I get a lot more male attention after fully transitioning. Now they flirt and smile. Before transition they would stare with a confused look trying to figure out if I was male or female. I think my lack of boobs at that time outed me as a boy and a lot of the time their staring ended with them saying " ##->-bleeped-<-ot"!

There's no shortage of jerks on this planet... Don't get what's wrong with people (guys) like that! I guess they must be so insecure about their own sexuality that they freak out after lusting over someone they thought was a female.
That's exactly the type of people I can't stand.

[BT04]

Been with my husband for 8 years, married for 6. We're going to stay together for love, but we're not sure what the relationship will look like when all is said and done.

That said, we're also non-monogamous. I've dated and had NSA sex outside of the marriage on a few occasions over the past 4 years, but I've decided to end all of my secondary partnerships while I figure out my transition; these are men who have no idea about my history of being trans, and frankly I think I was using my latest stint of casual sex as a last-ditch effort to assert my femininity and suppress the dysphoria anyways. It should've come as a surprise to no one that the sex was underwhelming, and my trying to play the coy feminine bottom felt as hollow as a jug.

When I'm ready to start pursuing secondary relationships again, I'll probably be doing it exclusively through the kink/queer scene. But who knows when that will be.

[DawnOday]

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?
Yes.  Met in 1982, married in 1984.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating? I did not acknowledge my being transgender until 2 year ago and I am way too old to worry about my sex life. Now days my goal is to make it to the end of the day.
3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?
Never been turned down but haven't had too many experiences. My genitals have always been a problem.
4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
My current wife knew that I was confused shortly after we met and she found my makeup and clothes I had hidden. That was 35 years ago and she never asked again. When I finally came out, last year, she has been very supportive.
I have never been socially adept as I was always afraid someone would find out. This became a problem especially when my children were growing up. I never wanted prejudice to take them away from me.

[invisiblemonsters]

Great answer!
Exactly...! Had they 'known' you were trans they would've asked right 

i have facial hair, deep voice and i've had top surgery, etc. i definitely "pass" so when i had someone tell me that, i laughed. she (and one other girl) told me that something was "different" and one told me that if she "looked at me long enough, she could tell." something along those lines. doesn't bug me, their loss. i got my job about a year after starting T and before i even had top surgery and not one person i work with knows. if i can be around people for years and them not know, i'm sure a girl i met a few times doesn't know either.

[Sephirah]

I'm not really a relationship kind of person. I tend to keep people at arms length. For their sake more than mine.

I can't say I'm really looking for that, to be honest. I can't do sex, even if I wanted to. Which I really don't. I guess that would make it harder to find someone.

I don't think it's being trans that has affected my dating potential as much as just being me. I don't think I'm really partner material. Which is okay. I wouldn't wish that on someone else.

[JeannieLuv13]

I shyed away from relationships because I knew some day I would have to face my feelings and never felt able to explain it properly.  I didn't want to have something good only for it to be dissolved in an instant, or worse over time. 

Now that I am more confident in myself and my ability to handle rejection, I'd like to put myself out there.  I just don't know how to go about doing it. I should probably learn to drive so I can get a license, it is hard to get around where I am now without one in a timely manner.

[Bobbie LeAnn]

I doubt anyone would want me but I'm ok with that. All I have to do is close my eyes and dream and my lover greets me there.




Love
Bobbie LeAnn

[SashaHyde]

I haven't told her yet. She's bi and super lgbtq but I'm pretty sure she wants to spend her life with a man. She always joked she would oate women after me but she made a comment a few months ago about spending her life with a guy. I suspect she thinks I would make an ugly woman but has no idea the power of hormones and surgery, lol.
I'm sure she'll be hurt, she will probably support me though and we may even stay together for a bit but I don't think we'll be spending our life together as I transition. and who knows maybe I won't the further I go. There are some experiences that I may want to experience that I may not want a partner for ie non committed threesomes. I may end up more attracted to men who knows.
We'll see....